<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Silver Lake Series (1) - Savior by Fleppy85</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24974293">Silver Lake Series (1) - Savior</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleppy85/pseuds/Fleppy85'>Fleppy85</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Silver Lake Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>CSI: Crime Scene Investigation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>163,312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24974293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleppy85/pseuds/Fleppy85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sara got arrested by LAPD she meets Sofia again. They build up a friendship, learning things about each other, the other kept secret in Vegas and they aren't all good. Part 1 of the Silver Lake Series</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sofia Curtis/Sara Sidle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Silver Lake Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807690</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tuesday, July 14th 2009</p><p>“Put your hands up! Don’t move!” <br/>Sara had no chance to react nor had she any idea what was happening to her. One second ago she had been asleep in her bed, the other second there seemed to be a dozen people in her room, all dressed up in black, with guns, yelling at her. <br/>She got pulled out of the bed, dragged out of her room and into a car. Before she was able to think, to connect the pictures she saw with ideas what could be going on, she was in a car, that drove her away from her motel. Destination unknown.<br/>What did happen to her? She had been back in the US since twelve hours. Her plane arrived yesterday evening at the international airport Los Angeles from San Jose, Costa Rica. Together with most of her colleagues of her project, she had checked in a motel and went straight to bed. She had been awake for almost thirty hours and needed some sleep. Sleep, that got disturbed by…<br/>“Who are you?” She asked the man in front of her. <br/>“Police.”<br/>That was what she had figured. SWAT. “Why am I here?”<br/>“You’ve the right to remain silent…”<br/>“Skip that, I know my rights. I want answers.”<br/>“Anything you say…”<br/> “Shut up!” She closed her eyes. She got arrested. Why? She hadn’t done anything wrong. Why did the men treat her like a terrorist? She was glad she wore some pants and a shirt and wasn’t almost naked when they pulled her out of bed. She needed a lawyer. Probably. <br/>How could she end up like this? Slowly the blurry pictures became more vivid. They took her colleagues as well, she remembered, turned, tried to see one of them in another car. But why? All they were was a bunch of scientists, that had spent some time in the jungle of Costa Rica. How could the police be possible interested in them? They must have gotten the wrong information, taken the wrong people. <br/>The car stopped, she got pulled out of the car and into a building before she had time to look around for some of her colleagues. Left with an officer in an interrogation room, she wondered if she should tell then, she wanted to call her lawyer. The problem was, she didn’t have a lawyer. Not in Los Angeles. And the one she had in Las Vegas, she had never needed and lost the number. <br/>“Can you tell me what this all about?” She asked the officer, a man in his late fifties, who looked kind of bored. <br/>“Sorry, I can’t.”<br/>“Yeah, sure.” She looked down and realized, she had no shoes on. No shoes, no underwear, let alone a comb in her not existing pocket to make her hair look like it should look. If they had taken one minute to talk to her, to let her explain who she was, she was sure, she wouldn’t be here. This had to be a big misunderstanding. <br/>“Somebody will be here to talk to you soon.”<br/>“Great.” Soon could mean a lot. Soon could be a few seconds or a few hours. Because she had no idea why she was here, it was impossible for her to calculate the time she had to wait, how soon this soon would be. There was a possibility, that she had to stay here for a few hours, waiting for a detective, passed on from officer to officer. They didn’t even give her a coffee, something she really needed now to wake up. <br/>The door was opened, Sara didn’t bother to turn around. Probably the next officer, who had to stay with her while the other one was due for a coffee and a donut. Food. Her stomach reminded her that she was very hungry. No wonder, the last time she had a proper meal was in San Jose, the last she had anything to eat was on her flight to L.A., a Snickers. That was at some point yesterday afternoon. <br/>“Thanks Colby, you can step out.”<br/>How could she make it clear to the cops that she had nothing else in her mind than some sleep? She wasn’t a suspect on the run, she wasn’t a dealer, a hooker or whatever they thought she could be. She was a scientist, who was back from a field trip and needed some sleep. And food. And a shower. She wasn’t quite sure in which order.<br/>“Sara Sidle? It’s really you.”<br/>Sara looked up and her jaw dropped. She knew this person. But she had no idea if it was real, what she saw or if her eyes played her a joke. <br/>“Sofia?” Was that really the detective, she had worked with in Vegas? What was Sofia doing here? Did she work here? Did she order the men to get Sara here? If so, why? Was this some kind of practical joke?<br/>“I don’t believe this.”<br/>“Me neither – I think. What are you doing here?” Sara noticed that her old colleague hadn’t changed a lot. Still sporty and blonde, all business, only a little sign of surprise was left in the blue eyes. <br/>“I work here. Wanna tell me how you end up here?”<br/>“I’d tell you if I knew. I was asleep, suddenly there were people, dragged me out of my bed, got me here and refused to talk to me. Mind to tell me what this is all about?”<br/>“Are you a member of the group, that arrived from Costa Rica yesterday?”<br/>“Yes. Why?”<br/>“What were you doing there? You should be in Las Vegas.”<br/>“I quit my job over a year ago, one and a half. What am I doing here, Sofia? And don’t give me crap like, I need to wait for whoever to talk to or read me my rights again. I’ve been through this already, answered enough question and would really appreciate it, when you could answer one of my questions so I know what’s going on.”<br/>“What did you do in Costa Rica?”<br/>Another question and no answer. Did they all ignore her questions on purpose? Didn’t she have the right to get some answers?<br/>Sara sighed. Alright, it seemed like she was the one, who was answering and not asking questions. Something new for her. “I was there with some colleagues, doing some research on the wildlife in the jungle of Costa Rica. After I left Vegas I needed some quiet time, something new and when I was in San Francisco, I met Alan, who is a member of the group too. He told me, he and some friends were about to go for a couple of weeks to Costa Rica, making a documentation about how the jungle reacts to the impact of people. What people do to the wildlife and the nature.”<br/>“So what did you find out?”<br/>“Are you serious? You want to know about my work there?” It was impossible that her work had anything to do with why she was here.<br/>“Do I look like I’m joking?”<br/>“No.” Sara closed her eyes. This had to be a bad dream, a strange kind of nightmare. “I found out that if we go on like this, every day one species of fauna or flora will die off. There are hundreds of species that are endangered. Do you want to help our foundation or why do you ask all these questions?”<br/>“I need your fingerprints, DNA and some blood, Sara.”<br/>“Anything else?” This became even more ridiculous every second. “A kidney, a part of my liver? Bone marrow?”<br/>“Do you agree on a few tests?”<br/>“What kind of tests?”<br/>“Drugs.”<br/>Sara’s eyes popped open. What did they think she did? Who did they think she was? Is couldn’t be true. “Are you really the Sofia Curtis I worked with?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“I doubt it at the moment, I don’t think the Sofia I worked with, would ask things like you do. You must be a twin.”<br/>“I try to help you out, Sara.”<br/>“It feels more like you try to dig a grave.”<br/>“Your decision.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because it’s the easiest and fasted way out for you.”<br/>“You won’t answer any of my questions, will you?”<br/>“I just answered your question why you should cooperate.”<br/>“Don’t try to play me.”<br/>“I don’t. So, what’s your decision?”<br/>“Get your CSI in, I’ve nothing to hide. And I hope you keep your word, this will get me out of here.”<br/>“If the results say so, you’re free to go.”<br/>“The first sensible thing I’ve heard so far.” And the second answer in a row she got. <br/>***<br/>Three hours later Sara was still sitting in her pajama in the same room, had given her DNA, fingerprints and blood samples to a CSI and got in exchange a coffee. Didn’t help her stomach to get filled but was better than nothing. And somebody had taken pity on her naked feet and brought her a pair of socks. <br/>“Want another coffee?” Sofia came back in the room.<br/>“I want to leave, Sofia. How much longer do you want me to stay here? Without a reason.”<br/>“We have our reasons. The quick tests were all negative, good for you.”<br/>“What about my fingerprints and DNA? What did you use that for?”<br/>“They didn’t give us a reason to keep you.”<br/>“You’re not answering my questions again.”<br/>“I’m afraid you have to get used to it. See the bright side, if I don’t get specific, it means, I don’t accuse you of something.”<br/>“Great. You just let me rotten here for no reason.”<br/>“No, I don’t. I offered you a coffee.”<br/>“Do I look like I’m happy with a coffee?”<br/>“No.” Sofia cocked her head. “You look like somebody pulled you out of bed, like you had no time to dress, for a shower and is on the best to be really pissed off.”<br/>“One more comment like that and I’ll give you a reason to hold me; assaulting an officer.” Sara hissed. It was one thing when Sofia held her for police reason, another one when she made fun of her for her private pleasure. <br/>“Calm down. I need you to sign this.” Sofia put a sheet of paper on the table.<br/>“I won’t sign anything. The only thing I’ll do is to say the magic word, that won’t give you any legal possibilities to talk to me anymore and gives you the chance to talk to somebody, who’ll get me out of here.”<br/>“You say this word and I’ll take away this paper. Maybe you want to have a look at it first before you get yourself prepared for a few more hours.” Sofia pushed the paper over. <br/>Annoyed Sara picked it up and started reading. <br/>“Where are the strings?”<br/>“No hidden strings, Sara. You sign this, you’re free to leave.”<br/>“And all I have is your word?”<br/>“Isn’t that enough?”<br/>“Right now it doesn’t feel so. Give me a reason why I should trust you. So far you haven’t really done anything for me.”<br/>“Give me a reason why I should lie to you.”<br/>“What about the fact that you never really answered any of my questions.”<br/>“Can’t do that, sorry. I answer them as good as I can.”<br/>“Hard to believe.”<br/>“Sara…just sign the bloody paper.” Sofia sighed. “Please. For Christ’s sake, I don’t try to screw you. I try to get you out of here.”<br/>“That, detective Curtis, sounds more like you.”<br/>Sara took a look at the paper. She couldn’t find anything that could do any hurt to her. “Pen?”<br/>Sofia gave her a pen. With one last thought Sara signed the paper and gave it back to Sofia. <br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“Well, thank you. Good luck with whatever you’re working on.”<br/>“Sara?”<br/>“I won’t stay, Sofia. If you tell me now I can’t leave, I’ll kill you with my bare hands, in front of all your officers and I won’t let them stop me. I got dragged out of bed, forced in a police car, treated like a murderer, kept in here for hours for no reasons and had only one lousy coffee, if you say I’ve to stay longer, I’ll snap and you’ll be the one who’ll feel my aggressions. So think hard what you want to say now.”<br/>“For that I could held you.” Sofia smiled a bit.<br/>“Try it and it was the last thing you’ve ever done.”<br/>“Actually I want to offer you to wait a few more minutes and I’ll get you back to your motel. Or do you want to take a cab in your PJ?”<br/>“Where’re the strings?”<br/>“Again, no strings attached. Trust me. One more time.” Sofia smiled.<br/>“How long?”<br/>“Less than five minutes.”<br/>“Okay.” Sara had to give Sofia a point. She didn’t want to take a cab with her PJ on. It was better to wait a moment and let the detective drive her back to the motel. After all, it was the fault of Sofia and her men why Sara was here. Had been here for …four hours. <br/>She thought of getting another coffee and she was sure, there had to be a vending machine somewhere with something to eat. Right now she was starving and ready to eat almost everything. The problem was, beside something proper to wear she also had no money to buy anything. This wasn’t a good day!<br/>“Ready to leave or want to stay longer for a coffee?” Sofia caught Sara staring at the coffee vending machine.<br/>“Over your dead body!”<br/>“You’re really nice to people, who want to help you, Sara.”<br/>“If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t been here all day.”<br/>“You weren’t here for me, I’m the one who gets you out of here.”<br/>“After she kept me here for four hours.”<br/>“Don’t you think it’s wiser to offend me after I took you back?”<br/>“Yes but I don’t want to act smart right now! Smart isn’t always satisfying.” <br/>Sofia grinned. She could understand Sara a little bit. “Come on, this is my car.” Sofia opened the door to a black pickup truck. <br/>Sara dropped on the passenger seat and closed her eyes. Finally out of the police department. Things could only get better from now on. All she needed was her room, a shower, a coffee, food, maybe a beer or two and all that at the same time because it was impossible to make a decision, what was the most important thing one right now. And she wanted to find out, why she had been taken to the police department like a dangerous criminal, what had happened to her colleagues. Nobody ever told her what had happened to them, she had tried to ask Sofia and the officers a few times, same with the CSI, nobody answered her questions. <br/>“Do you have any food in the room or a room service?”<br/>“What?” Sofia’s words got her out of her thoughts.<br/>“Do you have any food in the room or can you order something with the room service?”<br/>“Why? Do you want to invite yourself for a late lunch?”<br/>“The sound of your voice tells me, you don’t like the idea. No, I’m asking because I want to know if I should get us through a drive through. Or do you want to get rid off me as fast as possible and get later something to eat?”<br/>“Could you blame me for that?”<br/>“Well, I haven’t done anything bad to you, but I guess, in your eyes, I’m kind of the bad guy.”<br/>“I won’t repeat what I said already.”<br/>“Alright, so yes or no? Do you need some late lunch or not? And try to make your decision with your stomach and not the stubborn head.”<br/>“Bite me.”<br/>“I’m hungry too, but not that hungry.” Sofia drove her car to a fast food restaurant and stopped in front of the menu. “Choose.”<br/>“Maybe the Californian sun damaged your eyes, I wear my PJ, where do you expect me to have my wallet?”<br/>“See it as an invitation of the LAPD.”<br/>“Make up for what they did to me for no reason? What a  cheap way.”<br/>“Sara.” Sofia said a little bit annoyed, shook her head, let her window down and drove forward. The always strange sounding voice, you could barely understand, no matter where you were, asked for their wishes. <br/>“I’d like to have a double meat and cheese combo with a large coke.”<br/>“A…thi.. el..?” <br/>Sofia looked at Sara.<br/>“Mixed salad and a coke.” The brunette grumbled. She was sure her stomach had said these words and not her head. <br/>“A mixed salad and a coke. Also large. Thanks.” Sofia let her car roll to the window, paid, took their order and handed the bag to Sara. <br/>“Enjoy your meal.”<br/>“Thanks. Do you want your food too?”<br/>“Can’t drive and eat. I’ll eat it later.”<br/>“Why didn’t you order it later?”<br/>“Because then I’ve to come here again. Don’t worry, I’m used to cold fries and burgers.”<br/>“That’s ridiculous. Stop the damn car and eat.”<br/>Sofia’s left corner of her mouth rose. “Are you giving me orders, Sara? Do you think you’re in a position to do so?”<br/>“You can kick me out of the car if you don’t like it.” Not a smart thing to say when you were somewhere in a city, you didn’t know, wore only your PJ and had no money.<br/>“I should do that, yes. You deserve it.”<br/>“Bite me.”<br/>“I turned that offer already two minutes ago down. I’ve got something else to eat now.” Sofia checked her GPS. They weren’t far away from Sara’s motel, she could eat in the parking lot there. <br/>Sara definitely didn’t waste any time with waiting. She had eaten half of her salad and her coke was gone by the time they reached the motel. Looked like she was thirsty and hungry. <br/>“Home sweet home.” Sofia smiled and stopped her car. “Don’t forget that you’re supposed to stay a little bit longer here, Sara. And that we expect you give us a smile every day at twelve sharp in the department. You’re late a minute, you’ll be on radio and then you’ll stay longer than four hours.”<br/>“Thanks for driving.” Sara simply said, opened the door. “Give me a second and I’ll get you the money for the salad.”<br/>“Don’t be ridiculous, I told you…” Sofia stopped when Sara slammed the door and walked away. “Bitch. Oh wait, it’s still my game.” Sofia tuned the car and drove away. As long as she was in the car, she could make the decision where to park and stay. And not Sara Sidle. </p><p>Sara realized what Sofia was doing before she reached her room. Of course the blonde left, she had done the same and she was way too tired and exhausted to be mad. Maybe a little bit. Smug bitch! <br/>Sara almost fell backwards out of her room when she opened the door. The unlocked door. What did happen here? It looked like a hurricane had been here while she was away. All her clothes were tossed on the ground, the sheets were on the couch, the cushions on and under the table, her food was on the ground, over the little kitchenette, the door of the fridge was open and her towels laid wet in the shower. <br/>“What the hell…?” Sara took a deep breath. This had to be the work of the police and she felt an urge to call Sofia and tell her to send her men over and tidy up this chaos up. For crying out loud, she hadn’t done anything wrong and got not only treated like a suspect of a major crime but her room was messed up too like they imagined to find whatever in here. A new thought crossed her mind. Was she still booked in this room? <br/>One last look at the chaos she closed the door and went to reception. A slightly bored looking woman sat there, reading a book.<br/>“I’m sorry, I’ve got a question.”<br/>“Sure.” She put her book away, not irritated that Sara still wore nothing else than her PJ. “How can I help?”<br/>“I’m Sara Sidle, I live in room seventeen and I wonder, if that’s still my room.”<br/>“Let me have a look.” The woman checked the computer. “As far as my computer says, you didn’t check out, you’ve got another night. Is there any problem?”<br/>“Do you have room service?”<br/>“Yes, they come along between nine and noon.”<br/>“I assume they don’t let my room look like El Nino just visited.”<br/>“That wouldn’t be their job, no. Why? Did somebody break into your room?”<br/>Did this woman not know what happened here in the morning or was she playing dumb?<br/>“When did your shift start?”<br/>“An hour ago. Why?”<br/>“I don’t know what your colleagues told you, but the police was here this morning and I assume they messed my room up. Which isn’t such a problem, it looks like nothing is destroyed. Did they went in every room or was it back luck, that I got pulled out of my bed?”<br/>“All I know it had something to do with drugs and they were in some rooms. Maybe they wrote down the wrong number and ended in your room. Didn’t they tell you?”<br/>“No, they weren’t very talkative. Anyway, I’d like to stay a little longer if that’s possible.” She had no other choice than to stay longer, she signed fore that. <br/>“How much longer would you like to stay?”<br/>Like? This word sounded so wrong right now. “Let’s say until Sunday.” If Sofia wanted her to be longer in L.A., LVPD had to pay the rent. She wasn’t willing to cooperate more. One week was what she had planed for Los Angeles, if anybody wanted her to stay longer, this person had to pay. <br/>“No problem, I booked you in. Anything else I can do for you?”<br/>“Yes. While messing up the room the police managed to throw my towels in the shower and turn on the water. I’ve no idea why they did that, but I need a dry towel to have a shower and feel like a human again.”<br/>“No problem.” The woman handed her two towels. “Shall I get the wet ones out of the room for you?”<br/>“No, that’s alright. I’ll give them to the service people tomorrow morning.”<br/>“Okay. Anything else I can do for you?”<br/>“You don’t happen to know where the nearest supermarket is? I don’t feel like using the coffee powder, that’s on the carpet nor do I want to eat the banana, somebody stepped on.” And that the only food she had with her. Plus the little box of cereals, she got at reception last night. Unfortunately the cereals were all over her kitchenette. <br/>“Two blocks south, turn right, the supermarket is around one hundred yards down the road.” The woman bent down, Sara imagined she wanted to give her a map, but instead she handed her a little package with coffee powder. “Not the best stuff, but maybe you prefer to have some kind of coffee before you start shopping.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“And something for the shock.” She put a Snickers on the package. “That’s all I can offer for now. Well, I can give you the number of a few delivery services…”<br/>“No, that’s alright, maybe later. Thank you.” Sara took her towel, coffee and the Snickers and went back to her room. Better than nothing. <br/>She threw her clothes in the room, hung the wet towels over the basin and stepped into the shower. The hot water was the best feeling she had today. Or at least it was at same level with the salad and the coke. It was like a she could wash some of her problems away. Eyes closed, the hot water falling on her head, her skin, giving her a light massage and the feeling of it could only get better now and this shower was the first step to a better day. <br/>She wrapped herself in the towels and left the shower. The whole morning she had looked forward to dress in something proper, now that she saw her clothes, she felt the urge to wash them before she put them on. She didn’t want to imagine who had touched them, who had stepped on them or whatever else they did with her things. So put on her PJ, grabbed all her clothes and walked to the washing machine. Of course she had no quarter. And no washing powder. <br/>“I’m sorry to bother you again.” She said when she was back at reception.<br/>“You don’t bother me, it’s my job to be here and help people out.”<br/>“Yeah, if every guest annoys you with stupid requests and questions, you’ll have a busy day.”<br/>“Better than sitting around, doing nothing.” The woman smiled relaxed. “What can I do for you?”<br/>“I’d like to use the washing machine and have no quarters and no washing powder. How long does the washing machine take?”<br/>“Forty minutes. And another half an hour for the dryer.”<br/>“Alright, a little bit over an hour before I can wear something else. I’ll survive that.”<br/>“That’s the spirit.” The receptionist handed Sara a few quarters. “That should be enough for one load of the washing machine and half an hour for the dryer. If your clothes aren’t dry enough, you can get some more quarters. If there are only a few pieces wet, we’ve a clothes line, just take the door next to the dryer.”<br/>“If I put only the clothes, I want to wear today in the dryer, it be fast, won’t it?”<br/>“Jeans, shirt, socks, underwear? Ten minutes.”<br/>“I’ll do that and use for the rest the clothes line.”<br/>“Okay. Oh and Miss Sidle?”<br/>“Yes?”<br/>“If you want new sheets, behind the second door in the laudry are fresh sheets and pillow cases. Take some, I imagine, when they messed up your room, they didn’t stop for the bed.”<br/>“No, they didn’t. Thank you very much.”<br/>“No problem at all.”<br/>Sara left the reception, started the washing machine, took some sheets and pillow cases and went back to her room. After her bed was made, she stripped down, went into bed and closed her eyes. Half an hour time for some rest. Right now her body needed a break more than a coffee and some chocolate. What a fuss for nothing. All this just because the police dragged her out of her room and…her colleagues! She needed to find out what happened to them. So far she hadn’t seen anyone of them. <br/>She opened the drawer of the nightstand. Empty. She had put her wallet and her cell phone in their last night. She was sure about that. She opened the next drawer. Nothing. Annoyed and mad, she left her bed, started to look around the room. There was her wallet! On the table. She opened it, checked credit cards and money. Everything seemed to be there. Her I.D. was in another place, the police must had used it to identify her and put it back at the wrong place. Where the hell was her cell phone? Not on the table, not somewhere to see in the room. Did they take it? <br/>Sara grabbed her room telephone. “Operator, I need to be connected to LVPD, department…” She had no idea at which department she had been. “…Silver Lake?”<br/>“1358 Wilcox Avenue, Hollywood?”<br/>“Maybe, yes.”<br/>“213 485 4302. I’ll connect you.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara had written the number down, in case she needed it again. It seemed like LAPD was good for many surprises, why not being prepared? <br/>“LAPD, how can I help you?”<br/>“I need to speak to Sofia Curtis. Detective Curtis.” <br/>“I’m sorry, Lieutenant Curtis isn’t available right now. Can I leave her a message?” <br/>Lieutenant? Apparently Sofia had taken another stop to become like her mother, a captain. “Yes. Tell her, I want my cell phone back!”<br/>“Are you sure Lieutenant Curtis has your phone, Miss Sidle?”<br/>“Either her or one of her officers, who pulled me out of bed this morning. I don’t care who took it, I want it back! This is police harassment. They had no rights to take my phone, nor had they any rights to take me out of my room and treat me like a murderer.” It felt good to practically yell these words at somebody. She felt a little bit of a relief. <br/>“I’m sure the officers had their reasons.”<br/>“Sure. Give me anybody, who is in charge. I want my phone back.”<br/>“Wait a minute, please.”<br/>Sara bristled with anger. She wasn’t willing to wait longer than a minute. What did they think who they were? She had some damn rights, she was a citizen of this country and they had no rights to treat her like this. <br/>“Miss Sidle?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“I’m sorry, you’re cell phone is evidence.”<br/>“Evidence? Why?”<br/>“I can’t tell you details about the case. If there aren’t any questions or problems, you can get it back tomorrow. I see, you’re due to be here at noon…”<br/>“Great. Thanks for nothing!” Sara ended the call. So much for her day could only get better. It was still a freaking disaster. </p><p>“Sara? Thank God you’re alright!” <br/>“Billy!” Sara dropped her shopping back and hugged the tall man. After she had something to wear, she went to the supermarket to get some food. On her way back, she made the decision, she wanted to go back to the police station. She wanted to know what happened to her colleagues and what was all this about. To see Billy, who had been with her in Costa Rica the past months, was a relief. <br/>“Did they take you too?” He asked. <br/>“The police? Yes. You?”<br/>“Just came back. They pulled me out of the shower.”<br/>“Out of bed.” She sat on the bench in front of his room. <br/>“At least you weren’t naked.”<br/>“No. I hope you were allowed to put some clothes on.”<br/>“Kind of. A towel and I got some clothes at the station.”<br/>“Why did they do that, Billy?” Sara looked at the almost seven feet tall man with the bronze skin and the dark brown eyes. They had become friends the last months, had worked some projects together. He had been a great help in bad times. <br/>“All I know is that it had something to do with drugs.”<br/>“Yeah, I had to make a drug test and my room looks like somebody searched it for drugs or whatever. But how did they get this idea?”<br/>“I don’t know. Maybe because we came from Costa Rica? Drug mules?”<br/>“They don’t make such a fuss only because a few people come back from Costa Rica. There had to be a reason why they acted like they did. Somebody must have given them a hint, some-thing to get a warrant and everything for this. You can’t just walk into a few rooms and pull people to the department.”<br/>“They didn’t tell me. I asked for a lawyer, but before one arrived I was free to go. What about you? When did they let you go?”<br/>“Three hours ago.”<br/>“Anybody else back?”<br/>“I haven’t seen anybody. I went shopping because there was nothing left in my room I could eat or drink.”<br/>“My room is a mess too. They told me I’ve to stay available the next days.”<br/>“Same here.”<br/>“Well, I don’t give a damn about what they wish.”<br/>“Does that mean you’ll leave?”<br/>“Yes. I’m on the next bus to San Diego. I’ve no idea what went wrong here, but I won’t do any time for something I didn’t do. There’ll be a new excursion from San Diego, starting the day after tomorrow, why don’t you come with me?”<br/>“I can’t.”<br/>“Why? Because they asked you to stay?”<br/>“Yes.” <br/>“Did you do anything wrong?”<br/>“Hell no!”<br/>“Then they’ve no reason to make you stay. Come on, lets leave.”<br/>It was tempting to agree and leave with him. From San Diego it was only a short trip to Tijuana. Once they were in Mexico, it wasn’t a problem to vanish to any South American country and stay there. A new excursion meant, there was some work. The easiest way to get out of this, to forget all of this. <br/>“I can’t. Sorry Billy, I’ve to stay.”<br/>“Are you sure?”<br/>“Yes. I’ll sort this out and will meet you later.”<br/>“I’m not sure if I can call you, Sara.”<br/>“We’ll find a way. You’ve got my number, if I get my cell phone back, you know how to reach me.”<br/>“You’ll tell the cops?”<br/>“What do you think?” She furrowed her brows. Just because she didn’t join, it didn’t mean she wanted him to be caught.<br/>“Not one word.” He hugged her. “Take care, will you?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And don’t worry about the rest, they’ll be fine as soon as the police find out, we’re nothing more than a bunch of scientists.”<br/>“Yeah.” That was what she hoped for. Nothing more than a bunch of scientists, who got accused to be drug dealer or drug mules. For no reason. She hoped. </p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, August 12th</p><p>“Hi, I’m Sara Sidle and I want to say hello and get my cell phone back.” Sara said to the women at the front desk in the police department. It was noon, to be some specific, twelve on the dot. <br/>“We’re not lost and found.”<br/>“I didn’t lose it, it was taken by your colleagues and I got told, I can have it back today.” If it wasn’t evidence anymore, but she didn’t want to mention that. It would only make her angry, which could lead to not only not getting her cell phone back but also another stay here. <br/>“One moment, please.”<br/>She bit on her lips to avoid a comment like, she was used to wait a few moments here. Carefully she took a look around. No Sofia. Good. <br/>“Here you are, Miss Sidle.” The woman had her cell phone. <br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“Lieutenant Curtis would like to see you.”<br/>“Did I anything wrong? Am I in trouble?”<br/>“No. She just wrote a little note, that she’d like to see you.”<br/>“Well, if it’s case related, she can contact my lawyer. For anything else, she knows where I live.” <br/>“But…”<br/>“Am I under arrest?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Have a nice day.” Sara turned and walked away. There was no way she’d spend more time in here than she had to. And if there was no legal reason for Sofia to ask her to stay longer, she wouldn’t stay here. There were a lot of things she preferred to do before she was down her list that far that she wanted to see Sofia.<br/>She hadn’t seen any of her colleagues, had no idea, what happened to them. When she had her breakfast in the morning, the room service woman had asked her, if she knew what happened to them. Their rooms were due to leave and nobody came, to get the belongings. She couldn’t call them, their cell phones were all off und since Billy was gone, she hadn’t seen or heard anything. Eight people in total, seven without her, Billy gone made six more in custody. Or They had left L.A. like Billy did and didn’t tell her. She hadn’t been very close to the rest. But still, they were her colleagues. <br/>She knew, she wouldn’t get any answers, so she saved herself the time to ask questions at the department. She did what she had to do and that was all. No extra time in the department, no visit for her old colleague. </p><p>“You like to ignore requests, don’t you?” Sofia stepped into Sara’s room. <br/>The brunette, who laid on her bed, watched TV, turned her head. With her hands over her eyes to shield them to see the blonde despite the sunshine, that shone into her face. Not that she hadn’t recognize the voice.<br/>“I can’t remember that I asked you to come in.”<br/>“Wanna call security? Or the police. Oh no wait, I am the police. How handy. Wanna call me? After you’ve got your cell back.”<br/>“I think, you should leave now.” Sara turned off the TV and sat up. She didn’t invite Sofia, she didn’t want to talk to her, she didn’t want her here. <br/>“Usually you can’t ask the police to leave you alone.”<br/>“If you’re here on business, close the door from the outside and talk to my lawyer.” Maybe she had to get a lawyer. This was police harassment. <br/>“And if I’m not on duty?”<br/>“Close the door from the outside and don’t call my lawyer.”<br/>“You really kick me out?”<br/>“I can’t see any reason why I should spend time with you.”<br/>“The good old times.”<br/>“Since when were we friends?”<br/>“Ouch. Your last word? No little conversation?”<br/>“A conversation your way or a conversation ordinary people have?”<br/>“I’m not an ordinary person?”<br/>“Ordinary people answer questions, you don’t do that. So I’m not interested in talking to you; be interrogated by you.”<br/>Sofia shook her head. “You’re so stubborn.”<br/>“You don’t give me any reasons to talk to you, Sofia. Offending me won’t help you.”<br/>“Alright. Last chance: a compromise.”<br/>“A compromise? I can’t remember that I’ve asked for something, why do I need a compromise? I’m fine with how it is, with not talking to you. Why do you want to talk to me, Sofia? If it has anything to do with whatever you were doing yesterday, you can get me and my lawyer downtown and talk to him while I’ll listen.”<br/>“I don’t want to talk to a lawyer. Why do you try to avoid to talk to me so badly?”<br/>“Because I can’t see any reason why I should talk to you.”<br/>“Are we back at the state of our relationship we had at the beginning? When you hated me .”<br/>“Don’t take yourself too important, why should I hate you?”<br/>“Maybe I get your signals wrong, but you’re not very friendly right now.”<br/>Sara closed her eyes. Maybe she was too harsh, maybe she should give Sofia a minute or two. After all, Sara had been out of the department faster than her colleagues and she knew, it had to do with Sofia. Also because she didn’t do anything wrong, but she knew her old relationship to Sofia was the reason, why they believed her faster and let her go. “What’s your compromise?”<br/>“I get the pizza, I’ve in car, in here, we have a little conversation, I will answer questions as long as they don’t endanger the operation and you try not to snap at me and answer a few of my questions – of course with the chance to say no.”<br/>“You’ve got pizza in your car? You planed this.” Sara hated it when people tried to play her. Buying her with pizza? She should send Sofia away for that. Unfortunately her mouth got watery when she thought of a pizza. <br/>“Let’s say, I hoped, pizza is a way to get a minute or two more. You can bribe most people with a good pizza with double cheese.”<br/>“What kind of pizza?”<br/>“One half vegetarian, one half meat lover.”<br/>“I’ll extend the time I talk to you from two minutes to a half pizza.” Sara smiled. She had been hungry for a while, but too lazy to get up and make herself something to eat. <br/>“Deal.” Sofia grinned, wanted to leave the room and stopped. “Wait a second. You didn’t agree to make me leave the room to get the pizza and before I’ve reached my car, you’ve locked your door and I won’t see anything of you again? Is that your plan?”<br/>“You’re very suspicious, detective.”<br/>“Lieutenant.”<br/>“Whatever. If the pizza is cold, I won’t talk to you at all. Time’s running.”<br/>“I trust you, Sara.” Sofia left the room.<br/>Sara played for a second with the idea to get up, lock the door and leave Sofia outside. What a nice idea, the easiest way to have a quiet evening. On the other hand, it would look a kind of cheap when she did what the blonde asked her not to do. And she had the pizza.<br/>She left her bed, went into the little kitchen. So it looked like she had to spend some with Sofia. Didn’t it just sound like she was a lamb on it’s way to the slaughter? Maybe she was overreacting. A bit. Okay, they had never been friends, but they had managed to find a way to work together and even had some fun while doing that. And Sofia was one of the two people, who found her, when she was in the desert. Maybe Sara wouldn’t be alive if t hadn’t been for the blonde and Nick. Wasn’t she supposed to show some gratitude for that? <br/>“Wow, the door is really still open.”<br/>“And how is the pizza?”<br/>“Feels nice and warm.”<br/>“Good.” Sara went back to the room with a six-pack in her hands, dropped on the floor, back to her bed. <br/>“What’s wrong with the table and chairs?”<br/>“Furniture is overrated.” <br/>“Alright.” Sofia laughed and sat opposite to the brunette, her back on the sofa. “Help yourself.” She opened the box and immediately the smell of pizza was in the air. <br/>“Ditto.” Sara pushed the six pack over. <br/>“I’ve to drive, Sara.”<br/>“Right. Want some coke?”<br/>“If you tell me where it is, I’ll get it and you don’t have to get up again. Or do you think, I’ll sniff around your room?”<br/>“The way my room looked when I came back yesterday, I doubt there’s anything in here, you or your guys haven’t already seen. The next time, send the crime scene cleaners to tidy up the mess your men make.”<br/>“They did their job. Sorry.”<br/>“Yeah, yeah. Coke is in the fridge.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sofia smiled and came back a few seconds later with a can of coke. “So, ask me your questions, Sara.”<br/>“Why did your guys got us out of the rooms and pulled us to the department like we were some kind of criminals?”<br/>“First of all, they are not my guys, I’m homicide, this wasn’t a homicide investigation. I’m in it because they were short in men and when I had a look at the people, who got pulled in, I saw your name and made the decision, I want to talk to you. To answer your question why the SWAT pulled you out of the room: Because some of the people, you worked with, are criminals.”<br/>“Sofia, we’re scientists…”<br/>“Sorry to interrupt you, Sara. How well do you know all people of this group?”<br/>“As good as you know people when you work with them for a few weeks. How good do you know people you’ve worked with?” An obvious hint to their own relationship. <br/>“Better than you know some of your scientists. Sara, we found in the eight rooms we searched twenty pounds of pure heroin. In four different rooms, I really doubt, the heroin was in the rooms before you checked in.”<br/>Sara stared at Sofia. She wasn’t sure if she could believe her ears. Twenty pounds of heroin? In the rooms of her colleagues? That was…not possible. Was it?<br/>“We were in Costa Rica for research and…”<br/>“I believe, that you were there and that most of the other people were there for research. Fact is, at least four were there for other reasons too. And in the suitcase of two other people we found residue of heroin.”<br/>“Twenty pounds…who had the heroin?”<br/>“I can’t tell you.”<br/>“Sofia, please.”<br/>“Sorry, I can’t. The case isn’t build.”<br/>“Alright, I’ll rephrase my question. Is it possible that I transported heroin in the country when somebody asked me to put his bathroom bag in my suitcase because his suitcase was too full and heavy?”<br/>“Who asked you?”<br/>“Yes or no?”<br/>“Yes. Who?”<br/>“In case I did do that, will you arrest me?”<br/>“Did you know what was in the bag?”<br/>“I never checked it, I believed it was nothing else than tooth paste, shampoo, towels and whatever else you’ve in your bathroom bag.”<br/>“Your room was checked with drug dogs, like all the other rooms too. The dog didn’t find anything in your room or in your stuff. If you transported drugs in the country, it was hidden very good.”<br/>“Better than in the cases of the other two, who had the residue?”<br/>“I can’t answer that question.”<br/>“Thought so.”<br/>“Sara, I need a name. You were a CSI, I don’t have to lecture you about obligations and what heroin does to people.”<br/>“You’ll find out anyway, I touched the bag, my fingerprints are all over it. In fact, you can arrest me for that, makes me a suspect.”<br/>“If they find your fingerprints, yes, there’ll be questions. It could help if I tell them, you touched this bag and why you touched it. People will believe you more when you tell them those information without pressure.”<br/>“People or you?”<br/>“Call me stupid to say this, but I’ll believe you anyway.” Sofia sighed. There was no way she would believe, Sara had anything to do with drugs. They hadn’t seen each other for a while, people changed but she doubted, Sara Sidle would change this much. <br/>“Thanks.” A little smile appeared on Sara’s face. “Does that mean, we’ve to go to the department, go back to the interrogation room and have a conversation?”<br/>“That would be the proper way of procedure – and a waste of warm pizza. I’m a lieutenant, why don’t you try to talk to me here ? No officer, no lawyer, I call my guys in the lab and if needed, I’ll call you and ask you to come to the department and repeat whatever you told me here.”<br/>“Alright. Albert asked me to take his bag. It was red, a foot wide, a little bit longer. It was closed, it felt like there were towels inside. I never touched anything else than the outside, put the bag in my suitcase, gave it back to him when we arrived here.”<br/>“Was it heavy?”<br/>“You mean, could be in a few pounds? Yes. I thought, he had shampoo and things like that inside, never wondered about the weight.”<br/>“And he asked you to take the bag when?”<br/>“The day we flew back. Told me, he had bought too many souvenirs for his parents and didn’t have enough space for his stuff, if I could help him out. I had some space left, so I agreed. You don’t supposed your colleague to be a drug mule.”<br/>“I don’t accuse you of anything, Sara. If somebody I’ve worked with for several weeks, had asked me this question and I had space in my suitcase, I had done the same.” Sofia put her hand on Sara’s for a short moment. <br/>“Looks like you need to be suspicious all the time, no matter how good you think you know the other one.”<br/>“Unfortunately this statement is too often true.”<br/>“He is one of the four people you found the drugs in the room, isn’t he?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>Sara closed her eyes. “What now?”<br/>“Now I’ll call my CSI guys, tell them to print the bag from the outside and inside. I believe you, so there won’t be any fingerprints of you inside or on any of the things in the bag. You know I can’t promise you, that because I believe you, nobody will ask you further questions or you’ll get invited to come back to the department for another statement but I’ll say that I believe it was just the way you told me.”<br/>“Okay. Thanks.” Sara knew, there wasn’t much more Sofia could do. She had to give this information to her colleagues and she had to ask Sara to go back to the department if there were further questions. The fact, that she believed Sara’s story and wanted to say this if needed, was all she could do.<br/>“I need to make a phone call…will the door still be open when I come back?”<br/>“Depends. If the call lasts a few hours the door will be closed.”<br/>“I didn’t plan to stay that long on the phone.”<br/>“In that case the chances of an open door are high.” Sara smiled. <br/>“Good.” Sofia rose and left the room. Sara waited a few seconds. She had been used as a drug mule. By somebody, she had thought was a friend. Somebody, she had worked with for a few weeks. She had been used. She could be in jail. If the police had found the bag in her room or somebody at the airport had found it, Sara’s life would be over now. <br/>Had the whole trip been nothing more than a cover up for drugs? Was their work nothing more than a way to get drugs into the country? Was all the work she had done been worthless because nobody cared about it? The things, she wanted to do with this projects, the help the animals and the nature had it never been any interest to the group? Were these things, they had planed next, only another cover up for another drug transportation? <br/>“Sara?” Sara flinched. Out of the blue Sofia’s hand was on her shoulder and the blonde slipped next to her on the floor. <br/>“Sorry I…” Why was her voice so weak? Why did she feel like she was losing it? Where was her control? Her self-esteem? <br/>“Hey.” Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and was surprised when the brunette didn’t try to fight her and allowed her to hold her. Like she was surprised by her own action. Something about Sara triggered something inside Sofia, something that told her, she had to protect the other woman. Had to make her feel safe. <br/>“I’m fine.” Sara pulled back, got up and started to pace around. “I can handle that. What did your colleagues say?”<br/>“You need to come to the department, I need you to repeat everything, make it official.”<br/>“When?”<br/>“I told them, we’ll do that tomorrow. You need to come down at noon anyway, you can a little bit earlier or we do that later. Whatever suits you best.”<br/>“I’ll come in early, get over with it.”<br/>“Your lawyer is a morning person.”<br/>“We both know I don’t have one, so why pretend I’ll bring one?”<br/>“To annoy the lieutenant?” Sofia got up too. She didn’t like Sara pacing around. <br/>“No, I don’t waste time for things like that.”<br/>“Not?” <br/>“No. Since when are you a lieutenant anyway?”<br/>“A few months. Why?”<br/>“Just wondering, detective Curtis.”<br/>“Is the new title disturbing you, Sara?”<br/>“No, only unfamiliar.”<br/>“Stay a little bit longer and you’ll get used to it.”<br/>“Thanks for the offer, I don’t think I’ll stay longer. I’ve agreed , had to agree, to stay until Sunday, why should I stay longer?”<br/>“Where do you plan to go after L.A.?” Sofia sat on the couch, hoped Sara would sit down too and stopped walking around. <br/>“Don’t know. We were supposed to go back to Costa Rica…I guess we won’t do that.”<br/>“No…there’s one member of your team missing. He was supposed to show up at the department today, but didn’t. You don’t happen to know anything about this, do you?”<br/>“Are you interrogating me, Sofia?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Sure?”<br/>“They’ll ask you this question tomorrow in case he hasn’t shown up until then and we both know, he won’t.”<br/>“He has nothing to do with the drugs.”<br/>“Not?”<br/>“No!” At least Sara wanted to believe that. Was it possible that Billy was involved? Was that the reason why he left? He told her, he wanted to go to San Diego and vanish from there somewhere in South America. The best place to hide for somebody, who had anything to do with drugs. But Billy…they had been so close, had become friends. Did he fool her? Use her like the others did? Was she such a bad judge of character? <br/>“Shit.” Sara dropped on her bed, hands covering her face. This had to be a nightmare, this couldn’t be real. <br/>“I know you don’t want to…want anybody to have any problems.” Slowly Sofia rose and walked over to Sara. She placed a hand on the shoulder of the brunette. “And I feel stupid saying this, realizing I’ll sound like a cop, who tries to convince a criminal to give up their companions. But when you try to safe him, no matter if he’s guilty or not, you harm yourself. And frankly, I don’t want to see you in jail. Shit, I still sound like a cop, who tries to play a suspect. Sorry.”<br/>“Yes you do.”<br/>“Sorry. I really am. What can I do to sound like…not so much like a cop?”<br/>“You are a cop.”<br/>“I know. I need to find a way that I won’t sound or act like a cop, who tries to play you. The problem is, I’m a cop through and through, it’s hard to be something I’m not.”<br/>“You told me, you sound like you want to play me, that makes it less possible that you want to play me and you can’t be what you’re not. That has never worked out, for nobody.”<br/>“I can try. Somehow. All I need is a beginning…”<br/>“Why not start with a beer?”<br/>“Cop or not, I don’t drink and drive.”<br/>“You live far away?”<br/>“No, in fact, I do live in Silver Lake too. Have a lovely view on the Hollywood sign. But it’s not a distance, I want to walk. Oh well, I’ll call a cab.” Sofia took two bottles of beer, opened the first one with the second and used a lighter to open the second one.<br/>“Interesting skills, lieutenant. I didn’t know you’re a smoker.”<br/>“I’m not, a lighter can be useful anytime. And I learnt how to open a bottle with another when I was younger.”<br/>“Younger or too young to drink legally?”<br/>“No comment on that.”<br/>“You didn’t want to act like a cop anymore, did you forget? You can be honest.”<br/>“That’s no reason to confess to illegal things I might have done.”<br/>“Don’t you trust me, Sofia?”<br/>“Not that much.” The blonde grinned and took Sara’s hand. “All I want is that this case won’t affect you in any bad way, Sara. I’ll sacrifice your colleague if I have to. I know, you don’t have anything to do with the drugs, but I won’t bet on that for anybody else of the group. And if we ask somebody to come in once a day and this person doesn’t show up, we believe, he has something to hide. Anybody who tries to help him, gets our attention and that not in a good way. I’d like to keep you out of this attention.”<br/>“Even if I know anything, I get myself in trouble when I admit it because I kind of helped him to vanish by not calling you.”<br/>“You had no idea that he had to be at the police station once a day until I told you.”<br/>“What if I did?”<br/>“You did NOT know anything about that, do you hear me?” Sofia’s eyes became narrow when she looked at Sara. She tried to help the brunette, she didn’t want to hear anything, that endangered that. <br/>“Okay.”<br/>“Good. I’m glad we understand each other.”<br/>“He won’t come tomorrow.”<br/>“He left the country.” Sofia didn’t need Sara to answer this question, she knew the answer herself. Everybody, who didn’t show up and was this close to the border, had left the country. She would do the same. <br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Do you think he has anything to do with the drugs?”<br/>“No.” She still believed in his innocence. The problem was before Sofia showed up today, she had believed the whole group was innocent. To be that wrong scared her.  “But that’s the same answer I’d have given you yesterday about anybody of the team.”<br/>“I understand.”<br/>“I’m not the best judge of character, am I?” Had she been wrong in Billy? She could handle when she was wrong with most of the team, but Billy? <br/>“You let me in your room, you didn’t lock the door when you had the chance, I think you’re doing just fine.” Sofia grinned.<br/>“Don’t be that smug, lieutenant.” Sara had no other choice than to smile a bit. <br/>“If it makes you smile again it’s a good thing. Come on, investigator, everybody is allowed to be wrong sometimes.”<br/>“In our jobs mistakes are not allowed. They can destroy lives, can make that killer are back on the street.”<br/>Sofia smiled. <br/>“What?”<br/>“Our jobs? You think about a return as a CSI?”<br/>“I didn’t - until now. I wanted to join another excursion to Costa Rica, well, that won’t happen, I need to find something else. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to work as a CSI again.” She didn’t feel like it. Not now. But when she was honest, she also didn’t feel like to go back to the jungle, work and act like nothing ever happened to her. Like all this had never happened. <br/>“Can you go back to Vegas?”<br/>“I quit the job, you know how good I got along with Ecklie, so I doubt I’ll go back there.”<br/>“But you can imagine to work as a CSI again?”<br/>“One day. Yes.”<br/>“Well, no need to hurry, take all the time you need. And if you want to go back to Costa Rica, I’m sure there are excursions, that really are made for the environment and not for drugs.”<br/>“I hope so.” Sara put her empty bottle away, took two new ones, opened them with a opener she had on her key chain and handed one to Sofia. <br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“You’re welcome. I think, this is a good evening for some beer.”<br/>“If you don’t have more in your fridge, this will be the last one.”<br/>“No more hidden six packs, sorry. We can share the last one, after that, we need to stop or find a way to get some more. Do they deliver beer in L.A.?”<br/>“I’ve no idea.” Sofia laughed. But they could try to find it out. </p><p> </p><p>Thursday, July 16th</p><p>Sara rolled her eyes while the officer read her her rights. She was in an interrogation room (again) and an over careful officer read her the Miranda warning although she had told him, she knew her rights, had worked for the law enforcements for years and had heard them two days ago. <br/>“There’ll be somebody with you soon and talk to you.” He finished. <br/>“Great. Just make sure it won’t be hours again like the last time I talked to you guys.”<br/>“I don’t know anything about that…”<br/>“As long as you make sure it won’t happen again everything is alright. You can go now, I’m fine and will wait. Don’t worry.” Gosh, she really hoped they made sure he learnt how to do his job before they let him out of the department or handle some criminals. He was so green behind his ears, it reminded her of spring time.<br/>“Thanks for coming here, Miss Sidle.” Sofia came into the room, all business. For somebody, who wasn’t illegal, she was around a lot. Or was she here because she had talked to Sara the first time and yesterday? <br/>“I’m doing my duty as a good citizen of this country, det… lieutenant Curtis.” Somehow her brain didn’t want to acknowledge Sofia as a lieutenant. <br/>“Glad to hear that. You’ve got information about the drugs, that were found in the possession of some colleagues of you.”<br/>“Like I said yesterday, I happened to transport a bag for one of the men, who is accused of being a drug dealer. I didn’t know at any time what was in the bag, he gave it to me as his personal bathroom bag, that he couldn’t pack in his own suitcase anymore.”<br/>“You weren’t aware he asked the same somebody from your group?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Did you check what was in the bag?”<br/>“No. I believed him and I didn’t want to sniff around. Besides, shampoo, comb and towels are not that exciting to look at. I took the bag, transported it to L.A. and gave it back to him when we arrived at the motel. I never looked inside, I never touched anything more than the outside of the bag.”<br/>“You were a CSI, you know how to leave no traces.”<br/>Sara raised an eyebrow. Did Sofia try to get her in trouble?<br/>“Yes, I was a CSI. And as a former member of the law enforcement, I know what I’ve to do, when I discover drugs. If you want, you can check my file, I was never in trouble for drugs.”<br/>“We already talked to your supervisors.” <br/>Another surprise. Sara wasn’t sure anymore if she regretted that she was here without a lawyer. If she really could trust Sofia. <br/>“They confirmed your statement and assured us, you’ve got nothing to do with drugs.” Sofia continued. <br/>“I’m sure your CSI team checked the bag, I gave you my blood for a drug test. You didn’t find anything because I have nothing to with drugs.”<br/>“There’s no reason to believe anything else, Miss Sidle.”<br/>“Thanks. Anything else I can help you with?”<br/>“Billy Demand, do you know where exactly he is?”<br/>Exactly? No, Sara had no idea where Billy was exactly and Sofia knew that. If the blonde had asked of Sara had any idea where Billy might be, Sara had told her about San Diego and Billy’s plans to leave to South America. This way, she didn’t have to do that.<br/>“No.”<br/>“When was the last time you saw him?”<br/>“The day after we arrived in Los Angeles, the day, LAPD got us all here.”<br/>“Where and when did you meet him?”<br/>“In front of the motel, briefly, in the evening.”<br/>“Were you surprised to see him there?”<br/>“I was surprise not to see the whole team. Nobody had told me why I got hold here for all those hours.”<br/>“Then what?”<br/>“He told me LAPD found drugs and that was the reason why he had been downtown. He was surprised, annoyed, that somebody used our group for drugs.”<br/>“Did he tell you what he wanted to do next?”<br/>“This group was due to leave the country again in two weeks, I assume he’s looking for another group to join and continue his work.” That wasn’t exactly an answer to Sofia’s questions. The blonde knew that too.<br/>“Do you know which group?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Is there anything you can tell us, that helps us to find him?”<br/>“He’ll be somewhere in Central or South America, which isn’t any help for you.”<br/>“No. Are you in contact with him?”<br/>“No. I met him during the excursion, we weren’t friends. In case he calls me, I’ll let LAPD know.” Maybe. She had to think about that when it was the time. </p><p>After – how she felt about it – wasting over an hour of her time at the police department, Sara made the decision to take the bus down to Venice. The famous Venice Boardwalk, filled with weird and interesting people, was the best way to get her thoughts away from the drugs. And the thought of what she was supposed to do next. <br/>Feet in sand, head on a towel, shades on and a bottle of cold water next to her, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the sound of the waves and not the noise around her. The noise wasn’t there in reality. In reality she was alone, a Caribbean island, an endless white sandy beach, the crying children a few yards away were some seagulls, fighting for some fish, the loud music from behind here was nothing more than the sound the palms made while they told her stories of pirates and gold. The yelling surfer in the water were  dolphins, playing tag, enjoying their day. This wasn’t Venice, this was Sara’s Island, her own secret and very private paradise with…a cell phone. She didn’t know she bought an island with cell phone signal. <br/>“What?”<br/>“Where are you?”<br/>“I was at your department today, we talked, I’m not due for another meeting until tomorrow noon.”<br/>“Where, Sara?”<br/>“Venice.” Sara ended the call before Sofia could say anything else and turned her cell phone off. Now she had an island without a cell phone signal. She laid back again, closed her eyes and sighed. Right. Where had she been? Yes, at the beach. Her beach. She laid…under a palm after the ball, that hit her, turned into a coconut. Her dinner for later. She loved coconuts. There had to be…a colorful bird, maybe a macaw, that landed on the palm and made the coconut fall. And after the coconut she’d get some fresh bananas from her banana trees…it was her island, if she wanted banana tress on it, there were some. <br/>And for the night there was a huge and comfortable hammock waiting for her. It would shake her gently into a deep sleep, filled with dreams about her island and the exciting things she could do here. Like swimming with dolphins. Oh yes, she’d go out for a swim with the friendly dolphins, dive with them to see some turtles and a lot of colorful fish. She’d find Nemo and Dorie. <br/>“You look like a lobster.”<br/>Lobster? Of yes, they were also around her island, lobster, shrimps, maybe even a seal. She liked seals. They were a little bit smelly but so cute. And friendly too. Like everything on her island. <br/>“Sara? You need to get out of the sun.”<br/>Was it already time for the sunset? Time to watch the sun go down in the west, the sky turns from a deep blue to a deep red, bringing some shade and…rain? Sara squeaked and jumped up. This rain wasn’t planed and this rain wasn’t part of her dream, it didn’t belong on her island. It only rained here when she was in the water, when she was wet anyway. <br/>“What the…get off my island!” She didn’t invite Sofia. <br/>“Your island? Yes, you spent too much time in the sun.” Sofia had problems to stay serious. It looked like Sara had been dreaming.<br/>“What are you doing here? Didn’t you just annoy me five minutes ago on the phone?”<br/>“More like three hours ago. By the look at you, you spent the afternoon here in the sun.”<br/>“None of your business and not a crime.” How could a dream, a vision about the perfect place, gone so bad? Her island was a strictly no people place. Another reason why she liked it there so much. <br/>“Your skin might think different about that.” <br/>Sara looked down. “Shit.” She was red. Deep red. Like the lobster, she  had seen around her island. <br/>“Three hours?”<br/>“Yes. Come on, little redskin, you need to get out of the sun or somebody will mistaken you for a huge steak and put you on the barbeque.”<br/>“Why are you here? How did you find me? Venice is big.”<br/>“I looked for a bright red spot, that’s you. Get up, Sara, you can bitch around later. Now you need to get out of the sun. I’ll get you back to the motel.”<br/>“I can take the bus.”<br/>“Yes and as soon as somebody or something touches you, you’ll scream.”<br/>“BS.”<br/>Sofia touched carefully Sara’s arm, who jumped back because of the pain. Her skin burnt like fire.<br/>“Ouch, check yourself for fever!”<br/>“Sara, if you go into the water, there’d be a huge cloud of smoke. Come on, you know it’s faster with the car.”<br/>“I can take care of myself.”<br/>“Of course you can. And if you don’t take care of yourself in a way that makes sure, you’re in my car within the next two minutes, I’ll grab your arm and pull you. It will be painful, you know that.”<br/>“Police brutality.” Sara needed all her willpower not to scream when she sat on the passenger seat and the door hit her slightly. Every touch was pain and deep inside she knew, this was only the beginning. <br/>Taking the car back to Silver Lake was easier and faster than a bus. Sara had no idea when the next bus was due, she had no idea which was the closed stop to her motel, if she had to change buses, so having Sofia taking her made things easier. But that weren’t reasons to tell the blonde so. <br/>“Thanks.” She opened the door when Sofia stopped in front of the motel.<br/>“Sara…”<br/>“No time, I need a shower…ice cold!” Sara ran the her room and vanished immediately. <br/>Sofia watched her and shook her head. She wasn’t willing to let Sara just vanish, but for now, she had something else in her mind than following her old colleague.</p><p>“Hi, I need the key to room seventeen.” Sofia said after she entered the reception. The woman, who sat there and read a book, looked up. <br/>“You don’t look like Miss Sidle.”<br/>“So she’s well known here? Good to know. I don’t look like her because I’m not her.”<br/>“That means, you won’t get a key. She checked in alone, you don’t share the room with her.”<br/>Sofia put her badge on the table. “This means, I’ll get any key I want.”<br/>Unwilling the woman gave her the key. <br/>“Thank you.” Sofia didn’t receive an answer, what she ignored with a smile. <br/>She went to the room, tried to open the door, but couldn’t get the handle down. The key fit, that was no question, but she couldn’t open the door. It was like somebody held the handle up from the other side. Or something. <br/>“Sara, get whatever you’ve got under the handle take it away.”<br/>“Got a warrant?”<br/>Sofia shook her head. Sara had to be kidding her. “You’ve got a very strange way to show some gratitude, Sara Sidle.”<br/>“I didn’t ask you to do anything for me. The only thing I wanted was to be left alone.”<br/>“Won’t happen and if you insist on it, I’ll get a warrant. And give you another ride to the department.”<br/>“You’ve got no legal rights for that.”<br/>“I’m a lieutenant, I have a lot of legal rights. Your choice, you open the door or I’ll get a warrant and some colleagues. And don’t start with police harassment.” Sofia stepped back a bit. After a few seconds she heard something got removed behind the door and the door popped open. <br/>“What do you want?” Sara was in the room, out of Sofia’s eyes. <br/>“Actually, I want only the best for you. It’s unbelievable, I know, but it’s true. May I come in?”<br/>“Whatever. I’ve no choice.”<br/>“I’m glad you’re happy to let me in.” Sofia went into the room and stopped shocked when she saw Sara. Had she been teasing her when she called her lobster, she didn’t feel like teasing anymore. Sara stood in her room, wearing nothing but her underwear and her whole body was red. Only her eyes, the place where her shades had been, was white. Sofia knew it was painful, it wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t help and had to think of the Beagle Boys. <br/>“Shit.”<br/>“Thanks. I’ll get some lotion as soon as I can wear clothes.”<br/>“Sit down.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Just…do it.” Sofia put a plastic bag on the table and pulled a tube of lotion out. “After you left my car so fast, I drove to a drugstore to get some lotion. It says, it’s for slightly burnt skin, I’m not sure if your skin isn’t more than slightly burnt. You look more crispy. How did you manage to get burnt on both sides?”<br/>“In my dream I was swimming.”<br/>“Okay.” Sofia took the tube without any more questions.<br/>“Don’t you dare to touch me!”<br/>“Sara, you can use the lotion yourself, but you can’t reach your back. I want to help you. And you can be happy if I do nothing else than use the lotion. You look like you could use a doctor, but I’ll save us both the time and the fight about that.”<br/>“Don’t baby me.”<br/>“Don’t bitch around. Here, use it. I’ll start with your shoulders. If it hurts too much, let me know. I’ll try to be as careful as possible.” She let some lotion drop on Sara’s shoulder, who flinched immediately. Sofia hoped, it was the shock of cold lotion on the hot red skin and not pain. Very carefully, like she touched something very fragile, she started to apply the lotion, ready to stop as soon as Sara said a word. She could see the pain, she could see how Sara tensed more and more, but Sofia didn’t know of any other way to help her.<br/>It took them five minutes to cover Sara in lotion. <br/>“I doubt you can lay down like this…can you sit?”<br/>“I haven’t tried it yet.” <br/>Sofia put a towel on the chair and Sara sat carefully down. She didn’t dare to use the backrest. <br/>“I can get you some more lotion, something for more serious burns.”<br/>“I’ve no idea how that could happen.”<br/>“Your island must have been very hot.” Sofia smiled a bit.<br/>“It was. Too hot apparently. Thanks Sofia.”<br/>“You’re welcome. By the way, is the woman at reception a fan of you?”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“She wasn’t happy when she had to handle me your keys. I needed my badge to make her give them to me.”<br/>“I like that woman, first she gives me dry towels, coffee and a Snickers, then she finished my laundry while I was shopping and left it nicely folded in front of my room and now she tries to give me my peace and called me to warn me about the police. I think, it’s a waste of talent, that she sits there. Every boss, who likes to have some quiet time, would love her work.”<br/>“Yeah, a nightmare for the police. Why don’t you tell her, I don’t want to harm you.”<br/>“Why lie to her?” Sara grinned.<br/>“Did I do anything to harm you?”<br/>“You mean beside the obvious things? And ignoring my wish to be alone? No. You just do all the time the opposite of what I want you to do.”<br/>“That’s because you say the opposite of what you mean. Somehow your brain thinks ‘yes’ but on the way to and out of your mouth, your words change to ‘no’. I’ve no idea why it’s like that.” Sofia grinned widely. <br/>“Funny, Curtis.”<br/>“Lieutenant Curtis for you. And if you lie to me one more time when I interview you, I’ll send you to prison.”<br/>“Any evidence, lieutenant?”<br/>“I know you well enough to know when you don’t tell me the whole truth.”<br/>“The truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.”<br/>“You think that’s funny?”<br/>“No, it’s hard to have some fun when you’re around.”<br/>“I should slap you for that…no wait, with this skin, all I have to do is touch you and you’ll be in agony.”<br/>“Your time as a visitor is over, Sofia.”<br/>“Yes, it is. I’ve to go otherwise the drugstore will close. Don’t make me get the second pair of keys of your reception friend again, Sara. Open the door when I’m back in a few minutes and it will be a lot easier for both of us.”<br/>“Get lost!”</p><p>Sofia was satisfied to find the door to Sara’s room unlocked when she came back. The brunette had placed a sheet on her bed and laid on top, still only in her underwear, not moving. To let Sara know that she was back, she knocked on the door. Instead of a slowly rising head or a grumpy comment, Sara almost jumped off the bed and looked, like somebody had scared her to death. <br/>“Sorry, I didn’t want to…are you alright?” Sofia wasn’t sure if she should step back to go to Sara, who slowly relaxed after she realized, it was Sofia, who was there. <br/>“Yeah…I was just…I must have fallen asleep.”<br/>Sofia wasn’t sure if that was the truth, but she didn’t want to start a fight and nodded slowly. She was in no position to accuse Sara of lying. <br/>“The man in the drugstore suggested you should see a doctor after I described him your burns. Because I know, you won’t do that, I could convince him to give me the best lotion, he can give me without a real prescription.”<br/>“A real prescription?”<br/>“For some people my smile is a kind of prescription. I know, it wouldn’t help me if you’re the druggist, but lucky for me and you, you’re the patient and I got some lotion with my smile and charm.”<br/>“I should tell you off for that but if these lotions help my skin not to burn anymore, I think I’ll be only thankful and that’s it.”<br/>“He said, this one is the best he can give me.” Sofia put a red tube on the table. “Cools the skin, takes away the pain. I’ve some pain killers too, just in case you want them.”<br/>“I  might take one later.”<br/>“Good. Shall I help you with the lotion or do you want to do that alone?”<br/>“Like you mentioned before, you reach my back better than I do.”<br/>“A little bit. I promise, I try not to push too hard.”<br/>“I’m afraid, every little touch means pain. But it’s my fault, I did that to myself, I’ve to live through it.”<br/>“And I try to help you.” Sofia took some lotion. Carefully she applied it on Sara’s back, stopping every time when the brunette flinched. Soon the skin would start to peel, another painful state on the way to new skin. Why did Sara have to harm her largest organ? <br/>“Can you promise me one thing?” Sofia asked when she was done with the back, the shoulders and the neck. <br/>“What?”<br/>“Stay out of the sun for the next couple of days.”<br/>“I’d like to but I can’t.”<br/>“Why? If you want to see Venice beach, go there another time or stay a week longer.” How could Sara be so insensible? Her skin burnt already like hell, any more sunshine would make it worse and increase the pain.<br/>“I’ve be at the police department tomorrow at noon. The time, when the sunshine is stronger than at any other time of the day. I don’t have a car, I’ve to walk to the bus stop, wait there, wait for the next bus and walk again.”<br/>“For crying out loud, I’ll tell the receptionist, you’ll come in later…or earlier. I can take you with me when I start at half seven and you’ll be back here by eight.”<br/>“What a service.”<br/>“Awful, isn’t it? I’m a really bad person, try to help you. Really annoying. That’s the reason why you shouldn’t meet old colleagues anymore.”<br/>“Sorry. I’d blame my…behavior on the sunburn, the problem is, you won’t believe that.”<br/>“No, not really. Sara, not every person wants to harm you. It’s hard to believe in this world, but some people actually don’t have only bad thoughts and want to help you.”<br/>“Even police officers?”<br/>“Maybe not when they drag you out of bed, but when they drive you back home, buy you some salad and coke, they only want to help you.” Sofia smiled a bit. <br/>“Sounds like that. You think, I should let her in my room without giving her a hard time?”<br/>“Would be a nice way to show her that you not hate her.”<br/>“I don’t hate her, she’s just annoying. Sometimes.”<br/>“In that case she’s like you.”<br/>“Thanks. I deserved that.”<br/>“Yes. Do you have food here?”<br/>“A package with mixed salad, some bread and a family package of Snickers. Did you know that one Snickers can be a lunch?”<br/>“Yes, I knew that, I went to college. We can’t go out and get something to eat, you don’t look like you can dress in anything else than underwear and despite I’m sure a lot of people appreciate the look of you in underwear, restaurants usually have a dress code. What do you think of some food, that get delivered? Chinese? For example.”<br/>“I don’t mean it bad or want to offend you in any way, but don’t you have better things to do?”<br/>“I work day time, usually not more than nine hours, what is really nice. There are some things I could do instead of having dinner with you, maybe I want to make up for the shock my colleagues gave you, maybe I feel sorry for you, maybe I enjoy your company, maybe I’d like to know what you did the last two years. Or it’s something else, who knows. But you’re always free to say, you don’t want me here. Maybe I accept it this time.”<br/>“Yeah sure. We both saw how good that works out.” Sara took her cell phone. “You have a number?”<br/>“Are you asking for my number, Sara? Or for a number of a delivery service?”<br/>“What am I supposed to do with your number? Do you deliver food?”<br/>“I delivered food with you to here, yes. Today I’m more a medicine deliver girl. Oh no wait, I delivered a lobster too.”<br/>“Funny.”<br/>“555 535 353. It’s a good Chinese restaurant. They’re around the corner, don’t deliver, but you can order and pick up the order. I might get myself down and pick our food up. Depends on how you behave. Do you need a menu?”<br/>“Two spring rolls, what about you?”<br/>“Number thirteen. Fried rice with duck and vegetables. And number forty seven in large please. Fortunate cookies.”<br/>“You believe in them?”<br/>“No, but they’re fun and taste good.”<br/>“I’ll order it.”<br/>“Alright. I get my own key of your room back to your friend at reception. Maybe she’ll be nicer to me when I tell her, I brought you lotion for your skin and will have dinner with you.”<br/>“Thought you went there already.”<br/>“No, I wanted to make sure I was on time for the drugstore. Be a good housewife, order some dinner for a hard working lieutenant.” Sofia grinned and left the room before Sara could response. Somehow it started to feel like Sara had been here all the time and not like they had been out of touch the last year and a half. With the difference, they met after work now. Well, Sara had no other choice, Sofia just came along, but it looked like, the brunette could use some help. And somehow Sofia felt responsible for her. <br/>“Hey, I want to get you the keys back. Mrs. Sidle appreciated my visit.”<br/>“Did she?”<br/>“In her own way, yes. There is no need that you protect her of me, we used to work together in Las Vegas, I’m not just a cop, who checks on her. We’re old colleagues.”<br/>“Nice way to treat your colleague you guys in Vegas have. Dragging them out of bed.”<br/>“I didn’t know she was here, it was a police investigation, she didn’t get hurt.”<br/>“You can’t always see all injuries on the outside. Here.” The woman put a bag on the front desk. “Give that to her, please.”<br/>“What’s that?”<br/>“You want to check it, lieutenant?”<br/>“You are just as cheeky as she is. You’re both very lucky that I’m such a patient and friendly cop.”<br/>“Anything else I can do for you?” The woman smiled. <br/>“No, I come back to you in case there is something.” Sofia took the bag and went back to Sara’s room. <br/>“Looks like I’m a delivery girl again. Your friend at reception sends this.” Sofia threw the bag to Sara. It was light, there couldn’t be much inside. “I hope it’s not another bag with drugs.”<br/>“If it is, you were a mule, you have to arrest yourself.” Sara opened the bag. The bag was nothing more than a folded isolation mat, you had in cars for victims of accidents. Something to cover a person in, who got pulled out of a burning car.<br/>“She knows about your burns?” Sofia wondered.<br/>“Yes, she gave me some lotion earlier. Unfortunately they don’t have anything suitable for my burns, only for some sunburn, little sunburn, like on a part of your shoulder or your face. This looks like the perfect place for me to sleep on. The sheets are very hot and painful.”<br/>“There’s still the option of a doctor, Sara.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“The offer is there, take it whenever you need it. What did they say about food?”<br/>“We can get it in ten minutes.”<br/>“Alright, I’ll walk down and get it. Again, your outfit doesn’t fit the expected dress code on the streets here. Shall I bring anything else? Ice cream?”<br/>“Sounds cold and cold is good.”<br/>“I’ll get your some…juice too. And water.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“No problem.” Sofia turned to leave.<br/>“Sofia?”<br/>“Yeah?” She stopped.<br/>“I really mean it. Thank you.”<br/>“That’s alright, Sara. Use your new mat, get some rest and I’ll be back soon. And I don’t ask if the door will be open, I expect it. I’ve the food.”<br/>“Food opens a lot of doors.”<br/>“It opened yours.” Sofia grinned and left. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, July 17th</p><p>“You’re early!” Sara complained when she opened her door for Sofia. The blonde had told her, she’d be there at quarter past seven, now she was here at seven.<br/>“Yes. Nice skirt.” Sofia looked at Sara, who wore a brown loose skirt and a beige very thin and wide linen shirt. She looked like she was ready for a day at the beach.<br/>“It was the piece of clothes, that touches my body less. Same with the shirt.”<br/>“You look good in it. How is your skin?”<br/>“Burning. Painful. It started to peel.”<br/>“Did you use the lotion?”<br/>“A few times during the night, didn’t really help. I barely slept.”<br/>“Understandable. If you take off the shirt, I can apply some lotion on your back.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“Serve and protect. I do my job. Well, when I tried to protect you, it was a little bit too late.”<br/>“Let’s say, you protected me from ending up in hospital.” Sara bit on her teeth. It was painful when Sofia’s hand touched her burnt skin. <br/>“Which is good because you hate hospitals even more than you hate me.”<br/>“I don’t hate you, Sofia.”<br/>“That’s what I wanted to hear. Back’s done. Put on your shirt. Did you have breakfast?”<br/>“We don’t have time for breakfast.”<br/>“No, WE don’t, you do.”<br/>“I need to go to the department…”<br/>“Honey, I’ll let them know, I saw you this morning and that will be alright.”<br/>“Are you sure?”<br/>“Yes. You need to report once a day to the police. I am the police. I saw you, that should be enough. If not, I’ll come back here, get you there and back here.”<br/>“Sure?”<br/>“Yes. Stay inside, drink a lot of water and get your reception friend to apply some lotion on your back every two to three hours. Your back needs all the lotion it can get.”<br/>“I’m not sure if her job description includes that. Don’t you have a sexy colleague, who can do that?”<br/>“The sexiest one just helped you.” Sofia grinned.<br/>“Smug.”<br/>“Honest. How does your schedule looks for dinner?”<br/>“Don’t you have friends here?” Sara smiled enough to make it clear to Sofia, that she was teasing her. <br/>“I do have friends here, what about you?”<br/>“I’ve a lieutenant, who takes really good care of me.”<br/>“That means, you’ll have time for this lieutenant. Try to be dressed, I’ll be here around half five. If anything urgent comes up and I can’t make it, I’ll give you a call.”<br/>“I never open the door naked.”<br/>“I mean like now, not in underwear. You look great in underwear, but this is the wrong country for underwear out of the room.”<br/>“Who said I’ll leave my room?”<br/>“I won’t argue with you now, there’s no time for that. I’ve to tell the receptionist, you’re still in L.A. and see you – dressed – later. Have a good day and stay out of the sun.”<br/>“There isn’t much sunshine in my room.”<br/>“Yeah, I know. Ain’t no sunshine when I’m gone…” Sofia started to sing and left. <br/>Sara shook her head. This woman was crazy. Unfortunately she had to admit, this woman was a really big help and did a lot to make her life better and easier. At the moment, she had no other choice than to like Sofia. Something new. </p><p>Being forced to stay the whole day in her room, Sara felt like a child, who was grounded. She sat on her bed, changed to the couch, back to the bed, a chair and walked in little circles. For so many weeks, she had been outside, had been able to move a lot around, now she was trapped. <br/>Did people know how awful the American day time television program was? Did anybody actually watch these shows? Did they use their brain when other people talked about their private life? She knew now more about the sex life of half a dozen people than she knew of her own sex life; not that she had one at the moment. But please, what drove people to go to a TV show and tell the whole country – or the brainless part of it, that was watching the show – how their sex life was? Did they think, they’d get any kind of solution for problem, they had to solve with their partner? Or – if anybody had to be involved – with a therapist. <br/>Bored and with the appetite for a chocolate bar, she left her room and went to reception. The woman, who was there most times, was there again and still reading.<br/>“What do you read, if I’m allowed to ask.”<br/>“It’s called ‘Who am I? And if so, how many?’. It’s about philosophy, quite funny. I’m sure, I’m at least three.”<br/>“Why three?” Sara wondered if a book about philosophy could be funny. Wasn’t philosophy a topic, that was more boring and dry than funny?<br/>“Because there’s a part inside me, that knows all the good things, wants me to do them. Then there’s a part of me, that doesn’t care about what’s good, but wants me to have fun. And then there’s the referee, the poor part, that has to work out a way to make these two sides happy. I can tell you, that’s a bad job.” She laughed. <br/>“Sounds like. Do you have a shop here? I think, I need to eat chocolate – at least my fun part tells me.”<br/>“What does your sensible part say?” The woman chuckled. <br/>“Eat dark chocolate, that’s healthy.”<br/>“Is that your order too?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“I don’t have a bar of dark chocolate, but I can offer you a muffin made with dark chocolate. My boss baked them this morning and sells some of her muffins. We’ve got dark chocolate, milk chocolate, strawberry with vanilla and chocolate cherry.”<br/>“I’m bad at making decision, so I take all four.” Sara smiled. That meant, she had just ordered her lunch as well. Four muffins, not very healthy, but she felt like, she deserved some treats after her whole body was a temple of pain. <br/>“A good decision. Anything else?”<br/>“No, thanks. I’ve got coffee…oh, do you have a newspaper?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“I take one too. That will keep me busy for two hours. Is there anything to do around here? Anything I don’t have to go into the sun for?”<br/>“You can take a bus to a museum or an art gallery, everything else is outside and not good for your skin. You can get a DVD player if you want.”<br/>“Only if I get some DVDs with it. I don’t have any with me. The TV program is horrible.”<br/>“I know, that’s why I switched to reading. We’ve got a little library over there.” The woman pointed to a book shelf, that was half filled with books. “Those are books people left behind or my boss didn’t want to have anymore. Usually it works like an exchange, you leave one here and take one with you. But you can also just borrow one in case you feel too overwhelmed by the various intelligent TV shows.”<br/>“I’ll have a look, thanks.”<br/>“And I’ll get you the muffins, the DVD player and…what kind of DVD would you like to watch?”<br/>“Old movies.”<br/>“Alright, I’ll have a look and be back soon.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara walked to the book shelf. The looked like her day in the motel could be interesting. She found a crime book about serial killer, written by a famous profiler of the FBI and took it together with all the other stuff to her room. She was afraid, her bill increased today. But she had no other choice than making her day as good as possible in her room. She was grounded. By the sun.</p><p>Sofia was on time and found Sara on the balcony in the shadow with a book. <br/>“Hey Larry Lobster, how are you?” The blonde sat next to the other woman, studied first her skin and then the book. “Serial killers? Do you miss your old job?”<br/>“No, this isn’t about evidence, it’s about why people turn into serial killer. If there’s a kind of killer gene or if it’s the fault of wrong parenting, computer games or wrong friends. And why some people can’t stop killing.”<br/>“Why stop something you enjoy and you get away with?”<br/>“But why do you enjoy it?”<br/>“Because power is very nice. And if I’ve got the gun, I’ve got the power to make the decision, if I want you alive or dead. You’re nothing, I’m God.”<br/>“You don’t think people are plain evil?”<br/>“I’m not sure. I arrested a lot of people, some were stupid, some cruel, I’m not sure if I’d call one plain evil. There are…” The loud explosion of a gun stopped Sofia, made her jump on her feet. Somebody was shooting and this person wasn’t too far away. She looked around, couldn’t see anybody with a gun.<br/>“Call 911. I’ll be right back, stay here!” She jumped down the stairs. Another shot. It came from down the street. Nobody seemed to be on the streets. Wasn’t this the same street, she had taken only a few moments ago? There had been cars and people around, where were they now? <br/>A single gray car drove around the corner of the next cross way. Did this car have anything to do with the shooting? And if yes, where was the person or the people, who got shot at? There was a shop across the street, why wasn’t anybody out? Was the shooter in the shop? Did she have a hostage situation? <br/>Something brown let her stop. What was that? Under the bush…a leg! With her gun in her hands, she jogged closer to the leg. Soon she saw more, there was a second leg and the rest of the body. A body covered in blood. She saw at least two bullet holes in the chest. <br/>“Get an ambulance!” She yelled at nobody. Why was nobody around to help? She got down next to the – what she saw now – young man, tried to get a pulse. Nothing. <br/>“Keep your time.” She mumbled to nobody. Form a distance she heard the first police cars. Her gun still in her hands, she stood beside the body. When she saw the police car, she put away her gun and lifted her badge to show her colleagues, she was a police officer. <br/>“Lieutenant Curtis, I was first on scene. We’ve got a dead body, male, early twenty. At least two GSW to the chest.”<br/>“Did you see who shot him?” The middle aged female officer, who stepped out of the car first, asked. <br/>“No. There was nobody on the street. The only thing I saw was a gray car, that drove west. I’ve no idea if this car had anything to do with the body.”<br/>“No witnesses?”<br/>“No. It seems like they were all late.” She pointed with her chin towards the first people, who started to get out of their hide-outs. Where had they been before? It seemed like those people were attracted by the yellow crime scene tape. <br/>“We’ll talk to them anyway. Can you give me a description of the gray car?”<br/>“A Sedan, looked older. I can’t give you anything of the plate or the driver. I came here and at the same moment, the car vanished down there. Maybe it had nothing to do with the shooting. There were three shots, two first, one a few seconds later. I was at the motel up the street and came down here ASAP. The strange thing is, I drove this street a moment ago, there were a lot cars, after the shooting everybody and everything was gone.”<br/>“And nobody saw or heard anything.”<br/>“Probably. This isn’t a usual area for shootings.”<br/>“You’re department Hollywood?”<br/>“Yeah. Homicide.”<br/>“Sorry Miss, this is a crime scene, you can’t cross it. Please stand clear.” <br/>Sofia turned when she heard the words. Somehow she knew, who was trying to pass the crime scene tape.<br/>“You’re not a CSI anymore, Sara.”<br/>“CSI is on it’s way.” The officer informed Sofia. “Ma’am you need to step back.” She said to Sara. <br/>“She used to be a CSI.”<br/>“Never saw her at a scene.”<br/>“Las Vegas. Sara, I need a statement of you. Or the colleagues need one, this isn’t my scene, I’m a witness too.”<br/>“I haven’t seen anything. There were these two shots, you left, I called 911, while I was on the phone was a third shot and that’s it. Were the shots closed range?”<br/>“You’re not a CSI anymore, Sara.” Sofia repeated with a little smile.<br/>“Alright, so I tell you as a concerned citizen of the United States, there’re tire marks, your officer might want to extend the crime scene. The whole street plus the sidewalk over there. As a former acting supervisor of the CSI dayshift you know, cartridges like to fly a little bit further away.”<br/>“Did I mention, she was a damn smart CSI? Can you do me a favor, Sara?”<br/>“Maybe.”<br/>“Go back to the motel. I’ll be with you soon. You are still a good CSI but I don’t want you in the sun.”<br/>“What about my statement?”<br/>“I’ll take it later and send it to the colleagues if that’s alright with whoever is in charge here.”<br/>“Alright.”<br/>“But thanks. We might take you as a CSI.”<br/>“You can’t pay me, lieutenant.” Sara smirked and started to walk back to her motel. This didn’t seem to be a good place for her. First she got pulled out of the bed by the police and a few days later, there was a shooting in front of her motel. Okay, she knew areas of Las Vegas, where they had more than that in one day, but she wasn’t used to things like this. She had been a CSI, somebody, who arrived at the crime scene after the crime had happened. There wasn’t a perpetrator around when she arrived. At least there shouldn’t be, that was why the police was there first. </p><p>It took Sofia almost an hour until she was back at the motel. So much for knocking off on time. She went up the steps, Sara’s door was ajar. She knocked and entered. Again, Sara was visible surprised and almost jumped off her bed. <br/>“Back home. I’m happy to see, you’re in your room, out of the sun.”<br/>“Not because you told me so.”<br/>“Because your skin told you so.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Take off your shirt, I’ll take care of your back.”<br/>“You sound like a nurse.”<br/>“Don’t tease me, Sara. You can’t reach your back yourself.”<br/>“Maybe I found somebody else.”<br/>“I’m sure there are a few people, who’d like to have a closer look at your back. Unfortunately it’s me who’s here. Where’s the lotion?”<br/>“There’s only one left, the one, you needed all your charm for, is empty.”<br/>“Okay, we’ll stop at the drugstore.”<br/>“On our way to where?” Sara didn’t knew she’d leave her motel room. Wasn’t she supposed to stay inside? And now Sofia wanted to take her to the drugstore. Was that a trick to get her some medical attention? <br/>“Dinner.”<br/>“What’s wrong with the delivery service?” <br/>“I feel like steak, you don’t get them delivered. Not a good one.”<br/>“You know I’m a vegetarian.”<br/>“Yeah, we’ll make some salad for you.”<br/>“We make salad?”<br/>“Yes, or can’t you cook, Sara?”<br/>“You don’t cook salad.”<br/>“You know what I mean.”<br/>“So far it looks like I’ve survived without a personal chef by my side. And there weren’t any diners or fast food restaurants in the jungle.”<br/>“Done.” Sofia taped carefully on Sara’s back. “Your skin peels a lot.”<br/>“I know. I’m glad I had my hat on my face otherwise I had to stay in a very dark room for a few weeks. The red color is almost gone.”<br/>“You’re not an Beagle Boy anymore, it looked funny when I saw it first, I know it’s painful so I’m glad it’s gone. You only have to stay out of the sun.”<br/>“Yeah, only.” Not the easiest thing to do when you were in Los Angeles. Sara put on her shirt again. “Do you know anything about the body? The shooter?”<br/>“No and even if, I can’t tell you.”<br/>“Spoilsport.”<br/>“Lieutenant Spoilsport for you.” Sofia waited for Sara to lock her door and walked down to her car. <br/>“Tell me again how you made me come with you? I mean, we are on our way to your apartment, when did I agree on that?” Sara asked after Sofia started the car and left the car park.<br/>“When you didn’t tell me to stay away and agreed on having dinner with me. It’s a perfect evening for a barbeque and I prefer to have a barbeque in my garden than in front of your motel. And if you start to annoy me, I can kick you out, that’s something different, usually you kick me out. I wanted to turn tables on you.”<br/>“Understand.” Sara smiled. “Where do you live?”<br/>“Around two miles from your motel away, the other side of the reservoir, up the mountain. I can see the Hollywood sign and the reservoir.”<br/>“Wow, that sounds good.”<br/>“It is.”<br/>“And not too far away from your work place.”<br/>“Close but far away enough to get work out of my head. Some of my colleagues live right next to the department, that’s a horrible thought for me. Every time you look out of your window, you see your work place, you have never a real knock off time.”<br/>“Now you see water and one of the most famous signs of the world.”<br/>“Yes. Sometimes you have to treat yourself. Have you been to Hollywood?”<br/>“When? After the warm welcome of LAPD I didn’t feel like sightseeing, yesterday I went to the beach and today I spent my time in my room, watched four DVDs, started a book, ate a lot of sweets and ear witnessed a shooting, I wasn’t allowed to investigate closer.”<br/>“Sounds boring, like you are not different from every other tourist.” Sofia smirked.<br/>“Yeah, welcome to L.A., let us introduce you to our cells, after the men in black gave you the shock of your life and treated you, like you had planned to blow off Hollywood. What a lovely city, I can’t wait to come back to here. Just after I’ve visited all countries, we accuse of being home of terrorists.”<br/>“Still sarcastic.” Sofia stopped her car in front of a two story house. “Home sweet home.”<br/>“Looks nice.” Sara noticed that the house was too big for only one person, but too small to be a complex with several families. It looked more like it was privately owned, there was only one letter box, two garages and a basketball basket was over the left garage. <br/>On the way to the front door she counted half a dozen different kind of roses in front of the house and a bed of orchids. It looked like somebody had a very green thumb. Sofia must have an elderly couple as landlords, who put a lot effort into their plants and flowers. <br/>“Come in, feel like home.” Sofia opened the door, took a few letters that laid on the floor and put them on a shelf. <br/>“Thanks.” There was a staircase left to the front door, that got up to the second story. Sara couldn’t see a door, that separated the first from the second story. This looked like an ordinary family house, built for one family and not two. <br/>“You can go through the door over there, through the living room. Make sure you stay inside, I need to introduce you first to somebody. I’ll be back in a minute.”<br/>“Okay.” While Sofia vanished upstairs, Sara went into the living room. A huge room, white stone floor, a huge white couch with a little black table in front of it. TV and sound system on one wall, three well filled book shelves next to it on the other wall, behind the couch. A dinning table for eight people and a door to another room to her left while the garden was on the right. She had never been to Sofia’s apartment in Las Vegas, but she doubted, it had been this big. <br/>“Do you rent the whole house?” She asked the blonde. <br/>“No.” Sofia had changed into shorts and t-shirt and flip-flops. <br/>“So you live upstairs and whose living room is this?”<br/>“Mine.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“It’s my house.”<br/>“You own the house? The whole house?”<br/>“Yes. Me and the bank.”<br/>“Why do you own a house?”<br/>“Because it’s a nice house and I want some space, a garden and this was perfect. I can go jogging around the reservoir, it’s a quiet area, the highway isn’t too far away, I live at the end of a dead road, no traffic. I can’t see anything wrong with it.”<br/>“There is nothing wrong…what do you earn as a lieutenant in L.A.? Do they pay you Hollywood money?”<br/>“No. That’s why a huge part of the house is owned by the bank. I’ll need some time until it’s mine and I don’t have to pay for it anymore.”<br/>“I think so.”<br/>“You need to pay some money for a good barbeque area.” Sofia opened the door. Before she could step out, there were two dogs by her side. “Hey Scooby, hello Rantanplan. How are you guys?” Somehow Sofia managed to get both dogs in her arms. Both were medium to large size, brownish and it was impossible for Sara to find our, which breeds were involved and which weren’t.<br/>“Say hello to Sara, she looks like a lobster, but she’s actually human. Be nice to her, alright?” Sofia got up and the dogs shifted their attention to Sara. <br/>“You are not scared of dogs, are you?”<br/>“No, of course not.” She had spent a lot of time with Hank, Grissom’s dog. <br/>“Good. Come out, they’ll be nice. You can leave the door open.” Sofia walked to a little barbeque area with a barbeque, three benches, a table and a big sunshade, she opened. <br/>“Can I get you something to drink?”<br/>“Yes. Anything.”<br/>“I’ll have a look if I’ve got ‘Anything’ in the fridge. Can you start the barbeque? As a woman, who lived for weeks in the jungle, you should be fine with wood charcoal. I’ll get some food out too.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“There’s a lighter next to the wood charcoal.”<br/>“Perfect.” Sara took the wood charcoal, found some charcoal lighter and managed to get the barbeque starting without getting burnt. Under the watchful eyes of the dogs she sat down. There were trees around the garden, she couldn’t see the neighbors nor could they see her. A huge fence around the garden made sure, the dogs stayed here and didn’t vanish. <br/>“Beer, meat, corn cob and some salad.” Sofia put a basket on the table. “Meat with bones, of course.”<br/>“A little treat for your dogs.”<br/>“Yes. They deserve some treats.”<br/>“After a day alone.”<br/>“The dog sitter was here, they weren’t alone the whole day. Don’t tell Sara you’re living a hard and lonely life, guys.”<br/>Sofia cuddled one dog. Sara had forgotten who was Scooby and who Rantanplan. So far she hadn’t noticed that one dog was really scared and the other very stupid. Maybe she needed some more time. <br/>“You brought a lot of food. Who’s supposed to eat all that?”<br/>“First of all we, when we’re full, we can worry about the rest. I know at least two dogs, who won’t mind if you give your food away to them.”<br/>“Probably not.”<br/>“Hey ladies!” Sara turned. She hadn’t noticed the man, who came in shorts and shirt barefoot to them. She had no idea who he was, but he looked like he lived here. There was no hesitation in his moves, he behaved like he belonged here. <br/>“Sara, meet Don. Don, that’s Sara.”<br/>“Hi, how are you? Ouch, you look burnt.”<br/>“The sunshine of L.A. won’t be my friend.”<br/>“No, it doesn’t look like that. Sofia told me, she woke you up on Venice.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Next time, you take a sunshade and you’ll be fine.”<br/>“If you invite yourself to dinner, Don, it will cost you.” Sofia said after Don took a piece of bread.<br/>“How much?”<br/>“You’ll be the driver, no beer for you.”<br/>“Oh come on, Sofia, that’s not fair.”<br/>“Life isn’t fair. No beer or no barbie?”<br/>“You know I’m starving.”<br/>“So?”<br/>“So I’ll get down to the shop, get you ladies a six pack and me something else. Why do you need a driver anyway?”<br/>“Because we’re too lazy to walk to the motel.”<br/>“Why doesn’t Sara stay here? It’s easier.”<br/>“No!” Sara stopped him. “I want my room back. My special mat. And I don’t stay at a place of somebody, who destroyed my first day in L.A..”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“She’s a little bit unforgiving. I told you about the drug dealers we got out of the motel, she was one of them. Well, not a drug dealer, but with the group and got the same treatment like the rest. When I found out, she was involved, I did everything to make her stay at the department as nice as possible, even drove her back to the motel, got her some food, but is she grateful? No, she’s bitching around. I tell you, women are a nightmare.”<br/>“Whenever I mention something like that, I’m in trouble. “<br/>“Beer or barbie, Don?”<br/>“Barbie. I’ll be back soon. Why do you start a barbie with only two beers left in the house anyway?”<br/>“Because I thought I’ve to drive and two beers are enough for Sara. She needs water and not beer.”<br/>“Dear, what is the main ingredient of beer?”<br/>“Get lost!” She pushed him away. “Stupid man.”<br/>“He has a point.” Sara opened the two bottles. “But he doesn’t have to drive me, I can walk. When the sun is gone, there’s no reason not to walk.”<br/>“I saw one this afternoon with two bullets in his chest.”<br/>“Silver Lake is a dangerous place?”<br/>“Usually not, no. But as we heard and saw today, even an apparently safe neighborhood can be deadly and at night, it’s nowhere safe.”<br/>“So you blackmail your boyfriend to play taxi driver.”<br/>“I do what?”<br/>“You blackmailed…”<br/>“I got that part. That Don’s my boyfriend is something new, something I didn’t know of.”<br/>“I though he lives here with you. He behaved like this is his garden too.” Did she get everything wrong? <br/>“Partly correct. He lives here with me, yes. It’s his garden too, yes. The mistakes lays in the title boyfriend. He isn’t my boyfriend, he’s my housemate. That’s all.”<br/>“You live with a very sexy guy together in a house and he’s nothing more than your housemate? You really expect me to believe this?”<br/>“Yes. And don’t tell him that he’s sexy. He’s already arrogant enough.”<br/>“He must be your brother.”<br/>“Why?” Sofia furrowed her brows. Did Don look like her? She couldn’t see anything, that suggested they were siblings. <br/>“He’s arrogant and if you’re really not his girlfriend, that’s the only explanation I can come up with.”<br/>“What you meant to say was, he’s sexy, so he must be my brother because I’m sexy too.”<br/>“No, I meant to say what I did say.”<br/>Sofia shook her head. “You are unkind again, Sara.”<br/>“Honest.”<br/>“He isn’t my brother nor my boyfriend. He lives here because he pays rent. As you found out earlier, this is my house, it wasn’t cheap and I don’t earn Hollywood money. So I thought the easiest way to make this mine ASAP is to get more money. By having a house mate, I make some money.”<br/>“Did he apply with a photo for his room?”<br/>“No, I knew him before I bought the house. He’s a colleague, I asked him when we talked about that he wanted to move out of the old apartment, he shared with his girlfriend, now ex girlfriend. And no, she isn’t his ex girlfriend because of me, I had nothing to do with that. I never had any sexual relationship with him. And I will never have one.”<br/>“He’s gay.”<br/>“Why is he now gay?” Sofia was a kind of amazed how fast Sara came up with strange ideas. What did happen to the woman, who wanted to see the evidence first before she started to make conclusions? Did she lose this in the jungle? Had there been no time for evidence? <br/>“He’s good looking, he’s sexy, you won’t have sex with him, sounds like he’s gay.”<br/>“Didn’t I just tell you about his ex girlfriend?”<br/>“Yes, ex because he is into guys.”<br/>“Alright, so every sexy, good looking single guy is gay?”<br/>“In this area of the city? Yes. I read the guide book this morning.”<br/>“Buy a new one. Would you also think he’s gay when he wasn’t good looking?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“And do you use your view of the world for women too? All sexy, good looking single women are lesbians?”<br/>“No, it’s the other way around with women.”<br/>“That’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard of you.”<br/>“I wasn’t serious.”<br/>“I’m glad to hear that.”<br/>“But you have to admit, it’s kind of strange that you’re sharing a house with him and he’s nothing more than a housemate. We weren’t friends in Vegas, but I know, you weren’t a saint.”<br/>“No, I wasn’t and I’m not now, which doesn’t change anything about Don and me.”<br/>“Alright. Is he your only housemate?”<br/>“At the moment yes. We had another man here, he moved out a month ago and so far, we haven’t found anybody, we both agree on.”<br/>“Why does he have to agree on a new housemate?”<br/>“He lives here too. If he thinks our new housemate is an idiot, I send this person away. I want a friendly house and not a house, that has more fights than the middle east. So it’s important that we all get along good.”<br/>“Interesting. There are some new sides of you, detective Curtis.”<br/>“Like the fact that I’m a lieutenant?”<br/>“Right.” Sara smiled. “I forget this all the time. You’re one step closer to the captain. Your mother must be proud.”<br/>“She’ll be as soon as I’m a captain.”<br/>“And that will be when?”<br/>“Give me another three to five years.” Maybe that was a little bit too optimistic. Or it was a challenge. <br/>“A captain in Los Angeles.”<br/>“I won’t sell my house, Sara. I like it.”<br/>“It’s nice, yes. Do I get a tour later?”<br/>“Maybe. You need to make up for some stupid things you’ve said earlier.”<br/>“Do I?”<br/>“Yes. Or I let you walk.”<br/>“No problem for me.”<br/>“If you start to annoy me I’ll put my hand on your skin; after I held it close to the barbeque. I’m sure your skin will appreciate the heat.” Sofia threatened. <br/>“Then I need to ask Don if he can come with me, apply some lotion on my body…sounds like a good plan.”<br/>“Are you hitting on my housemate?”<br/>“No and even if I do, you shouldn’t be jealous, you don’t plan to have a relationship with him.”<br/>Sofia was tempted to ask what happened to Grissom, but she knew, if she said this, the evening was over. It was obvious, Sara and Grissom weren’t a couple anymore, she didn’t mention him, she had spent a few weeks in the jungle, didn’t say anything about going back to Las Vegas. Their relationship had to be over and Sofia was sure, this wasn’t the right time and place to talk about that. Probably she wasn’t the right person to ask and not the one, Sara wanted to talk about her private life with. <br/>“I’ll keep an eye on you and him”<br/>“You have an eye on whom?” Don came back with some beer. <br/>“You and Sara.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“She thinks you’re sexy and good looking.”<br/>“She’s right.” He grinned widely. “I’m glad you brought such an intelligent and charming woman home. Finally somebody with style and a good eye. We should meet tomorrow without Sofia. She always spoils the fun.”<br/>“She also thinks you’re gay.” Sofia added and didn’t hide the fact, that she was very amused about that. <br/>“What? Why? All the credit I gave you, is gone with this, Sara.”<br/>“Sorry. I thought, you’re her boyfriend and Sofia said, the two of you never had, never will have a relationship.”<br/>“So I’ve to be gay?”<br/>“Good looking and sexy, that doesn’t sound the kind of guy she’d live with. Live with like with a housemate.”<br/>“So it’s her fault you thought I’m gay? In that case I’ll forgive you. And give you a new chance for a date. I prefer brunettes by the way. Blondes are too often a fake.”<br/>“Like the one you live with.”<br/>“I think, you can use past tense. He isn’t popular anymore.” Sofia’s eyes were very narrow and not happy. <br/>“Mad, Honey?”<br/>“What’s wrong with women, who dye their hair blond?”<br/>“Nothing.” He smiled. <br/>“Really?”<br/>“Are you saying you’re a faked blonde, Sofia?” Sara asked sweet. Of course she knew Sofia wasn’t a real blonde, so far her former colleague had never admitted that she dyed her hair. <br/>“If you’re on his side, Sidle, you can leave with him. Take him with you, your bed is big enough for the two of you.”<br/>“She took me here because she wants to kick me out of her house. That’s what she told me on our way to here. Looks like she’s sick and tired of me before I got something to eat. Oh well, I’ll find some take away food on my way back. It was nice to meet you, Don. I’m sorry for you to live with her, maybe you’ll find a better place soon.” Sara stood up. <br/>“Sit down, Sara.” Sofia ordered. <br/>“No, you kicked me out. I leave before you call your men in black and I get dragged out.” Sara made a few steps towards the house.<br/>“Scooby, Rantanplan, get her back!” <br/>Immediately the dogs stood in front of Sara, showing her their teeth and forced her to take a step back.<br/>“Are you serious, Sofia?”<br/>“They are.” Sofia got up, walked to Sara, got between her and the dogs. “Your corn looks like you can eat it now.” Carefully she touched Sara’s hand. “And the beer gets warm if you let it wait longer.”<br/>“What she means is, she doesn’t want you to leave, she’s sorry and telling the dogs to stop you, was a very stupid idea.” Don made his own translation for Sara. “Plus I would like it when you stay.”<br/>“Did you say that, Sofia?” Sara asked, her eyes focused on Sofia’s. <br/>“Something wrong with your ears that you didn’t hear that?” The blonde smiled a bit. “I thought I said that loud and clear.”<br/>“Maybe it’s your accent.” Sara smirked and went back to the bench, she had sat on. <br/>“I used the Californian way of telling you to stay.”<br/>“Next time, use the Vegas version.”<br/>“There won’t be a next time.”<br/>“Even better.”<br/>“I think, this could be a very interesting evening.” Don leant back, took a sp of his non alcoholic beer and made a grimace. Non alcoholic beer didn’t taste like beer, it tasted like…he wasn’t sure what it was, but it wasn’t good. </p><p>“So, that was Sara.” Don sat next to Sofia on the edge of her bed. Both were ready to go to bed after they had taken Sara back to the motel. <br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Your relationship is…special.”<br/>“Complicated.”<br/>“How was it in Las Vegas?”<br/>“First a disaster, then it got better. I think she was jealous because she thought, I was hitting on her boyfriend. Or the man, she wanted to be her boyfriend.”<br/>“Did you?”<br/>“No. Our boss sent me to built a case against him, so that our boss could demote him as a supervisor. I didn’t do that, that was the reason I got demoted from acting supervisor to an ordinary CSI. Grissom and I went for dinner when I was about to quit my job, he made me stay. I guess, Sara didn’t like that, like she didn’t like that Grissom and me were friends. <br/>When I returned to Vegas as a detective, she was a little bitchy at the beginning, for example she let me wait for hours in front of a telephone booth with evidence. Of course she claimed she didn’t get my message earlier. Later it got better, Nick and me found her when she was kidnapped by a serial killer, who wanted hurt Grissom with her death. <br/>Around that time I found out, there was no way I could become a lieutenant in Las Vegas any time soon. I heard rumors that the Sheriff wanted to get me back as a CSI, so I left quite fast and came to Los Angeles. I didn’t talk to Sara after we found her in the desert.”<br/>“Until this week.”<br/>“Until I read the names of the suspects in the drug case and her name popped up. First I thought there was a person with her name, but not the Sara Sidle I know, when I checked, I was surprised that it was really her.”<br/>“A reunion.”<br/>“Not the best one.”<br/>“She wasn’t happy the way the police treated her.”<br/>“No, she made that obvious. I tried everything I could to get her out of interrogation ASAP, she wasn’t impressed, she was as bitchy as in the first weeks we worked together.”<br/>“But somehow she allows you to help her, which is your way to compensate what exactly?”<br/>“What makes you think I compensate anything?” She looked suspicious at him. She had no reason to compensate anything. <br/>“You took her home, you looked for her when she was in Venice, you got her lotion, took her here. There is a reason why you do that after you weren’t friends in Vegas.”<br/>“And the reason is?”<br/>“That’s what I ask you.”<br/>“I’m sorry she had to go through all these things on Monday, it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t know anything of the drugs. It’s hard to find out that people, you trust, used you. If anybody had found the drugs in her suitcase, her life would be over now. Why I take that personal? I’ve no idea. We weren’t friends, but if I let her alone, let her work her problems out alone, I’d feel like I’m not the nicest person. Friends or no friends, we worked together, we fought together against bad guys, we relied on each other, I can’t leave her alone.<br/>Plus…I don’t know how to explain this, it’s strange and I can’t make anything out of it. She’s…she triggers something in me that wants to protect her. Somehow she reminds me of a wounded fawn, whose mother died and has to face a dozen wolves. I feel like I’m the one, who has to stand between her and these wolves and make sure, she’ll be fine. How crazy does this sound to you?”<br/>“It’s an interesting example, but if it makes you feel better, I think it’s the cop inside you. She has something victims have. I got that too. Might be because of what happened to her three days ago. It would be a shock for me too if a few men in black with guns wake me up.”<br/>“Yeah. You think I don’t overact?”<br/>“I think it’s good what you do. She needs a friend and even if the two of you aren’t what you call friends, as much as I observed this evening, there are some points, you both agree on and you can have fun together.”<br/>“Yes, I think I know now how to handle her. She can still be a bitch, the secret is to ignore that and talk back.”<br/>“Will you take her here again?”<br/>“Do you want to see her here again?” She turned tables. <br/>“Yes. I like her. She can be bitchy, that’s right, but she has a kind heart. She’s fun to be with.”<br/>“In that case I’ll take her here again.”<br/>“You’ll see her tomorrow?”<br/>“Yes. She needs somebody who helps her with her back.”<br/>“I can do that, I don’t mind to see a beautiful woman naked. Even when she’s red.”<br/>“I’m not sure if she wants…no wait, she wanted to ask you for some help in case I don’t want to help her, she’ll be fine with you.”<br/>“When should I be there?” He grinned.<br/>“I’ll let you know. I need to see her anyway, actually she has to go to the department once a day until Sunday. Today I saw her in the morning and told her, to stay in the motel.”<br/>“That’s better for her skin.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“You’re a good nurse.” He smiled. “Would you do the same for me?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Right away?”<br/>“What do you have in mind?”<br/>“You’re a sexy blonde, I’m a sexy guy, what do you think I’ve in mind? We’re in your bedroom, both on your bed, do you need more hints?”<br/>“Shall I kick you? With my sharp boots right in your male brain?”<br/>“You are so evil. How will I get a good reputation when I can’t tell the guys I didn’t get you laid?”<br/>“How important is that for you?”<br/>“On a scale from one to ten? Zero.” He laughed and pulled her in his arms. “It doesn’t matter what the guys think, they have their own fantasies about us. None of them are close to reality.”<br/>“What a surprise. Well, Sara made you gay.”<br/>“Yeah. Because I look so good.”<br/>“Of course you do. I like your blue eyes, Don.”<br/>“I like your blue eyes, Sofia.”<br/>“Your ass looks great in jeans and suits.”<br/>“Your whole body is a piece of art in everything you wear  - or don’t wear.”<br/>“We’re flirting.”<br/>“We’re both good in flirting.”<br/>“True. Go to bed, Don, your lieutenant wants you to be awake and fit in the morning.”<br/>“Yes Sir. Sleep tight.” He kissed her cheek. <br/>“You too.” She watched him leave her room with a little smile. The relationship to Don was the best relationship she ever had with a man. Plus he was the best looking man she ever shared her home with. </p><p> </p><p>Saturday, July 18th</p><p>To save Sara a trip to the police department, Sofia had been at the motel in the morning, helped Sara with the lotion and ordered her to stay in her room for the rest of the day again. <br/>When Sofia came to the motel in the evening, she found Sara’s room locked and after knocking a few times and no visible reaction from the inside, she went to reception. An elderly man was there, working on the computer. <br/>“Good evening, I’m looking for Miss Sidle, room seventeen.”<br/>“As far as I remember, she left her room an hour ago.”<br/>“Did she tell you where she wanted to go to?”<br/>“No, I didn’t talk to her. Do you want to leave her a note?”<br/>“I’ll try her cell phone first. Thanks.” Sofia left the reception, took her cell phone and searched for Sara’s number. “Where the hell are you?”<br/>“Mom, I’m over twenty-one.” Sara replied. <br/>“Funny. I’m at the motel.”<br/>“And I’m at the water reservoir. There was no way I could stay another full day in my room.”<br/>“What does your skin say about this trip?” The sun was still up, it was warm and Sofia couldn’t imagine, that Sara’s skin liked the sunshine. There weren’t many place with shade around the reservoir. <br/>“My skin says, the big colorful umbrella is good for sunshine too. I did look a little bit ridiculous with it, but you’ve to make some compromises for your freedom. You should come here too, I found a dog park, I’m sure your killer machines will enjoy it here.”<br/>“My puppies do enjoy the dog park, yes. Alright, I’ll get them and come down to the dog park.”<br/>“I might be still here if you hurry.”<br/>“If you dare to walk away, I put you on the radio and you’ll end up in custody again. Think about it, Miss Sidle.”<br/>“Hurry, detective.”<br/>“It’s lieutenant.” Sofia grumbled while she put her cell phone away. She understood that Sara was sick and tired of being in her room and needed a walk. After a day in the office, the first thing Sofia did when she was home, was taking Scooby and Rantanplan out for a long walk. She didn’t understand how some people could sit the whole night in front of the TV after a day in the office. <br/>She parked her car in front of her garage, went upstairs to change and got her two dogs out of the garden and started a little run with them down to the dog park. Rantanplan and Scooby enjoyed the run and jumped around Sofia, taking as much space as the leash gave them. <br/>Sara sat on bench under a tree, watched the dogs and read in a magazine. She looked like a tourist, who found a nice place for a little break. Well, she was a tourist. Kind of. <br/>“Hey.” Sofia let her dogs free and walked to Sara. <br/>“Hey.” The brunette looked relaxed, bent down to pet Sofia’s dog and smiled. “Am I under arrest for leaving my room?”<br/>“Depends. How’s your skin?”<br/>“Sore and I think I peeled a yard of skin off today.” <br/>“Ouch.”<br/>“Yes. I got some new lotion, the druggist gave me the advice to see a doctor, even if that was a little bit late now. I got two different kinds of lotion and thought, I need a little walk. There are some really nice buildings around here and I like the fact, that they built this dog park and the path around the reservoir. The only thing I didn’t find was a Borders shop.”<br/>“The next one is on Vine Street in Hollywood.”<br/>“If I stay longer, I’ll go there.”<br/>“Have you made a decision what to do next?”<br/>“No, not yet. I’ve two more nights in the motel, after that, I’ve to extend my stay or go anywhere else. I had a look for some new excursions to South America, but I’m a little bit burnt – in two ways. Not only because of my skin, but the last trip destroyed the fun in this a little bit.”<br/>“I’m sure excursions aren’t usually to get drugs into the States, but you might not want to carry stuff for somebody else anymore. I’ve no idea if I can get you out of custody when the custom police catches you with a bag of heroin.”<br/>“You’d believe that I didn’t know about it?” Sara smiled. <br/>“Yes. So there’s no plan B?”<br/>“No. I need to work again, that’s for sure.”<br/>“Back to Vegas? Back to nightshift?”<br/>“No. I’m not ready to go back to Vegas, not ready to work as a CSI again. I’d like to do something else, something that doesn’t includes more dead bodies than fun in my life. I wouldn’t mind to do something else, something, that has nothing to do with law enforcement. At the moment I feel like I only want to work as much as I need to support my lifestyle. Means, I’ll need a cheaper accommodation.”<br/>“I’ve a room to give away.” <br/>“You and me in one house? When do you expect the first dead body?”<br/>“If you behave we should both survive.”<br/>“If I behave? What about you, lieutenant?”<br/>“I own the place.”<br/>“I’ll have a look in the paper tomorrow.”<br/>“Sara, I’m serious. If you want, you can stay. I’m sure Don won’t mind, he mentioned a few times that he likes you yesterday,  and if you change your mind in a week or a month, or want to go anywhere else, it’s alright. Why rent a place and in a month, you make the decision to leave and go to…Kuala Lumpur.”<br/>“I doubt I’ll go to Malaysia even if it’s supposed to be a nice place. But I know what you mean. Despite the not nice start here, I can imagine to stay a little bit longer in Los Angeles, I like the fact, that the ocean isn’t too far away. First I thought of a return to San Francisco, I missed the water when I was in Vegas. The problem is, I do miss Vegas too and from here it’s not a problem to go on a weekend trip to Sin City. And there’s plenty of green around, especially here in Silver Lake.”<br/>“Elysian Park isn’t far away from my house and Angeles National Forrest is fourteen miles away, you’re there within half an hour. You can take Scooby and Rantanplan with you on a hike, they love it there.”<br/>“Is Rantanplan as stupid as the dog you named him after?”<br/>“No, he’s a smart dog and Scooby isn’t scared of everything, but hoggish.”<br/>“Good to know.”<br/>“Does that mean you’ll stay?”<br/>Sara cocked her head. “You really want me to stay with you, Sofia? Are you sure?”<br/>“Yes.” Sofia had no idea why she wanted Sara to stay. She hadn’t thought about that when she offered Sara the room, now that she started to think about it, she had no idea why she did so. What happened that she spent all these times with Sara? That she came to see her in the morning, help her and offered her a room. She couldn’t give Don a proper answer of this question last night, she still wasn’t able to find an answer, she was satisfied with. <br/>If Sara agreed and got a job, it could be that they had to share a house for a long time. Did Sofia really want that? Was it possible for them to live together under the same roof and not to fight? <br/>“What if I find a job anywhere else?”<br/>“There’s no limit how long or short you stay, Sara. If you find a job somewhere else and want to live closer to that, you can leave whenever you want.”<br/>“Can I see the room before I make a decision?”<br/>“Of course.” Sofia laughed. They didn’t make a tour through the house the last night. “Shall we get some dinner on our way to your maybe new home? I’m starving.”<br/>“Food is always a good idea. All I had today were some muffins.”<br/>“Muffins?”<br/>“Yes, self made muffins. Triple choc, chocolate flakes, banana and blueberry. The owner of the motel bakes them every day and sells them to hungry guests. I had four yesterday and because they were so great, I bought another four today. With a fruit salad the perfect breakfast and lunch.”<br/>“You had muffins and didn’t save one for me? I don’t want you in my house anymore!”<br/>“Shall I get you one tomorrow?”<br/>“One? You need to bring a dozen when you move in.”<br/>“Okay, I’ll order them for Sunday morning. Aren’t you scared of all the calories? Here in Los Angeles you’ve to be thin and sporty.”<br/>“I am slim, sporty and sexy. Don’t worry, I’ll run around the reservoir twice a day for a week and all the calories will be gone. Get me muffins!”<br/>“Do I get a discount on the rent for them?”<br/>“You won’t get the room if you come around without them. They are the deposit, you won’t get back when you move out.”<br/>“Is that legal?”<br/>“In my house yes.”<br/>“What about a pick-up service?”<br/>“For a pick-up service you need to get some good coffee with the muffins.”<br/>“Alright, you’ll get that as well.”<br/>“We just made a deal.” Sofia whistled once and her dogs came back to her. “Let’s get back to have a look at your new room. Don should be back soon, he has to approve –which he’ll happily do - and you can pack your stuff and move in.” She saw no problem with Don agreeing on Sara as a new housemate. After all, he had told Sofia, he liked her and wanted to meet her again. <br/>“Sunday. I paid until Sunday. No need to leave the muffins before that.”<br/>“Right, the muffins. Very important.” Sofia grinned. What a nice way to get some free muffins. She had to remember the next time, she had a room for rent, it was a rule that the new house mate brought muffins and coffee. She was sure, Don would agree on that new rule. </p><p>The spare room was around fifteen square yards, had two huge windows and faced the garden. A door to the left connected it with a separate bathroom, that was around three by two. Nothing big, but enough for Sara. At least until she knew what she wanted to do and where she wanted to live. There was a queen size bed, a wardrobe, a dresser, a little desk and small book shelf in the room, She didn’t need to go shopping. <br/>“Where do I have to sign?” Sara asked. There weren’t any reasons not to take this offer and stay here for a while. <br/>“You don’t have to sign anything, Sara. I trust you that you’ll pay your rent on time. If not, I’ve got a detective living in the house, he can arrest you.”<br/>“As a lieutenant, you don’t arrest people anymore?”<br/>“I’m homicide.”<br/>“So is Don.”<br/>“Yes, but my rank is higher, I can send him to do other things. The sweet taste of power.”<br/>“Are you using your job for your private pleasure, lieutenant?”<br/>“Sometimes. If you tell anybody I’ll deny it and you don’t have any evidence to prove me wrong.”<br/>“I won’t risk any trouble with my new landlady.”<br/>“That’s a wise decision. We need to celebrate this decision, give me a minute, I’ll get some sparkling wine. There’s a little bottle somewhere.”<br/>“I don’t need sparkling wine.”<br/>“You’ll get it anyway. Try your new bed.” Sofia left the room. She had a new housemate. Not only would her accountant like the fact, that she had a new more dollar every month to pay her debt, but she had the first female housemate. So far it had been men the whole time, who shared her house with her. <br/>“I’m back home!” She heard Don calling from the front door. She had wondered where he had been, he had the same work hours like she had, but as she knew, as a cop you were never one hundred percent sure when you came back home in the evening. You couldn’t plan an emergency. She spent more evenings on duty than she could count. <br/>“And somebody is in trouble! Wait until I’ll get you in my hands, woman!” <br/>Sofia chuckled. She had parked her car right in front of his garage, he hated that and she always was in trouble when she did that. It was a kind of running gag between them, that usually ended with a willow fight or Sofia on the ground, Don over her, tickling her until she begged him to forgive her. <br/>When she heard him running up the stairs, she got back in Sara’s room to hide there. <br/>“I think I’m in…Sara?” When she saw Sara, Sofia stopped. The brunette was trembling and before Sofia could reach her, Sara’s eyes rolled until there was only white and she dropped on the floor. <br/>“Sara!” Immediately Sofia was beside her, on her knees, looking for a pulse. <br/>“You’ll…what happened?” Don forgot his revenge when he saw Sara on the ground. <br/>“Call 911, she just dropped. I’ve got a pulse, a very high one, but she’s unconscious. Sara? Sara, can you hear me?” Sofia tried to shake Sara carefully. No reaction. <br/>“An ambulance is on it’s way. What did happen?” Don was back with them, took a pillow from the bed and placed it under Sara’s head. <br/>“I don’t know. I wanted to get some sparkling wine, you came home, I was about to hide here, when I saw her. She trembled like she was in a very cold place, rolled her eyes and dropped down. I swear, she was fine when I left her, Don.”<br/>“Her pulse feels like she is running a marathon.” Don held Sara’s hand. <br/>“I know.”<br/>“And she’s pale like a ghost. Did that happen before? Did she faint before?”<br/>“Not that I know of.”<br/>“I’ll open the door for the ambulance and get some water, maybe that will bring her back.”<br/>“I’ll stay with her.” Sofia stroke softly over Sara’s cheek. How could that happen? Sara had been fine, they had joked around, there was no reason for the brunette to faint. At least no reason Sofia could think of. <br/>It seemed to be like ages until Sofia heard the heavy boots of the paramedics. <br/>“What did happen?” A man around her own age asked and got down next to Sara. <br/>“I don’t know. She trembled, her eyes rolled and she dropped.”<br/>He checked Sara’s pulse. “Did she make sport? It feels like she was running.” He said to his female colleague, who seemed to very young, maybe new. <br/>“No, she stood in the room.” <br/>“We’ll get her to Silver Lake Aid.”<br/>“I’ll come with you.” There was no way, Sofia would let Sara alone. </p><p>Waiting was one of the worst thing for Sofia to do. Waiting, sitting somewhere, helpless, useless and with no idea, what was going on, was a nightmare for her. The paramedics had taken Sara to hospital and Sofia was told to wait outside. A doctor had been with Sara, she was still unconscious, a nurse was with her now, while Sofia and Don were forced to sit outside and wait. <br/>“I’ll go crazy if I have to wait longer.” Sofia jumped up and started to pace around. Why wasn’t she allowed to see Sara? Why didn’t anybody talk to her? What was going on? What was wrong? <br/>“Excuse me.” She stopped the nurse, who left Sara’s room. “How is Miss Sidle?”<br/>“Are you a friend?”<br/>“We used to work together in Las Vegas.”<br/>“Do you know a Gilbert Grissom?”<br/>“He is her ex lover.” At least, that was what Sofia thought. They hadn’t talked about Grissom and with Sara having no intentions to go back to Las Vegas, their relationship had to be over. <br/>“They’re not in contact anymore?”<br/>“I met her this week after a long time, she didn’t mention his name once, so I think, they’ve split a long time ago. Why?”<br/>“He’s listed as a contact person. The only contact person.”<br/>“They were close before they became a couple, I guess, she never changed that.”<br/>“Do you know if she has family?”<br/>“Her parents are dead, she is an only child, there is nobody. What did happen? Can I see her?”<br/>“You’re not family.”<br/>“We just established, she doesn’t have a family. I’m the only person in Los Angeles, who knows her, who she knows. You can talk to me.” <br/>“We’re with the LAPD.” Don held up his badge. “Miss Sidle lives with us.”<br/>“She should wake up soon. One of you can go in, but she has to wake up alone. Stay quiet, please.”<br/>“Alright.” Sofia looked at Don, who nodded and went inside the room. She had to swallow when she saw Sara. Even with her sunburn, the brunette was as white as her sheets. An infusion was dropping some liquid in Sara’s veins. Carefully Sofia pulled a chair to the bed, took Sara’s hand and watched her. She was unconscious, asleep or whatever but she didn’t look peaceful. She was pale, she looked like she was sick, like she needed some help. <br/>What could have caused Sara to break down? She had been jumpy the whole week, Sofia had noticed it a few times, had wanted to ask Sara, what was wrong, but it never seemed to be the right moment. Talking with Sara about private things was complicated, they hadn’t been close enough to talk about, what was going on in each others lives, they weren’t close enough. Sofia had planed this conversation after Sara had moved in with her and Don. A quiet evening in the garden, a time, that felt goof for a talk. <br/>“Sofia?”<br/>Brown eyes blinked at Sofia, like Sara was trying to get a clear view, like Sofia sat in fog and Sara could barely see her. <br/>“Hey, welcome back to the world.”<br/>“Where am I?”<br/>“You’re in hospital.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“You lost conscious.” Sofia pressed the button to call a nurse. <br/>“Why?”<br/>“I don’t know. We wanted to celebrate that you’ll move in with Don and me, I was on my way to get some sparkling wine, when I came back to the room, you were shaking, rolled your eyes and dropped down before I could reach you.”<br/>“I can’t remember a thing.” Sara closed her eyes. There was too much pain. Headache. Her shoulder ached too. Not to mention her skin. She felt like she got ran over by a train. <br/>The door was opened and a doctor stepped to them. “I’m doctor Bendler, how are you, Miss Sidle?” Doctor Bendler wasn’t far away from her retirement day, at least she looked like that. Her gray hair was short, her eyes observed Sara like she could see what was wrong with her by only looking at her. <br/>“Perfect, I think, I can go.”<br/>Sofia looked in disbelieve at the brunette. This couldn’t be true. <br/>“You must have hit your head very badly. You’ll do a lot of things, Miss Sidle, leaving this hospital isn’t one of them.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Let me see: You were brought in by an ambulance because you lost your conscious. You fell, have a concussion, there’s no obvious reason why you fainted and oh, your skin doesn’t look too good either. I’m sure you noticed, it’s burnt.”<br/>“I have some lotion for that.”<br/>“I’m sure you have, like you haven’t seen a doctor because of that. A lot of pain you had to live with because you refused a doctor. We’ll see what we can do now that you’re here. And we’ll find out, what made you lose your conscious.”<br/>“I want to go home.”<br/>“I want to be a millionaire, we all want things, we can’t have. Did you lose your conscious before?” <br/>Sofia had to admit, she liked the doctor. She didn’t pay any attention to Sara’s desperate try to escape, she didn’t let her talk her into going home, she wanted to find out, what got Sara here. It was obvious, the brunette wasn’t happy with that, but it was the best for her. <br/>“No.”<br/>The doctor looked at Sofia. “Can you confirm that?”<br/>Being a part of this conversation wasn’t good. Sofia was on the side of the doctor, but she didn’t want Sara to know that. She had to look pro Sara or at least neutral. <br/>“I’ve never seen her faint before.”<br/>“Any idea why you lost conscious?”<br/>“Maybe I didn’t drink enough and dehydrated.”<br/>“No, that wasn’t the reason. Did you feel dizzy before? Anything unusual happened today? The last couple of days?”<br/>“I got this sunburn.”<br/>“Your skin is peeling, for a sunstroke is it too late. Miss…?” The doctor looked at Sofia. <br/>“Curtis.”<br/>“Miss Curtis, was there something unusual this week you’ve noticed?”<br/>“Uhm…” Great, there was her catch 22. <br/>“What did you see? Did you find your friend unconscious?”<br/>“No. When I came into the room, she was trembling, rolled her eyes and dropped.”<br/>“Why did you tremble, Miss Sidle?”<br/>“I’ve no idea, I can’t remember that I did.”<br/>Damn it, she was about to get in trouble with Sara, maybe the brunette changed her mind and wouldn’t move in with them, but Sofia had to tell the doctor the truth. She had worried enough and now was the best chance to get some help for Sara. Help, the former CSI didn’t want. <br/>“You were the whole week very…tensed…jumpy. When I knocked on your door, you jumped like I scared you to death and you reacted the same way when somebody slammed a door or when we heard the shooting. I know, you don’t want me to say these things, but I worried about that the whole week and wanted to talk to you about it.” Sofia looked apologetic at Sara and hoped, she’d understand, Sofia had no other choice. <br/>“The change from the jungle to a big city, nothing to worry about. I’ll get used to the noise soon.”<br/>“Did you tremble?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Yes, you did.” Sofia sighed. Sara’s look said something like, she wasn’t welcome anymore and she was mad, that Sofia stabbed her in the back. <br/>“Did you feel like you were at risk, Miss Sidle?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Are you scared of anything?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Do you suffer from panic attacks?”<br/>“No.” Sofia and the doctor knew, even if Sara had all these three things, there was no way she’d admit to them. She wanted to leave, there was no way, she would say anything, that endangered her wish. <br/>“Your vitals are alright, Miss Sidle. Your blood pressure isn’t high, I couldn’t find anything unusual at your ECG recording, we’ve sent some blood to our lab.”<br/>“No reason to stay.”<br/>“Until we haven’t found out why you faint and what makes you tremble, you’ll stay. I don’t want to have you picked up by an ambulance again. We’ll find the reason faster when you work with us instead of against us.”<br/>“Why is she here anyway?” Sara pointed at Sofia. “I thought only family is allowed to be here.”<br/>“She’s here because you lie to me and I need somebody, who’s honest. If you kick her out, I’ll talk to her outside and you won’t have a clue what we’re talking. Do you want me to send her out?”<br/>Sara grumbled something and closed her eyes. <br/>“I’ll tell the nurse to get you a blocker.”<br/>“I don’t have a headache.”<br/>“Of course not. A colleague will come later to have a look at your skin. And I’ll be back later too, maybe you want to cooperate then. Otherwise you need to ask your friend to bring clothes for a longer stay.”<br/>“She isn’t my friend!”<br/>“What a pity, in that case, you’ve to wear the ugly hospital clothes for the week or so you’ll stay here.”<br/>“You can’t force me to stay here for a week.”<br/>“Do you want to bet?” Doctor Bendler asked cheerful. “You’ve got no idea what I can do. I’m the doctor, when I give you a diagnosis, that needs a long treatment, you’ll stay. The other doctors won’t work against me.”<br/>“That’s…”<br/>“Life. Sorry, I’ve to check my other patients, they cooperate more than you do, that’s why I can let them go home early. If you want to talk to me, cooperate, let me know. Otherwise, enjoy your stay. Goodbye, Miss Curtis.”<br/>“Bye.” Sofia bit her lips. Now the doctor was gone and Sofia was left alone with Sara’s anger. She felt like a target. <br/>“I hate you!”<br/>“Sorry, but you…”<br/>“My problems are not your business, Sofia.”<br/>“We managed four days not to fight, a personal record for us.” Sofia sighed. “If you want, I can leave, but I won’t lie to your doctor because I worried about you the whole week. There is something that haunts you, Sara. Something, that makes you jump when there’s a noise. Something, that makes you tremble, lose your conscious. I don’t want you to walk around, lose your conscious and get hurt, killed or else.” Sofia got up. “Tell me to get lost and I’m gone.” She didn’t want to leave Sara alone, but she had to let her make the decision. It made no sense to stay and fight. <br/>There was a silence for a few seconds. “I hate hospitals.” Sara said quietly. <br/>“Nobody likes them.”<br/>“There’s no way I’ll stay a week. They need to chain me to my bed if they want me to stay that long.”<br/>“Don’t mention that to your doctor, she’ll do that.” Sofia smiled, took Sara’s hand and was happy, when the brunette didn’t pull it back. “Do you want me to get some of your clothes?”<br/>“I’m afraid I won’t leave tonight.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“I don’t want to wear hospital clothes, they make me feel ill. Can you get my PJ?”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“Can you also get all my stuff out of the motel?”<br/>“Sure. Do you still want to move in with Don and me or did you change your mind because I supported the doctor?”<br/>“I haven’t signed anything.”<br/>“No, you haven’t.” Even with a signed contract Sofia wouldn’t force the brunette to move in with her if she didn’t want it. To force somebody to live with you wasn’t a good idea. <br/>“But I said, I want to and will move in and I don’t break a promise. And if you get me out tomorrow morning, I can order your muffins.”<br/>“Nice try, Sara.” Sofia laughed. There was no way she’d try to tell doctor Bendler when Sara was allowed to leave the hospital. <br/>“I’ve to try everything I can, I’m desperate.”<br/>“I’ll get your clothes here and if you’re nice, I also bring a book.”<br/>“A muffin?”<br/>“I’m not sure if I can manage to bring a muffin without that I’ll eat it before.”<br/>“The food in hospital is horrible.”<br/>“True. I might be able to get some salad, I doubt, your boss has still a muffin.”<br/>“I take one from any bakery.”<br/>Sofia smirked. “That will cost you, Sara.”<br/>“I’m helpless and out of money, I can’t pay you much.”<br/>“You can’t afford me anyway. I thought more of you’ll be honest to the doctor, will let them treat you – your skin will like that too – and I bring you dinner, some breakfast and whatever food you want until you can leave. And I’ll support your request for a fast discharge.”<br/>“You’re blackmailing me.”<br/>“No, I try to find a compromise. Give me your keys of the room, think about it and when I’m back, you can tell me, what you want.”<br/>“So much for the police, protect and serve. They’ve to change that into extradite and blackmailing.”</p><p> </p><p>Sunday, July 19th</p><p>“Good morning sunshine!” Sofia smiled, opened the door to Sara’s room and came in. Her new theory for this day was, if she overwhelmed Sara with a good mood, the brunette might got some good mood herself. Positive vibes. <br/>“This isn’t a good morning, I’m in hospital and sunshine isn’t a good thing either.” Sara grumbled. <br/>“Your skin looks much better since the dermatologist takes care of it.” She wouldn’t give up only because Sara was grumpy. <br/>“Time heals the wounds.”<br/>“And the right medicine helps too.”<br/>“Shut up and give me my muffin!”<br/>“I didn’t know you’re so much into sweets.”<br/>“That’s the fault of L.A., it made me muffin addicted.”<br/>“Cute.” Sofia sat on the edge of Sara’s bed and gave her the bag with two muffins. Sara had spent two nights in hospital. A dermatologist had taken care of the sunburn, gave her some better lotion and even if Sara never mentioned it, she felt much less pain than before. She was able to sleep for a few hours and when she touched something, it didn’t hurt anymore. Not that much at least. <br/>“Don says hello.”<br/>“I’d like to say hello to him too – in person in your house.”<br/>“What does doctor Bendler say?”<br/>“Don’t mention this name.” Sara hissed. <br/>“Oh, you had a not so nice morning conversation with her.”<br/>“I haven’t talked to this devil today and I don’t want to talk to her. I’ll leave here, no matter what she says. I’m fine, I want to get out and I won’t let her make me stay. And if you’re my friend, you help me.”<br/>“You won’t get me this way, Sara.”<br/>“If you stab me in the back again…”<br/>“I never stabbed you in the back, I said the truth.”<br/>“You were on her side.”<br/>“I was concerned about you, still am. And if doctor Bendler…”<br/>“Don’t mention her name! She’s…” Sara stopped when she  heard a knock on the door. A second later, doctor Bendler came in the room. She smiled, saw the muffins and shook her head. <br/>“That doesn’t look like hospital food, Miss Sidle.”<br/>“Because it is food. It has a good taste, it makes me happy and it wasn’t delivered around midnight, like your breakfast is. Don’t you have anything to do? Aren’t there any urgent emergencies? Don’t waste your time with me, I’ll be gone soon.”<br/>“Says who?”<br/>“Say I and there’s nothing you can do to stop me! You’ve got no legal right to keep me here. Tell her, Sofia!”<br/>Sofia swallowed. “I’d like to stay out of this conversation, please.” She could understand Sara, hell, she also wanted her to be out of hospital as soon as possible. The problem was, she also understood the doctor and she wanted to be sure, that Sara was fine. <br/>“Miss Sidle, we haven’t found out why you lost your conscious, what makes you tremble.”<br/>“You said my vitals are alright.”<br/>“Yes…”<br/>“So there’s no reason to stay.”<br/>“Like I said, we need to find the reason…”<br/>“There’s no reason.”<br/>“Maybe there’s no physical reason.” Doctor Bendler said carefully. <br/>“Like I said, no reason. I can go.”<br/>“Sara, there might be a psychological reason for your trembles and the lost of conscious. If that happened because you were under a huge psychological stress, it’s important to find out, that is the reason. Dizziness, palpitation, trembling, sweating, all these are signs of a panic attack.”<br/>“I won’t talk to a shrink nor will I go into a nuthouse.”<br/>“Is she always this friendly and helpful?” Doctor Bendler asked Sofia.<br/>“No comment, I’ll stay out of this.”<br/>“I stay with Sofia, I’m not alone, that should be enough.”<br/>“That’s good but it doesn’t help to find the reason for your problems.”<br/>“My biggest problem is, I’m here and want to get out.”<br/>“I make you an offer: I sign the paper for you to go home immediately if you promise to call this number and get an appointment.” The doctor gave Sara a little piece of paper with a number and an address. <br/>“Who’s that?”<br/>“Somebody who might be able to help you.”<br/>“A shrink. I told you…”<br/>“A therapist. Not a shrink.”<br/>“Same shit, different name.”<br/>“You don’t have to go to hospital, no doctors, no nurses, less than an hour a session.”<br/>“I don’t want a therapist, I’ve been through this shit once. An useless waste of time.”<br/>“Just because you had one bad therapist, it doesn’t mean, all the others are like him. I mean it, Sara, if you promise to go there, at least once, I let you go. Otherwise you’ll stay here until one of my colleagues has figured out, what makes you tremble and lose your conscious. With you not helping it will take a while. It’s your decision, make it now.”<br/>Sara was quiet for a few seconds, looked at the piece of paper in her hands, looked at Sofia, at her doctor. She was caught in a trap. No matter which way she went, she ended somewhere she didn’t want to be. <br/>“I can tell you I’ll call her and won’t do it. Even if you asked her, there’s no way you get me back in here.”<br/>“I’ve to take your word, yes. And I think, you’re a woman, who keeps her promises.”<br/>Sara sighed. The doctor found her weak spot. Great. “Fuck it, I’ll call her. Whatever it takes to get out of here. It’s Sunday today, I’ve one more day anyway.”<br/>“That’s a deal. Excuse me, ladies, I need to sign some papers and you need to pack.”<br/>“With pleasure.” Sara put the last bit of her muffin in her mouth. She didn’t need an extra invitation to leave this place. Everywhere was a better place than here. </p><p>Sara dropped her bag on the bed. She had made it, she had left the hospital, was in her new home. Sofia’s house. Her own room, nobody, who came in at five with breakfast, no doctors or nurses. <br/>“Do you want to rest a bit?”<br/>“No, I’m fine.”<br/>“I won’t start to repeat what your doctor told you before you left, you were there, you heard it all, you know it and I won’t start a new fight. All I’m doing is to ask you, to keep it slow, enjoy the day, don’t overdo it.”<br/>“The sunshine still hurts, I didn’t plan to walk around a lot. I’m fine Sofia, appreciate your concern. There is no reason to worry, I’ll stay here, if you have the newspaper, I’ve no reason to go anywhere.”<br/>“The newspaper is downstairs in the kitchen.”<br/>“Perfect. Why don’t you show me where the coffee machine is, I’ll make some coffee for us, take the newspaper, sit in the garden and read the job offers. Otherwise you won’t get your rent for a long time and I’ll have to look for a new place to stay.”<br/>“The part of this plan I like most is the fact, you’ll sit down and rest.”<br/>“You’re a cop, not a nurse. Don’t behave like one.”<br/>“I’m full of talents.”<br/>“Great, you can help me with my curriculum vitae, I haven’t written one in ages. My plan is to look today for some jobs, write a few applications and if I feel alright and there’s anything nearby, I’ll go there tomorrow.”<br/>“You can have my car.”<br/>“Don’t you have to work?”<br/>“I do, but Don and me have the same shift, we can share a car, that’s not a problem. And you don’t have to take the bus. Just promise me, you won’t be on the road the whole day.”<br/>“I thought more of from nine to eleven, get out of the sun and go again from three to five. My skin makes me slow down.”<br/>“Maybe there’s a good side of your sunburn.”<br/>“No, there isn’t.” <br/>“Talking about your sunburn, want some more lotion before we go down?”<br/>“Again the nurse.”<br/>“Or a friend. No, we can’t be friends, that’s too strange.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“That’s what I thought. Some things are impossible.” Sara handed her the lotion with a smile. Even if they hadn’t called each other friends, they were on their best way to become friends and they knew it. </p><p>With her laptop on her lap, Sara sat in the garden, a coffee next to her and started to look for some work. With one little thought she dismissed all jobs, that had anything to do with law enforcement. Whatever her new job would be, it had to be something else. <br/>“I could employ you as my personal slave.” Sofia offered. She was in her hammock, a beer in one hand, a book in the other. <br/>“What does your personal slave have to do?”<br/>“In the morning, you have to bring me my breakfast, prepare the bathroom for me. When I’m at work, you can clean the house, do the laundry, work around the house, wash my car and prepare dinner. When I’m back home, you can serve dinner, bring me a beer, give me a massage and read the newspaper out loud.”<br/>“How much do I earn?”<br/>“You don’t have to pay the rent.”<br/>“I turn that offer down. Thanks anyway.”<br/>“What a pity. Did you find anything so far?”<br/>“I can be a clerk, a receptionist, work in a library or as a car park attendance. Not the best jobs, not a lot of money, but no more law enforcement.”<br/>“You’ll sell my donuts and muffins later? Sounds good too. Do I get one or two for free?”<br/>“If my boss agrees on some extra goodies for the police I can do that. Otherwise you’ve to pay like anybody else too.”<br/>“Damn it. Tell your future boss, I’ll give your shop special attention, an extra officer for your security.”<br/>“Will you be my bodyguard?”<br/>“Bodyguard? Maybe more a muffin guard. Or a donuts guard.”<br/>“Sofia, you came to me every morning to make sure, my back gets all the lotion it needed. You came along after work to do the same, you offered me a room in your house, you care for me.” Sara was surprised how cheerful she could say these words. And how it felt when she realized, that they were true. <br/>“You live here because I’ll get rent money and my accountant will sleep better then. What means, I’ll sleep better too. That’s the only reason, don’t start being sentimental.”<br/>“Of course.” Sara smiled when Sofia tried to hide her face behind the book. They both knew the truth. <br/>“Ladies, why are you so lazy?” Don came with together with a man and a woman into the garden. <br/>“It’s Sunday.” Sofia informed him. “Hey Lynn, hello Kyle. That’s Sara, our new housemate. Sara, that are Lynn and Kyle, they work with us. And they ignore the fact that today is Sunday, a free Sunday.”<br/>“It is, yes.” Don took her beer away and finished the little rest. “You know what that means, Sofia.”<br/>“Not today.”<br/>“Every free Sunday, get your ass of the hammock, time for some exercise.”<br/>“I had my exercise, I ran with the dogs around the reservoir two hours ago. We’re fine.”<br/>“Sofia, you’re only scared you might loose. Like last week.”<br/>“You cheated!”<br/>“No, you’re too bad, can’t hold the candle to me. Whiny little loser.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“You heard me.”<br/>“I’ll make you eat sand.” Sofia got out of the hammock. “Sara, do you want to join us?”<br/>“Depends. What are you going to do?”<br/>“We’ll fight, it’s war time!” Sofia said. <br/>“War time?”<br/>“Yes, we’ll play basketball. Every day, all four of us have off together, we meet here to play a game or two. Kyle and me will win against Lynn and Mister Show Off. You can be the referee.”<br/>“I think, I’ll watch and look for some work. Being the referee means too much trouble. The doctor said, I’ve to stay out of trouble today.” Sara grinned. Watching the game was one thing, to be the object of hate wasn’t what she was after. <br/>“Coward.” Sofia took the newspaper. “There’s a tree in front of the house, you can sit there.”<br/>“Yes, in the shade, I know.”<br/>“Good.” The blonde pulled the brunette on her feet. It was time for her to fight for her honor. <br/>Sara sat with the newspaper and the laptop under the tree and watched the four playing for a few minutes. It seemed like both teams were even, Don and Lynn made as many points as Sofia and Kyle did. Both played on the one basketball basket over the garage gate and it didn’t look that friendly all the time. Don sent Sofia down on the ground with his elbow while Lynn ended on her rear end when Kyle jumped up in front of her and landed half on her. There were some curses, but they never stopped the game. They bent the rules of basketball a lot and Sara was happy, that she was safe under the tree. What an awful thought if she had to go back to hospital because of a twisted ankle or anything like that. <br/>She shifted her attention back to her laptop. She wanted to start her application and curriculum vitae and needed a few web pages, with the newest demand on how you had to apply to a future job. She didn’t write an application for her trip to Costa Rica and when she came to Las Vegas, she went there because Grissom asked for her and she didn’t have to apply for the job. This situation was something new, something she would handle. <br/>Born sixteenth of September 1972, she realized, she wasn’t too far away from forty. Gosh, what did happen to all those years? Was she already too old for a new job? Most companies wanted young people. She wasn’t old, was she? No! And she was qualified. She had been sixteen when she went to Harvard and went to Berkley after that. When she started her job at the coroner’s office in San Francisco and attended the Forensic Academy Conference, she met Grissom and…Grissom. Should she call him? Should she let him know, she was back in the US and was about to work in Los Angeles? Did she want the contact to her ex lover? They had never officially split. She left him with a note, sent him this video, in that she more or less told him, that it was over and they should both do what they wanted. Did she destroy their relationship or was it Grissom by not making a decision? She had no idea. There were no hard feelings, it didn’t work out and she had accepted that. <br/>Back to her CV. Back to her CV meant, back to Las Vegas. A little bit over a year after she had met Grissom at the conference, he asked her to come to Las Vegas, to work the case, that was built up against Warrick. They hadn’t made it easy for her after Grissom asked her to stay in the team – especially Warrick and Catherine – but after a while, the rocky start was forgotten and they all became friends; especially Greg. She had to let him know she was back. He was likely over the moon and it wouldn’t take long until he was here in Los Angeles to see her. Something she looked forward to, she missed him more than she wanted to admit. Hell, she missed the whole team. <br/>So why did she not pack her things and go back to Vegas? Which reasons made her stay here? The former relationship to Grissom would make it difficult for them, people would observe them, suspect a new beginning of their relationship, talk behind their back. Ecklie, would– if he would take her back at all – give her a very hard time. She didn’t want to work for or with Ecklie anymore, she didn’t like him. Never had, never would. Plus the fact, that she didn’t feel like being a CSI again. Pulling bodies of the street almost every night wasn’t something, she wanted back in her life. She missed her old team, her friends, yes, but she wasn’t able to go back and work with them again. <br/>Her cell phone got her out of her thoughts. Who called her on a Sunday late afternoon? Who knew her number?<br/>“Sidle.”<br/>“Doctor Weinberg, I call on behalf of doctor Bendler.”<br/>That couldn’t be true. The shrink. Therapist. Whatever. “It’s not Monday, you don’t work on Sundays, why do you call?” Why pretend that she was happy to hear the voice of a person, she never wanted to know? <br/>“Because doctor Bendler told me, you’re likely to forget the call and she made you an urgent case.”<br/>“Great. I promised, I’d call you tomorrow. It’s Sunday, I don’t want to think or talk about or with shrinks and therapist or other weird things and people.”<br/>“Alright, we’ll do that tomorrow afternoon, five o’clock. I’ll wait for you in my office. Have a nice evening.” <br/>Before Sara could say anything the call was ended. This couldn’t be real. Did this woman just made their first appointment without asking Sara, if this was alright with her? She was an adult, she could make her own appointments, she wasn’t a baby. <br/>Calling her on a Sunday afternoon was one thing, giving her an appointment without checking if that was alright with her was something else. She felt the urge not go there and stay here or look for a job. She had never promised to go there. What could happen to her if she stayed away? Neither doctor Bendler nor this new doctor could force her and Sofia…she didn’t have to know that Sara didn’t go to therapy. It wasn’t her business anyway.<br/>Alright, the blonde would make it her business, so Sara had to vanish for an hour or so and make her believe, she had been to doctor…whatever her name was. Why did people always make her life difficult? Why couldn’t they all leave her alone? Mind their own business? She didn’t want a therapy, she didn’t want to talk to somebody. Of course she had noticed, that she was …sometimes a little bit uncomfortable and nervous. It had to be the change from a jungle in Costa Rica to Los Angeles. Or maybe the shock she got when the SWAT men entered her room and woke her up, was a little bit stronger than she had thought. Whatever it was, it was no reason to see a shrink. Especially not after this woman reminded her of doctor Bendler and treated her like the other doctor. Were all doctors in L.A. like this? <br/>She got the paper, the doctor gave her in the morning out of her pocket and tipped the address of the other doctor in her computer. If the office was far away, she didn’t have time to...damn it, the office wasn’t far away from the police station. Not far away and way too close to Sofia’s workplace. If Sara would mention her appointment with a single word, she knew, the blonde was there tomorrow. And then Sara had no other choice than going to this woman and talk to her. Or she was such a horrible patient that she got sent home after the first appointment. Yes, that was her new goal. She’d proof the doctor, she wasn’t treatable. <br/>Horrible. To get her thoughts away of those things, she got her attention back to the basketball game. She had no idea who was leading, but all four were covered in sweat and fought for every ball. Don had it, dribbled around Kyle, prepared for a shot, threw and had his arms full a second later. Sofia had jumped straight into his arms, legs leeched around his body, her arms around his neck and her face on his shoulder. <br/>“You’re done, Sofia, I didn’t miss, we won again. You’re a loser.” <br/>“But I look much better than you do.”<br/>“You’re coved in sweat, you stink, your hair is a mess, you’ve a bruised right elbow and a lot of dirt in your face. You don’t look good, you look dirty.”<br/>“Sexy.”<br/>“Maybe under the shower when you clean yourself.”<br/>“Something you’ll only see in your dreams, Don.”<br/>“You think?”<br/>“I know.” <br/>“You don’t dream of taking a shower with me?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“I can make you dream this dream.”<br/>“As long as you cheat and win, this will never happen.”<br/>“I won’t lose to get laid. I can have that with my victory.”<br/>“Enjoy your night to get a cheap girl.”<br/>“I’ll stay with you, Honey.” <br/>“Hey, stop flirting, you’ve got your rooms not too far away, if you have to jump each other, do that there and not here in public.” Kyle complained. <br/>“You’re only jealous.” Don let Sofia down. “I got the game and the girl.”<br/>“You’ll never have me.” Sofia poked his side, grinned and went to Sara. With a loud sigh she dropped next to the brunette. “How is your search going?”<br/>“I’ll send around a dozen applications out tomorrow and will go to the same amount of companies too. There might be some rent money soon.”<br/>“That are good news for the accountant. I’m more interested in my muffins. I never got the promised muffins.”<br/>“Sorry, somebody got all my clothes out of the motel, I never had the chance to go back there. I could order some dinner, what do you think about pizza?”<br/>“Perfect. With beer. Guys, are we ready for dinner?”<br/>“If dinner includes a few cold beers, yes.” Lynn said. <br/>“It does. And pizza.” Sofia got up. “Come on, new housemate. You can order our dinner, I take a shower and then have a look at your sexy back.”<br/>“You mean red back?”<br/>“A little venomous spider. Yuck.” </p><p>Half an hour later when everybody had a shower, the second beer and slice of pizza in their hands, Sara felt like she was home. This was good. It was something new, to be surrounded by so many people, but it was good. She liked Don, that was a reason why she had agreed to move in with him and Sofia and Lynn and Kyle were funny too. <br/>“Don’t tell me the SWAT team made you change your job interest.” Lynn said. “Because they were so rude.”<br/>“No, it wasn’t their fault. I was sick of the job when I left Las Vegas and I didn’t miss all the dead bodies, the violence and the desperation the last months. It’s nice to have a week without violence and bodies.”<br/>“And you think you’ll be happy when you’re in a supermarket and sell food and sanitary article?”<br/>“I’ll see. It will pay the rent and if I don’t like it, I can look for something new.”<br/>“You pay me and I’ll tell my boss to hire you.” Don offered. “And you don’t have to pay me with money, Sara.”<br/>“You take muffins like Sofia?”<br/>“No, you don’t have to leave your room to pay me.”<br/>“Don, are you hitting on our new housemate?”<br/>“A little bit.”<br/>“Stop that!”<br/>“Jealous, Sofia?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Sure?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Good. I’m sure she can stop me herself.”<br/>“Yes, you try anything and you can sign for the girl’s team the next time.”<br/>“Ouch, a cruel woman.”<br/>“She knows how to handle you.” Kyle laughed. “Don’t worry, Sara, he’s only playing. You say no and he’ll understand. Besides, I heard something about you and this chick from Santa Monica, Don…”<br/>“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”<br/>“Yesterday night, down on Sunset, a very close dance and hands all over the body. As far as I know there’s a photo too.”<br/>“Never!” <br/>“Somebody is trying to get a beach girl, now we know it.” Lynn teased. <br/>“No.”<br/>“Come on, tell us the truth, Don Juan…”<br/>Sofia bent to Sara. They shared the garden hammock. “Are you alright?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“If this is too much for you, after the two nights in hospital and for your first night here, it’s alright if you want to be alone.”<br/>“No, this is good. They’re nice company.”<br/>“Of course we are.”<br/>“I said they and not you.” Sara bopped Sofia. <br/>“So charming. Who called you earlier?”<br/>“Lieutenant, if you want to investigate something, you’ve to become an investigator again.”<br/>“I’ve to investigate in my job too.”<br/>“Interrogate.”<br/>“That too. So?”<br/>“Not your business, Sofia.”<br/>“The doctor.”<br/>“I repeat myself but it’s not your business.”<br/>“What did she say?”<br/>“What part of my sentence didn’t you understand?”<br/>“The whole. Can I do something for you, Sara?”<br/>“Stop asking.”<br/>“If that is what you really want, I’ll do that.”<br/>“It was the therapist.” Damn it, why did she have to tell it Sofia when the blonde offered her not to annoy her anymore? She missed the chance. “I’ve an appointment tomorrow at five.” Why did her mouth not stop talking? What happened to her plan to keep this as a secret? Was her body working against her? Again. <br/>“That was fast.”<br/>“Yeah, doctor Bendler made me an emergency case. Urgent. Bitch.”<br/>“She worries about you, so do I but I’m scared that you’ll stop talking to me if I ask the same kind of questions she did.”<br/>“That will happen.”<br/>“That’s why I’ll wait until you start to talk to me, even if it’s very hard to wait. Some things are worth waiting for.”<br/>“Ever tried to explain that to a man?”<br/>“Yes, but I stopped doing so.”<br/>“How comes? You gave up because they don’t understand it?”<br/>“I tell them not to waste their time and leave me alone and if they don’t get it this way, I show them my badge and tell them, they’ll spend a night in custody if they don’t fuck off.”<br/>“You’ll stay single this way.”<br/>“Maybe. You – on the other hand – have a housemate, who flirts with you.”<br/>“Yeah, he’s cute but I’m not the girl from Santa Monica.”<br/>“No, you’re the lobster of Venice.” Sofia laughed and held her side when Sara slapped her. This was good, this was fun. </p><p> </p><p>Monday, July 20th</p><p>“Good morning, how did you sleep in your new bed?” Sofia hugged Sara when she came into the kitchen. The brunette looked confused, less because of the question but because of the hug. <br/>“Sorry, we hug each other in the morning, I didn’t realize, you don’t know that.” Sofia apologized when she saw Sara’s face. She was so used to hug Don, she didn’t realize, Sara was first not a hug-me-person and second, she had no idea of this tradition. <br/>“If that means I’ll get hugged by Don every morning I like this special house rule.” Sara grinned. “It’s not the worst way to start a day with a sexy detective in my arms.”<br/>“I’m a sexy lieutenant.” Why wasn’t it good to have her in her arms ? That wasn’t fair. <br/>“Of course.” Sara hugged Sofia. “And now get some coffee and wake up.”<br/>“You are not nice, Sara.” Sofia took her coffee and three slices of toast. <br/>“She looks nice, no, she looks adorable wonderful.” Don came in the kitchen, hugged Sara and kissed Sofia’s cheek. “And so do you. I guess I’m the luckiest man on this planet, I live with a adorable beautiful woman in a big house and have the most beautiful boss.”<br/>“What do you want?”<br/>“Why do you think I want something, Sofia?”<br/>“You’re too nice.”<br/>“No, I’m sexy, that’s what she said.” He poured Sara some more coffee and took a bagel. “What are your plan for today, Sara?”<br/>“I’ll look for a job. I wrote the applications yesterday, need to copy my CV, references and report card, send some away and go to some companies to talk to them and give them my application. If it’s a good day, I’ll have a job by the end of the day.”<br/>“Fingers crossed it will work out.”<br/>“I want to give her my car, can you give me a lift, sexy detective?” Sofia teased. <br/>“You’re the lieutenant, I can’t put down an order of you.”<br/>“If that’s not convenient for you, I can take the bus.” Sara offered. <br/>“No, that’s no problem, I can give her a lift, we work the same shift, the same department. It’s always good to arrive with the sexy lieutenant. People start to talk, think I’m a cool guy, got my boss, it’s good for my reputation. Do want to sit on my lap, Sofia?”<br/>“You might want to ignore him, Sara. I think this Santa Monica chick makes him lose his mind.” Sofia chuckled. “When will we meet her?”<br/>“I can’t tell you, I’ve no idea where she is.”<br/>“Do you know her name?”<br/>“Mandy? Sandy? Candy? Something like that.”<br/>“I see, you were really interest in her as a person, Don. If you ever work as sloppy as you pick up girls, you’ll be in trouble with me.”<br/>“I didn’t pick her up, I danced with her, it was loud.”<br/>“Yeah, that’s why you used your hands.”<br/>“You weren’t there, don’t believe everything some unreliable eye witnesses tell you.”<br/>“You mean two very good police officers?”<br/>“Eye witnesses. Unreliable.”<br/>“Sara, we have to find out who Santa Monica chick is. The next time Don goes out, we’ll follow him.”<br/>“What if he picks up somebody else?”<br/>“True, we need Kyle and Lynn to make sure, it’s the same chick.”<br/>“Stay out of my private life!”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because otherwise I’ll be very interested in your private life. When was the last time you had a date? When will you have a new date? Oh right, you’ll have got a date on Wednesday.”<br/>“It’s not a date, it’s dinner.”<br/>“All dates start with dinner.”<br/>“Shut up.”<br/>“Where will you go to?”<br/>“Fred’s.”<br/>“Nice. Romantic.”<br/>“Shut up!”<br/>“Sara, we should go there too, it might be interesting.”<br/>“I’m not interested in Sofia’s dating life, you’ve to go alone. I prefer to look for a job or read a book.”<br/>“Spoilsport.”<br/>“No, she wants to keep her room.” Sofia got up. “Get ready for work, Casanova. Sara, do you need anything before we’re gone?”<br/>“I’ve the keys to the house, if you leave your car keys, I’ll be fine.”<br/>“You know where a copy shop is?”<br/>“Yes, I checked it on the internet. I’ll be fine, your car has GPS, I’ll find everything. No need to worry.”<br/>“What about your therapist?”<br/>“I’ll be there on time.”<br/>“Good, I’ll be there when you finished.”<br/>“No!” <br/>“Do you plan not to go there?”<br/>“I’ll go there but you won’t. That’s way out of your business, Sofia.”<br/>“Alright, I trust you that you go.” Maybe it was a little bit too much to wait for Sara at her therapist’s place. Sofia had no right to put this pressure on the other woman. Maybe she overstepped a line. “Don and me usually cook together when we have the same shift, do you want to join us?”<br/>“I’ll include shopping on my list for today and join you, yes.”<br/>“Perfect.”</p><p>Usually you got turned down when you applied for a job because you weren’t qualified enough. That this also happened when the opposite was the case, was something Sara had to learn today. So far she had visited six places, twice she got turned down because she had no experience in the kind of work, she applied for, three times she was sent away because she was too qualified and they couldn’t pay her, what she earn. It didn’t help that she mentioned, she didn’t expect to earn much more money. <br/>With her skin burning because she had been too much in the sun, thirsty and a blister on both of her feet, she arrived a minute before five at the door of her future therapist. Maybe therapist. She never said she’d go here more than once. The deal was, she came here today and that was it. She had no intention to come here again or to go to any other therapist. She had better things to do; find a job to pay her rent. Yes, that was a good reason, she had no money for a therapist and she doubted, that her insurance wanted to pay for such a nonsense. Especially when it was one of these long time therapies, that made you come once or twice a week for years. What a horrible thought. And because she didn’t have to tell this doctor what kind of insurance she had, she could tell her anything. <br/>She sat in the waiting room, there was no receptionist, the whole office seemed to be left alone. Maybe her appointment got forgotten. The perfect scenario, she could leave and it wasn’t her fault. Perfect. No gossip magazines, no newspaper, no science magazines on the table. Instead there were little books with short stories, crossword puzzles and illustrated books of other countries. Not what you expect when you come to a doctor or a therapist. Maybe people were too crazy to read ordinary magazines. <br/>“Hello.” A woman, who was a few years younger than Sara, entered the room. Great, if this woman had an appointment before her, she had to wait for ages. Fifteen minutes, no minute more was Sara willing to sit here and wait. <br/>“Hi.” She looked shortly at the new arrival. Tall, almost six feet, dark brown hair that was cut in between short and shoulder long, brown eyes. She didn’t look crazy, then again, her own mother hadn’t looked crazy and she was it. Were it when she stabbed Sara’s father. And Sara was a bad daughter for not going up to San Francisco to see her. Well, at the moment she had no car, she could visit her mother later, when she had a job, a car and a few days off. She had to go up there anyway, the rest of her belongings were in San Jose in a locker.  Not a lot, she could get everything with a car down, but it was too much to carry it. <br/>She felt eyes on her, looked up. The other woman looked like she expected Sara to answer. She didn’t hear a question. “Sorry?”<br/>“That’s alright, I asked how you are.”<br/>“Annoyed. I’ve an appointment at five and I’m not willing to sit here for ages. Until somebody has time.”<br/>“You are in a hurry.”<br/>“Yes. No. I just think…you don’t make appointments when you let people wait for ages.”<br/>“Especially when the whole appointment is nothing more than a waste of time.” The woman said amused. <br/>“Yes. Do you also have an appointment for five o’clock?” Was this a kind of group therapy? Was that the reason why she got the appointment so fast? She had to be in a group with other people? In that case, she’d leave right away. They had never mentioned group therapy and she didn’t want group therapy. Even less than she wanted a therapy at all. <br/>“Yes.”<br/>“An appointment with doctor Weinberg?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Okay.” Sara couldn’t remember a sign with another name, but she didn’t look for one. She looked for the name of the woman, who called her yesterday and went straight up to the second floor. It was a new building, a lot of windows, clean white walls, very friendly, a lot of plants and decoration, that made her feel more like she entered a huge family owned house and not an office building. <br/>“You are here for the first time.”<br/>“First and last.”<br/>“You think your therapist will be that bad?”<br/>“I don’t see a reason to waste my time here. Like you said, the appointment isn’t more than a waste of time.”<br/>“So why are you here wasting your time?”<br/>“I promised to go. Once.”<br/>“No chance for a second appointment?”<br/>“I don’t think I’ll see a reason for that. And I hate it when people are late, let you wait.”<br/>“You don’t like waiting.”<br/>“I hate wasting my time and sitting here is wasting time.”<br/>“Then we should go inside.”<br/>“We? I didn’t book group therapy.”<br/>“Well, you need a therapist with you in the room, don’t you?” The woman smiled. “Maybe I should introduce myself: Jules Weinberg, your therapist.”<br/>Sara wasn’t sure if she was embarrassed or mad. That was her therapist? She had told her therapist that therapy was a waste of time and it was her first and last appointment? Not the best way to start. <br/>“You must be Sara Sidle, doctor Bendler told me about you. I’m glad you’re here. Even if you only want to make it a one time experience.”<br/>“Why didn’t you tell me who you are?”<br/>“You didn’t ask.”<br/>“Shouldn’t you come out of the office?”<br/>“Usually I do. Usually I don’t work after five. After this isn’t an usual appointment I made the decision, I get us some coffee and a muffins. I don’t know about you, I can use a caffeine and sugar boost.”<br/>Sara didn’t know what to say. That was a therapist? Somebody, who came in the waiting area, talked to her like she was another patient, told her more or less that therapy was a waste of time and at the end she invited her to coffee and muffins. <br/>“I can’t believe you’re a doctor.” Okay, that wasn’t a smart thing to say, she had to use her brain.<br/>“That’s what my mom said when I told her, I’m a doctor. I swear, I’m really a doctor. I didn’t buy the title, I wrote my dissertation myself and I know what I do.”<br/>“I…I didn’t mean it that way.” Sara stuttered. <br/>“How did you mean it?” Doctor Weinberg opened the door to her office after she closed the front door and signed Sara to step in. <br/>The office had huge windows on two sides of the room. Green blinds made it possible to look out but impossible to look inside. Half a dozen palms stood in front of the windows, On the left side was a dark brown desk, two book shelves filled with books. On the left was a brown couch with crème colored cushions, a crème colored table with two chairs of the same color and more plants. Sara felt a little bit like she was right in the middle of a forest; a bright and friendly forest, a clearing. The perfect place for a table. <br/>“I…don’t know.”<br/>“Maybe you’ll remember later. Have a seat wherever you want. Do you drink your coffee black? With milk? Sugar? And what about a muffin?”<br/>“I’m…fine…thanks…” This was highly disturbing. A therapist had to be old. Gray hair. A lot of wrinkles. Old fashioned. Second hand clothes. A self sewed skirt, a self knitted pullover, a mix between a hippie, a grandmother and a doctor. And not a woman with jeans, shirt, who was younger than herself and apparently very relaxed, friendly and free-spirited. <br/>“Sure? They are fresh, both coffee and muffins. The elderly woman at the bakery makes them herself fresh twice a day. I’ve got a rhubarb vanilla and a banana chocolate. Pick one.”<br/>“Since when is therapy a kind of afternoon tea break?”<br/>“Are there any rules you have to keep how therapy is? I didn’t know there are strict orders like when you drive a car or play a certain song on the piano.”<br/>“Usually you sit down, talk and leave.”<br/>“How many therapies did you make so far?”<br/>“One.”<br/>“And it was like that?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Did you like it?”<br/>“I hated it.”<br/>“Do you like coffee and muffins?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“See, so this has a better start.” Doctor Weinberg didn’t wait for Sara to make a decision, she cut both muffins in half, placed one half of each on a little plate, put them on the table, got the coffee, some milk and sugar to it and sat on a chair. <br/>Sara took the other chair, that was facing the window. “Thanks.”<br/>“You’re welcome. Let’s start our session a little bit different than you started your last one. I’m not a an old, gray haired woman, who wears self knitted pullover or a self sewed skirt nor do I offer you a herbal tea or ask you to dance your name.”<br/>Did this woman read her mind? How else was it possible that she almost repeated everything Sara had thought of before. That was scary. And on the other hand good to know that her last experience wouldn’t been repeated. <br/>“How do you dance a name?” Sara asked, pouring some milk in her coffee. <br/>“Oh dear, I can’t tell you. I heard about it, it seems to be a kind of therapy in some countries. You dance each letter in a certain way but I can’t show or tell you how. Sorry, I’m the wrong therapist for that.”<br/>“That’s alright.” In fact, if the woman had started to dance, Sara would have left the room. “Do you want to ask all your questions now? Do I have to open myself to you? Tell you my deepest secrets and fears?”<br/>“You want to do all these things in forty-five minutes? Minus the time we sat outside, the coffee and the muffin? Wow, you can talk really fast.”<br/>“Isn’t that what you expect?”<br/>“Is it what you want to do?”<br/>“No!”<br/>“So, why don’t we do something you like to do? Like trying the muffins, they were warm when I got them.” Doctor Weinberg started to cut off a piece of muffin with her spoon. <br/>Sara shook slightly her head. This was strange. But better than sitting in front of somebody, who wanted her to spill her guts. And the muffin was good. Both were great. Even better than the ones she got in the motel and she had seriously thought about to go there again and ask, if she could buy muffins without being a guest. <br/>“Where exactly is the shop you got them?”<br/>“When you leave the building, the other side of the street, left side. The little bakery. Nothing fancy, no loud music or whatever shops do nowadays to get people inside. All they do is bake and that’s what they do best. And make a wonderful coffee.”<br/>“Do they need some help? Somebody to sell muffins and coffee?”<br/>“To sell or eat?”<br/>“Both, but mostly sell.”<br/>“You’re looking for a job?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And you want to sell muffins?”<br/>“I can’t see anything bad about being surrounded by muffins the whole day.”<br/>“You might get sick of them and won’t eat them anymore. What was your  last job?”<br/>“I was with a scientist team in Costa Rica, we were on an excursion, made some tests, experiences, a lot of photos for a science magazine.”<br/>“You like nature.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Are you a biologist?”<br/>“No, actually I’m a CSI.”<br/>“You are in nature sometimes, but you have to focus on the dead body and not the lovely plants around you.”<br/>“Yes, you focus on the dark side of life, violence and have no time to appreciate anything that’s alive or nice.”<br/>“You can’t live your life without knowing the dark side, without seeing violence, but if your life doesn’t contain some beauty and happiness, it makes you sad, takes away your energy.”<br/>“Yes. I want something else than bad things in my life, that’s why I don’t want to work as a CSI anymore. And after the last excursion wasn’t that good, I don’t feel like go on another. I think I want to stay at one place, organize my life new and have a new beginning.”<br/>“And Los Angeles is a good place for a new beginning? Better than the place you were before?”<br/>“I don’t know. I’m from San Francisco, lived for many years in Las Vegas and now…I missed the ocean when I was in Vegas and the warm weather when I was in San Francisco.”<br/>“Is it true that people from San Francisco hate it when other people call their city ‘Frisco?”<br/>“The older generation hates it, for them it sounds like you degenerate it, make it sound stupid. The younger generation doesn’t have this problem, they use the short version sometimes too. I think, San Francisco is a nice name, but long.”<br/>“And when you’re drunk probably impossible to say correctly.”<br/>“Aren’t long words always complicated after a few beer?”<br/>“Yes. So is it alright to call it The City?”<br/>“Do you like it when people call you The Doctor and not your name?” Sara asked sweetly and sipped on her coffee. <br/>“The first time after I got my doctor title, I liked it. Now I feel like people see nothing more than a doctor when they call me doctor and not my name. I think, I answered my question with this statement.”<br/>“Kind of.” Sara smiled. “So doctor Weinberg, do you start all your sessions with new patients this way?”<br/>“Only when the person tells me in my waiting area, that she hates therapists, doctors and thinks, it’s a waste of time and won’t come back again.” Now it was doctor Weinberg, who smiled sweetly. <br/>“That weren’t the smartest things to say, were they?”<br/>“Depends. Did you mean it that way?”<br/>“Yes.” Sara sighed. No reason to start lying after she had been brutally honest before. <br/>“In that case these were the right words to say. I won’t take that against you, Miss Sidle. I prefer brutal honest words than sweet lies. You can’t work with lies.”<br/>“You can work with somebody, who tells you, your work is a waste of time and people with your profession are…not their favorite company.”<br/>“Yes.” She laughed. “That’s a start, that gives me the first goal: make her change her mind.”<br/>“I thought the first goal is to make your patient spill their guts.”<br/>“I like it more when people feel comfortable when they talk to me. And tell me what they want to tell me. I don’t have a therapy plan, that tells me what I’ve to do or know in which session. I prefer to let the other person choose the topic and when we talk about what.”<br/>“Unusual for a therapist.”<br/>“Call me an unusual therapist. Were you a CSI like in the books?”<br/>“No.” Sara chuckled. No, she hadn’t been a CSI of the books. She had been the trouble maker. The one, who worked like she felt and not always like she was supposed to. <br/>“You worked the way you felt it was right.”<br/>“Which was luckily most times the way my boss wanted me to work.”<br/>“You had a good boss.”<br/>“My supervisor war good, yes. I can’t complain about him.”<br/>“And you liked your job.”<br/>“Yes. I did.”<br/>“Now it’s time for something new. Selling muffins.”<br/>“I applied – tried to apply – for various jobs today. I’ll see what will happen, what will be my next work experience. I’m open for many things.”<br/>“Good luck with that.”<br/>“Thanks, I need it.”<br/>“I’m sure you’ll find something you like. And if you sell muffins downstairs, I hope I’ll get the biggest ones.”<br/>“I don’t give anybody a therapist bonus.”<br/>“I’m not anybody, I’m somebody.”<br/>“Somebody, who doesn’t wear self knitted pullover or self sewed skirts.”<br/>“And I don’t know how to dance my name.”<br/>“You offer coffee and not herbal tea.”<br/>“I’m a horrible therapist. Maybe I did copy my dissertation.”<br/>“If you did, I’m sure you did it in a way nobody will find out.”<br/>“Thanks.” Doctor Weinberg laughed. <br/>“And if they find out, maybe they need somebody to sell coffee downstairs.”<br/>“I’ll keep that in mind. So far I enjoy my job, have my title and I’ll try to keep it this way for a few more years.”<br/>“I’m sure your patients will appreciate it.”<br/>“I hope so. Will you join me on this way or do you really want this to be our first and late appointment?” <br/>Sara checked her watch. She had been in here for almost half an hour. Time flew. And she had a good time despite all her thoughts before. <br/>“Do you think I’m treatable?”<br/>“You’re not a hopeless case. Not even close.”<br/>“What makes you say that?”<br/>“You talk, you know what you want, you can express yourself, you listen. I’ve worked with people, who didn’t have all of these things or even none.”<br/>“Okay, I’ll give it a try. At another time? According to the sign outside you don’t work after five.”<br/>“All my appointments between nine and five, the time I usually work, are taken. I can offer you the five o’clock and the eight in the morning appointment on Monday and Friday.”<br/>“Twice a week?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Not every therapy is once a week.”<br/>“What if I have to work at these times?”<br/>“We’ll find other times. If you want. If not, now is the best time to say so. No pressure to agree if you don’t want.”<br/>Sara was quiet for a little while. Did she want to have two therapy sessions a week? Did she want to have therapy at all? Didn’t she say therapy was a waste of time? Why was she thinking about it now? About two sessions a week. Did she really want to talk to a therapist twice a week?<br/>“I won’t get coffee and muffin every time, will I?”<br/>“No, that won’t happen.”<br/>“Do you expect me the next time to tell you all my fears and deepest secrets?”<br/>“Why don’t we start with, you tell me a little bit more about you. What you want me to know. And I might ask a few things, you’re always free not to answer my questions.”<br/>Probably this was the only therapist, who gave her all this freedom. And maybe there was something she should talk about. After all, she wanted to know why she fainted too. It had scared her. It worried her. What, if she fainted the next time somewhere else? In the mall? While she drove on the highway? She had to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. And to make that sure, she  had to find out, why it happened. <br/>“Okay, Friday morning. What about the money? I won’t get this all for free, will I?”<br/>“No, you’ve to pay a part too. If money is a problem, we can go down to one session a week. I understood that you lost conscious last weekend and there was no physical reason for that, so it might be important to find out why. We can cut back later, after we figured this out. I think, you’ll feel better if you know why that happened.”<br/>This woman scared her. She had to be able to read her mind. <br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Good, if you want, we’ll start to figure that out on Friday. I guess it’s something, that we won’t find easily, so you might want to buy a muffin after that.”<br/>“That’s not the best way to make me come back. To thread me.”<br/>“I’m honest. It won’t be fun, it will be work, it will be difficult, it will be painful but at the end you’ll feel better.”<br/>“I might need two muffins and a huge coffee.”<br/>“You know where to get them. I’ll tell them, to give you the biggest one after our sessions.”<br/>“That’s a kind of blackmailing…muffinmailing.”<br/>“Muffinmailing and blackcoffee-ing? I see you’re a woman with fantasy.”<br/>“Sometimes.” Sara got up. “Thanks for the coffee and the muffin.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>“And that you didn’t try to be a therapist…I mean…do you know what I mean?”<br/>“I got you, yes.” Doctor Weinberg laughed. <br/>“Thanks.” Sara smiled. This hadn’t been as bad as she had thought. Actually it felt quite good. Very tasty. </p><p>“I don’t see any blood on your hands, did you strangle your therapist?” Sofia teased when Sara came back home, two shopping bags in her hands. <br/>“Very funny, why don’t you get your funny ass out and help me with my shopping bags?”<br/>“How many are still left in the car?”<br/>“Half a dozen; I guess.”<br/>“Did you rob a supermarket? And if yes, why did you have to do it with my car and did anybody see you? Did you leave any evidence behind?”<br/>“No, I was a good CSI, I covered my traces, made them believe, I paid.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>Sara put a bag on the table and got a big cake out. <br/>“Wow, that looks good.” Don peeked over her shoulder. <br/>“Our dessert. I owe you both some muffins, unfortunately the bakery was closed when I finished my session, so I got this cake from the supermarket. And a few things more.”<br/>“Like six more bags?” Her asked amused.<br/>“Could be seven or eight.” She had bought more than food. Some clothes, a few books, everything that came her to mind, she might need for her new life. A new bikini after the last one was connected with a very bad memory. <br/>“You’re a shopping girl?”<br/>“Not really, but when you don’t own more than a suitcase and a small backpack, you might need to go shopping and get some more things. I’ve this nice room, I’ve to put some things inside. Like books. And if I find a strong and nice guy, I can also go and buy a TV on the weekend.”<br/>“Add sexy to it and I’m your man.”<br/>“Or I’m her woman.” Sofia placed four bags on the floor.<br/>“She said guy, not chick. She’s looking for me, not you, Sofia. I won.”<br/>“Are you looking after the dinner, Don?”<br/>“One eye on Sara, one on the dinner, Love.”<br/>“Use both for the dinner, I take Sara with me to get the other bags.”<br/>“You take away dessert.”<br/>“She our housemate.”<br/>“A delicious one.”<br/>“Don, down!” <br/>Sofia took Sara’s hand and pulled her out of the kitchen. <br/>“If you want him to stop, tell him.” She placed her hand on Sara’s shoulder. <br/>“No, that’s alright, I know he’s joking.”<br/>“Good. He likes you and if you feel uncomfortable because he plays around, he’ll stop it.”<br/>“No, I’m really fine. I might respond one day and watch how he’ll struggle not to lose his face.” Sara grinned. <br/>“I’d love to see that. How was therapy? Did you tell the old man, you won’t come back, don’t need him.”<br/>“The old man is a woman, who’s younger than we are and I’ll be back on Friday. It was alright, she won’t force me to say something, I’m free not to answer her questions. If she keeps it that way, I’ll give it a try.”<br/>“Good. You scared me when you lost conscious, Sara.”<br/>“I scared myself and I’d like to know why that happened. But I’m not sure if I find the solution in therapy.”<br/>“I’m glad you’ll give it a try and if there’s anything I can do, say it please.”<br/>“Thanks for the offer, Sofia. Oh, before I forget: I had two really good muffins when I was with doctor Weinberg, I think I’ll go back there tomorrow and get you the dozen muffins I owe you.”<br/>“You had muffins with your therapist? What kind of therapy is that? The muffins therapy?”<br/>“Muffin and fresh coffee. I’ll tell you the story when we’ve dinner. And no, she can’t be your therapist, she has no more free appointments and I don’t want her to be your therapist too. She’s mine.”<br/>“You’re getting territorial, Sara.”<br/>“Yours is mine, mine isn’t your business. Oh that reminds me, MY car keys are back on the board. Thanks.” Sara grinned, took the last bag and walked back to the house. This day wasn’t that bad at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thursday, July 23th</p><p>The door slammed into it’s lock, a  male voice cursed, called her all different and not very nice things. Sofia smiled. That was a successful day. She locked two dealers away, the streets of Hollywood would be a little bit cleaner tonight. Of course she knew, when she put two dealers in jail, four new ones would fight to get these free positions, but one by one, she’d get them all into jail. She had time, she had manpower, there was no reason why she should lose. As soon as you started to think about losing, you had lost. And she didn’t like to lose. <br/>With a smile on her face she went back in her little office. Lynn was sitting on the edge of the table, obviously waiting for her. <br/>“Lieutenant.”<br/>“Officer.”<br/>“How did it go?” Lynn had worked with her the two cases of the drug dealers, in fact, it had been Lynn, who made the arrest and got most of the evidence. A thing, Sofia mentioned once or twice to her captain. Her officer got these two dealer, who were also killer, behind bars. <br/>“I think Baxter understood you deserve all the credits for the case.”<br/>“That’s nice but I was more interested in where the guys are.”<br/>“In jail. The prosecutor will see them tomorrow. Chances they’ll have a longer holiday in jail are good, Lynn.”<br/>“Good. Then it was worth the effort. Even if we can go out tonight and get a few more in without a problem. They grow again fast than weed…the garden one I mean.” She smiled. <br/>“Both fits. We can try to make the streets safer, we can’t get them all. They are killer, we did a good job.” The killing part was the reason why Sofia was involved in the case. She was one of the two homicide lieutenants in her department, most times her colleagues from down town did the bigger cases. She had have the chance to get a job there, get higher on the hierarchy, but she preferred it a little bit less stressful. It wasn’t that bad to have mostly regular work time. Plus the fact, she had her friends here.<br/>“Did you hear anything of the boys?” <br/>“Don works a B &amp; E with one dead vic, Kyle is on Hollywood Boulevard, somebody made long fingers there a few times this afternoon and a bunch of tourists are not happy. I owed the other lieutenant a favor and Kyle didn’t mind the quiet afternoon. I’m sure if he thinks the same after he had to talk to a few dozen angry tourists, some with little, some without any knowledge of English.”<br/>“Why do they carry their wallets in their back pockets of their jeans? You don’t feel when somebody pulls it out, when you realize it’s gone, it’s too late. Why not use a pocket inside the jacket? Or a money belt under your shirt? And why do they take all their cards with them? Your health insurance card of France won’t help you in the US. Take your credit card if you have to, your I.D. and that’s it. Leave the rest locked in a safe in your room.”<br/>“Want to be the speaker at the tourist safe seminar next time?” Sofia offered. Their department offered once a month a short seminar for tourists, how to act smart and safe while they stayed in America, especially in L.A.. Not many found their way to them, but Sofia couldn’t remember, that she had to talk to one of the members of the seminar later because they got robbed. <br/>“No, thanks, not my world. I prefer to stay in the back. You’re the lieutenant, you can do that. I’m only a street officer.”<br/>“You’re a damn good officer and if you change your mind one day, you’ll be a detective.”<br/>“We can’t all become detective or lieutenant, you need some people on the ground, out on the streets to do the actual work.” She smiled.<br/>“I’ll ignore that, it’s not a comment you make to your boss. Do you have the weekend off?”<br/>“No. You?”<br/>“I’ve Friday off, then four days of work before there might be two or three free days.”<br/>“I’ve Monday off, we can meet in the evening, go to the movies. Or have another match.”<br/>“Don’s working. He has Monday off and then five days straight before four days off. I wonder when the boss gets the work schedule a little bit more organized.”<br/>“When you can plan some activities and know, you don’t have to cancel them because there’s a hot case. Again. I got a message today, lucky me can work next year at the Oscar night. Am I not lucky?”<br/>“Absolutely. Even more stars than usually plus ten times more press. Really a thing to look forward to. I’m so jealous.”<br/>“If you want, I can write your name down too.”<br/>Sofia’s eye got narrow and she didn’t say a word. Lynn knew how much she hated days like the Oscar night. A lot work, a lot of people and too many things to worry about. That wasn’t Sofia’s world, she preferred her ordinary work day.<br/>“No, thanks. I prefer to arrest drug dealers, killer or thieves than take care of stars and reporter. Maybe you’ll find a rich man there.”<br/>“Yeah, a movie star and the year after that, I’ll be a guest, walking the red carpet, waving at you. Since when do we get paid to dream?”<br/>“We don’t. Back to work, officer.”<br/>“I’m off for today, lieutenant. You?”<br/>“I’ve to do some paper work before I can go home.”<br/>“How’s the new housemate?”<br/>“Busy looking for a job.”<br/>“No problems with her so far?”<br/>“No, we go along quite good.”<br/>“Perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow.”<br/>“Have a nice evening.”<br/>“You too. Dinner date.”<br/>“Get lost!” Why did they all have to call it a dinner date? It was a dinner, not a date. </p><p>Don had taken the dogs for a walk around the water reservoir, gave them half an hour to play with other dogs on the dog’s playground and went back home. He knew, Sofia was out, only Sara was home. He hadn’t seen her all day so he decided to knock on her room door to see if she was alright. <br/>“Come in.”<br/>“Hey housemate, how are you?”<br/>“I’m good.” Sara sat crossed legs on her bed. From her laptop came some quiet music and she had parts of the paper on her bed.<br/>“Any luck with the job hunting?”<br/>“A little bit. Have a seat.” She noticed that he was very calm when he came into her room, he wasn’t the funny guy, he was anywhere else in the room. It was like he respected the room as her quiet place. Until she made the first step and made it obvious to him it was time for some fun, some jokes. <br/>“Thanks. What positive bits do you have?”<br/>“I’ve two interviews tomorrow. I might sell you some burger soon.”<br/>“You? Aren’t you a vegetarian?”<br/>“Yes I am. Selling burgers doesn’t mean I’ve to eat them. It’s not a job I’ve dreamed of, but it will bring some money for the rent and it’s just four blocks down the street, I don’t need a car for it. And if I get another job too, I might be able to save some money.”<br/>“Two jobs? You’ll be busy, too busy to live in your room.”<br/>“I plan to sleep here, I won’t work nights anymore. Daylight is a really great thing – if you don’t get burnt.”<br/>He laughed. “True. Your skin looks better. Does it still hurt?”<br/>“No, no more pain. It peels a bit, but I think I’m over the worst part. The lotion I got in hospital was good; don’t say I should have gone there earlier.”<br/>“I’d never dare to say suggest something strange like that. So, what’s next? Any plans beside job hunting?”<br/>“I think of getting in contact with some people from Las Vegas.” Especially one. Greg. She felt guilty that she hadn’t called him. <br/>“You miss them.”<br/>“Some a bit, yes. Have you been here in L.A. your whole life?” She was almost sure to hear an east coast accent in his voice. <br/>“No, I’m a Yankee.”<br/>“Form the Big Apple. What brought you to L.A.? The weather?”<br/>“No, personal reasons. Sometimes you need to a new beginning.”<br/>“Tell me about it.” Sara didn’t want to ask what personal reasons. She wanted people not to poke around her private life and respected it, when other people wanted the same too. If Don wanted her to know why he left his hometown, he would tell her. <br/>“Los Angeles isn’t that bad. I mean, the sport teams suck, but the weather and the beach make up for that.”<br/>“The next time I go to the beach, I won’t fall asleep. It’s too painful.”<br/>“You can join me, I keep you awake. Do you do any kind of water sports?”<br/>“I surf.”<br/>“Me too. Miss Sidle, we’ll have a surf date soon. I know a few nice spots, especially if we go there early in the morning.”<br/>“Sounds good, but I’d like to give my skin another week off.”<br/>“No problem. We will get you a wet suit too. Do you have a board?”<br/>“In San Jose.”<br/>“Why there?”<br/>“Because I left some stuff up there.”<br/>“Sounds like we’ll go on a trip to San Jose.”<br/>“No, I’ll do that when I’ve a car or a job to rent a car. There’s no need for you to drive up there.”<br/>“Honey, if we go there, we’ll have some time for the city and the beach up there. I didn’t think of driving there and leaving after we’ve everything in the car. I want a little bit more, I’m not that easy to please.”<br/>“Not?” She chuckled. <br/>“No.”<br/>“Usually men are easy to please while it seems to be impossible for them to please a woman.”<br/>“You know the wrong men.”<br/>“Maybe. I’d like to invite one over from Las Vegas, how are the house rules about visitors?”<br/>“All female visitors are very welcome, especially in my room, men have to stay outside.”<br/>“Shall I ask Sofia if she agrees with that?”<br/>“Why shouldn’t she?”<br/>“I don’t know, I might invite a really sexy guy.”<br/>“She has a sexy guy in her house.”<br/>“You’re arrogant, detective.”<br/>“Self-assured. You can invite friends, Sara, that’s no problem. It’s always nice if you tell us before you do, so we know about them and don’t arrest them for being here in the house, but it’s your home like it is our home, you’re free to do whatever you want.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“Is he really that sexy?”<br/>“He’s my best friend from Las Vegas, a funny guy, you’ll like him.”<br/>“Why isn’t he here already?”<br/>“He doesn’t know I’m back in the US.”<br/>“You don’t treat your friends very well, Sara.”<br/>“No, I’ve to agree. I could be nicer sometimes. That’s why I want to call him, tell him I’m here and invite him over for a day or two.”<br/>“Does Sofia know him?”<br/>“Yes, we worked together. She had been to his apartment.”<br/>“Oh, such a kind of friend, interesting. Did he also see your apartment?”<br/>“Frequently. He was my best friend, did you forget? You invite your friends over, don’t you?”<br/>“Right. Call him, Sara, invite him. I’m sure you’ll enjoy to have a friend over. Even after you’re not alone here, you’ve got two friends in your house, I hope you know that.”<br/>“I’m realizing it a little bit more every day, thank you.”<br/>“You’re welcome.” He hugged her. “I’ll leave you to your job hunting now and watch a movie. If you feel like a movie or company later, come downstairs. I’ll make some popcorn and there’s beer.”<br/>“Thanks for the offer. If I feel like it after I wrote all those applications, I’ll join you.”<br/>“Every smart boss will be delighted to have you in his or her team.” He smiled and left the room. In his opinion, it had been a very good idea of Sofia to offer the free room to Sara. He was happy to have her around. </p><p>Sofia saw some light coming from under Sara’s door and decided, it wasn’t too late to knock on the brunette’s door. <br/>“Come in.”<br/>“Hey, why aren’t you downstairs with Don, watching a movie and eating too much salty popcorn?” <br/>“In a few minutes, I’m almost done with my new applications.” Sara sat still on her bed with the laptop and the newspaper.<br/>“Since when do you work on them?”<br/>“A few hours?” She had lost time. <br/>“Wow, you’re devoted to it.”<br/>“If you write only one and send it to everybody, they’ll see, it’s not individual and throw it away. I found a page in the internet with tips and it says, you should take the time to write in each application something special, something that has to do with the place, you apply for a job. So I checked their web pages, tried to find something special out about them, looked for the right person to address the application to, if it wasn’t mentioned in the job offer and that took some time.”<br/>“I’m impressed.”<br/>“Do you want to read some? Maybe you can find mistakes I made.”<br/>“Sure, if you want.” Sofia sat next to Sara. The brunette had printed out a dozen pages. A bigger pack with more printed pages was next to this one. <br/>“What time is it?” Sara asked. <br/>“Almost ten.”<br/>“Wow. Why are you already back? Do you have to start early tomorrow morning?”<br/>“No, I start like every day. The evening was…let’s say, we had different intentions for the evening.”<br/>“Oh.”<br/>“I guess that happens when you have dinner with your ex.”<br/>“I imagine it’s not the easiest situation for a cheerful evening.”<br/>“No. I had nothing more on my mind than dinner, agreed to this meeting because I thought, the break-up had been difficult, it could be good for both of us to talk about it. As I found out, I was the only one who had a conversation on her mind, my ex wanted us to use out tongues in another way.”<br/>“Despite the fact that you weren’t a couple anymore?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“It’s not my business, but how did he have the feeling, you were interested in a new beginning? Or was this supposed to be a one night stand?”<br/>“That’s a good question. I wasn’t interested in both possibilities and I made that clear. She didn’t like that, so I left the dinner before we ordered dessert. I’m sure she had another kind of dessert on her mind anyway.”<br/>Sara looked up in surprise. She had worked on her last application while Sofia spoke, so she wasn’t sure, if she had understood the blonde correctly. <br/>“You  heard right, Sara.” Sofia saw the look and she knew, why Sara was confused. <br/>“O-okay.”<br/>“Shocked? Confused? Surprised?” The blonde smiled relaxed. <br/>“I guess surprised fits best. Didn’t you date guys when you were in Vegas?”<br/>“In Vegas yes. Before Vegas too. After twenty years of dating guys and getting nothing more than a few broken hearts, some lectures and the doubt if everything was alright with me because anybody else seemed to be happy in a long term relationship, I came to Los Angeles. I dated a few men, ended up like all the times before and – maybe it was the spirit of WeHo – I made the decision, I should try to date women. After all, I was sure, it couldn’t get worse than before. So I changed the gender of my dates to find out if I can get a happy long term relationship this way.”<br/>“Looks like the change didn’t help.”<br/>“Well, I tried it with men for twenty years, I made the decision to give woman at least half of that time, to be fair.”<br/>“It’s possible to make the decision you love woman now? I mean, it’s about feelings, you can’t make decisions about feelings.”<br/>“No, you can’t. I thought about it a lot before I actually did date a woman. It’s easy to say, it’s not possible to have any romantic feelings for a woman, then I thought of what was important for me a in relationship and I came up with a lot of things, the sex of my partner wasn’t in my top five. So I made the decision, if the things I wanted most were given by a woman, I could try it. I met a woman, who seemed to have all the things I was looking for, it worked out good for a few months before we broke up. I wasn’t what she was looking for. She told me her reason why she wanted to end our relationship and it was good to have somebody to talk about why it didn’t work out. Most guys just told me it was over, barely gave me a reason if they said anything at all. I won’t say I’ll never ever go back to men, but it’s nice to have a choice of one hundred percent of the people and not only fifty percent. I like variety.”<br/>“That’s why you and Don are only housemates.”<br/>“No, that has nothing with Don and me to do. We are great as friends, it wouldn’t work out as lovers, so why try to force something that doesn’t exist instead of enjoying something that’s good?”<br/>“True.”<br/>“And I found a spelling mistake in this one.” Sofia handed Sara the application form. “You missed a letter there.”<br/>“Oh, thanks. See, that’s why I gave them to you, as a lieutenant you must be good at paperwork.”<br/>“Don’t mention it.”<br/>“Sorry. I had some paperwork to do when I was in Costa Rica, I wrote an article for a magazine once a week and because we had internet, I wrote a blog for some students at an university in Pennsylvania.”<br/>“Can I read it?”<br/>“If you’re student there, yes.”<br/>“I know the author, doesn’t that help?”<br/>“Maybe. It’s about plants and some local animals, are you interested in that?”<br/>“It’s always good to broaden your mind. Did you write about bugs?”<br/>“No, I wrote about mammals. You mistook me with Grissom, Sofia.” Sara grinned. <br/>“Can’t be, you’re way to beautiful that I could mistake you for Grissom. This unique smile with the cute little gap, the twinkle in your eyes, the brown hair and not to forget the sexy tattoo on your ankle.” Sofia touched Sara’s ankle. The brunette sat barefoot on her bed, the legs of her trousers were slipped up a bit so that Sofia saw the little flower on Sara’s left ankle. <br/>“Do you have a tattoo?”<br/>“No, I want one since I’m a teenager, I even picked one, but I’m too scared. The thought of the needle, that will stitch into me a million times…no, there’s no way I can do that. I hate needles.”<br/>“The lieutenant is scared of a needle?” Sara giggled. “You catch killers without a blink and faint when you see a tiny, little needle?”<br/>“Don’t make fun of me, that are two different pair of shoes.”<br/>“Coward.”<br/>“Shut up. I don’t need a tattoo, I can look at yours and touch it. They feel nice.” Sofia let her finger ran over Sara’s tattoo. <br/>“Get your hands off me if you try to hit on me, Sofia.” Sara laughed. <br/>“Why? You’re not into blonde?”<br/>“Let me think…no! Hank was blond and he was a disaster.”<br/>“Who is Hank? I thought that’s Grissom’s dog.”<br/>“No, yes. But Hank was also a disappointment I had in Las Vegas. We were involved until I found while I worked a case, that he had a girlfriend. And he had been with her before we met. You can imagine, I wasn’t happy about that, to be the side dish.” Why did she share this with Sofia? It wasn’t her style to share information about her private life, leave alone her relationships. And if she did, it was usually not more than a sentence, a short sentence. <br/>“Must be an idiot. First for cheating at all and in special for cheating on you.”<br/>“Actually he cheated on his girlfriend with me, not on me.”<br/>“Doesn’t matter, it’s the same. He’s an idiot. Otherwise he hadn’t hurt and used you.”<br/>“Probably he thought, he can try to have two women, if he acts smart enough, none of them will realize. Without the case, without her photo of him and her, I hadn’t found out what he did. Not that fast.”<br/>“They always make a mistake, don’t calculate something and then you catch them. It doesn’t make you feel better, but it comforts a bit. And I’m sure men and women are the same when it comes to cheating.”<br/>“Probably.”<br/>“Enough of bad memories and experiences, tell me something nice, tell me about your success on your job hunting.”<br/>“I don’t have a job, I didn’t succeed.”<br/>“No answers yet?”<br/>“I’ve two interview tomorrow and might sell burgers to you soon.”<br/>“It’s not my business and I know, you wanted to do something else than law enforcement, but I’m sorry, Sara, that’s a waste of talent.”<br/>“It’s money. Talent doesn’t pay the rent.”<br/>“Your landlady prefers to wait for her money a little bit longer than seeing you unhappy behind a counter, selling fatty burgers and withered salad.”<br/>“Don’t you think I’ll look sexy in a fast food uniform?” Sara smirked. <br/>Sofia cocked her head. “I think you look better in a bikini on the beach, did you apply as a lifeguard?”<br/>“No, I don’t think I’m good enough for that.”<br/>“But you have the looks.”<br/>“Sofia, I’m around twenty years too old for this kind of job. They want to look at girls around eighteen and I’m closer to the forty than to twenty-one.”<br/>“Impossible. What is the other job?”<br/>“A ranger at Angeles National Forest.”<br/>“That sounds more like you. You help animals instead of having them on a barbeque. Will you be out in the nature or in an information center?”<br/>“Both. It sounds good, it’s definitive something I’d like to try. We’ll see what will happen. I’ve never worked as a ranger and I found out the last days, it doesn’t matter how good your marks are, how well written the reference is, when you’re not experienced, people send you away.”<br/>“You have some experience, you had the excursion. Do you want my car to get there?”<br/>“It would make things easier.”<br/>“Take it, I’ll can drive with Don again.”<br/>“I need my own car when I get that job.”<br/>“We’ll go car shopping. Not that you need somebody to help you with cars, you know everything about them yourself. Do you have a special car in mind?”<br/>“A small four wheel drive if I get that job, otherwise a small city car. A parking lot is rare, the bigger the car, the smaller the chance to find a place to park it.”<br/>“True words. Come on, put the papers away, it’s time to relax. A few minutes before it’s time to go to bed. Let’s see what Don is doing. If he’s asleep, we can take a pen and draw something in his face or write nasty things on his forehead. He’ll look like a jerk when he wakes up in the morning.”<br/>“You’re a lovely landlady. I’ll lock my door from now on when I go to bed.”<br/>“I won’t do that to you – not in the first months.”<br/>“Great, I’ll half a year of kindness and then you’ll turn into a devil? Something to look forward to.”<br/>“Trust me a little bit more, Sara.” Sofia took the hand of the other woman and pulled her off the bed. They walked down into the living, where Don was sitting awake and played Playstation. <br/>“Look at him, movies and video games, like a teenager. Did you get the trash out?”<br/>“I’ll do that in the morning, mom.” He didn’t bother to look up, was too concentrated on his video game. <br/>“Street Fighter. They made that for the PS?” Sara asked interested. <br/>“Yes. You know the game?”<br/>“I played it on a commodore 64 something like twenty-five years ago. The first computer I had, it’s amazing how technology got better and better in those years and yet, Street Fighter is a classic.”<br/>“Want a duel?”<br/>“Not tonight, maybe tomorrow. Do you have any other old games?”<br/>“All games are in the shelf left to the TV, feel free to play whenever you feel like…shit! Bastard. Wait, I’ll punch the crap out of you!” Don bit on his lips. He figure had taken a few hits and was down, he had to make a few points or the computer would win the game. <br/>“I live with two adult children, great. So the two of you will spend the evenings in front of the PS, where leave that me?”<br/>“Alone in your room?” Sara asked sweet.<br/>“With your date?” Don offered. “You’re home early.”<br/>“We had different ideas about how the evening should go on.”<br/>“A common problem.”<br/>“Yes, so I made the decision to come home, see my lovely housemates, find one on her bed, lost in work and the other in front of the TV, lost in…no, just lost.” Sofia grinned when she saw how Don’t figure went down and a deep red GAME OVER appeared on the screen.<br/>“Fuck!”<br/>“Language please.”<br/>“Screw the language, I almost got him. Damn it. Wait, you little bastard, I’ll get you tomorrow, I’ll destroy you, rip you into pieces.”<br/>“He’s so sensitive, isn’t he?” Sofia smiled.<br/>“It’s an ordinary reaction you have, when you lose Street Fighter. Especially when you’re so close to win it.” Sara could understood Don. She had cursed a lot until she finally won the game. It took her three weeks until she was the champion the first time. Three long and hard weeks, half of the nights in front of the TV to play the game, get better and finally win against the computer. Something you only understood when you were into computer games. Everybody else couldn’t understand that. <br/>“You’re both nuts.”<br/>“Maybe you should recommend the game to your date, it’s a way to get laid. Not the way most people have in mind, but the chance is high, you’ll find yourself on your back.”<br/>“I won’t meet her for dinner again, if I see her anyway, I’ll suggest it to her. Our housemate was a little bit confused when I told her, I date women. That means, I’m too pretty to a lesbian because the sexy men are gay and the ugly women are lesbians. Wasn’t that your conclusion, Sara?” Sofia just remember the conversation they had the week before.<br/>“I never said that.”<br/>“No, you said you didn’t mean it that way.”<br/>“That’s the same.”<br/>“No, it isn’t.”<br/>“So, you don’t think I’m sexy? You think I’m ugly?”<br/>“Don?!” Sara looked searching for help at Don.<br/>“Tell her she’s sexy and she’ll shut up.”<br/>“She’s scared I’ll think she hits on me. Scared that I come to close to you, Sara?”<br/>“Don’t be ridiculous.”<br/>“I might slip into your bed later.”<br/>“I’ll lock my door. And I planed that before because you wanted to write nasty words on Don’s forehead in case he had been asleep. I’m scared she’ll do the same to me when I sleep. Do you lock your door too, Don?”<br/>“No, I’ve my gun next to my bed, if she comes into my room, I’ll shoot her. Shall I give you my backup gun?”<br/>“Do I also get an alibi?”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“I should kick both of you out of my house.”<br/>“You need our money.” Don grinned and hugged Sofia. “And you’re sexy, Honey. If she doesn’t tell you, I do. Very sexy. I love your blue eyes and the sexy, slightly smoky voice. Are you sure you don’t want to have a man back in your life?”<br/>“I’ve got a man in my life, a housemate, he’s better than a lover. Less stress, more fun.”<br/>“True. Want to get upstairs with me and have some fun?”<br/>“Why does everybody wants to have sex with me today?”<br/>“Because you’re sexy.”<br/>“And I’m not interested. I want a relationship and not some one-night-stands.”<br/>“So we’ve to go out and find a woman for you. Shall we have a little trip to Sunset on Saturday? We both have to work the next day, but we can have a look around, some drinks and go home around midnight. You never know, you might get lucky – in a not sexual way of course.”<br/>“Okay, let’s go out, have some dinner and hit a club. I feel like dancing. Sara, do you want to join us?”<br/>“Depends on how lucky I get with my job hunting.”<br/>“I’m sure you’ll find something very soon. There’s still my job offer.”<br/>“No, thanks.”<br/>“What did you offer her?” Don asked.<br/>“That she can be my personal slave.”<br/>“Will she work naked?”<br/>“I won’t work at all for Sofia. Not dressed nor naked.”<br/>“What a pity. I like the idea of coming home and see you cleaning the floor in nothing more than high heels.”<br/>“You’re a pervert.”<br/>“No, I appreciate a beautiful woman.”<br/>“Now that the blonde didn’t want to go to bed with you, you try me? Thanks Don.”<br/>“I tried you first, you refused. I’m a man, I’m desperate.”<br/>“You got laid by the PS, be happy with that.” Sofia laughed. <br/>“It looks like it’s all I’ll get today. Oh well, I’ll survive and go to bed. Last chance for you girls to join me.”<br/>“I’ll take my own bed, thanks.” Sofia dismissed his offer.<br/>“And I’ll lock myself in my room. Better safe than sorry.” Sara grinned. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, July 24th</p><p>Patience had never been Sofia’s strength. It had always been horrible for her to wait for somebody to arrive or something to happen. So when she woke up on Friday morning, her day off, and didn’t fall asleep again within the first fifteen minutes, she got up. It wasn’t even eight o’clock, way too early for a day, she could have slept until noon. <br/>“Good morning and goodbye.” Sara greeted her on her way out.<br/>“Morning. Where are you going this early? Do you have an interview?” Wasn’t it too early for job interviews?<br/>“Therapy. You remember?”<br/>“Muffins!”<br/>“Yes. The bakery will be open today, I skipped breakfast, that means, I’ll have muffins later.”<br/>“Mind if I join you? I’ll stay out of the waiting room of your therapist of course. Scooby, Rantanplan and me would wait outside for you, get some muffins and coffee and…are you in a hurry after your therapy?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Maybe we can have breakfast somewhere. A park or so.”<br/>“Sounds good to me. I’ve to go, therapy ends at quarter to nine, you know where to go?”<br/>“Yes. And I’ll recognize my car.”<br/>“Of course you will. Later, detective.”<br/>“It’s still lieutenant, civilian.” Sofia grumbled. Degradation. All the time she got demoted. Just like in Vegas when she Ecklie demoted her. She needed a serious conversation with Sara about her rank, the correct rank.<br/>Her dogs were in the garden, she knew Don had fed them. <br/>“Hey guys, what do you think of a little run? No, wait, if we go for a run, we’ll be stinky and we’ve got a breakfast date. So we’ll walk around the reservoir, maybe a little run without sweating and go to Sara’s therapist. If you guys are lucky we’ll come along a butcher and I might buy you a bone. What do you think? Are you up for a walk?” Both dogs jumped up. They knew, the days when Sofia had a lot of time for them were rare and they never needed more than one invitation for a walk. <br/>She took the leashes, put on her running shoes and left the house. The morning air was fresh, it wasn’t full of smog. A look in the downtown direction showed her, the city was on it’s way to drown in smog, an hour later and she wouldn’t see it anymore. Not clear at least. <br/>With Rantanplan pulling her and Scooby stopping at every second stone, Sofia was caught between the two dogs and tried to give each of them, what they wanted. A little run for a quarter of a mile for Rantanplan and another quarter of a mile slow walk with a few stops for Scooby. <br/>“Hey Sofia, do you have a day off or can you start later?” An elderly Hispanic man with his little white dog stopped next to them. <br/>“Good morning Ramon, I’ve a day off.” She met the man every time she had a day off. He and his dog walked around the reservoir every day, needed almost three hours each time because they made a stop at every bench and never missed out the chance for some small talk with whoever was around. She knew he was a widower, lived only a block away from the reservoir and these walks were his only time he had contact to people. <br/>“And instead of sleeping in you have an early walk.”<br/>“I can’t sleep long when I get up early all the time and at this time is the air best for a walk.”<br/>“Don’t you usually run? Are your dogs tired today?”<br/>“No, I want to go to out breakfast after we had our walk, I shouldn’t do that when I’m covered in sweat. There won’t be time for a shower.”<br/>“True. With your boyfriend?”<br/>“Ramon, Don isn’t my boyfriend.”<br/>“Then he’s a very stupid man.”<br/>“No, I’m a stupid woman, I don’t want him.”<br/>“You’ll have your reasons.”<br/>She laughed. That was a nice way of seeing it. He was stupid if he didn’t want her, she had her reasons if she didn’t want him. Sofia liked this man, he had humor. <br/>“Yes, I don’t date men anymore.”<br/>“If I see all these young men, I can understand you. When I was younger I thought, it’s a sin, now that I’m older, I start believe, it’s God’s way to show them, women are not interested in their way of life. You need to be well dressed, clean and out of trouble to get a woman’s heart instead of stay out the whole night, drink, fight and get in trouble. Women are the nicer gender anyway.”<br/>“Most times, yes. They’ve one tattoo and are not covered with them.” Why did she mention tattoos? She had never thought about them before. <br/>“They don’t understand the meaning of: less is sometimes more.”<br/>“True. I’ve to go, it’s not polite to let somebody wait for breakfast.”<br/>“You can keep a man waiting but never a lady.”<br/>“I’m not sure if she’s a lady, but she’s a woman. So I’ll be a lady and be there on time. She mentioned something about very good and fresh muffins. And a good coffee.”<br/>“The best reasons to be on time – if she isn’t the best reason.” He blinked at her.<br/>“I’m not sure if she can hold a candle to fresh muffins and coffee. She needs to be much nicer for that.”<br/>“She’ll try if she’s smart. Have a nice day, Sofia.”<br/>“You too. See you the next time. Come on, guys, we need a little run to be on time. We don’t want Sara to wait – and eat all the muffins alone. Yummy in our tummy!” <br/>She finished the rest of the walking path around the reservoir in a low running speed, checked her watch to find out, she had another quarter of an hour to be at the therapist office. Taking a few shortcuts, she was there at quarter to nine, jumped into the butcher shop three doors down and got two bones for her dogs. If she planed to treat herself, she had to do the same for her dogs. <br/>With a small bottle of water she sat on a bench next to the front door of the office and waited. Even without her dogs by her side she had waited here. The therapy was Sara’s private affair, not her business and she respected the wish of the brunette to stay out of her business.<br/>Scooby realized first that Sara was around. His head went up, he got up and started to wag. He pulled Sofia forward so that he reached Sara as soon as she left the building and Sofia ended down on the sidewalk. <br/>“Thanks, Scooby.”<br/>“You don’t have to kiss my feet, Sofia.” Sara chuckled and offered the blonde her hand. <br/>“Tell that my dog, the not very well behaved one.”<br/>“I like Scooby.”<br/>“He likes you too.”<br/>“A smart dog. Sofia, that’s doctor Weinberg, she told me about these great muffins. Unfortunately I didn’t get one today, so she loses points for that. Doctor Weinberg, that’s lieutenant Curtis, you ever see her not on her knees, be aware, she’s a bad ass cop.” <br/>“Good to know.” Doctor Weinberg smiled. “Now I know to whom I’ve to talk to when I get a parking ticket again.”<br/>“Parking tickets are not my business. If you have to talk to me, you’ve a dead body somewhere around you.”<br/>“In that case I hope I’ll never call you. And before my next patient arrive, I’ve to get my muffin. I’ll see you on Monday, Miss Sidle. Lieutenant Curtis, have a nice day and take care of my patient.”<br/>“I will, don’t worry, doctor. But if you buy the last muffin I’ve to shoot you.”<br/>“I’ll leave one for you. One each.”<br/>“Make it two and you’re safe.” Sofia shot back and gave Sara Scooby’s leash. “There you go, your dog. Let’s go and have breakfast I’m starving.”<br/>“Me too. Therapy is hard work.”<br/>“Looks like we need three muffins this morning.”<br/>“At least three and two coffees.”<br/>“Now you’re talking, Babe.” Sofia laughed. A muffin and coffee all you can eat breakfast was the best thing you could have when you got up early. <br/>They got a dozen muffins, a large coffee each and made their way back home. To give the dogs the chance to run around a little bit more, they stopped at the dog playground and let them run there. To have the possibility to eat without them asking for food all the time, they sat on a bench outside and watched from a little distance.<br/>“I know your therapy isn’t my business, but it can’t be too bad when you’ll go there on Monday again.”<br/>“It isn’t like therapy, not like the therapy I know. I think, doctor Weinberg doesn’t have an ordinary session with me, she doesn’t try to force me into talking. We haven’t talked about the breakdown, she asks a few questions in general, let me tell her what I want her to know and reads a lot between the lines. She gives me feedback of what she understood and if I meant it in another way, I can say it again, with other words and we figure out if she got me wrong or if I said something and meant anything than what the words said.”<br/>“Sounds not too bad for therapy.”<br/>“It’s alright. I’ve no idea how it will help that I won’t lose conscious anymore, but maybe we’ll go there. She’ll have a plan.”<br/>“Yes, otherwise she hadn’t asked you to come back. You keep your two appointments per week?”<br/>“Until I’ve found a job, yes. Then we’ll find another solution. I won’t stay away because of a job if I can arrange both. But the job is more important.”<br/>“That’s something we can argue about. For me, your health is more important.”<br/>“For your accountant the job is more important.”<br/>“Lucky for us, the house doesn’t belong to him.” Sofia smiled and put a hand on Sara’s. “I’m serious, Sara. If you need a little bit more time to rest, it’s alright. Don’t force yourself into a job to get money, you can stay for a while without paying the rent. It’s more important that you get well and stay stable.”<br/>“I’m fine and I’d like to work. Otherwise I might start to be a housewife and become your personal slave.”<br/>“Like I said, take all your time – and the dirty laundry.”<br/>“Your wish.” Sara bopped Sofia. <br/>“I take what I get.”<br/>“But not your ex.”<br/>“You’re not over the fact that I date women, are you?” Sofia chuckled. <br/>“It was a surprise.”<br/>“Not a good one.”<br/>“I’ve no problem with the fact that you date women, it was just not that, what I knew of you from Vegas. On the other hand, I don’t know much of you and most things I know, I learnt here and not there. As you can see, I don’t avoid you, I meet you for breakfast.”<br/>“In a public place, where you’re safe.”<br/>Sara furrowed her brows, got up and sat on Sofia’s lap, arms around the blonde’s neck. “How’s that?”<br/>“That’s…close.” Sofia had to swallow. That was very close and even more unexpected. <br/>“Not scared at all. I prefer to have you come in my room to wake me up than you men with their guns and loud boots.”<br/>“I’ll keep that on my mind.”<br/>“Good. Do we go home now or back to get your car?”<br/>“Why don’t we safe the car for an evening walk? I’d like to get you out of the sun before it gets too warm.”<br/>“You’re cute when you take care of me.” Sara grinned, got up and whistled once to get the attention of the dogs. She had three dogs looking at her, none of them were Sofia’s. Maybe she had to practice a little bit more before she had the attention of Scooby and Rantanplan. </p><p>“Care for another muffin?” Sara asked. They were back at the bakery to get Sofia’s car. Through the open window of the bakery came the sweet smell of muffins and coffee. It was almost five, the shop closed at five.<br/>“We had four each and Don ate the rest.”<br/>“Don’t you need some breakfast for tomorrow?”<br/>“True. And we can put them in the freezer, they were so good, we should have some in the house. Okay, let’s buy the rest.”<br/>“And because we walked here, we deserve a coffee before we go home.”<br/>“Right. Give me your car keys.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“I’ll drive.”<br/>“It’s my car.”<br/>“Okay, I get the muffins, the coffee and pick maybe another lovely piece of whatever they’ve in there while you get the car and wait for me and the rest of the muffins to return.” Sara smiled widely.<br/>Sofia’s eyes got small and she threw the car keys to Sara. “Get the car, I’ll get the muffin before there’s nothing left for later. I let a muffin monster in my house, I need to lock the cupboard with the sweets.”<br/>Sara laughed, took the keys, the leashes of the dogs and went to Sofia’s car. <br/>The blonde watched her for a second or two before she went into the bakery. With a smile she noticed half a dozen muffins still waiting for a new owner. <br/>“Hi, I’d like to have your muffins. All of them because I’m bad in making decisions.” She said to an elderly woman with a huge smile.<br/>“Of course, Honey. I’ll give you a little discount, they’re not fresh anymore, I baked them around noon.” The woman started to put the muffins in a bag. Sofia wondered if muffins, that were less than five hours old, weren’t fresh for the woman, how did she describe the muffin she cold buy in a supermarket. Antique? Amazing. This seemed to be the perfect place for fresh pastries. <br/>“Is that cheesecake over there?” <br/>“It’s cheesecake with mandarins inside, they make the cake fresher, tastes more like summer. Would you like a piece?”<br/>“I’ll take the rest of it, if the cake is as half as good as the muffins are, it will be to die for.”<br/>The woman laughed. “You won’t eat all of those things alone right now, will you?”<br/>“Not today. And I might share them.”<br/>“Do you also share triple chocolate mud cake?”<br/>“No! But I take it!” Triple chocolate mud cake, Sofia felt like she had died and when she saw the little cake, she was sure, she was in heaven. She wanted this cake and if there was no space in her freezer, she’d eat it or throw anything else out. This cake was hers and she would take it home! <br/>“Here you go, Honey. Anything else?”<br/>“Two large coffees, please.” <br/>“You’ll need more than two with all your cake and muffins.”<br/>“I can’t eat them all today, but I’m sure, they won’t get old. It feels like a pastry weekend, I’ve always been a fan of that.”<br/>“You can get fresh muffins tomorrow.”<br/>“I know and I’m sure I’ll come along frequently, but it can’t harm to have some muffins and cake in the freezer in case guests arrive – or I feel like muffins and cake what happens around ten times a day.”<br/>“You don’t look like that.”<br/>“I will – or my dogs have to take for a walk more often. Anyway, it doesn’t matter as long as there’re cake and muffins.”<br/>“I put the rest of the carrot cake in the bag, so you’ll have something healthy.” The woman blinked at her. <br/>“I give the healthy stuff to my friend, healthy food suits her more than me. Thank you very much.” Sofia paid for all her pastry and was sure, she would be back here on Monday to get a fresh muffin and maybe some triple chocolate mud cake. Only a little detour and the bakery was on her way to the department and back.<br/>“Did you buy everything or what took you so long?” Sara asked. She had turned off the car, rolled down the window and watched Sofia from the other side of the shop window. <br/>“I bought a few more things, one is especially for you.” Sofia placed the bag on the backseat. Fresh muffins twice on one day, that was a good day off. She had to do this more often. She might gain a few pounds, but she would be happy the whole time. A firm look at her dogs to make it clear to them, the bag wasn’t for them. Maybe it was better to get it in front. <br/>She had almost reached the door when a loud scream stopped her. <br/>“I told you to hold it tight! You are too stupid for everything! Look what you’ve done!” A man stood over a little girl. In front of the girl was ice cream on the ground, some of the ice cream was also on her shirt and her shoes and she was crying. <br/>“Now we’ve to clean all your clothes because you’re a stupid, useless bitch!” He lifted his arm like he wanted to slap her. <br/>“Hey, watch it!” Sofia called and stepped toward them. <br/>“Mind your own business, slut!”<br/>“It’s Lieutenant slut for you. And if you touch that girl I’ll lock you up.”<br/>“That’s my daughter, you mind your own children and not mine. Get lost!” <br/>Sofia wanted to call her colleagues and let them take the man in. The problem was, so far he hadn’t done anything she could arrest him for. He had yelled but not touched her so far. <br/>“You calm down or you’ll find yourself in prison tonight.”<br/>“Fuck off!” He stepped on the ice cream, grabbed the girl not too hard but tight enough to drag her with him. Sofia made a fist a few times to calm herself. What a jerk. She wished she had a chance to do anything against this man. <br/>“What an asshole, men like him shouldn’t have child…Sara!” Her friend sat pale on the driver’s seat, rocking back and forward, trembling. She reminded Sofia of the woman, she found in her room, before she lost conscious. <br/>“Sara.” She jumped almost over her car to get on the other side to reach Sara better. Not paying attention to the traffic, she opened the door. “Hey.” Carefully she tried to take her friend in her arms, but it wasn’t possible. Sara didn’t stop rocking, she wore her seatbelt and didn’t respond to Sofia. <br/>“Sara, please…stop trembling.” Sofia had no idea what to do. What did happen to Sara? She had been fine a few seconds ago, the whole day. Why did this happen? “It’s alright, everything is alright. Sara? Come on, please…”<br/>“What happened?” <br/>Sofia had no idea from where doctor Weinberg appeared, frankly, she didn’t care. She was only happy that there was somebody to help.<br/>“I don’t know. She was alright one moment and the next one I found her like this. Do something!” The woman was a doctor, she had to know what to do, what was right for Sara. <br/>“Let’s get her out of the car.” Doctor Weinberg, who was on the other side, unbuckled the seatbelt and helped Sofia to get Sara out of the car. Together they carried Sara more than they guided her into the office of the doctor. <br/>“Sara.” Sofia pulled Sara down on the couch and pulled her in her arms, tried to stop the tremble this way. Her friend was ice cold and Sofia could feel the pulse running. <br/>“She’ll faint again, her pulse is running. Can’t you do anything to soothe her?”<br/>“I can’t give her a pill, she won’t swallow it. Can you hold her tight for a second?”<br/>“Yes.” At least Sofia hoped she could do that. She watched how the doctor got a syringe out of a little fridge. Sara wouldn’t like that but they had to do anything to soothe her before she lost conscious again. <br/>“Okay, hold her as tight as possible.” Doctor Weinberg stepped next to them. “Sara, I’ll give you something to soothe, try not to tremble. Relax. You’re not at risk, you’re safe.” <br/>“What are you giving her?”<br/>“A light sedative. I doubt she’d appreciate it when we give her something stronger and I’m not a fan of soothing symptoms with medicine, I prefer to work on a solution that there won’t be any bouts anymore.”<br/>Usually Sofia appreciated it when doctors didn’t try to use medicine as a solution for everything, right now she felt more like she wanted anything that helped Sara to calm. She didn’t want to think of her friend in hospital again. <br/>“I think she calms down a bit.” Sofia didn’t want to let go of her friend. The trembling was less severe, Sara seemed to calm.<br/>“It’s a fast working sedative. Sara, can you hear me?”<br/>There was no reaction. Sara’s eyes were closed, she trembled, rocked, tears ran down her face and she held on to Sofia. The blonde wasn’t sure if the other woman knew it was her or if she desperately tried to get hold on whatever was around. <br/>“Lieutenant, can you tell me more preciously what happened?”<br/>“We left the car here this morning to walk back with the dogs. Around five we were back, Sara wanted to get the car, I went into the bakery to get some muffins. When I came out, she teased me if I had bought the whole shop and when I want to get into the car, she was like you saw her too.”<br/>“Nothing happened in between?”<br/>“No…There was a man, who yelled at his child for dropping the ice cream. I thought for a moment, he’d slap her, so I called at him to leave her alone. We exchanged a few sentences, he went on and I went into the car.”<br/>“Okay.” Doctor Weinberg looked at Sara, thinking. <br/>“Do you think that had something to do with Sara?”<br/>“Why would you think so?”<br/>“You’re a psychologist, you read people by watching and listen to them to find out, what bothers them. I’m a lieutenant, I read people by watching and listening to them to find out, if they’re guilty or not, lie to me or not. Don’t try to treat me like a patient of yours.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg smiled a bit. “You and Sara, you’re very much alike.”<br/>“I take that as a compliment. She reacted like this last week. Not as strong, but she was very jumpy, tensed. A slammed car door or a shooting out on the streets made her lose her grip for a moment, something I didn’t see of her before. She had never been a scared person nor somebody who got nervous easily.”<br/>“Had there been a bang? Down on the road?”<br/>“No…could it be the yelling man? The noise?”<br/>“If it’s simply noise, she’d show sings when there’s loud music, cars, anything that’s loud. Did you notice any of that?”<br/>“No. She doesn’t mind to walk around a high traffic road.”<br/>“When she lost conscious, what happened?”<br/>“I wasn’t there, all I saw was how she fell.”<br/>“Before.”<br/>“She made the decision to move in with Don and me. I wanted to get us some sparkling wine to celebrate, when I came home, she was trembling and lost conscious.”<br/>“Alright, now think as a lieutenant, like before when you said, you walked around the car and found her trembling. There had been something in between, do you have any idea what happened in between last weekend?”<br/>“No, I…Don came home, called he was back and…that I was in trouble. I had parked my car in a way that always annoys him.”<br/>“An angry man again.”<br/>“He wasn’t angry, he pretended to be angry.”<br/>“You knew that. But did Sara know that too?”<br/>“Of course she…okay…she doesn’t know Don that good, she had no idea of this running gag, it could be, that it sounded for her like he was mad and threatened me.”<br/>“We’ve an angry man last week and today.”<br/>“She has a trauma?”<br/>“I can’t tell you, but so far, it’s the thing both occasions had in common. Sara?” Doctor Weinberg got down on her knees in front of Sara. “Sara, can you open your eyes, please?”<br/>“No.”<br/>The sound of Sara’s voice sounded strange to Sofia. It was full of fear. <br/>“Nothing will happen, we’re here to take care of you.” Sofia said. “I’ve got you in my arms, nobody will do anything to you as long as you’re with us. Come on, open your eyes, I promise it won’t hurt.”<br/>“I can’t. I don’t want. I want to go home.”<br/>“In this condition I can’t let you go. You look more like you need an ambulance.”<br/>“No!” Sara’s eyes popped open. “No ambulance! No hospital! I’m fine. I..” She tried to get up, lost her balance and fell back. Sofia caught her, pulled her in her arms. <br/>“Stay with me, get some more rest.”<br/>“What did happen?”<br/>“You can’t remember?” Doctor Weinberg asked. She was checking Sara’s pulse, checked on the reactions of her eyes. <br/>“Yes…no…Sofia?”<br/>“I’m not sure, when I put the pastry on the backseat you were alright, when I got into the car, you were all shaken up. Your pulse was running and I had no idea what to do. Luckily doctor Weinberg came along, we got you up here.”<br/>“You closed your office for the day.”<br/>“Her mind’s working, her pulse is alright and the reaction of her pupils normal. She’s still pale.”<br/>“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”<br/>“Sorry, physically there’s no reason for you not to leave.”<br/>“Great!”<br/>“Your body.” Doctor Weinberg pushed Sara down with one hand and not a lot effort when she tried to get up. “Is more than that and it’s your mind that worries me.”<br/>“I’ll be alright, I need some rest and that’s it. And that means, I won’t go into a hospital. There’s nothing you can do to make me go there.”<br/>“I won’t try it, I’d like to see you next week and if I try to talk you into a night in hospital you won’t come back.”<br/>“Correct.”<br/>“Do you know why you have this bouts?”<br/>“Too much stress.”<br/>“What kind of stress?”<br/>“I got accused of being a drug dealer, I need a job and I ended up with a shrink, who doesn’t want to let me go home.”<br/>“You got accused to be a drug dealer?”<br/>“Yes, last week.”<br/>“And they’re building up a case?”<br/>“No. I’m not a drug dealer!”<br/>“She was with a group of people, four of them had drugs with them, they smuggled it in from Costa Rica. Unfortunately SWAT had no idea who is involved, so Sara got taken in too. There are no charges, she was released the same day and she has nothing to do with drugs.” Sofia took Sara’s hand. <br/>“Okay. Your shrink, who isn’t a shrink, will let you go home, but she would appreciate it if you call her when something happens. Or when you call me.” Doctor Weinberg looked at Sofia. <br/>“Sure, no problem.”<br/>“Don’t you have a weekend?” Sara grumbled. She didn’t want the doctor to baby her. <br/>“I do and usually you can’t reach me during the weekend. But usually I don’t have session after five and before nine. See yourself as somebody very special, Sara.” She wrote something on her business card. “Lieutenant.” The doctor handed Sofia her card. “My private cell phone number is on the back.”<br/>“I’ll keep it and we’ll only use it in case of an emergency. Thank you very much.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>Sofia got up. “Can you get up alone or do you need a hand, Sara?”<br/>“I’m fine.” Sara got up, for a second, she was a little bit shaky, then she found her balance. “What did you give me to calm down, doc?”<br/>“A mild but fast working sedative. We didn’t want to risk that you lost conscious. If you want, I can give you something to be more relaxed, less tensed.”<br/>“I don’t want to take medicine without a reason.”<br/>“It’s homeopathic, no chemicals. Or you try some Saint John’s wort. It will take a few days before it works but it will help you to be more relaxed and less stressed out. It doesn’t have to be benzodiazepine.”<br/>“I’ll think about it.”<br/>“Good. I’ll see you on Monday if nothing happens.”<br/>“Nothing will happen. Thanks doc.” Sara shook the hand of the doctor. <br/>“You’re welcome. I hope you understand and know, neither the Lieutenant nor I want to do anything that’s bad for you. Even if you don’t always agree on our ideas.”<br/>“I know.”<br/>“Good. Have a good weekend, Lieutenant.”<br/>“Thanks, I’ll be back on duty tomorrow. Enjoy your time off before you’ve to work with this stubborn head again.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“Actually I enjoy working with her, take good care of my special patient.”<br/>“I will. And you work hard so your special patient will be able to live happy without you.”<br/>“We’ll get her there.”<br/>“I’m still in the room, stop talking like that.” Sara grumbled again. <br/>“You’re out of the room now.” Sofia got her arm around Sara’s waist, pulled her in and walked with her out of the office. “I’ll get you home, we’ve some muffins to eat – in case they survived with the dogs alone in the car - and Don might have started the dinner already.”<br/>“Sounds good, better than anything else I’ve heard the last couple of minutes.”</p><p>“Do you want to lay down for a while?”<br/>“Are you kidding me?” Sara shot Sofia a look like she was nuts. <br/>“I’m just…”<br/>“Sofia, I’m fine.” Sara got out of the car, opened the trunk to let the dogs out and walked to the house.<br/>“You’re bitchy, I guess that’s a sign of that you’re feeling better.” Sofia took the bag with the pastry. Magically the dogs didn’t touch it and everything was still there. The problem was, Sofia had lost her appetite. <br/>She followed Sara in the house and found her with Don in the kitchen.<br/>“Hey, did you bring dinner?” He greeted his housemate. <br/>“No, more dessert. Muffins and cake.”<br/>“What’s wrong?” Don didn’t need many words to see, something was wrong with Sofia. He knew her well enough. <br/>The blonde only looked at the other woman.<br/>“Sara?” Don left the big spoon he was cooking with and walked to Sara.<br/>“I’m fine.”<br/>“You weren’t fine before?”<br/>“I had a little…everybody makes more out of it then it was.”<br/>“What was it?”<br/>“Nothing.”<br/>“I don’t believe you but if you don’t want me to know, it’s alright.”<br/>“I had…I don’t know how to call it, I lost time.”<br/>“I found her trembling in the car, almost like last week. Doctor Weinberg got her some sedative. We had to do something before she lost conscious again and needed an ambulance.”<br/>“Your therapist was there too?”<br/>“It was in front of her office, at the bakery. She had just finished work.”<br/>“And started again when she saw you. Can I do anything for you?”<br/>“Don’t baby me.”<br/>“You? Never! I leave you with the dinner alone, stir it, I’ve to make a phone call.” He gave her the spoon. “It’s a spring soup.”<br/>“In summer time.”<br/>“Yes, I felt like soup today.”<br/>“It’s full of vegetables, I like it.”<br/>“Good. There’s some bread on the fridge, that needs to be put in the oven.” Don hugged Sofia for a second and kissed her cheek. <br/>“He cooks fresh soup, that’s sexy.” Sara grinned. <br/>“Tell him, he’ll be happy you think so and always remember, he’s available.”<br/>“What happened to Santa Monica girl?”<br/>“I don’t know, he’s been home every evening, I doubt Santa Monica girl was something serious. Maybe Las Vegas girl, also know as Venice lobster, is the one.”<br/>“No, she isn’t. She has enough to do to get her own life back on the road and doesn’t have time to work on a relationship. Beside, I’m a San Francisco girl and not a Vegas girl. That’s your job.”<br/>“I was born in Vegas, yes.”<br/>“But?”<br/>“No but.”<br/>“The sentence sounded like there was something more.”<br/>“No, I was born in Vegas and...shit.” Sofia stick her left index finger in her mouth. The fact, that she had been cutting a carrot and tossed the knife away, told Sara, Sofia had cut herself. <br/>“Get your finger out of the mouth and under water.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Too many bacteria in your mouth. Where do you have a band-aid?”<br/>“Lower shelf left side. I keep some here in cases like this.” Sofia clenched her teeth when she put her finger under the water and it burnt. “Shit.”<br/>“Your knife is sharp.” Sara made the decision by all the blood Sofia lost, she needed a bigger band-aid. <br/>“Hand, please.” She wrapped the finger in a tissue to dry it, put the band-aid on it and kissed the tip of the finger. “Everything will be alright soon.”<br/>“Don’t baby me!”<br/>“Now you know how it feels. Let me finish the carrot.”<br/>“I can do it.”<br/>“I know you can, the problem is, the cut looked deep, I’m afraid you’ll need a fresh band-aid soon and we don’t want our spring soup with red spots because your blood drops into our soup. You’ve to sit down, watch me finishing the soup and nurse your finger.”<br/>“That’s the best evidence that I’m not made to be in the kitchen. And that fresh food is dangerous. This hadn’t happened if we had cake and muffins for dinner. Or a pizza, called the delivery service.”<br/>“Sure, we’ll eat nothing more than muffins and cake and in a few months you’re not a sexy lieutenant anymore, but you’re perfect if anybody needs some shade.”<br/>“You think I’m sexy!” Sofia grinned. Sara had said it. She was a sexy lieutenant right now. There was the proof. <br/>“You’re a Barbie for men, isn’t Barbie the example for all little girls what sexy is?”<br/>“Comparing me with Barbie isn’t a nice thing, Sara.”<br/>“She’s a fake, like you.”<br/>“One more word and I’ll stab you with the carrot.”<br/>“She’s plastic, you’re dyed. Both not real. Also I’ve to say, I like you more, Barbie’s muffins were all made of plastic.”<br/>“I won’t share my muffins with you anymore.”<br/>“Sure you will.” Sara threw the rest of the carrot in the soup, took a new band-aid, sat next to Sofia and took off the other band-aid. It was already covered in blood. <br/>“Maybe you need stitches.”<br/>“No, I don’t!” <br/>“Okay.” Sara put the new band-aid on. “Your blood seems to be very liquid, which is a good thing when you don’t cut yourself. Do you have arnica?”<br/>“Who?”<br/>“Not who, what. It helps when you’ve little wounds, they heal faster when you take it.”<br/>“The only medicine I’ve got here is a package of pain killer.”<br/>“After my doctor suggests I should take medicine, we can go and buy a little medicine chest. Saint John’s wort sounds better than the other things with a list of side effects that fills a book.”<br/>“The sedative she injected you worked good.”<br/>“Yes and it was alright for the moment. Another weekend in hospital isn’t what I’ve got in mind. Nevertheless, it’s nothing I want for every day.”<br/>“Understandable. Alright, we get you some nature medicine but I’ll ask your doctor if she can give you a prescription for a mild sedative. As an emergency medicine in case something like today will happen again.”<br/>“You know how to give somebody an injection?”<br/>“No, but the chance is bigger that there’s somebody around, who knows how to do that than that there’s anybody who knows how to do it and has a sedative in the pocket. I guess most people don’t wander around with sedatives in their pockets.”<br/>“Depends on what you call a sedative, some are even naturally.” Sara smiled. “Marijuana is a sedative.”<br/>“You take anything illegal and I’ll get you back in the interrogation room, Miss Sidle. Do you understand?”<br/>“Yes, Lieutenant.” <br/>“Good.” Sofia took Sara’s hand. “I’m glad you’re alright, Sara and I’m really glad you’re here.”<br/>“So we’re two who are happy I’m not in hospital.”<br/>“I meant it in general, Sara. I’m glad you made the decision to move in with us. It’s good to have you around.”<br/>“Thanks. I like it here, it’s fun to be with you and Don. Most times.”<br/>“Most times in your words means always for everybody else.” Sofia smirked. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Monday, July 27th</p><p>“Why don’t you go home?” Don came into Sofia’s office and closed the door. It was almost five, her usual time to go home. As far as he knew, she had no urgent case, no reason to stay here. <br/>“I’ve to do some more work.”<br/>“No, you don’t.” He pulled her off the chair, dropped himself on it and pulled her on his lap. “What is wrong, Sofia?”<br/>“Nothing.”<br/>“You’re not a good liar.” He kissed her cheek softly. “Not when you lie to me. We know each other since one year, I know you better than you think I do. Something is bothering you. Or someone. Why don’t you tell me? I’m a good detective, I can help you out.”<br/>“I’m a lieutenant, I can help myself.”<br/>“I don’t doubt that when it comes to police work. It’s something else that makes these wonderful blue eyes blue.”<br/>“Don’t flirt with me.”<br/>“I like flirting with beautiful women.”<br/>“I’m your boss.”<br/>“And you’re my landlady. All these things don’t change the fact that you’re beautiful.”<br/>Sofia sighed, leant her head on his head. “Tell me, Don, why did we never have anything going on?”<br/>“Because you told me, you’re not into men.”<br/>“And you believed that? Accepted that?”<br/>“Who am I to tell you anything else? You must know what you want.”<br/>“I want an easy life. A life, where everything is purple and full of joy and happiness.”<br/>“Sounds awful cliché. And makes us unemployed.”<br/>“But happy.” <br/>“Can I do anything to make you a little bit happier? Shall I take you out for a date?”<br/>“No. What happened to Santa Monica girl?”<br/>“Her name is Jess.”<br/>“Oh.” Sofia knew not much about Don and his past. She knew a lot about his police work, but only a few things about his private life. Especially when it came to Jessica Angel, his former work partner and lover. Her death was the reason why Don came to Los Angeles, left his demons in New York. <br/>“It has been over a year since she died, I’ve taken most pieces of my life back together, but I can’t date somebody, who has her name. Every time I said her name, I thought of Angel and not Santa Monica girl.”<br/>“I’m so sorry, Honey.” Sofia kissed his cheek, pulled him closer. <br/>“Not your fault. Maybe I need a little bit more time. Who wants to date anyway? It only costs you money, you get your heart broken and you have trouble because a relationship and police work don’t fit together.”<br/>“You think so?”<br/>“How many police officers, who are in a happy long term relationship, do you know?”<br/>“Well…” Sofia tried to count some example. “Some of our colleagues are married for many years.”<br/>“Some, most of them are divorced, in the second, third or whatever marriage or single. How close to a marriage have you ever been?”<br/>“Uhm…never even close.” She had never been engaged, had never been with somebody long enough to think about a marriage. “I don’t blame it on the job.”<br/>“Not?”<br/>“No, it never felt right.”<br/>“Do you want to get married?”<br/>“I’m not sure. After all, a marriage isn’t more than a promise for the government. It doesn’t help you to stay together for the rest of your life. At the moment I’m far away from a marriage. I can’t marry my Mrs. Right.”<br/>“No, you’ve to move to another state or change back to men.”<br/>“If I don’t find the right woman I’ll do that.”<br/>“Anybody close to be the one?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“So you’re sad blue eyes have nothing to do with a woman?”<br/>Sofia sighed. <br/>“Who is it?”<br/>“I worry about Sara.”<br/>“Why? She had been alright the whole weekend, hasn’t she?”<br/>“Yes. But she had these bouts twice within a week, what if she’ll get one again? So far we’ve no idea what triggers them. If it has anything to do with noise, she can get a bout everywhere. L.A. is a loud place.”<br/>“She never had them before?”<br/>“I don’t know. We haven’t been close in Las Vegas. As far as I know, she didn’t have a breakdown in Vegas. There weren’t any signs of it when we worked together.”<br/>“Could it be that the incident on Monday was the trigger? When she got pulled out of her room? It’s not the best way to wake up, it would confuse me and maybe throw me of the roads for a while.”<br/>“You mean, it threw her of the road so much that she has these bouts? I can’t imagine that, there has to be more. I hope her therapist can help her.”<br/>“Is she good?”<br/>“I’m a lieutenant not a psychologist, so I’ve no idea if she’s good or not. She cares and she’s there for Sara, let her come in twice a week even she has no free appointments available and she gave us her private cell phone number in case anything happened during the weekend. The most important thing is, she does something that makes Sara go to her. Their sessions must be special, I doubt Sara would go to an ordinary session, she mentioned something about being in therapy once and it was bad.”<br/>“They started with muffins and coffee, I call that a good start. Maybe I can have a session there too. Some people try to convince me to get some help since…Jess…died.”<br/>“You can ask her, but I’m afraid she won’t take you as an emergency patient.”<br/>“I can wait a little bit longer, it’s not like I try to ignore the problems for a while.”<br/>“You can talk to me whenever you want. I’m not a therapist, so I might not be able to give you the perfect advice, but I’m your friend, I’m a good listener and I’m there for you.”<br/>“Do you come into my bed when I’ve got a nightmare?”<br/>“No therapist will do that, not if the therapist is a good one. But yes, Don, if you have a nightmare and don’t want to be alone, I’d come into your bed, take you in my arms and hold you until you’re asleep again. If you try to get your hands under my shirt, I’ll cuff and castrate you.” She grinned.<br/>“I’m a gentleman.”<br/>“Most times, yes.” She kissed him on the lips. “I love you, I can’t imagine my life without you and I hope, whatever will happen to you or me, we’ll stay in touch forever. But I could understand if you say at one point, you want to go back to New York.”<br/>“That might happen one day. At the moment I can’t imagine it, but one day, yes. That means, we’ll become frequent flyer and visit each other. You’ll come over for New Years Eve, the huge Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center and I’ll be here for the Oscar night and some beach fun in the summer. We’ll have a barbeque with my wife and your Mrs. or Mister Right.”<br/>“Sounds like a good plan to me.”<br/>“It is a good plan and we should practice for it. Come on, lieutenant, leave your paperwork behind come home with me. We’ll start the barbeque and when our new housemate is home, we can have dinner and some beer.”<br/>“Lets make a deal: you drive home, get the dogs here and I walk home with them. They need a walk anyway and I want to finish the report. Ten minutes.”<br/>“You’ve got twenty, I need more than ten minutes for the way. I want to see you outside when I’m back. If I have to go inside the department to get you, I’ll do something very embarrassing like kissing you on your lips right in front of all colleagues. They’ll start to talk and you’ll get mad because of all the stupid talk.”<br/>“They never stopped talking about us. It can’t be that you live with me and we’ve got nothing going on.”<br/>“We do have something going on, a really deep friendship. If they don’t understand that, they’re stupid. Twenty minutes, lieutenant.” He got up, kissed her again and left with a little twinkle the office. <br/>Sofia stared at the door for a few seconds. She was a lucky woman to have a man like Don around, to call him her friend. And she was serious when she said, she’d stay the night with him to soothe him. She could feel the pain when she saw him like that, when she knew, he thought of Jessica and suffered. And she felt so useless and helpless because there was nothing she could do to make it better or take the event back. She’d do anything to see him happy again. </p><p>“Sara?” Doctor Weinberg raised her voice only a little bit to get Sara out of her thoughts. She had stopped calling her Miss Sidle since Friday and Sara was fine with that. They talked about very private things of Sara’s life and she felt strange to tell any person things to a person, who called her Miss Sidle. <br/>“Sorry, I was…how do you psychologist call it? It’s not disorientated.”<br/>“Dissociation.”<br/>“Yes. Why do you have so difficult words?”<br/>“You mean, you prefer easy words like deoxyribonucleic acid?”<br/>Sara laughed. “Okay, your point. I’m impressed you know the real name of DNA. But then, you’re a doctor.”<br/>“I came across DNA during my university time, yes. Can you tell me where you’ve been before I called you back?”<br/>“I thought about what you said. The connection between the event two weeks ago, the angry man and Don…it was a shock when they pulled me out of bed, but I had worse experience, as strange as it might sound.”<br/>“You think it sound strange when you say that?”<br/>“Most people would think it was a terrible experience.”<br/>“You think else.”<br/>“No, but like I said, I had worse experience. Being trapped under a car in the desert during a thunderstorm, water running down the hill, you feel how it rises, you can’t really move, know if you don’t do anything, you’ll drown because nobody knows where you are. That was worse. I never thought my life was in danger when they took me to the department, I feared for my life the whole time under the car.”<br/>“You want to tell me about how you ended under the car?”<br/>Sara sighed. No, she didn’t want to talk about this night, it was nothing she wanted to think about. Then again, she was here to talk about bad things, to get them out of her head, to have a chance to live free of them. <br/>“We worked a case of a serial killer, maybe you heard of the miniature killer. A woman, who killed a few people in Vegas… Izzy Delancy?”<br/>“The former rock star.”<br/>“Yes. He was her first victim. No, her first victim was her own sister when they both were children.” Nathalie had pushed her sister off the tree house and killed her. Something they didn’t know at that time, something a lot of people forgot, for Sara, it was Nathalie’s first kill. “He was the first victim we had as a case. She left a perfectly half inch scale miniature of the murder scene in the kitchen, where she killed him, even used his blood to create the blood pool. Grissom, my boss, I was involved with, at that time, tracked down her foster father, who committed suicide before anybody could talk to him. She blamed him for her foster father’s death, the only person, who ever loved her. To make him pay, she took me away, to make him suffer. Left me under the car to die. I was able to free myself, almost died when I broke down in the dessert, dehydrated.” Sara stopped. She had been through this story so many times, with the police, with Grissom, most times alone with her herself. Every time it was hard, it scared her because she felt like she was right back under the car. <br/>“There was a little smile in your face, just for a second.”<br/>“I just thought, Nick and Sofia found me there, she had been there for me, rescued me. Like Friday. Looks like she’s good at that.”<br/>“Looks like. Something good.”<br/>“Yes. Anyway, that was worse than the SWAT team in my room.”<br/>“What happened after that event?”<br/>“The relationship with Grissom became public, I left night shift, changed to swing shift so we had no problems with our boss. A few weeks later I left. I couldn’t stand the violence anymore. It was like every day got worse, no matter what I did, the evil was everywhere, never stopped, not even hesitated. I wrote Grissom a letter that I was sorry, left, went to San Francisco to see my mother and started to go on excursions. Grissom, to whom I was engaged at that time, was supposed to come with me. In the end, he was never able to leave Las Vegas, to leave his work. We had been in love, he called me the only one he had ever loved, but the love wasn’t stronger than the love or the need to be at his work. We split, it hurt, but I got over it. There are no bad feelings left, in fact, I’d like to see him when I go to Vegas to visit my colleagues.”<br/>“Leaving Vegas, starting a new life, helped you to get over the experience in the desert.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Why are you in L.A. and not in San Francisco with your mother?”<br/>“She is…” Sara stopped. Not a good topic. Not one she wanted to talk about. “We’re not that close.”<br/>“You don’t want to talk about her.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Alright.”<br/>“Don’t say it’s alright, you’re supposed to make me talk.”<br/>“To make you angry? Close up? No, I won’t do that. I’ll wait until you trust me enough to talk about her yourself. When you feel like talking about her, we can do that.” Doctor Weinberg smiled a bit. <br/>“You don’t react the way you should as a psychologist.”<br/>“That’s why you come to me.”<br/>“Yes. And because you gave me the muffins. We’ve frozen a dozen of them in case we want muffins and the bakery is closed or we’re too lazy to go there. Sofia is addicted too. Don tries to pretend he doesn’t care for muffins, but I saw him putting two in his bag for work.”<br/>“You and Sofia are friends for a long time?”<br/>“No.” They were friends since…yes, since when? One week? “No, we know each other for a couple of years, worked together in Vegas but we weren’t friends.”<br/>“That has changed.”<br/>“Yes. Somehow. She came to me when I was in interrogation, never had a doubt that I wasn’t innocence. She was there when I got the sunburn, she made sure I got lotion, she helped me because I couldn’t reach my back, offered me a room to stay and she was there when I had the first bout. Somewhere on this way we became friends.”<br/>“You trust her.”<br/>“As guess I do. More than most people at least.”<br/>“It’s not easy for you to trust people.”<br/>“No. But she saved my life twice, she can’t be too bad, don’t you think, doc?” Sara chuckled. <br/>Doctor Weinberg smiled again. “I think she’s good for you, she likes you, worries about you.”<br/>“She makes sure I come to you.”<br/>“A smart woman.”<br/>“A smug one too.”<br/>“There’s a difference between being smug and being self-assured.”<br/>“Does she pay you to say that?”<br/>“No and you know that. I’d like to ask you something that has to do with her, Sara.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“Could you consider Sofia as your safe person?”<br/>“What is a safe person?”<br/>“A person, you feel safe with. Somebody, you makes you go through different things easier or possible.”<br/>“Do you want me to get her here and hold my hand while we talk?” It was one thing for Sara to call Sofia a friend, it was something different to have the blonde here in her sessions and hear about all the things, that had happened to Sara. <br/>“No. I wondered if she makes you feel safe in situations, you feel scared.”<br/>“If I’m not having a stupid bout I’m not scared.” Sara said with a little bit of anger in her voice. She didn’t want a babysitter, she was capable to handle her own life. <br/>“Okay.”<br/>No, it wasn’t okay, she wanted the psychologist to fight with her. Why was is impossible to fight with this person? That was annoying. Every time Sara thought, she was mad, had a reason to yell at doctor Weinberg, to tell her, therapy was stupid, the doctor agreed and took the anger away. That wasn’t fair.<br/>“I can’t say I felt safe when I was in the car last Friday and Sofia was there.” Sara continued a little bit calmer. “I didn’t realized she was there until I was here in your office and you gave me the sedative.”<br/>“Can you remember anything of the event?”<br/>“She got the pastry, was on her way to get into the car…the end.”<br/>“Sofia didn’t tell you what happened?”<br/>“No. She said, that’s something we’ve to talk about. That she isn’t a therapist. I felt like strangling her when she said that and refused to say a single word.”<br/>“Do you want me to tell you what happened after she put the pastry on the backseat?”<br/>“Yes. Please.”<br/>“There was a man on the other side of the sidewalk, who yelled at his daughter because she dropped her ice cream. It looked for a moment like he was about to slap her, Sofia got his attention, made him understand that she’d send him to prison if he touches the child. They exchanged a few not nice words and he moved on. She got into the car and found you trembling… you look pale now, Sara. Sara?”<br/>Sara could almost feel how the tremble started, she heard words, yelling at somebody. At her? She felt hands. In her face. Her head. Her upper body. Hands slapping her. <br/>“Sara!” <br/>The hands she felt now belonged to doctor Weinberg, who shook her, strong but without hurting her. <br/>“Sorry. I was…somewhere else.”<br/>“You were at the event of Friday.”<br/>“No. Yes. No. I don’t know. Fuck.” She grabbed the chair to make her hands stop trembling. Why couldn’t she control her own body? What was wrong with her that she lost it all the time? That had never happened before? Was she on the best way to lose it?<br/>“Even if it’s hard, try to relax, let your hands tremble. The more you try to fight it, the more you’re tensed and it won’t stop. Close your eyes.”<br/>“I want this to stop.”<br/>“It will. Close your eyes, lean back.”<br/>Sara tried again to stop her hands before she did what she was told. <br/>“Close your mouth, take a deep breath through your nose and try to keep the air in your stomach for five seconds.” <br/>She felt the hands of the doctor on her temples, starting to move them around in little circles with low pressure. Slowly she inhaled, felt like the air arrived in her stomach and held it.<br/>“And now exhale. Slowly and through your mouth until you feel like there’s no air left. Then start to inhale again the same way like before.”<br/>Sara did like she was told. She felt like wringed something out when she made sure, there was no air left in her stomach. Trying not to gasp for air, she inhaled again slowly. Meanwhile doctor Weinberg didn’t stop her massage to Sara’s temples. She repeated this exercise three more times when doctor Weinberg stopped the massage. <br/>“That’s alright, you can open your eyes again.” She sat back on her chair. <br/>Sara looked at her hands. They laid steady on her lap, comfortable and didn’t tremble. Like nothing had happened. <br/>“It worked.”<br/>“You are full of tensions, Sara. When did you have the last massage?”<br/>“Never?”<br/>“A massage is a good way to relax, you might want to have one once a week. Do you do any exercise?”<br/>“No, nothing regular. I walk with the dogs.”<br/>“If possible try to fit some exercise in your morning schedule, best before you go to work or start with the day. That makes you more relaxed.”<br/>“Okay, I can do that. A morning jogging tour around the reservoir.”<br/>“That would be perfect.”<br/>“But it won’t stop these bouts.”<br/>“No, but it might make them less severe. Something of the Friday event, something that has something to do with the man yelling at his child, makes you feel scared.”<br/>“I don’t know why. He yelled at the child, he didn’t notice me. It wasn’t about me, not my business.”<br/>“And yet it got into you.”<br/>“Apparently. You’re the psychologist, tell me why.”<br/>“I can’t tell you why, Sara.”<br/>“Why not?”<br/>“Because the reason for that is something, you haven’t told me yet. I can only guess and make conclusions when you tell me about you and your past.”<br/>“There must some kind of associations you have for things like that.”<br/>“I wouldn’t help you if I start to make guesses. The opposite, it would be bad. A therapist, who puts pictures in the head of her client, is a danger for the client or even the society.”<br/>“So I’ve to figure it out alone. Why am I here then?”<br/>“I can help you to figure it out when you talk to me, I can support you by working things out, getting through things.”<br/>“I’ll end up in a loony bin.”<br/>“Why should end up there?”<br/>“I’m crazy.”<br/>“No, you’re not.”<br/>“I am. You just saw it. And you want a reason for it? I inherited it!” Sara jumped up and left the room before doctor Weinberg could stop her. She had to get out of here! She needed some fresh air! She needed…anything but not this! She had to leave. Fast. Far, far away. Before she lost it all. </p><p>The second beer and Sofia started to relax a bit. The walk with the dogs had been exactly what she needed and the cold beer Don handed her when she arrived home, did the rest. Now, with a steak and some salad on her plate, a second bottle of beer next to her, she felt like she was home, could relax. <br/>Her cell phone rang.<br/>“This is Sofia, I’m having dinner and I don’t want to talk now. Call later before the food gets cold and the beer warm.” Not the best way to answer the phone but exactly what she felt right now.<br/>“It’s doctor Weinberg, I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner, lieutenant.”<br/>“Doctor!” Immediately the food and beer were forgotten. It couldn’t be good when the psychologist called her. A short look at her watch told Sofia, Sara had been due to be back an hour ago. The blonde had assumed, Sara was with her therapist, that they talked about the Friday incident and needed some more time. <br/>“What happened?”<br/>“I was wondering if Miss Sidle is back home.”<br/>“No. Isn’t she with you?”<br/>“She left over an hour ago.”<br/>“What did happen? Something did happen, that’s why you call. She didn’t just leave, did she?”<br/>“No, she stormed out of the office. She had another bout.”<br/>“Shit.”<br/>“Is it possible that she walks home?”<br/>“If she does and uses the straight way, she should be here. Plus the fact, she has my car, it takes her less than ten minutes to be back home.”<br/>“Your car is still parked in front of my office.”<br/>“Did she say anything about where she wanted to go?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Anything else? What did she say last?”<br/>“I can’t tell you that, but it has nothing to do with where she could have walked to.”<br/>“Your professional discretion doesn’t help me, doc.”<br/>“I’m sorry.”<br/>“In what state was she when she left?”<br/>“She was out of the bout, not in a state that I’d say, we’ve to worry that she might do something stupid, but she wasn’t fine, that’s why I called.”<br/>“I’ll look for her, take the bike to your office. If I don’t find her on my way there, I’ll put her on broadcast and let my colleagues look for her.”<br/>“Can you let me know when you found her?”<br/>“Sure. Thanks for the call, doctor.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>Sofia ended the call. <br/>“What happened to Sara?” Don sat next to Sofia, he had heard most of the conversation.<br/>“She has vanished. I’ll take the bike, go back to the office. If she wanders around, I might see her. If not, I’ll put her on broadcast.”<br/>“I’ll join you.”<br/>“No, stay here in case she gets home.”<br/>“Did the doctor tell you what happened?”<br/>“No, damn professional discretion. I swear, if she did anything that upset Sara and anything happens to her, I’ll make the doctor pay.” Sofia got up, got her bike out of the garage and started to drive down the hill. Her eyes on the street, she had problems to get her head clean, to concentrate at least a little bit on the street and the traffic. <br/>Where could Sara be? Why did she run? To where? She stopped. The straight way to the doctor’s office was the left road, the right was to the reservoir. She knew, Sara liked the reservoir, maybe she had taken a detour to walk around the reservoir. Sofia turned right and started to cycle around the reservoir. There were a lot of people walking, jogging and cycling, it was the perfect evening for some sport and this was the best place in Silver Lake if you wanted to be active. Couples, families, teens, seniors, all were here. No Sara. <br/>Sofia stopped at the dog park. Again, no Sara. She looked for a familiar face, somebody she had talked to while Sara was with her, somebody she could ask for the brunette. There were two people she knew, but they didn’t know Sara. She went on to the office of doctor Weinberg to find her car parked a few doors down. No sign of Sara here. <br/>What now? Where could she go to? Which places did she know? None. She had been to L.A. two weeks, there weren’t any spots, she went to on a regular base. The doctor’s office, Sofia’s house, the reservoir…the motel! Could she be back to the motel? She didn’t have a room there anymore, but it was the only place Sofia could think of, where Sara might have walked to. If the brunette didn’t feel like seeing anybody tonight, it was the best place for her to get some silence. A room for the night, some quiet time. <br/>Sofia cycled to the motel, entered the reception area and took a deep breath. She was sweating, her hair was a mess and had some oil on her left leg. <br/>“Lieutenant, what can I do for you? Did they send you to the bike cops?” The woman, who had warned Sara that Sofia was on her way to see the brunette, was at reception.<br/>“Guess whom I want to see.”<br/>“I’m a receptionist not a psychic.”<br/>“Funny. I don’t feel like jokes. Is she here?”<br/>“Who?”<br/>“Miss Sidle! Who else? You know I’m looking for her.”<br/>“You’re free to check the book, there’s no Miss Sidle in the rooms.” The woman gave Sofia the reservation book. <br/>“If she comes here, give me a call.” Sofia wrote her cell phone number on a piece of paper. <br/>“You didn’t even check the book.”<br/>“I hope for your own best, you don’t lie to me.” She turned to leave.<br/>“Of course not. Maybe you want to ask our guests.”<br/>“Why would I do that?” Sofia stopped. This offer sounded strange. Why would some tourists know where Sara was? If Sofia had a photos of the brunette with her, she could show it around, but without that, there was no reason to ask the guests of the motel.<br/>“Maybe one of them knows her, knows where she is, has seen her.”<br/>“Why?” Why would one of the guests know anything about Sara? Something about this offer was wrong. <br/>“Like I said, I’m not a psychic, but the guest in room seventeen might be one.”<br/>“You think, a psychic will tell me where Miss Sidle is?”<br/>“Give it a try. Miss Grissom seemed to know her business very good.”<br/>“Miss Grissom?” Sofia stared at the receptionist. Was it possible that Sara used a faked name to get a room? Why? The receptionist knew her, she knew, she wasn’t Miss Grissom. <br/>“Room seventeen?”<br/>“Yes lieutenant.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“You’re welcome. Take a key, I don’t think she’ll open the door.” <br/>“How does she look?”<br/>“I assume you’re not asking for the color of her hair…not good. She looks like she can use a friend.”<br/>“Okay.” She walked to the room, knocked. When Sara didn’t open the door, she used her key. The room was kept dark, but in the sunlight, that came in the room when Sofia opened the door, she saw Sara on the bed. <br/>“Get away, Sofia.” The brunette said without lifting her head and looking.<br/>“No.”<br/>“I want to be alone.”<br/>“I don’t want you to be alone.”<br/>“I’m an adult, I can make my own decision where I am and what I do.”<br/>“Yes you can. I’m your friend, that gives me no right to tell you what to do, but I worry about you. So why don’t we find a compromise, that makes both of us – well not happy – but maybe we can agree on it.”<br/>“Like what?”<br/>“Like you come home with me and I’ll leave you alone in your room, wait until you feel like talking to me.”<br/>“What’s the difference between alone here and there?”<br/>“There you’re closer, I feel better when you’re close to me. And there’re people, who care for you, who’ll be there if you want to talk.”<br/>“I don’t want to talk.”<br/>“Fair enough, you stay in your room. Just don’t stay here alone. Please.” Sofia sat on the edge of the bed. <br/>Sara was quiet, her eyes were closed. <br/>Carefully Sofia touched the hand of the brunette. “Please.”<br/>“Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to move in together.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Maybe I belong somewhere else.”<br/>“Like where?”<br/>“Somewhere…locked up…far, far away…”<br/>“I think, you don’t belong in this room, but you do belong in your room in the house. With an open door, you can leave whenever you feel like it. I can’t see any reason to lock you up.”<br/>“You don’t know me.”<br/>“We can change that, come with me and get me to know you.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Well, that’s what friends are for. Talk, spend time together, be there for each other, get to know each other.”<br/>“You’re a pain in the ass.”<br/>Sofia smiled. That sounded better than anything else she had heard of Sara while they were here in the room. That sentence actually sounded like Sara. <br/>“If I’m a pain in your ass, at least I’m in a very sexy ass.”<br/>“I told you not to hit on me.”<br/>“You started to talk about your ass, I only mentioned, it’s a nice one. Your legs aren’t that bad either.”<br/>“Shut up!”<br/>“My favorite part is still this wonderful smile of you. Adorable. I guess, this smile can make all icebergs melt.”<br/>“Stop that!” <br/>“This bitchy sound is kind of sexy too…ouch…” Sofia pulled her hand back when Sara pinched her. “That was so baby like, Sara. Like a kindergarten girl in pink skirt and those awful dancing shoes…”<br/>“Don’t make me hurt you!”<br/>“You will never hurt me, I’m sure of that. Save yourself the time and energy to pretend anything else.” Sofia bent down and pulled Sara in her arms, what made her end up next to the brunette on the bed. She felt how Sara wanted to fight her, but gave in and let Sofia hold her. For a minute or so they stayed like that, none of them saying a word before Sofia whispered. <br/>“You don’t have to talk to me, but please don’t stay here, come with me. We’ll give you all the time you need, all the space you want, but don’t stay here. You belong to us, Sara. I know you live since only one week with us, but neither Don nor I can imagine the house without you and we both worry about. Don’t let us hang there. Please.”<br/>“I left your car at doctor Weinberg’s office.”<br/>“I know, I’m here by bike and went to the doc’s office before. She called me to ask if you’re home. She worries too.”<br/>“Did you tell her I wasn’t there?”<br/>“Yes. And I promised her to call her when I found you.”<br/>“How do we get back home? You want me to sit on your handle bar?”<br/>“No, I thought of we walk back or call Don to pick us up. Whatever suits you best.”<br/>“A walk. Even if that means, I’ll waste my money because I’ve paid for the room.”<br/>“Maybe they’ll give you a refund.”<br/>“I doubt that. But I’ve to tell the receptionist off, she told you I’m here.”<br/>“No, she said, Miss Grissom is here.”<br/>“I should have used another name, it was stupid to take that one.”<br/>“It was stupid not to come home.”<br/>“Made perfect sense for me.”<br/>“We’ll work on your sense another time. Lets go home, there’s some salad waiting for you. And fresh bread.”<br/>“You can’t always lure me there with food.”<br/>“Not?” Sofia giggled. “There are muffins and I might give you a piece of triple chocolate mud cake.”<br/>“With cream?”<br/>“As much as you want.”<br/>“Lets go home!” Sara got up, took Sofia’s hand and pulled her off the bed. Before the blonde could make a step, she had Sara in her arms. “Thanks Sofia.”<br/>“It was my pleasure. I like to play hide and seek, always have, but the next time, you tell me that we’re playing and don’t wait until somebody else tells me. Deal?”<br/>“Deal.” Sara had to laugh a bit. </p><p>“There she is.” Don jumped up and hugged Sara. “Don’t you ever dare to scare me that much. Not coming home, having a doctor calling you’re gone. We worry about you, you can’t do that to us.”<br/>“Sorry.”<br/>“Promise it won’t happen again and everything is alright.”<br/>“I won’t happen again.”<br/>“Good.” He pulled Sara in again. “You can’t let me alone with her, I need you here.”<br/>“Since when aren’t you capable to handle Sofia anymore?”<br/>“Look at me, I’m a houseman, that’s not my nature. She holds me here, like a prisoner, to cook and clean while she’s out, chasing beautiful women. I should do that while she stays at home.”<br/>“She hurts your ego?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Poor baby. Still you stay to with her.”<br/>“I’m in her spell. You are the only one who can help me.”<br/>“How?”<br/>“You know her better than I do.”<br/>“You’re talking nuts, Don.” Sofia came out in the garden to join them. “Maybe I should have told doctor Weinberg that Sara is back home but we’ve another emergency here.”<br/>“Does she look good?”<br/>“She has muffins.”<br/>“She looks gorgeous.” Sofia smiled. “I’d fall for her if she was something else than a shrink. The thought of being with somebody, who reads your mind, knows all the time what you’re up to and analyzed every little thing you, is scary.”<br/>“I can live with that, all women seem to do that.”<br/>“Because you men are all the same. Too easy to please.”<br/>“While it’s impossible to please a woman.”<br/>“Not impossible, it’s a challenge. A challenge, you have to fight for and most men don’t like to fight for something they can have anywhere else easier.”<br/>“Don’t make it sound like we all want nothing else than sex.”<br/>“Beer and sport.”<br/>“Sounds good to me.”<br/>“Lucky for us women, there are some men, who aren’t like that.” Sofia pushed Don on a chair and sat on his lap. “I’ve one of them here. My lovely houseman.”<br/>“Yeah, tease me.”<br/>“A little bit. Sara, do you want to join us for dinner or do you want to be alone?”<br/>“No annoying questions why you ran and what happened, promise.” Don said before Sara could answer. <br/>“Okay, I’ll stay with you. If I get a beer.” <br/>“Sure.” Don got up, carrying Sofia on his arms to get Sara a beer. <br/>“He’s playing superman.” Sara laughed at the sight of the two.<br/>“You mean, he’s King Kong, carrying away the blonde woman.” Sofia corrected. <br/>“If he starts to climb up the house with you on his arm, you’re right.” <br/>“I won’t, I like the superman example. Your beer, my dear.” He gave Sara a beer. “If you want, I can carry you too.”<br/>“No, thanks, I’ve two feet, I can use them.”<br/>“You just destroyed his hope to get closer to you.” Sofia giggled. “Now he has to stick with me. But after we made plans to stay together for the rest of our lives, it’s alright.”<br/>“Sounds like a wedding promise.”<br/>“No, more a friendship promise. That means, if he wants to go back to New York one day, we’ll have a place to stay there. Sara, have you ever been to New York?”<br/>“Once, for a long weekend, that included a forensic seminar.”<br/>“See, you can go back there and stay at Don’s place; if you don’t mind his wife and a couple of kids running around.”<br/>“Who’s the lucky wife?”<br/>“We’re working on that.” Don kissed Sofia’s cheek. “Unfortunately this woman won’t be the wife, but if I meet the right one, I’ll know it and let you know.”<br/>“Oh Don, we’ll know before you know.” Sofia smiled and placed her head on his shoulders. “And there will be somebody, who’ll make you happy and forget.” She whispered in his ears. She knew, no matter how often he talked about finding a woman, deep inside he was still connected to Jessica and at the some moments, like in the afternoon, he realizes that too and talks about it. But she was happy, he wanted to move on, that he tried to start a new life. It could take him a little bit until he was really over everything, that had happened in New York, but he tried. That was worth a lot. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, July 29th</p><p>When a shift ended exactly at the time you expected it to end in the morning, it was a good day. That was Sofia’s thought when she left the department this Wednesday late afternoon, got into her car and drove home. Home on time. Time for a walk with her dogs and a movie later. Or she could finally go back to her volleyball group, she hadn’t visited in ages. <br/>“Hey.” She hugged Sara, who was in the garden, reading a book. <br/>“Hey yourself, you managed to finish work on time.”<br/>“Yes, I did. That feels so good. A whole free evening. I’m a little bit overstrained with that: shall I take the dogs for a long walk, go to volleyball, stay home, watch a movie and go to bed early or anything else? Cinema? A club? Restaurant? I’ve no ideas, there’re so many possibilities, how can I pick the right one?”<br/>“What do you feel like?”<br/>“Everything!”<br/>“Okay, I can tell you, I took the dogs out for a three hours walk this afternoon, we’re back since half an hour. I think, they’re fine for today. One thing less you’ve to consider.”<br/>“You did the same yesterday.”<br/>“And I’ll do the same tomorrow. I enjoy the walks with the dogs and they seemed to enjoy time with me.”<br/>“They do. You take them out for a run in the morning and walk for hours with them in the afternoon.”<br/>“My therapist suggest me to do some sport.”<br/>“Smart woman. Does it work?”<br/>“I feel good, yes. So, what’s your pick for tonight? What’s the thing you want to do most?”<br/>“That has something to do with you.”<br/>“With me?” Sara looked surprised.<br/>“Yes. I’d like to play with you basketball, a one on one match until we’re both covered in sweat, I’ve beaten you by forty points, so that we can take a shower and go out for dinner. Lets treat ourselves like queens.”<br/>“Basketball and dinner?”<br/>“And a shower.”<br/>“You want to take that shower with me, Sofia?”<br/>“Well.” Sofia cocked her head. “I’m sure I had worse company under the shower, but if you’re too pansy to take a shower with me, you can have one alone and we meet for dinner.”<br/>“If that’s your way to pick-up women, I’m not surprised you’re single.” Sara got up. <br/>“What?”<br/>“You understood me, lieutenant.”<br/>“That isn’t my pick-up line, I don’t have a pick-up line.”<br/>“Sure.” Sara walked towards the house. <br/>“Where are you going to?”<br/>“I’ve to change for a basketball game. Some Doña Juana de Marcia wants some exercise and I hope, when she uses all her power during the game, she won’t try to hit on me anymore. Her pick-up lines are too cheap to be funny or successful.”<br/>“Doña Juana de Marcia? Wait until I’ve you on the field, Miss Sidle.”<br/>“You won’t have me on the field or anywhere else, lieutenant.”<br/>“We’ll see about that, Sara.”<br/>“No we won’t because there won’t be anything to see.”<br/>“Five minutes and I’ll kick your ass.”<br/>“You won’t come close to my ass.”<br/>“Go and change into something sexy and short, I’d like to see as much as possible of you when I show you what losing means.”<br/>“So smug, so many words, I wonder if you’re worth the words or if they’re only hot air.” Sara entered the house. <br/>“You’ll see.” Sofia smiled. A basketball match against Sara was better than volleyball. She had missed out too many sessions anyway and was out of the team. She could use the time to practice for the next match with Don, Kyle and Lynn. There was an open bill. </p><p>“I screwed you.” Sofia leant back and grinned. They went to a little Italian restaurant after their game and a shower. “In a manner of speaking.”<br/>“Twenty points, Sofia, not forty. You didn’t get to your goal – so you didn’t screw me. It will remain a dream of you; in any sort.”<br/>“You’ve no idea about my dreams, Sara.”<br/>“And I don’t want to hear them.”<br/>“Fact is, I won. It’s a pity we didn’t bet.”<br/>“What would have been your bet?”<br/>“You take that shower with me.”<br/>“I wouldn’t have agreed on that.”<br/>“Coward.”<br/>“You won’t get me by offending me.” Sara smiled. Yes, she had lost the game, she had never thought she’d win. Basketball had never been her sport, she had played it a few times in high school and that was it. She had enjoyed the game today, it had been good fun and a great workout, the best thing you could before you went for dinner. Now she was really hungry. <br/>“Who says I want you, Sara?”<br/>“Your really bad pick-up lines.”<br/>“Maybe you imagine my words as pick up lines because you want me to pick you up. Do you want to have a date with me, Sara?”<br/>“Sofia, it was your idea that I move in with you and Don, it was your idea to go here for dinner, I did nothing that indicated, I want to be with you, spend time with you.”<br/>“You did.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“You agreed on all my ideas. You live in my house, you’re here with me. You want to be with me, Sara.”<br/>“A cheap way of living.”<br/>“Uh-hum.” Sofia smiled more. It didn’t matter how much Sara denied it, she liked to be with her. She liked Sofia. That was the reason why she stayed with her, that was the reason why Sofia got her out of the motel and back home. <br/>“Don’t look so smug.”<br/>“I’m not smug, I’m right.”<br/>“Arrogant.”<br/>“Who offends whom?”<br/>“I’m not offending, I’m right.” Sara shot back dryly. <br/>“Sure. You know, if you would say these words without that cute smile of you, I’d be mad. So plus the fact that I know you, I’m relaxed and don’t take it personal.” <br/>“Bite me.”<br/>“I might do that if I don’t get my pasta, my sweet little dessert.”<br/>“You stay on your chair, on your side of the table, away from me or you’ll get my wine in your face.”<br/>“I like it when you show some claws.”<br/>“Careful, lieutenant, don’t overdo it.”<br/>“Never.” Sofia took a sip of her red wine. “We need to find a man for you, Sara.”<br/>“What?” Sara almost spilled her wine. How did Sofia end up with that conclusion? <br/>“I mean for basketball, not as a lover. You’ve got talent, it would be nice if you join our matches and for that, you need a male partner to play.”<br/>“Maybe I don’t want to play.”<br/>“You looked like you enjoyed it.”<br/>“Maybe.”<br/>“You did. That’s why we need a man for you, to enter the competition.”<br/>“Maybe we can use one of your great pick up lines to get one.”<br/>“Very funny, Sara.” Sofia made a grimace. “I told you, I don’t have a pick-up line.”<br/>“And I still don’t believe that.”<br/>“Well, that’s your problem. A pick-up line. Why should I have a pick-up line?”<br/>“To pick-up some women?”<br/>“Sure, they’re all around the house every night. You can barely leave your room without stepping on their toes. I’ve got at least a dozen per night.”<br/>“Maybe that’s why you don’t come home on time. Your so called overtime is nothing more than some fun in a cheap motel room.”<br/>“You think I’m a player?”<br/>“Do you want an honest answer?”<br/>“Yes. And I know you should only ask for an honest answer if you can handle the answer, no matter what it is.”<br/>“True.”<br/>“So?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“I think you’re a sensitive woman.”<br/>“Not the best thing to be when you’re a lieutenant.”<br/>“You’re also a very good lieutenant.”<br/>“Don’t be too nice, that disturbs me.”<br/>Sara laughed a bit, placed her hand on Sofia’s. “It’s good to be here with you, Sofia. But allow me the question where Don is. Shouldn’t he be here too?”<br/>“Don is working some overtime, he needs to get some cases off his desk before he can take a few days off to fly to New York.”<br/>“Wow. Back to the roots.”<br/>“Back to see some old friends for a short holiday.”<br/>“Back to some unfinished business.”<br/>“Don’t we all have unfinished business at our old work places?”<br/>“Do we? What is your unfinished business in Vegas?”<br/>“I haven’t kicked Ecklie’s ass yet.”<br/>“You want to kick his ass?”<br/>“He took away my job, I was acting supervisor, I deserved the job as the dayshift supervisor and only because I didn’t kiss his ass and gave him what he needed to get rid off Grissom, he demoted me.”<br/>“True, want somebody to distract him so you can kick him better?”<br/>“You and me against Ecklie? He has no chance against superwoman and wonder woman.”<br/>“I’m sure we’ll find some more people who’d like to kick his ass.”<br/>“Probably. Is he your unfinished business too?” If they were talking about unfinished business in former jobs, Sofia was sure, she could ask Sara about  her unfinished business too. <br/>“No. Ecklie isn’t worth going back to Vegas, I prefer to go there for a good reason.”<br/>“Greg.”<br/>“Yes. I miss him, it would be great to see him again.”<br/>“Did you call him?”<br/>“Not for a few weeks.”<br/>“Why don’t you call him? Ask him to come over, spend some time with him before you’ve to work.”<br/>Sara smiled. “He needs to hurry then.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“That reminds me, I’ll pay the check.”<br/>“I invited you…you didn’t answer my question!”<br/>“You were faster than I was. I had the same idea for us tonight …together with Don.”<br/>“Sara, tell me about your job! And please, please don’t say -  I mean you said you don’t care if it is so – you will work in a fast food restaurant. Please tell me, you don’t waste your talent by turning burgers and frying French fries. To be honest I’d prefer not to get any rent money of you than seeing you in such a place.”<br/>“You want to let me stay at your place for free? You’re sweet.” Sara smiled and stroke shortly Sofia’s hand. “But don’t worry, I don’t waste my talent by selling fast food, I’ll waste my talent as a ranger for the Angeles National Forest.”<br/>“You’ll be a ranger?”<br/>“Yes. They called today, I can start in the middle of next month. A little over two more weeks of doing nothing before I’ll be back in work business.”<br/>“That was your favorite job of the ones you applied to. One of the few that aren’t a waste of your talents. Congratulation, Sara.” Sofia hugged Sara and kissed her cheek. “I hope, you’ll be happy with that job.”<br/>“I hope so too. I’ve to learn a lot, bought some books today to learn about the park, animals, flowers, trees and everything else. And, figure this, I’ll get a uniform. If you put yours on, we can both walk around in uniforms. They’ll make us sexy.”<br/>“Didn’t I tell you you’re already sexy? Don’t you listen to my not existing pick-up lines?” Sofia chuckled. <br/>“No.” <br/>“It sounds like that. You’ll be a ranger. You’ll be outside the whole time, spend a lot of time in the forest, watching animals, talking to tourists and locals about the forest and will be far away from the crimes in L.A..”<br/>“That’s what I hope. Unfortunately we both know, a killer doesn’t mind to drop his vic in the forest, it’s the perfect place to dispose a body.”<br/>“Yes. And if you find one, I don’t have to worry that you’ll disturb the scene. You can start processing it before the police arrives.”<br/>“Rangers don’t process crime scenes.”<br/>“You’re a special ranger. A ranger, I might call for back-up help if I need somebody I trust.”<br/>“With your trees and flowers?”<br/>“With everything, including my life.”<br/>“I owe you saving your life twice.”<br/>“Why’s that?”<br/>“You did the same to me. First in the desert where you and Nick found me then last Friday in the car.”<br/>“Your life was not at risk in the car.”<br/>“You never know. If could have tried to drive the car, to get away from whatever got into me and I wasn’t in a condition to drive a vehicle.”<br/>“And in the desert, Nick saw your mirror light, I was only the driver.”<br/>“It was your idea to get to the other side of the area, you took him with you.”<br/>“Okay, you want to pin your rescue on me, I’m fine with that, but you don’t owe me anything Sara. I did my job, I did, what you do for the people you work with.”<br/>“It all gets us to, you saved my life.”<br/>“And you want to kiss me for that?”<br/>“I didn’t say that.” Sara laughed. <br/>“Bummer.”<br/>“You’d flush if I kiss you, spill your wine and choke on your food.”<br/>“Don’t give yourself too much credit, Sara. Your influence on my life isn’t that big.”<br/>“Of course not.” Sara smirked. <br/>“Stop that!”<br/>“Getting nervous?”<br/>“No, but hungry.”<br/>“I can see the waiter with two plates and he’s on his way to us. Your dream will come true, you’ll get some food.”<br/>They ate in silence, enjoying the ambience and their food, their company without words. Sofia had to admit to herself, she was happy and couldn’t find any dark spot in her life right now. She had a job she liked, she owned a house, which she adored, had two lovely dogs, two people living with her, who she called friends and her dinner was perfect. All the things that were missing, she would like to be different, were out of her hands, things, she couldn’t change. Accepting this, made it easier to live with them. <br/>“Will you come with me to have a look for a car?” Sara asked when they finished their food. <br/>“I’m sure you don’t need me for that, you know enough about cars yourself, but yes, I’ll come with you. I told you I’d do that.”<br/>“Four eyes see more than two and you know a lot about cars too.”<br/>“True. We’ll go car shopping, nice. Got something special on your mind?”<br/>“Like I said, I’d like to have a four wheel drive, that’s not too big so I can use it in the city too and get a place to park it.”<br/>“Color?”<br/>“I don’t care about the color.”<br/>“Oh come on, the color is important too. Black is mystic and sexy, red is sexy and hot.”<br/>“What’s pink?”<br/>“Gay and the best prevention that somebody will steal it. I mean, the first thing you’ve to do with a stolen pink car is get another color on it or dismantle it in million pieces.”<br/>“Sounds like a good color, I don’t want my car to be stolen.”<br/>“Pink isn’t your color.”<br/>“Not?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“What is my color in your opinion?”<br/>“Black and every nature color like brown, beige. Also a deep blue like the blue of the ocean suits you.”<br/>“Talking about blue, your and Don’s eyes have the same blue, really nice.”<br/>“You noticed my eyes.”<br/>“And his, so don’t get too excited, Barbie.”<br/>“You could be my Ken, but you don’t have enough muscles and not such a shiny white smile. Lucky for you, this is L.A., you get both within no time. Just call one of the million doctors and they’ll fix that.”<br/>“You think I need plastic surgery?”<br/>“Only if you want to look like Ken. To be honest, I prefer when you don’t look like him, I like you the way you are much more. Cutie.”<br/>“Another pick-up line that doesn’t work.”<br/>“Believe me, if I had a pick-up line, it would work.”<br/>“Sure thing, lieutenant.”<br/>“Stop making fun of me.”<br/>“Make me stop.”<br/>“Don’t dare me.”<br/>“I can dare you as much as I want because there’s nothing you’ll do to stop me.”<br/>“Don’t feel too safe, Miss Sidle.”<br/>“Do you want some dessert? Another glass of wine.” The waiter was back. <br/>“I take the sundae and a coffee, thanks.” Sara answered. <br/>“Same here. The coffee with milk and one sugar, please.”<br/>“Very well, ladies.”<br/>“I need to cut down the sweets, all the muffins and the cake, I put on a pound already.” Sofia complained. <br/>“Did you enjoy eating all these things?”<br/>“Of course I did, that’s why I ate them.”<br/>“Then it’s nothing bad. Nobody sees this pound anyway.”<br/>“Thanks. Nevertheless, from tomorrow on, I’ll eat less pastry and sweets and more healthy things…dark chocolate is healthy, isn’t it?”<br/>Sara started laughing. “Compared to the other kinds of chocolate, plain dark chocolate is healthy, yes.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“Sofia, can I ask you something?”<br/>The serious sound in Sara’s voice stopped Sofia from giving her a teasing answer. This was something serious, something Sara probably had needed some time to start the topic. <br/>“Of course.”<br/>“Doctor Weinberg suggested something when I was in therapy the last time…something about you. I told her a bit about our relationship, that it wasn’t always good, but that you are…we became friends within the last two weeks and I told her, you saved my life twice. She asked me, if I feel safe when you’re around, like when I was in the car and you tried to get me out of there, to calm me. Honestly, I can’t remember that I noticed you were around, I can’t remember anything from the time you put the pastry on the backseat to when I was in the office and she asked me to open my eyes. <br/>I doubt anybody or anything can get me straight out of these bouts when I have them, I mean, she gave me the sedative and it took a few moments before I was back. But you were right, I was…easily scared the last couple of days. I’ve no idea why, I didn’t have that before. What I know is, I feel better when you’re around. I don’t flinch this much when you’re around, don’t get scared that easily. The doctor asked me, if I can imagine you as my safe person.”<br/>“What is a safe person?”<br/>“Apparently somebody you can turn to when you feel the fear is getting bigger, somebody you feel safe with, who can help you to overcome situations, that scares you. The problem is, I’ve no idea what triggers the bouts, I don’t know of what I need protection of. I hope I’ll find out soon.”<br/>“You’ll continue to go to therapy?” Sofia hadn’t ask Sara what happened, hadn’t talk with her about whether she wanted to stop therapy or continue. <br/>“I feel awful stupid for storming out of the office, that doctor Weinberg worried, called you and it would be easy to stay away, but that won’t help me. So yes, I’ll go to therapy on Friday morning – if the doctor still wants to see me.”<br/>“She said on the phone, she looks forward to see you again. She doesn’t kick you out of therapy only because you stormed out of her office. I’m sure she had that experience a few times before.”<br/>“Maybe. I’m a difficult patient, don’t you think?”<br/>“I don’t think any patient is an easy patient, no matter what the diagnosis is.”<br/>“They’re all a pain in the ass, true. Anyway.” Sara paused because the waiter brought them their sundaes and coffees and continued when he was gone again. “She wanted to know, if I can consider you as my safe person. I haven’t really worked out, what a safe person can do in my case, because I don’t know why I lose it, but if it comes to trust, I can’t think of anybody right now, I trust more than I trust you, Sofia. So yes, I can imagine you as my safe person, whatever that means. In general. To you.”<br/>Sofia slipped on her seat a little bit more to the left to be right next to Sara, took her in her arms and held her there for a few seconds. <br/>“Thanks.” She whispered. “What that means in general I’ve no idea, your doc needs to explain that to you. What it means to me is easy to explain: more than you can imagine it does. I know you’re a person, who doesn’t trust other people easily, who is suspicious and to hear, that I’m the person, you trust most, means a lot to me. It means, you’re serious that we’re friends.”<br/>“I am. Even if it’s a little scary and strange. Okay, we know each other for a few years, but we have never been close.”<br/>“Not a reason not to change that now, don’t you think?” <br/>“Maybe. Your sundae melts, Sofia.”<br/>“I don’t care, I’ve got something better than a sundae. I’ve a special friend.”<br/>“A friend, who’ll slap you if you don’t let her go now. People stare at us.”<br/>“I can arrest them if you want.”<br/>“No, I want to finish our dinner like people expect us to do.”<br/>“Bo-ring.” Sofia let go of Sara and slipped back to her old place. This was not only a good day, this was a good evening. Sara had just made her the biggest and best compliment, she could possible give her. She trusted her. </p><p>“That’s so typical women, the man is working his ass to the bone and the women go out, have fun and come home late.” Don greeted Sara and Sofia when they came home. He was in the living room, watching some TV and eating potato chips.<br/>“That’s so typical man, sits in front of the TV, eats potato chips while there’s a mountain of clothes, almost as big as the Mount Everest, waiting to be ironed.” Sofia answered amused, her arm casually around Sara’s waist.<br/>“I deserve my potato chips and beer.”<br/>“And we deserved our dinner out.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Well, I had to celebrate my grandiose win over Sara. We had a basketball match and I won by twenty points while she has her own reason to celebrate.”<br/>“Yes, I won’t be the lazy one in the house anymore, I’ve got a job.”<br/>“Really? Great.” Don got up, hugged Sara and lifted her up a little bit. “I told you, people can’t resist you for a long time. What is it. Don’t say you’ll waste your time with fast food.”<br/>“You’re both anxious that I’ll end up selling fast food, that’s cute and another thing you’ve got in common. But no, I won’t sell fast food, I’ll be a ranger in Angeles National Forest. No crime scenes, no burgers, only nature.”<br/>“That was the job you wanted most, wasn’t it?”<br/>“Yes.” Sara smiled. Don listened and remembered, good to know. She liked people, who really paid attention; not only in their job.<br/>“That means, when I’ve a day off, I’ll come to visit you, hike a little bit and let me introduce to all the animals by you. Will you be my personal ranger?”<br/>“I doubt my job will be to guide people through the park.”<br/>“You never know. If so, I’ll be in one of your groups.”<br/>“Okay, I’ll let you know. First I’ve to learn a lot.”<br/>“Do you want to go there before you start your job?”<br/>“Can’t hurt to know my future work place, can it?”<br/>“No. I can’t come with you, I’ll go to New York soon, but you can have my car to get there.”<br/>“Thanks Don. Are you alright? Do you need some company for New York?”<br/>“No, thanks. I’ll have company there and I think, I’ll need some time alone to work things out.”<br/>“Quiet time alone is a good thing sometimes.”<br/>“It is. And when you know, there are friends, you can turn to whenever you need them, it’s even better.”<br/>“Sometimes these friends get you back home before you want to go home.” Sara looked at Sofia. <br/>“Only when these friends worry about you.”<br/>“You said, being afraid that you waste your talent in a fast food restaurant was another thing Sofia and I have in common. What other things do we have in common?”<br/>“The nice blue eyes.”<br/>“And whose blue eyes are nicer?” He smiled widely at her. <br/>“Dustys.”<br/>“Who is Dusty?”<br/>“Dusty is the Husky of Mister Bennett.” Sofia answered for Sara. “Nice way to get yourself out of a catch-22.”<br/>“I know. And her eyes are wonderful.”<br/>“They are, she’s a beautiful dog.”<br/>“Forget the dogs, I want to know if mine or Sofia’s eyes are nicer. Pick one, Sara.”<br/>“Your eyes are a little bit darker than hers, like the ocean on a warm sunny day.”<br/>“I won!” Don grinned. “Sorry landlady, you lost. But you’ve the nicer swagger.”<br/>“Bite me.”<br/>“I might do that one day, make you forget that you don’t want to have men in your bed anymore. Until that day, you’ve to comfort yourself with women.”<br/>“Thanks Don, don’t you have to pack for your flight?”<br/>“No, I’ll finish my TV show. Want to join me?”<br/>“No, I’ve to start at seven tomorrow morning and instead of watching senseless TV, I’ll read a good book.”<br/>“She pretends to be a geek. Sleep tight, lieutenant, I’ll meet you for breakfast. We can share a car, leave one for Sara to have a look at her new work place.”<br/>“I can take the bus…”<br/>“No, that’s a good idea. I’ll work until five again. If something comes up, I’ll give you a call. Take the car and discover Angeles National Forest.”<br/>“I can take the dogs with me.”<br/>“They’ll love your even more for that.”<br/>“And in the evening we want to know, where the best place for a romantic picnic is.” Don grinned. <br/>“Why don’t you tease him for pick-up lines?”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Just to be fair. I’m out of here, sleep tight, I see you both tomorrow morning.”<br/>“Night Sofia.” Sara sat next to Don. “What are we watching?”<br/>“Border control.”<br/>“Police TV?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Didn’t you work enough to watch something else after work?”<br/>“I did, but I like to be informed. What do you want to watch?”<br/>“I think, I’ll follow Sofia and read a little bit. After they told me I can have the job, I bought some books about Angeles National Park and the nature around L.A. in general. Some background information before I start my new job.”<br/>“An eager learner. I’m impressed.”<br/>“Geek.”<br/>“Sexy geek.”<br/>“Thanks young blue eyes. I’ll see you tomorrow after work.”<br/>“Yeah, enjoy the last days you can sleep in.”<br/>“I will. Night Don.”<br/>“Good night, Sara. I’m glad you found a job you’ll like.” He pulled her in his arms and kissed her. <br/>“Thanks.” Sara got up and walked upstairs to her room. The room was still almost empty. She hadn’t bought any more furniture, not sure if would stay here longer. Now with her job, she could plan more, could buy a few more things. The first thing she had in mind was a new book shelf. She wanted more books, she always had a lot of books around herself. <br/>A knock on her door got her attention away from furniture. <br/>“Come in.”<br/>No reaction. <br/>“Come in.” She tried it louder. Again nobody opened the door. Confused for a moment, asking herself if she dreamed that somebody knocked on her door, she went to the door and opened it. In front of it, on the ground, she found a little stuffed fox. She picked it up and smiled. Apparently Sofia had assumed she’d get the job and bought a little gift in advance. <br/>With the fox in her hands, she went to Sofia’s room, knocked and entered it, after she heard Sofia calling to come in. <br/>The blonde sat on her bed, a book in her hands like she had been there for hours. <br/>“Look what I found in front of my door.” Sara said.<br/>“Wildlife. You’re lucky the dogs didn’t catch it.” The smile, that was hidden in the corner of her mouth, told Sara, she had been right. The little fox was a gift of the blonde. <br/>“Probably. I wonder what it was doing there.”<br/>“A fox is a smart animal, it’s looking for a smart owner. Or a smart friend.”<br/>“You think?”<br/>“Yes. A future park ranger, the perfect friend to live with. Somebody, who protects you, knows a lot about you.”<br/>“The blonde next to my room is smart too. Maybe he wanted to be here, picked the wrong door.”<br/>“If he did, he had came here, he came to you. Take it as a lucky charm.”<br/>“I will, thanks. But as long as I’ve got you, I don’t need a lucky charm. You make sure I’m alright. My personal safe person.”<br/>“That’s my job. Protect and serve.”<br/>“I know. And I know one other thing.”<br/>“Which is?”<br/>“You were wrong.”<br/>“When and why?”<br/>“Dinner.”<br/>“What was with our dinner”<br/>Sara bent over and kissed Sofia shortly on the lips. “You flush, lieutenant. Sleep tight.” She got up and left the room without turning around to look at Sofia, but with a big grin on her face. <br/>Sofia was unable to move, she sat like frozen in her bed and stared at the door, that closed now. Did she dream that? Had Sara really been in her room? Did the brunette really kiss her? For less than a second, but her lips had met Sofia’s lips. She could feel it, even when she felt like drunk. Sara’s lips had been on her own lips. <br/>Slowly Sofia raised her right hand to touch her cheek. It felt like her whole skin was burning. She had to be deep red, the way it felt. How embarrassing. Not only that Sara was right, she flushed, but also that she wasn’t able to respond in any way. She had frozen, stared like a stupid child, who’s ice cream dropped on the street. <br/>Sara had kissed her. She had repeat that to make it a little bit more real. It was too strange to be real. Why? Was it really only to show her, she was right? Was it nothing more than a little payback? A game? It had to be. It was only to prove Sofia wrong. And she had been wrong while Sara was absolutely right. She had flushed and if there had been any food or drinks around, she had choked on it and spilled it. <br/>Could somebody please extinguish her head? </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, July 31st</p><p>“There she is, I thought we’ve lost her to the bears, moos and what else is lurking in Angeles National Forest. Did you get lost in the forest or on your way back home?” Don teased Sara, who came home late yesterday. <br/>“Neither one of them.” Sara sat down. She had taken Sofia’s car on Thursday morning to drive to Angeles National Forest. Her plan had been to be back around five in the afternoon. But she met a future colleague, who had some time and showed her around. At the end, she was home after ten, when Don and Sofia were already in bed. She had sent them a text, so they didn’t worry when she didn’t come home earlier.<br/>“Bob, who works in the park since a thousand years, is now a volunteer after he retired ten years ago, took me all interesting places and most animals get active when it’s dark. I guess this trip yesterday gave me more information than all my books together.”<br/>“Probably. Your personal guide. Will you go back today?”<br/>“Maybe.”<br/>“You can have my car again if you want.” Sofia offered.<br/>“No, thanks, but if I can borrow your bike, that would be great. I want to go there by bike, to get some exercise.”<br/>“You plan to eat some muffins?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Will you bring us some more muffins?”<br/>“Didn’t you say, you don’t want to eat so much pastry anymore?”<br/>“That’s a mean rumor.”<br/>“Uh-hum.” Sara smiled. <br/>“I can get my own muffins.” Sofia pouted. <br/>“Of course you can, but there’s no need to do so. I’ll bring half a dozen home, two for each of us.”<br/>“I love this woman, she brings me food.” Don got up. “I’ll get ready for work, two minutes, Sofia.”<br/>“Alright. I’m ready to leave.”<br/>“Table duty.”<br/>“Bugger.” Sofia rolled her eyes. It was her time to clean the table. <br/>“Serve, lieutenant, it’s called serving.” Sara chuckled. <br/>“Bite me.”<br/>“No, thanks. You’d like that too much. Later, lieutenant housewife.”<br/>“Get lost!” Sofia grumbled. Not only that she had to clean up, everybody teased her for that. She placed the last plate in the dishwasher and checked the empty kitchen. All done. <br/>She heard Don upstairs and Sara, how she closed the front door. A look out of the kitchen window told the blonde, the brunette took the bike and took off. It was good to see her happy and she felt confident, that the therapy helped her. And she was sure, their own relationship got better and better. <br/>The only thing, that made her a little bit unsure was the kiss. The kiss, Sara had given her two nights ago. Maybe she gave this kiss too much credit, Sara had only kissed her to tease her, to make her be wrong. The brunette had left the room and there had been no sign that it meant anything to her. Did it mean anything to Sofia? She wasn’t sure about that. Fact was, she had been surprised, confused and a little bit…was it happiness? She wasn’t sure, but it was a positive feeling. <br/>Did a positive feeling mean, she had a crush on Sara? Was  she about to have a crush on her? That seemed to be impossible. Sara wasn’t her type. Sara was a bitch, she was grumpy, she was annoying, unreliable, had a temper and…it was just not possible! Besides, she was just out of a relationship, she didn’t want all the trouble again. No, she was fine as a single, she didn’t want a relationship and if she had a relationship again, it wouldn’t be with Sara. <br/>And now she had to get these strange thoughts out of her head. </p><p>“Muffin?” Sara asked after she knocked on the office door of doctor Weinberg.<br/>“Good morning, Sara, how are you?” The doctor smiled. “Come in.”<br/>“Am I still welcome?”<br/>“What else could ‘come in’ mean?”<br/>“Give me the muffin and get lost.”<br/>The doctor laughed, took a knife, cut the muffin and gave one half back to Sara. “Have a seat, I can’t offer you any coffee because I try to reduce my daily amount of caffeine.”<br/>“How does that work out for you?”<br/>“Awful. I’ve a headache after work, when the last caffeine of my afternoon coffee is gone. Maybe an addiction to caffeine isn’t that bad.”<br/>“Somebody said, it’s like with any other addiction: you survive the first seventy-two hours without it, it’s out of your system and you’re fine.”<br/>“Maybe I’ve to wait until I’ve a week off, I can’t work when I’m having a cold turkey.”<br/>“What will your patients with an addiction say about that?”<br/>“I don’t have patients, who are addicted to anything else than caffeine and nicotine. Drugs, most people don’t see as drugs because they’re legal.”<br/>“Your cold turkey is the best proof that caffeine is a drug; a really nice drug although.” Sara stopped, bit on her lips. There was something she had to say. “Doctor Weinberg, I’m sorry for the way I behaved on Monday. I acted like a stupid school girl, didn’t think and was plain stupid. And I’m sorry that you had to call Sofia, learn that I hadn’t turned up home and worried. Maybe. That was…nothing I’m proud of.”<br/>“Sara, you’re not the first patient, who stormed out of my office and you won’t be the last. It’s alright, I’m glad you were okay and came back today. Do you want to talk about why you ran?”<br/>“No.” Sara took a deep breath. “No, I don’t want to talk about that, but I will talk about it. You deserve to get answers and you can’t help me, if I don’t cooperate.”<br/>“It makes it easier when you help me out with some answers, yes.”<br/>“I’ll try to do that.”<br/>“Do you prefer to tell me what comes up your mind?”<br/>“Can you ask me things and I try to answer them – here, on your chair, sitting and not running out of the door.”<br/>“Okay.” The doctor laughed a bit before she became serious again. “When we talked on Monday, you asked me if you’re crazy, what I denied. You were sure you are crazy because you inherited it. Can you explain that to me?”<br/>Sara closed her eyes. That was a tough question to start with, but after she behaved like a luniac, she should have seen it coming. <br/>“My mom was…is…schizophrenic.”<br/>“That doesn’t mean, you’re schizophrenic too.”<br/>“You can inherit it and the way I behave…these bouts, running away, losing my temper…aren’t those symptoms of early schizophrenia?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“So you don’t think I’m schizophrenic?”<br/>“No, Sara. No, I don’t think so.”<br/>“What do you think do I have?”<br/>“I se you today for the fourth time, I don’t want to give you anything, a diagnosis, I’m not absolutely sure about.”<br/>“Please, give me anything, what you suspect I might have. I want to have a name for all these things.”<br/>“At the moment I believe you have PTSD but I need some more answers before I can say that for sure.”<br/>“Post-traumatic stress disorder?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because the symptoms you have are often found in people with PTSD.”<br/>“You don’t think I’ve PTSD because of the SWAT team, do you?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“But…I’m sorry, you were supposed to ask the questions, not the other way around.”<br/>“It’s alright, you ask me when you have questions, Sara. No, I don’t think the PTSD comes from the SWAT team. I’m sure it was a shock, but it’s not the reason for your PTSD. It might have triggered some memories, you’ve tried to forget or ignored for a long time, but it’s not the reason why you are here.”<br/>“If I have PTSD, will I ever be able to live without the bouts?”<br/>“Yes. There’s a really high chance of a full recovery.”<br/>“With strong medicine.”<br/>“Medicine can help, it helps to soothe, but it doesn’t help you to overcome PTSD. Therapy, cognitive behavior therapy is what helps most people. It helps you to understand and see what is the reason that you have PTSD and helps you to understand, that what happened to you was in the past and doesn’t threatens you anymore. Sounds easy, but it’s really hard work, that won’t make it easy for you all time.”<br/>“And can you make my PTSD disappear with this therapy?”<br/>“That depends on you. If you help me to help you, we’ll make you live without PTSD.”<br/>“No more running away, I promise.”<br/>“That’s a good start. Now, ready for my questions or do you have of your own left? Want to talk of anything what you feel is important?”<br/>“Questions, please.”<br/>“Can you tell me more about your mother? Does she live in Los Angeles?”<br/>“No, she lives in San Francisco. I…we lived there, my parents had a B&amp;B.”<br/>“They don’t have it anymore?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“You don’t feel comfortable with these questions.”<br/>“No, but I’ll answer them. Something about my mother…” Sara bit her lips. That was hard. There a lot of things she could talk about, nothing she wanted to talk about. “She…was is in a psychiatric hospital for a while.” Come on, Sara, you can do better. You have to do better. You can’t stop halfway, you have to tell the whole story, Sara tried to motivate herself. If she wanted some help, she had to help first. “She’s in prison now. I mean, not now like, she had to go there a few days ago or so, she has been in there for over twenty-five years.”<br/>“You grew up without a mother.”<br/>“Without a mother, without a father, yes.”<br/>“Are you an only child?”<br/>“No, I’ve got an older brother but we’re not in contact.”<br/>“Your father left your mother and you?”<br/>“Mom made him leave us. One night…shit.” Sara stopped when she realized, her hands shook. Not again, not another bout. <br/>“It’s alright, Sara.” Doctor Weinberg put her hand on Saras. <br/>“No, it isn’t. I don’t want to end up unconscious again.”<br/>“Do you want to stop talking about your family?”<br/>“Yes, I want to stop here, but I won’t. If we wait for the day I feel like talking about my past, this will be a never-ending therapy. I don’t want to end up having therapy for the rest of my life, I want my past in the past and not messing up my presents and future. So I will go on talking. But…is there a way to make sure, I won’t lose it again?”<br/>“Do you want some medicine, Sara?”<br/>“I’m not sure.”<br/>“Most of the natural things don’t work like an emergency pill, you need to take them for a longer time.”<br/>“I take Saint John’s wort since you mentioned it. So far I can’t see any difference, maybe I need to wait a little bit longer.”<br/>“It will take a few days and you won’t wake up one morning and feel like you have to hug the whole world. You will realize sooner or later, you feel better, just more relaxed, less tensed, but not unnatural happy.”<br/>“Okay. Is there anything for now? I’m not sure how far I can take you when I start to lose it already…and I haven’t even started yet.” She told her therapist that her mother was in prison for over twenty-five years and that wasn’t even her biggest problem, not the thing, that bothered her most. Her life must sound like a hell of a mess. <br/>“I can’t believe I ask for medicine.”<br/>“Go as far as you can go, stop at any point. This is a cognitive behavior therapy, our goal is to make you face your demons and wrestle them down with your own strength, not with medicine. I’ll stop you when I think, you’re going too far and don’t realize it yourself.”<br/>“Okay.” Sara closed her eyes again, grabbed the chair to have some control over her hands. “One night my mom took a kitchen knife, went upstairs and stabbed my father while he was asleep. I don’t know why, if she had a special reason, if she was sick and tired of him, if she did it because she’s ill. I haven’t seen it, I didn’t hear him scream because he never woke up or wasn’t able to scream anymore, I’ve no idea. But she killed him and my brother and me were taken into foster families. I was twelve, almost thirteen. It wasn’t hell like some children say about their foster time, but it wasn’t good either. Three years later, I left to go to Harvard, start a new life. It took me a long time before I was able to visit my mother.”<br/>“What about your brother?”<br/>“I haven’t talked or seen him since we were separated.”<br/>“You don’t want to see him?”<br/>“I’m not sure. I think I’m afraid that when I see him, all the things, I try to forget, will come up and I break down.”<br/>“You said, your mother could have been sick and tired of your father. Was their marriage not a happy one?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“She had reason to harm him?”<br/>Another few silent seconds. “Yes. Yes…he…”<br/>“Sara, stop there. Please.” <br/>She hadn’t realized, she had started to tremble again. <br/>“Damn.”<br/>“Remember the breathing exercise I showed you? Do it. Take a deep breath through your nose, keep the air for five seconds in your stomach, exhale slowly through your mouth.” Doctor Weinberg held on to Sara’s hand while the brunette inhaled slowly and deep. She repeated it five times before she was allowed to breath normally again. And didn’t tremble anymore. <br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“That’s alright.”<br/>“I didn’t realize that I was losing it again.”<br/>“You’ve got a therapist, who has to make sure, you’re fine. Every now and then, she does look after you.”<br/>“I’m sure she does that all the time.”<br/>“She’s trying. Remember when we talked about a safe person?”<br/>“Yes. You asked if I can imagine Sofia being my safe person. I can. I told her about that, told her, I’d like her to be it.”<br/>“She agreed?”<br/>“Yes. We’re both not sure what it means, but she makes me feel safe. And I trust her.”<br/>“Do you think you’d feel better when she’s around when you tell me about your father? Or don’t you want her to know about this?”<br/>“Can I think about it?”<br/>“Of course.”<br/>“Good. Is that standard procedure?”<br/>“No. But I think it might help you. As you have noticed already, you don’t have a standard procedure therapy. If I’d do that with you, you had left for good after the first session. Sometimes you need to go new ways.”<br/>“I’m sorry to make things complicated.”<br/>“I like challenges and new things. As long as it helps you, it’s alright. There are some rules can’t bent or break and some, that can be more flexible.”<br/>“I’ll ask her.”<br/>“Would you like to get to another topic until then?”<br/>“Yes, a positive one.” Sara smiled. “I’ve got a job.” </p><p>“Who is on your mind?” Don asked when he entered his car, where Sofia was already sitting. The blonde had looked out of the window, obviously with her thoughts far, far away. Like so often within the last two days. He didn’t need to be a detective to know, there was a special reason for that. <br/>“You are always on my mind.”<br/>“Thanks Elvis, it’s good to know you’re still alive and that I’m your Pricilla. Now get your burger mind out of that sexy body and make some space for my lieutenant. You might be a world star, she is my personal star.”<br/>Sofia laughed and hugged Don. <br/>“No sentimental shit at work, lieutenant.” He reprimanded her, pulling her closer. “Wanna talk now or later?”<br/>“Who said I want to talk at all?”<br/>“There’ll be no discussion about that, you’ll talk. Pick the place, Honey.”<br/>“Here.”<br/>“Okay. So, who is on your mind?”<br/>“You’re the detective, go detect.” These words Sara had said once to her. Thirty something suspects, a lot of work and all the cheeky brunette did, was teasing the new detective. <br/>“Don’t be cheeky or I’ll get you in interrogation. What did she do?”<br/>“Who?”<br/>“Well, as a detective, I know, it’s a woman, who is on your mind. That narrows it down to fifty percent of all human being. She is in Los Angeles, that’s why she’s on your mind, you’ve seen her recently. That narrows it down again. Let see, you have this absent minded eyes since two days, so you had contact with her in the last forty-eight hours. I cross out all women you saw work related. How good am I so far, lieutenant?”<br/>“You haven’t closed the case, detective. An open case is worth nothing.”<br/>“Did you have any contact with your ex? After your not so go dinner?”<br/>“What? No!”<br/>“Good. That was a very important answer. You saw Lynn, she doesn’t give you this look. You weren’t at volleyball practice, so it can’t be anybody of your team. Leaves our new house-mate. Do you have Sara on your mind?”<br/>“Does the word ‘private’ have any meaning to you?”<br/>“Yes, it means, I’m right.”<br/>“No you aren’t.”<br/>“You are such a bad liar, Sofia.”<br/>“Sara and me, we don’t like each other.” Now, that was really a bad lie. Everybody, who had seen her and Sara the last two weeks together knew, they had become friends. Don, who saw them every day, knew it better than anybody else. She had to do better to show him, he was wrong. <br/>“That might have been correct the first weeks you knew each other. I’ve no idea how it was later, but I know, since she’s in L.A. and you found her in interrogation, you like her. Or let’s say, you started to like her that week. You don’t offer people, you can’t stand to live with us and it’s not about the money. The last two people, who wanted to move in here, you sent away. She’s special to you. You told me yourself. You said, she triggers something in you, something that makes you want to protect her.”<br/>“You like her too! It’s not like I made the decision, she can live here on my own.”<br/>“I agreed, yes. Still your idea, Sofia.”<br/>“Who cares?”<br/>“And now, she gives you the dreamy look. Does she know?”<br/>“There is nothing to know.”<br/>“I told, you’re not a good liar.”<br/>“And even if I like her, it doesn’t mean a thing. She isn’t interested in me, I’m happy when she doesn’t snap at me.”<br/>“She has been far away from snapping at you the last days.”<br/>“She’s too happy to have a job and before that, she was too busy to find one.”<br/>“Any suspect, who arguments like you, can book his cell for a long, long time. I wish the lawyer would talk like you.”<br/>“Will you start the car and get us home?”<br/>“You want to go on talking about that at home? Good idea, we can include Sara in this conversation, I wonder what she thinks about it.”<br/>“I feel like strangling you, Don.”<br/>“No, you feel like kissing me for my brilliant mind.”<br/>“I don’t.”<br/>“You feel like kissing her.”<br/>“No, I don’t. Stop it!”<br/>“Denying is a way of agreeing.”<br/>“What sick logic is that?”<br/>“A true one.” Don started the engine. “Will you talk to her about it?”<br/>“No, there’s nothing to talk about.”<br/>“You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”<br/>“Exactly. I’m glad you remind that. Keep it in your mind and stay out of my business and my private life.” Sofia turned her head to watch out of the window again. She had no reason to talk to Sara. At least not a reason, Don tried to talk her in. She worried about Sara, they were friends. She liked to spend some time with her and was glad, they shared a house. That was it. Everything else was pure imagination. Had to be. </p><p>“Hungry!” Sara dropped next Sofia on the couch and grabbed a hand full of potato chips. It was half past seven, she had just came home from her trip to Angeles National Forest. <br/>“Make some dinner?”<br/>“Dinner is in the bag on the table.”<br/>“Forget it! That is my snack! You can have a hand or two, that’s it.”<br/>“Finder’s keepers.” Sara grabbed the bag, jumped up and started to run, Sofia right behind her. The chase went through the living room, in the kitchen, up the stairs, in Sara’s bedroom and ended for Sara in her bathroom, for Sofia in front of the door, while Sara locked the door from the other side. Caught with no chance to leave. <br/>“You’re caught, there’s no way out for you. Give up.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“I dare you.”<br/>“You can’t do a damn thing. I’ve the bag with me, by the time you’ve opened the door, it’s empty. Listen, I’m eating.” Sara took another hand full of potato chips and ate them really loud. “Sooo yummy. My favorite. A real treat.”<br/>“Give. Me. My. Potato. Chips.”<br/>“I’m sure they’ll be empty soon.”<br/>“One.”<br/>“Nah, there’s more than one hand left. At the moment.”<br/>“Two!”<br/>“Oh, you’re The Count.” Sara sat on her toilet seat. <br/>“Three!” <br/>“Four, five, six. Maybe you’ll be able to count till ten by the end of the evening.” <br/>“Ten!” The door popped open and Sofia stood there. Sara almost choked her last potato chips. How was that possible? How did Sofia open the locked door? And more important, where to run now? She was trapped, she had no way to escape. Only a dive through the window, head first. Not the thing she wanted to do.<br/>“Do you feel sorry already, Sara?”<br/>“I feel…trapped.” Sara stood up, back against the wall. <br/>“You are.”<br/>“Potato chips?” She offered the bag with a sweet smile. <br/>Sofia took the bag, dropped it on the floor and stepped closer to Sara, so that their faces were only a few inches apart. “Say you’re very sorry, that you won’t do it again and you’ll buy five new bags for me tomorrow.”<br/>“You’re very sorry, that you won’t do it again and you’ll buy five new bags for me tomorrow.” Sara repeated.<br/>“You think you’re funny?”<br/>“Shall I still say what you say?” <br/>Sofia came even closer, placed her hands next to Sara’s head, leant her body almost on Sara’s. “You’re in no position to tease me, Miss Sidle.”<br/>“The thing is, lieutenant Curtis, I really appreciate the bad ass cop show you put on, but let’s be honest, you’d never hurt me. You’re my safe person, you take care of me. I’m safe with you around. No need for me to be scared.”<br/>“I never signed anything about the safe person stuff.”<br/>“You don’t need to sign, I’ve your word, that’s worth more.” Sara got her arms around Sofia and pulled her in. “I’m sure every suspect is scared when you’re the bad ass cop. You play it very well. But why don’t you stop pretending something you’re not, take your potato chips, come down with me and we’ll watch TV. You with your potato chips and I with my yogurt with some fruits.”<br/>“You try to get out of this. You try to make me forget, you stole my food and wanted to eat it alone.”<br/>“No, I remember you of the fact, that you like me. Couch, TV and you tell me, how your day was?”<br/>“I’ll let you get away with this. This one time. The next time, you’ll pay, do you understand me?”<br/>“Of course, you spoke in plain English. Come on, couch time.”<br/>Sofia grumbled something, took her potato chips and shot one evil look at Sara. The brunette didn’t take her serious, she made fun of her. And she wasn’t able to stop her. She had to work on herself. </p><p>“So, how was your day?” Sara sat cross legged on the couch, eating her natural yogurt with fresh fruits. <br/>“We had a homicide in the Hollywood Hills, a family tragedy. The husband shot his wife and himself because he lost his job and was afraid, he couldn’t pay the rent anymore.”<br/>“So he made the decision, his wife doesn’t to live anymore” Sara sighed. “It’s always the same. They see no reason to live anymore and assume, their family members also want to die. It never occurs them, that the family wants to fight, wants to live. I hated cases like that.”<br/>“So do I, it’s…even more senseless than any other kind of killing. So it was a case, that was closed fast, but nevertheless not a good day.”<br/>“Did they have children?”<br/>“The woman was pregnant.”<br/>“Shit.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“I know why I don’t want to work in the law enforcement anymore. I don’t want these things in my life anymore. I want to see some nice things when I work. There’s no way to deny that there’s a lot of evil in the world, that there’re a lot of problems, but I need to see something good every now and then. And if it’s nothing more than a fawn in the morning sun with it’s mother.”<br/>“That’s a very nice picture, I hope, you’ll see that a few times and maybe you can take a photo. Some nice things to see for the homicide lieutenant, you know.”<br/>“I can do that.”<br/>“And how was your day?”<br/>“I spent five hours in the forest. Just cycling around, looking for some nice spots. After therapy, I needed something to spoil myself. It was a tough session again. We talked about my past, my family and I lost it almost twice. One I noticed it myself, the second time, doc Weinberg had to stop me. She said, I’m not crazy, which is a relief.” Sara stopped for a moment. She hadn’t told Sofia about her mother’s disease. “My mom has schizophrenia and I was afraid and still am, that I inherited it. That these bouts have anything to do with the disease. But the doc said, it’s more likely, that I suffer from PTSD.”<br/>“Post traumatic stress disorder.” Sofia had read up on some mental diseases. She knew something was wrong with Sara, that she had some kind of disease or disorder and had tried to find out herself, what it could be. <br/>“Yes. The reason for that is in my childhood and she believes, the shock with the SWAT team triggered it, or got it back in my mind after I had tried to bury for all these years. We need to talk about my childhood now, talk about what happened and what has triggered the PTSD. Nothing I look forward to do, but necessary.”<br/>“Sounds like some really difficult conversations, you’ll have.”<br/>“Yes. I don’t want any medicine, so it’s difficult to stay calm. She can’t give me a prescription for psychotropic drugs, she isn’t a medical doctor, that’s why she can only suggest the natural stuff, which is fine with me. But it makes it harder to stay calm and not to get into a bout again. Probably it’s easier when I’ve talked it through with her for the first time.”<br/>“I’ve no idea how it works, but maybe you will feel relieved after you talked to her. Maybe you think in your subconscious, that whatever happened to you, is still a risk for you, might hurt you if you talk about it. And when you’ve talked about it and nothing bad happened, it might show you, you’re fine when you talk about it. I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist, I’m a lieutenant.”<br/>“You’re my safe person.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Usually you’re alone when you have therapy, the thing is, I know I feel safer when you’re around. So I was wondering, if it’s okay with you, to come with me and…”<br/>“Sure, Sara.” Sofia took Sara’s hand. “If you want me there, I’ll be there. I’ll hold your hand, I’ll talk to you, I’ll sit some-where quiet in a corner, whatever I can do to make it easier for you.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“Will you go there again in Monday afternoon?”<br/>“Yes. We’ll try to have three appointment per week until I start working and go down to one then. Hopefully the worst thing is over by the end of the month. I hope, as soon as I’ve talked about everything, that’s hidden deep inside me and gives me all those problems, will slowly disappear after I’ve gone through it.”<br/>“You can do it, Sara. You’re a strong woman. A very sensitive woman, but you’re a fighter. And you’ve a therapist, who takes care of you, who won’t let you do anything, that’s not good for you.”<br/>“She even bends the rules a little bit for me.”<br/>“Which is very nice of her. Other would stick to the rules.”<br/>“Yeah. I’m glad I’m with her. And I’m very thankful that you’re there for me too. I hope I’m not too much a pain in the ass.”<br/>“Only when you steal my potato chips.”<br/>Sara chuckled. “You know, the Spanish word for potato is ‘patata’ and if you accidentally pronounce it wrong, the ‘t’ as a ‘d’ you’ll get a kick in the ass.”<br/>“That’s what you’ll get the next time you steal my potato chips. What a good way to remember it. Since when do you speak Spanish?”<br/>“I picked some words up while I was in Costa Rica.”<br/>“Always a geek.”<br/>“I take that as a compliment, lieutenant.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“Do you tell me what’s wrong with you?” Sara asked carefully.<br/>“Huh? Wrong?”<br/>“Yes. Something isn’t right. Like you said, I’m sensitive, I feel that. If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay, just say it. If you want to talk, I can listen.”<br/>Sofia was quiet for a few seconds. “No, thanks. I’m fine.”<br/>“You’re not fine, but if you don’t want to talk about it. That’s alright Sofia. If you change your mind, I’ll be there.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sofia sighed. She couldn’t talk with Sara until she wasn’t sure, what exactly was wrong with her. Something had to be wrong with her feelings and it was better, if she worked that out alone. She had talked to Don, more she had been willing to talk with him.<br/>“You’re welcome. By the way, I called Greg.”<br/>“Really? How is lab rat with the crazy hair?”<br/>“He hasn’t changed and was happy that I’ve called him. He isn’t that happy that I’ll stay in L.A. and won’t come back to Vegas.”<br/>“Did you tell him you live with me?”<br/>“I did.” Sara grinned.<br/>“Did he believe you?”<br/>“No. He said, he has to come here and make sure, it’s not a lie. He said, it’s impossible that we can live under the same roof.”<br/>“He can come here and see with his own eyes. We live together in one house, it works out perfectly – as long as you respect my property.”<br/>“Your food.”<br/>“Especially my food. When will he come here? I bet he won’t let us wait for a long time.”<br/>“I told him, I’ve to ask you first.”<br/>“Are you silly? You can invite him whenever you want to see him. You don’t have to ask me, stupid girl. This is your home too. Get him here ASAP.”<br/>“Okay.” Sara smiled. <br/>“Call him.”<br/>“I’ll call him tomorrow.”<br/>Sofia checked her watch. “He hasn’t start his shift yet, give him a call. Tell him to ask for a few days off ASAP. I want him here! Get him here before you start your new job. Take him to the forest, to the sightseeing stuff of the city, to the beach – but don’t fall sleep in the sun again.”<br/>“I won’t.”<br/>“I doubt he would let you fall asleep.”<br/>“No, he wouldn’t.”<br/>“Call him!”<br/>“Yes.” Sara got her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed Greg’s number. “Hey Greggo, guess who sits next to me…yes we’re in the same room, we even share a couch…no, there are no drugs involved…you’re stupid! Listen, Sofia told me to make it very clear to you, you’ve to come here ASAP. You’re supposed to ask Grissom for a few days off tonight and come here better today than tomorrow…I can ask her…Sofia, can Greg sleep in your bed because there’s no guest room?”<br/>“Not if he wants to be alive the next morning.”<br/>“She threatens to kill you if you do so…no, my bed is still not available, I ask Don if he wants to share his bed with you…what do you mean with, you don’t want to share a bed with a man? He’s cute, has really nice blue eyes…okay, we’ll prepare a guest bed for you. You make sure, you’ll be here soon and we’ll take care of the rest…no, I won’t come back to Vegas with you, I’ve got a job here and when you come here soon, I’ll tell you everything about it…okay, we’ll talk tomorrow. Have a good night, a safe shift and say hello to the others.”<br/>“Send them a hello from me too.” Sofia said.<br/>“Sofia says hello too….okay, I’ll tell her. Bye, hear you tomorrow.” Sara closed her phone. “He’ll call me tomorrow to tell me, when he can be here. He’ll tell Grissom he needs a few days off ASAP.”<br/>“Let’s hope he’ll get them. And what are you supposed to tell me?”<br/>“That he’ll try to get you and me back to Vegas because he misses working with us.”<br/>“He’s cute.” Sofia chuckled. “But I’ll stay. I like my house.”<br/>“With no guest room.”<br/>“Why don’t you invite him in your bed? You’re close friends.”<br/>“Do you share your bed with close friends?”<br/>“Yes. I offered Don I share a bed with him if he feels lonely and I’d do the same with you. If you have nightmare and need somebody to hold you, I’ll invite you in my bed.”<br/>“I’ll think about that. As long as you don’t invite Don and me over.”<br/>“You’re not interested in a threesome with him and me? Think about, four beautiful blue eyes and two sexy bodies next to you.”<br/>“I prefer to have the full attention of my lover and to give my full attention to my lover. You can’t give one hundred percent to two people.”<br/>“In that case, come over when I’m alone. I’d like to have one hundred percent.”<br/>“Why don’t you go to bed when you’re already dreaming?” Sara smirked and got up. “Want a new beer?”<br/>“Yes, please. Thanks.” Sofia handed Sara the empty bottle. She hoped, Greg would get his days off soon and be here in no time. She wanted to see the young CSI again and she was sure, his presence would be good for Sara. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Monday, August 3rd</p><p>Sofia leant on the frame of the door to the garden, watched her dogs play in the morning sunlight while she sipped her coffee. Another warm and sunny morning in L.A., another morning she had to leave her dogs alone and catch bad boys. Was she doing the right thing? Was this really the thing, she wanted to do for the rest of her life? Chasing killer, bringing the news to people, that their loved ones were killed? Did she really want to handle violence until the end of her career? Was it worth going all the way up to captain to walk through blood and countless bodies? Or should she start to think about an alternative? Like Sara had. Could she imagine to be something else than a cop? And if so, what would it be? What – that had nothing to do with law enforcement – was something she enjoyed, knew how to do? A job in a lab? No, she wasn’t made to work in a lab the whole day, to stay inside. She was an active person, she needed to be on the road. <br/>Suddenly the ground under her feet disappear, she felt something embracing her, lifting her up and spin around. <br/>“What the…?!”<br/>“Got you!” Don kissed her. “You were dreaming, didn’t pay attention to your surrounding. That’s not very good, lieutenant. You’ve to be alert all the time.”<br/>“If I can’t trust my detective and my CSI, I’ve to think about getting new people in my team. You’re supposed to watch each others back and not assault the other one.”<br/>“You want to tell me, if I had been a burglar, you had heard me?”<br/>“If you had been a burglar, the dogs would have killed you.”<br/>“Yeah, the dogs. The lieutenant was somewhere in never-never land.”<br/>“Aren’t you due to leave? Like five minutes ago?”<br/>“I’ve to say bye-bye to my landlady and remind her, not to give my room away.”<br/>“Depends on who’ll knock on my door and ask for a room. Right now, you’re not very popular, I might give the room to anybody, who’ll pay the rent.”<br/>“No you won’t, you’ll miss me too much.”<br/>“Isn’t that your cab?”<br/>“It is. I’ve one more thing to do.” He smiled. <br/>“What?”<br/>“Hold still.” His hands took her shirt and he started to pull it up.<br/>“Don, what are you doing?”<br/>“Trust me.”<br/>“If you don’t stop right now I’ll hurt you.”<br/>“Stay cool, I’ve seen you in your underwear.” When he took off her shirt, she had fight the urge to slap him. It was true, he had seen her in her underwear, but that wasn’t a reason why he was allowed to undress her whenever he felt like it. Only the little voice deep in her head, that told her, Don was joking around, made her not slap him. He turned the shirt inside out and put it back over her head. <br/>“Better.”<br/>“I wore it inside out? Ooops.”<br/>“You did.” He kissed her. “Say goodbye and that you’ll miss me.”<br/>“Goodbye and that you’ll miss me.”<br/>“Funny girl.” Don hugged Sofia again. “I’ll call you when I’m in New York. Anything I should bring you from there?”<br/>“No, all I want is you back in one piece.”<br/>“I can do that. Take care, Sofia. Of the four of you.”<br/>“The dogs and Sara?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Will do.”<br/>“Bye.” He kissed her again.<br/>“Don’t forget to come back in one week, Don.” Sofia kissed him. “Your lieutenant won’t allow you to stay away for more than one week. If you’re late, you’ll lose your job!”<br/>“I like this no pressure attitude you have.” He blinked at her and left the room. The cab was waiting and he had a flight to catch. One week in New York, one week to visit old friends, his family and try to chase some demons away. <br/>Sofia knew, it was important for him to go there, to work some things out and she understood, that he wanted to do that alone. At the same time, she didn’t like the fact, that he was on his own. Okay, he had his family and friends there, but she wanted to be there too, make sure, he was alright. <br/>Now she was here without him, had to wait until he was in New York. His flight was due in almost three hours, five hours of flight, another hour to be out of the airport, so she had to wait until the late afternoon before she heard something of him. Didn’t she just behave and think like a mix between a mother, who had to let go of her baby boy for the first time summer camp and a girlfriend, who couldn’t imagine to be without her new lover for a second. The bad thing was, she wasn’t neither one that these two things. She was plain crazy. And she liked it, it felt right. <br/>“He’s gone.” Sara joined her in the living room. ”Don.”<br/>“Yeah, this week will be good for him.”<br/>“He didn’t seem to be very happy the last days. I hope that will be changed when he’s back.” Sara sat on the couch, pulled up her knees and watched Sofia, who was back at the door frame with her coffee. Thanks goodness she had put away the cup before Don got her in his arms. Otherwise she could clean the living room now. <br/>“He’ll be better, I hope.”<br/>“You weren’t that happy neither.”<br/>“Life isn’t always sunshine and roses.”<br/>“No, it isn’t.”<br/>Sofia finished her coffee, whistled once to get the attention of her dogs. It was time for a walk with them. She had the day off, no reason not to spend time with her dogs. <br/>“I’ll take the dogs out for a long walk, time for them to spend time with their mommy.”<br/>“They’ll like it. Will you have a minute or two when you’re back for a talk?”<br/>“Want to talk now?” Sofia sat next to Sara. <br/>“I don’t want to stop you and the dogs.”<br/>“Don’t be stupid, Sara. They won’t mind to wait a little bit longer.”<br/>“Maybe you mind to talk to me.”<br/>“Nonsense. Why should I?”<br/>“Because you act a little bit…I don’t know how to say it… weird? Strange? Reserved.”<br/>“I don’t. I…” Sofia stopped. Okay, she wasn’t the same, maybe she was a little bit different then usually. “I’ll be fine.”<br/>Sara looked her quietly, her eyes became sad. She swallowed a few times, then stood up. “Okay, have a nice day.”<br/>“Sara…”<br/>“No, Sofia. I understood, you don’t want to talk to me about what’s bothering you. I’ve to accept that.”<br/>“Sara…” Sofia tried to stop Sara, but the brunette had left the room and closed the door behind her. <br/>“Shit.” Sofia sighed, leant back and closed her eyes. How could she end up in this position? Why didn’t she do anything to avoid that? Now she had not only damaged the friendship they had built up in the last days, she had also damaged the fragile trust, Sara had in her. How could she be Sara’s safe person when she hurt her feelings? When she wasn’t honest with her. Or, Sofia didn’t lie, she didn’t tell her everything. That wasn’t the same, was it? <br/>“I messed it up, guys.” She petted Rantanplan, who laid his head on her left knee. “I’m a stupid woman, Ran, a true blonde. Tell me what to do, please. I can’t let her leave like that, I can’t tell her the truth because I try to avoid and ignore the truth myself. It’s a damn perfect catch-22. Any plans?”<br/>Rantanplan whined quietly while Scooby came to them and poked Sofia with his nose, like he wanted her to get up. <br/>“We’ll go for a walk, guys. I’d like to work the problem I got myself in out before we do so we can all enjoy the walk. Any suggestions?”<br/>Both dogs started to bark. <br/>“Talk? Because I said the wrong things I’m in this trouble.”<br/>Both dogs didn’t stop barking and poked Sofia. <br/>“Okay, I’ll talk to her but if I mess it up completely, you’ll tell Don tonight when he calls. If I tell him, he’ll come back and I’ll get a patada…You heard that? Isn’t it great, she makes me remember Spanish words.” Sofia got up. “I’m such a hopeless case.” She left the living room, checked the kitchen. Empty. Probably Sara was upstairs in her room. With the dogs right behind her, she went up the stairs, knocked in Sara’s door and waited for an answer. Nothing happened. She knocked again. Nothing. <br/>“Sara?” Carefully Sofia opened the door. The room was empty, there was no sound coming out of the bathroom. It seemed like Sara had left house. <br/>“Great, I messed up big times. Scoob, Ran, we need to find Sara. Get your leashes, please!” She got her cell phone out of her room, no message. Like usually when she told them to get their leashes, the dogs sat in front of the front door, leashes on the ground, barking, waggling, excited. <br/>“Okay guys, where is Sara? Can you find Sara for me? Find Sara, go!”<br/>They weren’t search dogs, Sofia knew, they wouldn’t start to run and get her straight to Sara, she had to use her own head. After all, she got herself in this situation. With her bike and her car still in the garage, she was sure, Sara was gone on foot. That meant, she wasn’t that far ahead. <br/>There were two, no three places, Sofia could imagine Sara went to. First to the motel, but that wasn’t very likely. She wasn’t looking for a room for the night. Number two was her therapist. She had an appointment this afternoon, there was no reason to go there now. Doctor Weinberg had no time for her. That left her with place number three, the dog’s playground. The brunette liked that place, she liked to watch how all the dogs got along without a problem and played. <br/>Her dogs pulled her automatically to the dog’s playground, as it was their favorite spot too and they were very happy, when Sofia didn’t make them walk around the reservoir first, but went straight to the playground. She took another road so that – in case Sara sat on her favorite bench – she didn’t see them coming down Silver Lake Boulevard. <br/>Sofia smirked when she saw the back of her new housemate. She had been right, Sara went to her favorite spot in Silver Lake. She took her dogs off the leash when she opened the gate and both ran straight to Sara, ruining Sofia’s little surprise. <br/>“Scooby, Rantanplan, what are you doing here?” Sara turned surprised. <br/>“They missed you.”<br/>“No, they wanted to be here to play.” She petted the dogs, magically had two treats in her hands and after the dogs had eaten them, they went off to explore who else was around and with whom they could play. <br/>“Mind?” Sofia pointed of the empty place next to Sara. <br/>“No, of course not.”<br/>“Thanks.” What now? How to start? What to say? This wasn’t a comfortable situation, Sofia hated to be in situations like this. It felt a little bit like, you were about to end a long term relationship, trying not to hurt the other one, also you knew, you’d hurt him or her anyway. No matter which words you chose. <br/>“I’m sorry, Sara.” An apology was always a good way to start.<br/>“What for?”<br/>“Being me.”<br/>“Usually it’s my part to apologize for being me.”<br/>“You don’t have to apologize for anything.”<br/>“Are you sure?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Sofia, I’m not stupid. I’ve realized since when you behave strange. Wednesday. It wasn’t your job and it wasn’t the food in the restaurant that made you act weird. It wasn’t the news, that I’ve got a job, that made you act strange. It was this stupid kiss I gave you. Since that time you’re reserved.”<br/>Sofia sighed. The problem with Sara was, this woman was simply too damn smart. There was no way you could play her, she knew when you tried to pretend something, that wasn’t real. Not the best thing. At least not for Sofia right now. <br/>“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or give you the feeling I play you. It was just…I wanted to prove you wrong. I’m sorry, it wasn’t a smart thing to do.”<br/>“It’s not your fault, I’ve no idea what’s wrong with me, how can you know?”<br/>“Are you in love with me, Sofia?”<br/>The lightness of Sara’s tone caught Sofia off guard. That wasn’t the Sara Sidle she had met in Las Vegas, that wasn’t the easy pissed off woman. <br/>“To be honest, I don’t know, Sara. I don’t know what I feel for you. I know, you’re important for me, I don’t know in which way. I like you, I’m happy you’re here, that we met again, that you stay with Don and me, but I can’t say, what exactly I feel for you. I was sure, I’m done with relationships for a while, that I didn’t want anything else than my freedom and stay far, far away from any kind of love relationship. But yes, your kiss – even I knew it wasn’t a serious kiss, only a way to tease me – caught me a little bit off guard and turned me upside down. For no reason. Unfortunately my head doesn’t always work the way it should. Must the blonde gene.”<br/>“You are not a real blonde.”<br/>“You don’t have any evidence for that.”<br/>“I can see dark roots.”<br/>“Damn it, I need an hour in the bathroom, wash the brown dirt our of my blonde hair.” Sofia smiled. <br/>“Do you want me to move out?”<br/>“I want you to do a lot of things, Sara, moving out isn’t even at the end of the list. The only way for you to get out of my house is when you want it that way. I want you to stay and I’d be very sad, if you make the decision to move out.”<br/>“I like to stay at your house, but I don’t want to make things difficult for you.”<br/>“I make things difficult for myself. It’s me and nobody else.”<br/>“And there’s nothing I can do?”<br/>“Sure there is: Don’t leave the house because I act like a jerk.”<br/>“If you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”<br/>“I want you to stay. And so do Rantanplan, Scoob and Don.”<br/>“Okay, I stay.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sofia took Sara’s hand carefully and held it, when the brunette didn’t pull back. “I’ll work out what is wrong with my head. Maybe I need a session with your therapist.”<br/>“Remember, you’re not allowed to hit on your therapist. Think carefully if you want her to be your therapist or your girl-friend.”<br/>“What did I just say a few seconds ago about me and relationships?”<br/>“You want relationships.”<br/>“Somehow there had to be a problem between my mouth and your ears….”<br/>“No, you said, you want me to stay. You want relationships to other people, Sofia.”<br/>“You know what I mean.”<br/>“I do.” Sara smiled.<br/>“Good. Do you want to stay here or shall we leave?”<br/>“Where do you want to bring me?”<br/>“I thought of a place with waves, sand, where the dogs can run free and we can take a bath with them.”<br/>“Sounds like a perfect place. My skin should be fine with a little bit of sun by now.”<br/>“We’ll take a sunshade with us.”<br/>“And a cell phone. I forgot to tell you, Greg will come here today. He could talk Grissom into giving him a week off and takes off to L.A. after a little nap.”<br/>“Perfect. He has a week off, you have two more weeks until you’ve to start your new job and I’ve a week off too.”<br/>“A whole week? I thought only today. To bring Don to the airport.”<br/>“My plan was to fly with him to New York, to stay with him, but he wanted to go alone. So I’ve a whole week off. If you want private time with Greggo, you have to go back to your motel.”<br/>“I don’t want private time with Greg, don’t talk stupid. But I have a question, after you told me to invite him: Where will he sleep?”<br/>“In your bed?”<br/>“Only in his dreams – if he still dreams this dream.”<br/>“As soon as he’ll see you, this dream will be alive again.” Sofia grinned.<br/>“I won’t take him in my bed.”<br/>“Poor boy. He can have my bed if I can get into yours.”<br/>“Out of the frying pan into the fire. Great.”<br/>“Hey, I haven’t made a decision about you. Maybe I don’t like you at all and I behave strange because I’m getting a flu or so.”<br/>“She compares me to a flu, what a nice safe person. I might change my safe person and ask Greg to come with me.”<br/>“No, you won’t.” Sofia took Sara’s arm and pulled her on her feet. “Let’s go home, pack some picnic and go to the ocean. You know when Greg will be here?”<br/>“Late afternoon, early evening. Depends on the traffic. I sent him your address and told him, if he arrive between five and six, he’ll find us at doctor Weinberg’s place.”<br/>“Yeah, the dogs won’t open the door for him. They’re smart, but not that smart.”<br/>“Let’s hope he’s smart enough to call us if he ends up in front of a closed door.”<br/>“He’s a smart man, he’ll come straight to you.” <br/>“Somehow it sounds like you make more out of this than it is.” Sara furrowed her brows. “I’m not sure if I like that.”<br/>“You can make a decision about that on our way to the beach.” </p><p>“This is a nice spot.” Sara buried her feet in the sand and watched the dogs playing in the waves. They were on  a part of the beach between Santa Monica and Malibu, where they were allowed to let the dogs run free. <br/>“Yes. You don’t have any cafes or surf shops around, but you have a quiet spot to enjoy the water and give your dogs some freedom.”<br/>“Better than shops and cafes.” Sara started pulled off her shirt.<br/>“She’s stripping! Now I want a beer and watch.” Sofa smirked.<br/>“You’ll get a handful of sand in your face.”<br/>“A fight on the beach? Sounds…promising.”<br/>Sara snorted, got out of her pants and walked towards the water. She wasn’t stripping, she wore a bathing suit. If she was on the beach, she wanted to have a little swim. Her skin was better, there was no reason not to go into the water for a few minutes. <br/>The water was warm, she made her arms wet before she dove into the next wave, that came towards to the beach. When she got her head out of the water, the dogs were on their way to her. <br/>“Hey guys, are you…hey!” She tried to push them away. Both tried to climb on her back, the craws scratching over her sensitive skin. “Ouch.” She got down and dove a few yards away. Unfortunately as soon as her head popped out of the water, the dogs started to follow her. She hoped, they’d lose interest after a minute or two, but they kept following her, no matter in which direction she dove. After ten minutes she had enough, dove back to the beach and left the water. As soon as she was ashore, the dogs lost interest. <br/>“Your dogs assaulted me!” Sara pointed to red scratches on her arms. <br/>“They tried to safe you.”<br/>“By climbing on me? Pushing me under water?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“That makes no sense.”<br/>“Not for you, in their world, it will make great sense.”<br/>“Thanks. That’s why you don’t go into the water, why didn’t you warn me?”<br/>“I’m not swimming for another reason, that has nothing to do with my dogs. And I didn’t warn you because I didn’t think, they like you so much that they try to rescue you.”<br/>“You want me to believe it’s a good thing they did?”<br/>“Let’s say, they did it with a good intention.”<br/>“Great.”<br/>“The next time, you take a shirt with you in the water. Had been better for your skin anyway, you’re a little bit red.” Sofia handed Sara a towel and put the sunshade up. <br/>“I can’t hide the whole time, when I start my job, I’ll up out the whole day.”<br/>“And you’ll wear a ranger uniform.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“That will protect your skin. And you’ll look sexy.”<br/>“Stop it, lieutenant.”<br/>“Making you compliments?”<br/>“Hitting on me.”<br/>“If I don’t try to get you, I’ll never know if I could get you. And most times, I regret things I didn’t do.”<br/>“Let me give you a friendly advice: if you have any intention to have more than a friendship, you won’t get it by being annoying. If I want you, if I could consider you as a partner, I’ll let you know. The more you try to make me want you with comments like that, the bigger the chance, I’ll withdraw and won’t spend any time with you at all. At least not more than I have to.”<br/>“That’s a nice way to say: fuck off!”<br/>“No, it’s a friendly advice.”<br/>“Are you really annoyed?” Sofia asked carefully, suddenly scared, that she was about to break their fragile friendship with her – to use a nice word - clumsiness. “Did I mess it up?”<br/>“No, you didn’t mess anything up. I don’t like it when people hit on me, not that obviously. I prefer the subtle way, when the other ones waits if I respond and then act again. People, who try to get me with brutal force are not interesting for me.”<br/>“I’ll remind that and won’t offer you a sandwich. You can get one yourself if you’re hungry.”<br/>“I know you understood me so I’ll ignore the BS you said and ask if you can apply some sun crème on my back. The after sun stuff.”<br/>“No more baths?”<br/>“Not as long as your dogs are around.”<br/>“I can call them back and keep them here for the time you’re in the water.”<br/>“No, I wait for another time. I live in L.A. now, there’ll be plenty of days, I can stay at the beach. Maybe tomorrow with Greg.”<br/>“He’ll like the beach, the surf boards and the girls in bikini. After all, he wanted a trip to Hawaii to compare sand from the lab. That’s what he told me once.”<br/>“Yeah, his early days, his crazy days. He was so cute back them.”<br/>“And now?”<br/>“He’s still cute but when I first came to Vegas he was cute like…like a puppy, that tried to walk and fell every few yards. And he tried to hit on me too hard.”<br/>“He has a great…no, I won’t say that. I’m capable of learning. I won’t comment your sentence.” Sofia grinned and gave Sara the sun crème bottle back. <br/>“Good girl.” Sara looked at Sofia and started to grin. <br/>“What?” The blonde knew Sara thought about something mean. There was a plan in Sara’s head it was visible and Sofia knew, she was caught, she had no chance to escape. <br/>“I’ve got a lovely idea.”<br/>“When you say it this way it can’t be lovely, it sounds scary and I’m sure, I don’t like it.”<br/>“You strike me as somebody, who likes to try things, you’ll like it.”<br/>“What do you have in mind, Sara?”<br/>“Nothing.” Sara started to put some sand on Sofia’s feet until they were buried and went on with the right foot.<br/>“No!”<br/>“What?”<br/>“You’re about to bury me alive.”<br/>“No, that sounds bad, that sounds like I’d try to kill you. I want to…give you some natural sun protection.”<br/>“I’m under the sunshade.”<br/>“That’s not natural.”<br/>“Will you stop what you’re doing?”<br/>“Sofia, you haven’t moved your feet to get rid off the sand, you don’t mind that I play mummy with you.” Sara grinned and used now both hands to bury Sofia under a thin layer of sand. <br/>“She’s nuts.”<br/>“That’s why I’m in therapy.”<br/>“No, that’s not the reason. I’m sure doc Weinberg hasn’t realized yet how crazy you really are.”<br/>“You think, she isn’t a good psychologist?”<br/>“I’m sure she is, but you’re better than she is.”<br/>“Sofia, no more faked compliments, remember?”<br/>“Bugger. Do I get credit for trying?”<br/>“If you try real hard, yes.”<br/>“I’ll try real hard.” Sofia flinched when Sara’s hands touched her side. <br/>“Are you…?” Sara asked with a huge grin. <br/>“No! Don’t even think of it!”<br/>“I don’t.” Sara grinned. Sofia was ticklish, that was good to now. “I’m on a mission.” She threw more and more sand on the blonde. It took her almost five minutes until there was only Sofia’s head looking out of the sand. <br/>“Are you happy now?”<br/>“Almost.” She took her cell phone and took a photo. “That will be the pic I’ll see whenever you call or send a text. Really nice.”<br/>“Now get me out of this.”<br/>“No, you can do that yourself.”<br/>“You buried me alive, you get me out of this.”<br/>“I can help you.”<br/>“That’s the least you can do.”<br/>“Okay.” Sara got up, sat on Sofia’s belly and started to tickle her. <br/>“What the…stop that…!” Sofia tried to fight Sara’s hands, but her arms were buried too and when she got them free, Sara had already started to tickle her. With her legs half under sand, she tried to fight Sara. <br/>It took her almost a minute until she had the upper hand, managed to throw Sara down and get on top of the brunette, her hands pinned down. <br/>“Say you’re sorry and ask me to forgive you.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“You’re not in a position to be not nice to me.”<br/>“Bite me.”<br/>“I’d love to, the problem is, you’ll take it personally and be mad. Otherwise I’d love to sink my teeth in your skin, Sara.”<br/>“Get off me.”<br/>“As soon as you told me you’re sorry.”<br/>“Now!”<br/>“Try it again.”<br/>“You won’t do anything to me, you’re my safe person.”<br/>“I know. But I can let you stay in this position for a while.”<br/>“You’ll be bored soon.”<br/>“Are you sure?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“We’ll see if you’re right.”<br/>“Get off!”<br/>“No.” Sofia smiled. That was good, she had the power over Sara and the brunette couldn’t be mad at her because she started this thing herself. Just perfect.<br/>“Please.”<br/>“Almost.”<br/>“I’m sorry.”<br/>“I knew you can say it.” Sofia let go of Sara.<br/>The brunette got up, got her arms around her knees and took a deep breath. Immediately Sofia was alert. This was the way Sara had learn to breathe when she was in a stress situation. <br/>“Are you alright?” Sofia carefully touched Sara’s shoulder with the tips of her fingers. <br/>“Yes.” Sara closed her eyes. <br/>“Sure? You’re pale.”<br/>“Having me pinned down isn’t the best position. Too many memories, bad memories.” Memories, she didn’t want to think of. <br/>“Sara, I’m sorry, I didn’t know…”<br/>“Exactly, you didn’t know and I started it.” Her eyes opened again. “You’ll hear a lot of not nice things this afternoon, Sofia.”<br/>“I thought so. Is there anything I can do for you?”<br/>“Now? I’ll be alright in a minute. Then? Sit next to me, be there, take me in your arms if I start to tremble, don’t let me have another bout again, please.”<br/>“I’ll do whatever I can. I promise.”<br/>“I know.” Sara smiled a bit. “That’s why you’re my safe person.”</p><p>“Hi.” Sara felt strange, like a mixture of a child on it’s first day at school and a lamb on it’s way to the slaughter. Had the office of her therapist been before a neutral or good place, today it felt like danger. <br/>“Hello Sara, Lieutenant.”<br/>“Hi doc, how are you?”<br/>“I’m fine, thanks. How are you?”<br/>“I was buried alive today.”<br/>“What? What did happen? A work incident?”<br/>“No.” Sofia laughed when she saw the shocked face of the doctor. “A Sara incident. Your patient, whom I think is absolutely nuts, buried me alive on the beach. You need to work harder on her. She’s a threat.”<br/>“You look fine to me, looks like she let you go.”<br/>“I had to fight her.”<br/>“Sounds still more like a nice day at the beach than a threat.”<br/>“You’re on her side.”<br/>“Yes I am.” Doctor Weinberg grinned. „She’s my patient, of course I’m on her side. Otherwise I’d be a bad doctor. And Sara doesn’t go to bad doctors.”<br/>“Great, a conspiracy.”<br/>“She’s paranoid.” Doctor Weinberg whispered to Sara. <br/>“Yeah, I think so too.” Sara laughed. “She needs some treatment, some strong medications and a long holiday trip in the looney bin.”<br/>“Shall I go and leave the two of you alone?” Sofia pouted. She was here to help and all she got was mock. <br/>“No, you’ll stay right by my side, safe person.” Sara took Sofia’s hand and pulled her to the couch. “Can she sit next to me? Or does she have to sit anywhere else?”<br/>“I can also sit on a chair, stand somewhere a little bit further away, be quiet and just watch.” Sofia offered.<br/>“There’s no rule, you can sit wherever it suits Sara best. Whatever we do here is to help her, so we have to make it in a way, that makes her feel good.”<br/>“I’d like to have you next to me.” Sara smiled a bit at Sofia. <br/>“I’ll be right next to you.”<br/>“Okay, so you had a nice day on the beach, that’s a good way to start the week.”<br/>“Yes. We took the dogs there, unfortunately they tried to climb on me when I was in the water. I tell you, dogs have sharp craws too. But it was fun and I hope, we’ll do that again. We’ve got both the whole week off, that means, if you want me to come here at any other point, it’s no problem; if that’s alright with Sofia.”<br/>“Sure. If you want me here another time.”<br/>“I’d prefer to have you  here only today. Sara has to learn to cope alone. You’re here to make it easier for her the first time, the next time, she had to go through it alone.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“Alright.” Sara wasn’t sure, if she was ready to face the demons of her past alone. <br/>“You can do it, Sara. Once you’ve told everything, it will be easier to talk about it again.”<br/>“I trust you on that. Oh, and Greg is on his way to visit us. He might be here when we’re done.”<br/>“Your friend from Las Vegas.”<br/>“Yes. He has a week off too. We can spend some time together.”<br/>“Perfect timing.”<br/>“Yes. And yes, I’ve got still time for therapy.”<br/>“Good, I won’t let you off the hook. There’s some stuff to work out about your family.”<br/>“Yes. About…my father.”<br/>“You told me a bit about your mother the last time.”<br/>“That she’s schizophrenic and I’m scared to inherit it, yes.”<br/>“There’s a ten percent chance that you inherited it, Sara. Most people get this disorder when they’re between their teens and thirty-five. Of course it can strike you when you’re eighty something, but the chance, that you’ll get this disorder is not that that high.”<br/>“Okay, that’s something positive. I thought a few times of her the last couple of days, I haven’t visited her in a long time, maybe I should go up to San Francisco and see her again.”<br/>“It can help you to work out your problems with the past, but do it, when you’re sure, it won’t throw you back.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“Have you forgiven her?”<br/>“Yes. It wasn’t like she…like she killed him because she’s a bad person. She killed him because she was…is ill. There were some voice, that told her to kill him. I know it sounds strange for most people to understand that that can be a reason but I believe, that when you hear voices and you’re sure, there’re there and tell you what to do and you know, you have to do what they say, you don’t do anything with a bad intention. It wasn’t her fault.”<br/>“Your childhood wasn’t easy.”<br/>“No. I spent a lot of time in hospitals. Broken arm, bruised shoulder, twisted ankle. They told the doctors I’m a clumsy child.”<br/>“You weren’t.”<br/>“No, I was quite good in duck and dodge, but not good enough all the times.”<br/>“Sometimes you got hit.”<br/>“Often. I…first I thought, that’s what family life is, you spend a lot of times in hospitals, every family works this way. Then I found out that wasn’t the case.”<br/>“You realized, you’re family is different.”<br/>“Yes. My mother was…I didn’t know what was wrong with her, but I knew, she was different than other mothers and my father…first I thought he’s a strong man. I held this picture up for a long time, avoiding the obvious thing.”<br/>“You tried to save yourself.”<br/>“I lied to myself, yes.”<br/>“Because your father wasn’t like other fathers.”<br/>“He…he…” Sara stopped, took Sofia’s hand and slipped closer to her friend as her being close could help her, protect her. “He was…abusive. He abused…me.”<br/>“Stop here for a moment, Sara.” Doctor Weinberg told her. “You need to breathe evenly.”<br/>“Right.” She hadn’t realized that she had started to tremble and breathed shallow. Knowing the drill, she repeated her breath exercise five times. <br/>Sofia felt like taking her friend into her arms, pulling her in deep and hold her as close as possible. It hurt her, broke her heart to see how Sara suffered going back to her childhood, talking about it, remembering it. But she knew, her part was a passive one, she had to sit here, hold Sara’s hand as long as the brunette wanted it this way and stay quiet. <br/>“Better?” Doctor Weinberg asked. <br/>“Yes. Thanks. Where was I?”<br/>“You told me about your father.”<br/>“Yes. He…wasn’t the father you wish for. My parents had a B&amp;B not too far away from San Francisco. They were hippies, there were always plenty of people around, none of them said anything when I had another bruise or bandage.”<br/>“You were surrounded by people but nobody helped you.”<br/>“No. That was another reason why I thought, every family is like mine. It didn’t seem to disturb anybody what happened to me.”<br/>“You couldn’t trust anybody.”<br/>“No. I remember one time I almost told somebody that I had a bruised shoulder because my dad pushed down the stairs. He was there, heard it and later he made it very clear that I better never ever tell anybody. It was family business and you have to keep family business in the family. Otherwise you’re a bad girl and you need to be punished and you don’t deserve it any other way because…” Sara didn’t realize how her voice had become high and she spoke rapidly. Nor had she realized that the tremble had started again. <br/>“Sara, stop. Breath.”<br/>“He said that again and again and then he…”<br/>“Sara, stop!”<br/>“He took his belt and…”<br/>“Sara, don’t!” Sofia couldn’t bear to listen any longer, she pulled Sara in, held her, let her bury her face in her hair, stroke her back. If they couldn’t stop Sara with words, she had to do something. She felt how her friend couldn’t take it anymore and at the same time couldn’t stop talking like she had to get rid off all the words. She felt how her shirt became wet, felt how Sara was crying. But at least she had stopped talking, the tremble didn’t get worse. <br/>“Shit.” Sara sobbed. <br/>Sofia looked at doctor Weinberg for a sign that told her, she had to let Sara out of her arms, but the doctor shook her head. It was better if Sara stayed there for a short while, to get herself together. <br/>After two minutes she got out of Sofia’s arms, her hand still linked with the blonde’s. “I’m sorry.” <br/>“No need to.” Doctor Weinberg offered her a box with tissues. <br/>Sara took one, wiped away her tears and blew her nose. “Thanks.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>“Do we have to go on?”<br/>“Yes Sara. You need to talk this trough at least once. I know it doesn’t feel like that, but you’ll feel better after that.”<br/>Sofia wondered how much  more could come and at the same moment, she didn’t want to know what else had happened to Sara. She wasn’t sure anymore if she was a good safe person, if she could bear listen to all the pain Sara had been through. No wonder the brunette had problems trusting people. No wonder she had problems being pinned down in the sand. What a stupid thing to do of Sofia. But she didn’t know. How had she possible known of this? Of an awful story like this? <br/>“Your father abused you. With his belt.”<br/>“The belt, his hands, shoes, a baseball bat, whatever came handy.”<br/>“Did he do more?”<br/>Sofia felt sick. Only the imagination of what Sara could answer made her feel sick, made her want to jump up, run out of the office and throw up. She had to fight the urge to run, she had to fight with herself to stay and hold Sara. This wasn’t about herself, this was about Sara and Sara needed her here. Sara needed her to be strong. <br/>“He never abused me sexually, no. Only…in any other way.”<br/>Only? For Sofia that wasn’t an only. If Sara’s father wasn’t dead, she would have liked to pay him a visit and do all the things, he did to Sara, to him. Ten times. <br/>“He slapped you.”<br/>“Yes. And my mother. And my brother.”<br/>Sara had a brother? Sofia didn’t know about that. Sara had never mentioned him. Never mentioned any contact. Like she had never mentioned her mother to Sofia in Vegas, that was why she told the nurse in hospital, Sara’s parents were dead. <br/>“The rest of the family didn’t dare to do anything against him.”<br/>“My mother…I guess, she lived in her own world most times. My brother abused drugs to flee and I…I don’t know.”<br/>“You all tried to cope in your own ways.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“But not together.”<br/>“No. We never talked about him, about fears. We kept everything to ourselves.”<br/>Sofia bit her lips. She hoped she could manage not to start crying. This was worse than any case she had worked on. It was something she had seen many times during her time as a police officer, but all those victims had been strangers. Now she knew the victim, was close to her and suffered. It wasn’t possible for her to react like a trained police officer anymore, she felt with the victim. She felt with Sara. </p><p>“How do you feel, Sara?” Doctor Weinberg asked after she had closed her note book. They were at the end of their session.<br/>“A little bit messed up, a little bit relieved and a lot…I can’t describe it. Scared, that this session will haunt me and like I lost a huge burden after I told you things I had…some of them I didn’t think of myself. They just came out like they had waited for years for their chance to get out.”<br/>“A little bit like a roller coaster.”<br/>“Yes, a roller coaster ride I enjoy despite the fear, that was with me. There’ll be more stuff coming out, won’t it? Things I’ve buried deep down for years and can’t recall right away even if I want.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And after every session I’ll feel better.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Good, let’s get all the shit out of me.”<br/>“Slow down, Sara. It won’t be nice and easy.”<br/>“I know, it wasn’t nice and easy today, but you told me, I can overcome PTSD and I want to overcome it and have an ordinary life.”<br/>“Good, we’ll work on that.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara smiled. <br/>“Do you have a second, Lieutenant?” Doctor Weinberg asked.<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“I’ll have a look if Greg is outside. My guts tell me, the lab rat with the crazy hair isn’t that far away.” Sara left them alone in the office and went outside. Relieved that she had done it, that she had told her therapist and her friend, things she hadn’t dare to tell anybody before. Didn’t dare to think of.<br/>“What can I do for you, doc?”<br/>“How do you feel?”<br/>“I’m alright.”<br/>“You heard a lot of things the last hours, a lot of not nice things.”<br/>“I did. And it wasn’t an experience I enjoyed. It hurt to see how Sara suffered and I’ve to admit I wasn’t happy that you pushed her a few times to go on talking instead of stopping her. Told her to go back and describe what she felt.”<br/>“I made her live through it again to make her understand it’s over, it won’t hurt her anymore, she’s safe. And I encouraged her to go on, I didn’t push.”<br/>“You used psychological tricks to make sure, she went on.”<br/>“Like you do with a suspect, the difference is, I do so because I want to help her. We scratched only a little bit under the surface today, there’re a lot of things waiting for us. A lot of things, that will hurt her more than the things today.”<br/>“I want to be with her.”<br/>“I’m afraid you can’t. She has to go through it alone. You were there today because it was her wish, I can’t allow that a second time. It wouldn’t help her.”<br/>“What can I do to help her.”<br/>“She’ll need you after therapy to catch her when she reminds things, when she goes through the session again. She might have nightmares tonight, the next nights. She’ll think a lot of her childhood, she’ll dream of it, things might come up, she hadn’t talk of today. She has tried to avoid thinking of it for years, decades, it will come out now and she has to cope. The fact that you’re there, that a friend is there, will help her. She needs friends.”<br/>“I’m not happy you let go, with open wounds.”<br/>“It’s not like she has a cut that I can stitch and send her home with a bandage over the wound. There are no bandages for her injury. Not in a physical way. Stay with her.”<br/>“I will. But what if she’ll get really bad nightmares? Lost conscious again?”<br/>“If she  loses conscious and is injured because of the fall, bring her to hospital. If she isn’t injured, make sure she’s in a safe position and stay with her. Call me if you think, you can’t handle it alone. You’ve got my cell phone number.”<br/>“For emergencies.” Sofia nodded.<br/>“Exactly. Sara is a fighter, it will be tough for her, but she’ll be fine at the end. All she needs is patience and time.”<br/>“And a good psychologist.”<br/>“Can’t hurt to have one.” Doctor Weinberg smiled and opened the door for Sofia. “If you…”<br/>“I know where to go if I need some help. Thanks.”<br/>“If you do that’s good.”<br/>“I’ll consider it.” Sofia opened the front door to the office and blinked. Sunshine. <br/>“Wow, detective Curtis, you look great.” <br/>Sofia didn’t see Greg before he had his arms around her and lifted her up. <br/>“How comes Hollywood didn’t ask you to become a movie star? Are they all blind?”<br/>“They did, I refused. Hey Greggo, your crazy  hair is almost gone. And it’s lieutenant.”<br/>“More power.”<br/>“Yes. Let me down.”<br/>“Or you’ll call your detectives? I won’t risk that.” His eyes fell on doctor Weinberg. “Wow.”<br/>“What he meant to say was good evening, his manners are stuck in a traffic jam.” Sara rolled her eyes. “Doctor Weinberg, that’s Greg Sanders, CSI Las Vegas and famous for his crazy hair style. Greg, that’s doctor Weinberg, the only psychologist I talk to.”<br/>“Hello, I hope you had a good drive.”<br/>“Yeah it was alright. Are you single?”<br/>“Greg!” Sara wished the ground to open and be somewhere else. This couldn’t be real. Maybe she suffered from hallu-cination. Did her friend, the shy Greg, ask her therapist if she was single? Did he try to hit on her? While Sara stood next them, was embarrassed and probably had to look for a new therapist now. <br/>“This feels worse than the therapy before, I’m sorry doctor Weinberg, he didn’t mean to ask that and you don’t have to answer that. I think it’s the best, Sofia and me escort  Greg far, far away…to a colleague of you, who can give him some really strong medicine. Or the coup de grace. Get lost, Greg!” She tried to push Greg away.<br/>“Do you always embarrass your friends, Mister Sanders?” Doctor Weinberg asked amused. <br/>“Only when it’s worth to embarrass them. And I can’t see anything bad or embarrassing in my question. I see it more like a compliment.”<br/>“Sofia, help me, please.” Sara begged. “Use your gun.”<br/>“I don’t have my gun with me, I didn’t think I need it when we see your therapist. The backup gun is in the car.”<br/>“I get it and shoot him. Stop him from talking until then.”<br/>“The cop inside me says, I have to stop you, the friend thinks, you’re right. Damn it, a catch-22 again.”<br/>“I don’t see your problem, Sara. She’s your therapist, you can’t ask her out. She isn’t my therapist, I can ask her out. I’m sure she can show me really nice spots in L.A. as a local.”<br/>“Can we go please? Now. Pretty please.”<br/>“She hasn’t answered yet, it’s not polite to leave before you get an answer.” Greg smiled. <br/>“You should only ask questions when you’re sure you can take any possible answer.”<br/>“I can take any possible answer.”<br/>“Just say no and we’re out of this.” Sara begged her therapist.<br/>“Wednesday night, six o’clock, after my next session with Sara.”<br/>“I’ll be here.”<br/>“I think I want to die. Sofia, please shoot me.” This couldn’t be real. Her therapist – a person took as a sensitive person until now – wanted to meet Greg. This had to be a nightmare. Or there was a hidden camera somewhere and she was about to be on TV. Reality couldn’t be like this, could it? <br/>“Can’t do that, that’s illegal.” <br/>“Why?” Desperately Sara looked for an explanation at her therapist. Why did she do that to her? <br/>“I think, it can be interesting to talk to your friend.”<br/>“I hope you that for therapy reason. That he can help you out with some things, I didn’t make clear. That’s good, I’ll talk me into believing this. It’s only for my therapy, all for the therapy…” <br/>“I take care of her.” Sofia grinned at doctor Weinberg. “And him.” She took Greg’s hand pulled him to her car. “Bye doc.”<br/>“I’ll see you around, lieutenant. And you on Wednesday, Mister Sanders.”<br/>“You can call me Greg.”<br/>“We’ll see about that on Wednesday.”<br/>“Can’t wait for that.”<br/>“Move it!” Sofia hustled Greg forward. She had to support Sara and get Greg away. </p><p>“I still hate you for embarrassing me.” Sara grumbled at Greg. They had dinner, walked the dogs around the reservoir and were in the garden with a glass of wine. <br/>“Why are you embarrassed?”<br/>“She’s my therapist.”<br/>“A really sexy therapist. You can’t deny that.”<br/>“I don’t care how she looks, she has to work with me to make  me feel better.”<br/>“I know a few ways she could make me feel better.”<br/>“One more word like that and I will kill you.”<br/>“I say only the truth, she’s sexy. Great legs, even in a jeans. Cute smile and beautiful eyes. Open you eyes and you’ll see it too.”<br/>“My eyes and ears were wide open when you asked her if she’s single. You can’t do this to a therapist, especially not my therapist. Sofia, say something.”<br/>“I’m afraid, you won’t like what I’ve to say.”<br/>“How comes?”<br/>“I’m with Greg, she’s sexy. And I’m kind of proud of him that he has changed from the shy guy to a man, who asks women if they’re available and still has a boyish charm. A really good combination, Greg.”<br/>“Thanks. I hope it will work.”<br/>“She said yes.”<br/>“All for therapy, all for therapy, all for therapy.” Sara repeated like a mantra. <br/>“Of course.” Greg smiled. <br/>“We want to hear all details Thursday morning.”<br/>“A gentleman doesn’t give any details about an evening with a lady.”<br/>“She isn’t a lady, she’s a therapist.” Sara whined.<br/>“She’s both.”<br/>“That’s it, I can’t take it anymore. I’m in my bed, try to suffocate myself with my stuffed fox. I need some rest. You can talk a lot about your date – I hate to say that word – and then you don’t have to mention it anymore tomorrow. Sleep tight.” Sara got up. <br/>“Oh come on stay, Sara.” Greg said. Immediately he felt sorry. He didn’t want to make Sara feel bad. That had never his intention If she really didn’t like the idea that he met her therapist, he wouldn’t do it. The question had popped out of his mouth, he didn’t mean to say it out loud, after he did say it, it was too late and he liked the reaction he got. <br/>“No, I need to sleep and to think. I’ll see you in the morning.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>Sofia got up, stopped Sara by holding her hand and pulled her in her arms. “If you need somebody to listen you know where I am. And if you have nightmares or are scared, come over. I’m here for you the whole time, Sara.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara smiled a bit.<br/>“Take the offer, please.”<br/>“I will. Night.”<br/>Sofia sat back next to Greg, watched Sara vanishing in the house. “So Greggo, tell me, what did you do the last two years we haven’t seen each other.”<br/>“I became the best CSI in Vegas.”<br/>“Sure.” Sofia laughed. “And your apartment is still a mess.”<br/>“No, I found out only guys like messy apartments, women prefer a nice place. But you know the job, there isn’t much time for a private life. After Warrick’s death, we were short handed for a while and worked more than one double per week.”<br/>“I heard about his death a few weeks later. I never thought McKeen would be capable to do something like that.” The Undersheriff, who had promised her a career at LVPD. <br/>“Nobody did. You can’t look into the head of somebody.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“What about you, lieutenant? Why L.A. and not Vegas?”<br/>“Because of the ocean, the forests around and I needed a new challenge.”<br/>“Some glamour, some stars, some rich men.”<br/>“Not what I’m after.”<br/>“You don’t want to be a famous star?”<br/>“No, I prefer to be a cop. That helps people more than. And I don’t want a rich man neither.”<br/>“Because you’re in independent woman, you can earn your own money.”<br/>“That’s too. And I don’t date men anymore, Greg. I might fight with you over Sara’s therapist.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“You said it yourself, she’s sexy.”<br/>“You are…”<br/>“I’m open for everything, Greg. If you need to give it a name, do it. I don’t call myself a lesbian or bi or whatever. If I have to call myself something, it’s open for the right person. If this person happens to be a woman, that’s alright.”<br/>“Wow, you definitely changed your life.”<br/>“Yes. And I like it.”<br/>“I like your house.”<br/>“If I have some time to work on the attic, you can have a room there. Until then, we’re fully booked.”<br/>“Yeah. Where’s your second housemate?”<br/>“In New York, he flew this morning.” Sofia had talked to Don, he arrived on time and was with his old friends. She didn’t have to worry about him. That was what he said, she still worried anyway.<br/>“Well, you’ve me as the man of the house.”<br/>“And Scooby and Rantanplan.”<br/>“I’m better.”<br/>“Are you? How loud can you bark when somebody comes to my front door?”<br/>“I can shoot this person.”<br/>“You’re not supposed to have a gun with you.”<br/>“Life is full of things that are not supposed to be.”<br/>“I’ll ignore that. Will you be alright on the couch?”<br/>“Sure, no problem. I slept on the  floor a few times.”<br/>“As long as there’s a sleep couch there’s no reason to sleep on the floor.”<br/>“True. I’ll try your couch now, I’m quite tired after the short sleep and the long drive. What time is breakfast time?”<br/>“We’ll wake you up. Or the dogs will.”<br/>“I prefer to get my good morning kiss of you than your dogs.”<br/>“It’s more likely that they’ll kiss you.”<br/>“In that case, I wait until doctor Weinberg kisses me. What’s her first name?”<br/>“Jules.”<br/>“Jules, my angel. Nice.”<br/>“Don’t mention her tomorrow or Sara will really hurt you.” Sofia grinned. “Sleep tight.”<br/>“You too, lieutenant. Thanks for having me here.”<br/>“You’re always welcome here, Greg.” Sofia smiled and left him alone. Time to go to bed for her too. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tuesday, August 4th</p><p>“It’s good to have you here.” Sara hugged Greg. She was back from her morning run with the dogs and found her friend a little bit sleepy on the couch. His blonde-brownish hair was spiky from the night and his brown eyes weren’t completely open. <br/>“Your dogs tried to wake me up a few times to play with them, they’re not well behaved.”<br/>“Sofia’s dogs, not mine.”<br/>“You took them out for a run this morning, you fed them a minute ago, they’re your dogs. Plus you’re here, I can’t complain about the dogs to Sofia, she isn’t around.”<br/>“Guess somebody is sleeping in.”<br/>“Yeah.” He looked at her. “You didn’t sleep a lot, did you?”<br/>“No.” Truth was, Sara didn’t sleep at all. <br/>“Because it’s a new place or because of something else?”<br/>“Therapy. I had a hard session yesterday, that was why Sofia was allowed to be there. And every time I closed my eyes, I was back in therapy or back in my childhood, going through everything again. So I made the decision not to sleep and to read. I’ve a few books, that might be helpful for my new job, it’s good if I’ve read them before I start.”<br/>“It’s more important that you’re stable.”<br/>“Both is important. If I don’t have a job, I can’t pay my therapy.”<br/>“The nightshift needs a good CSI in Vegas…”<br/>“They have to look for somebody else. I’m sorry Greg, but I can’t go back to Vegas, I can’t work law enforcement. Not now. I need something else than violence and crime, I can’t handle a dead body every second night. I need to see something nice. The time I was in Costa Rica, in the jungle, watching animals, taking photos, showed me how much I missed the nice things in life, how much I need them to get my life back on track. You know I wasn’t feeling good the last weeks in Vegas, you knew I suffered. I was missing something and I found out, I missed something good in my life.”<br/>He took her in his arms and kissed her hair, stroking her back. Yes he had seen how unhappy she had been, how she suffered, how she stood in the locker room, thoughts far, far away, fighting with demons he didn’t know, but could clearly see. <br/>“Will you come over for a visit one day?”<br/>“Of course. It has been a while since we visited our last show on The Strip. Plus I want to have breakfast with you and the rest.”<br/>“Good, you come over and after that I’ll come here. You’ve got a great beach, I hope we’ll spend some time there.”<br/>“We will. I’ve been there yesterday, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go somewhere else today.” She pointed on her arms and legs. There were still some traces of her severe sunburn. “My skin isn’t ready for two days in a row swimming.”<br/>“I noticed you burnt your skin badly not so long ago. What did you do?”<br/>“I feel asleep one afternoon on the beach. In a bikini. When Sofia came along to wake me up, I was deep red. You know me, I refused to go to a doctor, she brought me back to the motel, I tried to heal myself with lotions, which didn’t help a lot. Then I lost conscious, they called the ambulance, I ended  up in hospital with two doctors: one for my skin and one for my head to find out, why I lost conscious. There were no physical reasons so I got sent to a psychologist. Doctor Weinberg. Since that day I’m in therapy. PTSD.”<br/>“Do you know where it’s from?”<br/>“I assume it has something to do with my childhood.” She had never told him about her childhood, no details, nothing about the bad things, that had happened. “There were some less nicer things. I’ll tell you about them when I’m ready. At the moment I’m not good at talking about them. My body has a life of it’s own and starts to tremble when I talk about things, that are difficult for me. If I can’t stop that I lose conscious.”<br/>“Anything I can do if you tremble?”<br/>“You can try to calm me, take me in your arms, remember me to do my breathing exercise, that stops it usually. At least when I start doing them soon enough. You’ve got a crazy friend, I’m afraid.”<br/>“Not a crazy friend, a friend, who go hurt badly. If there’s anything I can do to help you, let me know, okay?”<br/>“Okay.” <br/>“I want you happy, Sara. If you can’t be happy in Vegas as a CSI, I can accept that as long as it doesn’t mean, we’ll lose contact.”<br/>“We won’t. Promise.”<br/>“Can you also promise that we’ll have at least once a week contact? Otherwise there might be this former CSI, who will forget to call.” He smirked.<br/>“Sofia is a pain in the ass sometimes, isn’t she?”<br/>“I thought more of a brunette former CSI.” He kissed her hair again. <br/>“Who’s that? No, serious, of course we can do that. We can have one evening per week for ourselves. Telephone, internet, whatever. A regular date.”<br/>“I always wanted a date with you.” He chuckled.<br/>“Really? That never crossed my mind.” Sara poked him. <br/>“You’re really cute together.” Sofia came in shorts and top in the living room. <br/>“Nice legs.” <br/>“Thanks. You touch them, they’ll kick you. Anybody up for a breakfast?”<br/>“I need a shower first.” Sara got up. “Scooby and Rantanplan are fine for the morning.”<br/>“Thanks. Greg?”<br/>“If I can take the shower with Sara I’m fine too. Otherwise I need a shower for myself.”<br/>“You can use Don’s bathroom, that’s alright with him. I talked to him this morning, he says hello and we don’t have to worry about him. He has a date with Lady Liberty tonight.”<br/>“I thought you’re not supposed to go there anymore.”<br/>“He’s a cop, Greg, he can go there.”<br/>“Connections are helpful. Okay, shower time and after that, we’ll have breakfast?”<br/>“Yes. Do you guys have any plans for the day?” Sara asked. <br/>“No.”<br/>“I want to spend time with you, that’s why I’m here.”<br/>“Would it be alright with you if we go to Angeles National Forest? I’d like to have a few walks there before I start my job. Know more of the forest. We can have a breakfast at a café, take a picnic and walk around with the dogs. There’s plenty of shade, so my skin will be alright too.”<br/>“Sounds good to me. And beach tomorrow.” <br/>“You only want to see girls in bikini, Greg. Yeah, we can do that. At one time this week we should look for a car for you, Sara.” <br/>“Yes mom.”<br/>“Don’t mom me.”<br/>“I’ve got one in mind.”<br/>“Good. Twenty minutes, girls?”<br/>“Twenty minutes and we’re ready to take off.” Greg poked Sofia and made her squeak. “That was for the girls, man.”<br/>“If I was a man with legs like these, you’d become gay, Greggo. You drooled.” She laughed and blinked at him. It was like they had never been apart. Her first concern, if they would all go along, was forgotten. They had more fun than ever together. </p><p>Sitting together with friends in the evening after a day out in the forest felt good. It felt like you had done a lot, like you worked out and deserved to put your feet up. Sara did that when they came home, had something to drink on the table and talked about the day, the things that had happened to them the last two years, Greg told them some new lab gossip. At one point, Sara was so tired, her eyes shut and she fell in a kind of light sleep. She could hear her friends talking, heard every word, but she couldn’t answer or react anymore. It was like she drifted on their words away. <br/>Conversation. Laughter. The sound of glass on glass, a party, a celebration. A lot of happy people, all laughing, from hour to hour more and more. Glass shattered, more laughter. Stupid jokes, not funny jokes, dirty jokes. Memories of old days, talking about politics, the war and a demonstration. Vietnam was all around, too many men had lost their lives for a senseless war. And there were more, more wars, more soldiers. You had to stop them. Killers. The conversation became more aggressive. What now? What to do? More glass shattered. Nobody laughed anymore. Nobody was there. Only the little girl, she was running, tried to escape. Fast, hurry, find a place to hide, find a place to be safe, find a place…something grabbed her from behind. A huge hand. She knew what that meant. She hadn’t been fast enough, she wasn’t able to hide, she was caught…<br/>“Nooooo!” Sara yelled. She found herself in her bed, trembling. Her eyes wide open, she tried to concentrate on the street light, that was shinning through her window. Breathing exercise. She needed to inhale. Slowly. Deep. And exhale. Damn, she trembled still. Again. Relax, Sara. It was a dream. You were sleeping. Only a dream. Not reality. Not this time. <br/>When she had her body under control again, she sat up. There was no way she would go back to sleep. She knew this dream, she knew it was only the beginning. She didn’t want to think about the rest, she didn’t want to remember all those things that had happened. With still trembling hands she took her book and started to read. Angeles forest had a wide variety of…what if the dreams weren’t dreams? What if it happened, no, it was over and she was awake now. No, more nightmares, back to the book. Walking tracks are often used by…she had smelled the barbecue, she had smelled the alcohol, the sweet smell of marihuana. It was so real. <br/>She put the book aside. It was impossible to concentrate. Sitting here with eyes open, she knew, it was only a matter of time before she fell asleep again. She was tired, her body wanted the rest, wanted her to sleep. The problem was, she was too scared. She knew, the nightmares came back as soon as she closed her eyes. They crept up into her head, took control and she had no chance to fight. She couldn’t help herself. <br/>To stay awake she went to her window, leant on the frame and watched Silver Lake in darkness. Some lights gave her an idea, who was still awake. She couldn’t see the reservoir, her room was on the other side of the house. Why were the nightmares there? Why did they haunt her again? She had lived for many years with nightmares, then she had managed to bury them, ignored them. Suddenly they were back, first a little bit, after the SWAT team got her out of the room. Now, that she talked about what happened in her childhood, memories came back, no matter if she was awake or asleep. She was at the mercy of her own dreams.<br/>“Didn’t we have an agreement about nightmares and fear?”<br/>The voice scared her for a moment. She was alone in her room, at least that was, what she had thought. Sara turned and found Sofia in her room. <br/>“Sorry, I knocked twice, you didn’t answer so I came in. I heard you scream.”<br/>“A little nightmare.”<br/>“A little?”<br/>“Maybe a little bit bigger.”<br/>“You yelled, Sara. And you can’t tell me, you slept last night. You were tired the whole day.”<br/>“As soon as I close my eyes, there are pictures…I don’t want to sleep anymore.”<br/>“You need to sleep.”<br/>“I can’t.”<br/>Sofia went to her friend, pulled her in her arms. “Close your eyes and do your breathing exercise, you’re trembling, Sara.”<br/>“Shit, not again.” Or was it still? She had no idea. Like she had no control over her body. <br/>“Try to relax.” Sofia stroke softly over Sara’s back. <br/>“Maybe I’ll go crazy.”<br/>“No, you won’t. PTDS has nothing with craziness to do. You have a trauma. And gooseflesh. Why don’t you go to bed?”<br/>“I can’t.”<br/>“Okay, come with me.” She pulled Sara with her. If Sara didn’t want to sleep in her own bed, she would get her in her bed. “Come in.” She pulled away her blanket. <br/>Sara looked blank at her. <br/>“Oh please, don’t tell me you really think, I would try anything. I want you to sleep, not to have sex with me. You need a few hours of sleep.”<br/>“Sorry, I…”<br/>“No explanation, no apologies, just get in the bed.” <br/>Sara got into Sofia’s bed. The blonde turned off the light and followed Sara. <br/>“Usually I don’t let people with cold feet in my bed, you’re an exception.” She pulled the brunette in her arms. “And now you’re safe. You’re with your safe person, who is the best lieutenant in town. No more nightmares.”<br/>“You think, they’re scared of you.”<br/>“Of course they are. Are you comfortable?”<br/>“Yes. Thanks.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>“When…how did I go into my bed? I can’t remember that I went there.”<br/>“You didn’t, you fell asleep in the garden, Greg carried you upstairs. He felt like Hercules.”<br/>“My hero. And you made sure, he didn’t carry me on his couch or invited himself in my bed.”<br/>“I didn’t have to do that.” Sofia found a hand of Sara and took it. “Close your eyes, Sara.”<br/>“What if the nightmares…”<br/>“If you get the nightmare or pictures of them back, start with your breathing exercise. And talk about it if that helps. Hold on to me, whatever it takes to make you more comfortable. If you can’t sleep at all, close your eyes and try to relax. Your body needs a rest.”<br/>“I know.”<br/>“Good. I’m here if you need me and I won’t sleep until you’re asleep.”<br/>“You need some sleep yourself.”<br/>“I’ll get my sleep.”<br/>Sara closed her eyes. Sleep. It sounded so easy to sleep. But what if the nightmares came back? If they were only waiting around the corner to surprise her again? Grab her, take over and let Sara suffer. Although, she hated a little bit to admit this, she felt better with Sofia around. The arms of the blonde gave her a safe feeling somehow. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, August 5th</p><p>“Awww, what a cute couple.” <br/>Sofia opened her eyes carefully. There was too much light in her room. <br/>“Sleepy Beauty and Snow White.”<br/>“Get lost, Greg!” Sofia grumbled. <br/>“You want to be alone with Sara? I can understand that.”<br/>“Good. Take the dogs out for a walk. Two blocks down south is a bakery, get us some something fresh for breakfast.”<br/>“Do you want breakfast in bed? As a dessert.”<br/>“Can’t hear you closing the door from the outside!”<br/>“Ouch. Bitchy. Later ladies.”<br/>Sofia sighed. She didn’t order a wake-up call for today. It was too early – no matter what time it was. They had no plans, none for the early morning. There was no reason to wake them up. Okay, probably Greg had looked for Sara, didn’t find her in her bed and went to the next room.<br/>Slowly Sofia opened her eyes again and found brown eyes only a few inches away looking at her. <br/>“Good morning.” She smiled.<br/>“Morning.” Sara was still in Sofia’s arms and as far as the blonde knew, she had been there the whole night. Whenever she woke up, the brunette was in her arms and she was asleep. Twice she had woken her up because Sara had nightmares, after a few calming words, breathing exercise and a little conversation, it had been better. <br/>“There are less shadows under your eyes.” <br/>“I slept a few hours.”<br/>“I know. I woke up a few times and you were asleep.”<br/>“You checked on me.”<br/>“Of course, that’s the duty of a safe person.” Sofia stroke softly over Sara’s cheek. “You need some more sleep.”<br/>“You sent Greg to get breakfast.”<br/>“Yes and after we had breakfast, we should take the dogs and go down to the beach. You can sleep there, in the shade of the sunshade and I make sure, you’re fine.”<br/>“Are you sure Greg won’t try to do that?”<br/>“We’ll do that together, even better.”<br/>Sara’s eyes became absent for a second. “Sofia, about last night, when you told me to go into your bed, I didn’t want to …I didn’t think…”<br/>“It’s alright, Sara.”<br/>“I wasn’t thinking straight.”<br/>“Honey, you thought too straight, that was the problem.” Sofia blinked at her. “Or you realized, you want me all over your body, which you can’t allow because it’s wrong and you have to push me away otherwise you’ll rot in hell.”<br/>“I’m a San Francisco woman, I don’t believe in stupid stories like that.”<br/>“As a San Fran chick, I’m sure you tried all the San Fran flower power stuff yourself.”<br/>“Let me out of your arms, I want to have a shower before I get breakfast.” Sara tried to push Sofia’s arm away. <br/>“You didn’t answer my question.” Sofia held her down.<br/>“Because you didn’t ask a question. There was no question mark at the end of your sentence. It was very hearable that you ended your sentence with a point and I don’t have to answer a comment.”<br/>“If I put a question mark at the end, will you answer?”<br/>“I’ll tell you it’s not your bloody business.”<br/>“Exactly what I expected.”<br/>“Let go off me.”<br/>Sofia put her arm down. “I’ll never do anything you don’t want, Sara. And if you ask me to let you go, I’ll do that. I hope you know that.”<br/>Sara stopped, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at Sofia. There were no signs of tease or play in the blue eyes, only concern. <br/>“Damn it.” Sara bent down and pulled Sofia in her arms, burying her face in the long blonde hair. “Of course I know that.”<br/>“Good. And if I ask you to promise me you’ll come here tonight in case you can’t sleep or have a nightmare again, can you promise me this?”<br/>“I was kind of hoping you’d offer me to stay here right from the beginning. Without having a nightmare or hours of missed out sleep.”<br/>“You’re were invited this second. Click I LIKE if you agree.”<br/>“You’re the crazy one, not me.” Sara hugged Sofia one more time and got up. “I skip the shower, we go to the beach. Instead I’ll start the coffee machine.”<br/>“Good idea. I get ready for the beach. Maybe I see some nice women there.”<br/>“Don’t forget, the place in your bed is taken.”<br/>“There are so many other places…the carpet, the kitchen table, the hammock…”<br/>“Can’t hear you.” Sara put her hands on her ears and left the room. <br/>“Doesn’t matter, I’m not serious.” Sofia said quietly. She had spent a night with Sara in her arms and the brunette would stay another night here in Sofia’s bed. Was that a good idea? After all, Sofia wasn’t sure if and what she felt for Sara. Was this a good way to find it out? Or did she mess it up big time by sharing a bed with the brunette? On the other hand, her friend had slept here, she was able to push the worst nightmares away. That was more important than Sofia and her mixed up feelings. </p><p>“You look exhausted.”<br/>“Thanks, did you learn at university how to start the perfect conversation?” Sara shot back dryly and let herself drop on her favorite chair, watching her therapist. At least she didn’t look like she had dressed up for the dinner with Greg. Or whatever they had in mind. Greg hadn’t mentioned the meeting the whole day, but she knew, he had thought of it a few times. She had seen it. <br/>“Not enough sleep and you’re still mad because I’ll meet your boyfriend later.”<br/>“You mention that meeting again, I’ll get up and leave.”<br/>“Bitchy.”<br/>“Isn’t there a web page where you can complain about your therapist? Like she isn’t helpful, dates your friend and violated all rules?”<br/>“Has a muffin and fresh coffee for her late afternoon patient.” Doctor Weinberg got two coffee to go out of her fridge and two muffins. “Iced coffee for a change.”<br/>“You can’t buy me with coffee and muffins.”<br/>“Banana choc cherry.”<br/>“Maybe I can think about this page again.”<br/>“Maybe.” She put the coffee and the muffin in front of Sara.<br/>“We won’t have proper therapy?”<br/>“We will, but first I want to know what happened after Monday afternoon.”<br/>“I didn’t sleep the night, every time I closed my eyes I saw pictures I didn’t want to see and when I kind of slept, there were nightmares. So I made the decision, I have to stay awake. Yesterday evening, when Sofia, Greg and me sat in the garden, I fell asleep outside, he carried me in my bed and guess what happened: nightmares again. I yelled so loud that Sofia woke up. She came to me to see if I’m alright. After I told her, I won’t go back to my bed, she got me in her bed, where I slept with a few not so bad nightmare. What does that tell you, Mrs. Therapist?”<br/>“You trust your safe person.”<br/>“That’s it? What about some comments a la Freud?”<br/>“I’m not a psychoanalyst, sorry. I don’t see sex in every thing you tell me.”<br/>“If you would, how would our therapy look like?”<br/>“If I were a good psychoanalyst I’d send you to another therapist, one who can help you. You’re not the type of patient for psychoanalysis anyway.”<br/>“What kind of patient am I?”<br/>“A hungry one.” Doctor Weinberg smiled, took the empty plate and coffee mug away. “How did you handle the tremble?”<br/>“Sofia had to tell me once I need to do my breathing exercise, the other times I was able to do it myself. And I’ve the feeling it helps me more and more.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“You know what was creepy yesterday?” Sara asked when doctor Weinberg was back at her place.<br/>“What?”<br/>“When we were in the garden yesterday, I drifted away, First I heard only Sofia’s and Greg’s voices, knew I was with them, then that changed, suddenly I was in San Francisco, I heard a lot of voices, I heard a party, smelled marihuana, heard conversations about Vietnam. It was like I was in a time capsule. Suddenly the party was over, it was like there was a fight, I was running but a huge hand grabbed me from behind and I woke up.”<br/>“That was the time when you yelled.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“You know where and when you haven been?”<br/>“I think, it was…middle to late seventies. My parents were hippies, they had a B&amp;B and I remember garden parties, meeting with their friends about war, demonstrations and things like that.”<br/>“Sometimes those parties didn’t end peaceful.”<br/>“No. And often when my dad was drunk he…became more violent.”<br/>“That scared you.”<br/>“I knew it, felt it. As soon as he broke the first glass, I knew it was about time to find a very good place to hide. Unfortunately he knew the house too and all the spots I could hide.” Sara swallowed. There was another picture in her head, how she tried to make herself very small and hide in the cupboard. Without success. So many pictures, so many stories and she couldn’t think of any good one, only bad ones. </p><p>“What will the two lonely hearts do with their evening?” Sofia asked when she and Sara came back home. The blonde had waited for Sara in front of the office and walked with her and the dogs home. <br/>“I need chocolate.”<br/>“I offer chocolate cake after pizza with a movie in bed.”<br/>“Sounds good to me. When I fall asleep I’m at the right place and nobody has to carry me.”<br/>“She referred to my bed as the right place for her to be, can I have that written down somewhere please? This has to be my lucky day.”<br/>“How about on your body with your own blood?”<br/>“You want to watch Dracula? Okay, we can do that. After this.” Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and hugged her. “You’re pale, Sara. Have been the whole day and it got worse after therapy.”<br/>“It wasn’t easy, started nice with a muffin and iced coffee, but then she got me talking a lot. And I’ve the feeling, she isn’t done, that there are things, she wants to hear and haven’t heard yet. Things, I’ve buried deep, deep down and I’m damn sure, I’ve got a good reason why I put them so far away.”<br/>“She’ll get them out carefully, will make sure, you won’t say and remember more than you can handle at one time.”<br/>“I hope so. I’m scared.”<br/>“Do you want me to wait outside all the time to be there if you need me?”<br/>“No, I’ve to do that alone. Doctor Weinberg made that clear, the session with you was a one time experience. From now on I’ve to make it on my own. And you have to work.”<br/>“Some things are more important than work.”<br/>“Chocolate for example. You get the movies, I get the food.”<br/>“Alright.” Sofia got a few movies out of the living room, took them upstairs and switched on the TV. Because they had talked about Dracula, Sofia had took the movie here. But she wasn’t sure, if horror was a genre, Sara really wanted to watch at the moment. Maybe something funny was better. Something, that took her mind of the therapy and her past. <br/>“Pizza, choc and a bottle of juice. We need at least one healthy thing.”<br/>“Sleep is healthy.”<br/>“And it makes you not wait the whole time for the front door to open.”<br/>“Are you waiting for Greg?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Because you miss him or because he’s out with doctor Weinberg?”<br/>“Both.”<br/>“Which one more?”<br/>“No comment.”<br/>“Cute.” Sofia smiled and pulled Sara in her arm. “See the bright side of it: if he makes it into her heart, he’ll be in L.A. more often.”<br/>“I don’t want to think of a bright side, I don’t want to think of any side of them.”<br/>“Do you really mind they met today?”<br/>“It’s strange.”<br/>“Because she’s your therapist?”<br/>“Because I heard how Greg tried to pick up a woman. A woman, who is my therapist. But I think it had been strange too if she was a stranger. I’m sure she knows how far to go, when to stop.”<br/>“Maybe she said yes to teach him a lesson. You know, you’ve to show guys right from the start what happens when they’re too cheeky. If she has wit, she takes him to a gay club, where a lot of men will try to hit on him because he’s so cute.”<br/>“I like that picture more than the other one. But I doubt she’ll do that to him. They’ll have somewhere and…I don’t want to think about them!” Sara shook her head. <br/>“Then think about the sexy blonde in whose bed you’ll be tonight.”<br/>“Lieutenant Lascivious.”<br/>“Don’t put ideas in my head, prey. Uhm, Sara.”<br/>“Prey? What are you? The tiger?”<br/>“Meow. Wanna be my mouse?”<br/>“No, I think I’ll be the vet.”<br/>“You’ve got a certain talent for ruining fantasies, Sara.”<br/>“You mean, if you were a guy, the question what’s up wouldn’t be good now?”<br/>“Yes.” Sofia laughed hearty. <br/>“I won’t ask then. What movie did you choose?”<br/>“The devil wears Prada.”<br/>“No Dracula?”<br/>“No, I think we both can use something to laugh about. And maybe Charlie’s Angels.”<br/>“You want to stare at sexy woman.”<br/>“If I want to stare a sexy woman…I can go to the beach.” Sofia changed her sentence in the last second.<br/>“You learn. I know what you wanted to say, but you didn’t say it. You’ve learnt.”<br/>“I wanted to say, if I want to see a sexy woman, I take a look in the mirror, smug bitch.”<br/>“Yes, you’ll see a smug bitch in the mirror, that’s right.” Sara got her arm around Sofia and placed her head on the shoulder of the blonde while she grabbed a slice of pizza with the other hand. This seemed to be a good position to watch a movie and be safe on any nightmares. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thursday, August 6th</p><p>When Sofia woke up this morning, Sara was still asleep in Sofia’s arms. It was obvious the brunette was dreaming, her eyelids moved, every now and then came a quiet noise out of her mouth and her arms and legs twitched. It didn’t look like a good dream, but it wasn’t a nightmare, not one, that made her scream. She had gone through a lot of things as a child, had never worked them out, now they all came back and tried to overpower her. <br/>Sofia thought about her own childhood. Having a mother, who worked in the law enforcement she knew from the early days, there were a lot of bad people outside her own house. She knew, it was dangerous in certain places of the cities, that you better not walk around alone in the dark and lock your door. She had heard conversations of her mother with her colleagues about burglars, murderer and rapists, but they had always been a kind of far away. Little Sofia knew, when she came home, she was safe. She could lock the door and she had her parents, who did everything to make her feel safe and secure. They had never yelled at her, never raised a hand or punished her. Not as a child. She got in some trouble with her parents as a teenager, then again every teenager does so. And even when they yelled at each other because Sofia stayed out the whole night or she screamed at her parents, they were unfair and she hated them, they all knew, it was only words said in passion. They were a unit, there had never be a time, when a stranger or anybody out of the family could have done anything to make them not to fight for each other. She had a save and full of love childhood. The opposite of Sara. <br/>How could you trust somebody when you never learnt to trust somebody? When the people, you think will protect you and save you, hurt you, abuse you? Could you ever be able to trust somebody? Feel safe? You can only do things you have practiced, learnt. It was impossible to wake one morning up and make the decision you can be fluent in Chinese. You need to learn it, as an adult it takes ages until you’re fluent. Wasn’t it the same with trust? Could Sara ever trust somebody? <br/>“You’re staring at me.”<br/>Sofia shook her head slightly. “Sorry, I was lost in a thought.”<br/>“A nice one?”<br/>“About being fluent in Chinese.” She didn’t want to tell her about all her thoughts, that wasn’t a good way to start the day. <br/>“You want to learn Chinese?”<br/>“Maybe one day. How did you sleep?”<br/>“I had bad dreams, but not that bad that I woke up and screamed – as you may have noticed.”<br/>“Whenever I woke up, you slept and yes I noticed, you didn’t have a calm sleep.”<br/>“Better than the two nights before. The only thing that confuses me is, I dream of therapy, every time I have been there, I dream about it in the night. Only at night, I answer different than in reality.”<br/>“How different?” <br/>“I blame myself. I know it’s a lie, but whenever doctor Weinberg asks me anything I answer in a way that makes it obvious, I’m the bad one, that I deserve, what happened to me. I chose to have it that way.” Sara bit on her lips. That was quite a confession early in the morning. She hadn’t thought about it, it popped out of her mouth before she was able to think and stop her from doing this. <br/>“I’m not a therapist so I can’t tell you why do dream this, but I can tell you, nothing what happened was your fault, Sara. You were a child, you had to be protected and the people, whose job it had been to protect you, failed. Worse, they harmed you. You were a child, you didn’t ask for the bad things that happened, you wanted parents, who loved you, who were there for you. That and nothing else was what you deserved. Loving parents and a childhood not filled with fear and anxiety.”<br/>“Seems like I don’t see it that way. Or my subconscious.”<br/>“Then it’s time to kick your subconscious in the ass! If your therapist doesn’t do that, I’ll do it. Just have to figure out how to do that.”<br/>“If I find a way, I’ll let you know.” Sara smiled a bit. “How are you sharing your bed?”<br/>“I’m fine. In fact, I like sharing my bed. And I’m not talking about sex, I talk about the feeling that there’s somebody next to you, you can snuggle on. It’s a good feeling to feel the heat of a human body next to you, makes me always sleep better. So if you start to worry that you do anything I don’t like when you’re here, you’re wrong. You can stay as long as you want in my bed. I found out the last two nights, you don’t kick or slap me, means, you’re good in bed.”<br/>Sara chuckled a bit. “Thanks. I think. Let’s get up I’m hungry.”<br/>“Why don’t we call for breakfast service?” Sofia smirked and got her cell phone. “We’ve a butler in the house, he can bring the breakfast upstairs, don’t you think?”<br/>“If he’s here.”<br/>“He is. He came home around ten.”<br/>“How do you know?”<br/>“I was awake while my girl was sound asleep.”<br/>“Your girl?”<br/>“You’re in my bed, you’re my girl.”<br/>“Better than prey.”<br/>Sofia blinked at Sara and dialed Greg’s number and turned her cell phone on speakers. After a few seconds she heard his voice.<br/>“Good morning lieutenant.”<br/>“You sound awake, that’s good.”<br/>“I had a walk with your dogs, they complained that you don’t take care of them.”<br/>“That’s your job, you share a room with them. And it’s also your job to get some breakfast to the lovely lady in my bed and me.”<br/>“Can I join you in bed for breakfast?”<br/>“For once.”<br/>“I’ll be with you soon.”<br/>She put her cell phone away. “See, that’s how you have breakfast when you’re on holidays. A young man serves it.”<br/>“You’re a little Napoleon.” Sara left the bed, opened the curtains and the windows. Immediately the room was filled with sunshine. “I love the view you have. To see the reservoir in the morning when you get up, almost like seeing the ocean.”<br/>“Did you ever have lived in a house close to the ocean?”<br/>“No. The B&amp;B of my parents were a few miles away but on a clear day you could see the ocean and when the wind was right, you smelled it too. I liked that. I like water. Another reason why I don’t want to go back to Vegas. Maybe I’ll start to surf again.”<br/>“I’ll be on the beach and watch you.”<br/>“Why don’t you join me?”<br/>“I never tried to surf, when I’m in the water, I do scuba diving.”<br/>“Really?”<br/>“Yes. I’ve got a license for open water.”<br/>Sara cocked her head. “So why don’t I teach you how to surf and you teach me how to dive?”<br/>“You need to have some training with dive teachers first but after that, we can go diving together, yes. I always wanted to go on holidays at a place, where you can dive. The big dream is the Great Barrier Reef.”<br/>“I’m sure they’ve great waves there too.” Sara got back into bed. “Maybe as a treat after therapy.”<br/>“Yes, you deserve something after that.”<br/>“And so do you. I involve you a lot in this and I feel guilty for that.”<br/>“No need to feel guilty. I do that because I want to do it. When you’re not fine, you can’t work, you don’t work, you don’t get paid, you have no money, you don’t pay rent what means, I can’t make my accountant happy. See, it’s all pure selfishness.”<br/>“Sure.” Sara laughed and squeezed Sofia’s hand shortly. “You are smug and selfish.”<br/>“That’s me.”<br/>A knock on the door announced Greg, who opened the door right after he knocked and entered the room with a big tray. <br/>“I can smell coffee!” Sara sighed happy. <br/>“And fresh bagels.” Sofia added. <br/>“And most of all you’re both happy to see me.” Greg grinned, placed the tray on the lap of the women and sat on the other side. <br/>“Of course we are. Thanks Greg.” <br/>“You look rested, Sara. The nights next to Sofia are good for you.”<br/>“Yeah, she makes me sleep.”<br/>“I’m so boring, Sara fell asleep in the middle of the movie we watched. I hope your date was more exciting.”<br/>“Please, I’m having breakfast.” Sara complained. She didn’t want to hear anything about Greg’s last night; especially not when she had breakfast.<br/>“She’s so sensitive when it comes to her therapist. Yes, we had a nice evening, dinner in Malibu and left the place around half past nine. In separate cars to different places, Sara. You can stop worrying. We talked a lot about you, how I can help you, even when I’m in Vegas. I got a lot of instructions, like to call you every time when you had therapy and at least once a week when you don’t have therapy. I’ve to invite you to Vegas and visit you here as much as possible. Your therapist worries a lot about you.”<br/>“A lot of talk about another woman makes it not a successful date.” Sofia said. <br/>“It was nice, she’s not only sexy, she’s also funny and very smart. And doesn’t behave like you imagine a therapist when she’s off the clock.”<br/>“She also doesn’t behave like one when she’s working, not all the same. That’s why I go to the sessions.” <br/>“And she hopes, you’ll keep on coming.”<br/>“She knows I will.”<br/>“Will you see her again?” Sofia was more interested in the results of the evening. Was the dinner a one time thing or would there be a second dinner? <br/>“I plan to be there when Sara is done with her therapy tomorrow morning to spend time with her and you, so I guess I’ll see Jules again.”<br/>“Aww, he calls her Jules.”<br/>“Yes, the doctor Weinberg thing was too formal for dinner. Besides, she doesn’t like it when she got called ‘doctor’ all the time. She prefers a Miss Weinberg over her title.”<br/>“There’s hope it will be more than one day.”<br/>“Sofia, she’s in L.A., I’m in Vegas.”<br/>“You can move to L.A., we’ll find a place for you. The attic.”<br/>“The attic isn’t big enough for their ten children, the dog, cat and whatever else you need for a perfect family. And after you seem to plan something like that for them, Sofia, you need to provide a huge place. You have to move to the attic and they take over your house.”<br/>“You know how to destroy fun, Sara. You’re a destroyer of happiness.” <br/>“Thanks.” <br/>“I’ll keep you posted if there’s anything new you need to know. Until then, we should talk about something else or Sara will kill us. She looks very often at her knife and I’m a little bit scared to end up in slices on her bagel.”<br/>“Not the worst idea. You’d be quiet and he won’t date my therapist anymore.”<br/>“Honey, I won’t let you hurt him, I’m a lieutenant, I’ll protect him.”<br/>“I kill you first to have you out of the way.”<br/>“You gave me a reason to cuff you. Unfortunately, when I cuff you here, I’ve got other things in mind than dragging you to the department. I’d prefer to ask Greg to leave the room and interrogate you all by myself for a long, long time. Not exactly the way I’ve to behave as a good lieutenant. The best lieutenant. But I’m sure the second best lieutenant would do that and sometimes it’s alright to be the second best.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“I’ve got breakfast in bed with crazy people, share the house with them and the rest of the day. I need to talk about that in therapy tomorrow.” Sara rolled her eyes and leant back. She wasn’t keen of hearing that Greg might meet her therapist again, but in the end, there was nothing she could do against it and it was nothing, that should affected her therapy. Plus she was supposed to be happy if Greg found somebody he liked. Somebody, who made him come to L.A. more often. </p><p>“Are you dating couples now?”<br/>Sofia turned around and almost dropped the tray with the coffee and cake. She, Sara and Greg were in Venice, had walked around the boardwalk and found a little café for a break. While Sara and Greg saved the table, was Sofia at the counter to get their treats when she heard the familiar voice.<br/>“Hello Ellen.” Her ex. Not exactly the person she wanted or expected to meet here.<br/>“You didn’t change your taste in coffee and sweets.” <br/>“No.” Sofia had problems not to be mad with herself. Ellen hat broken her heart last year, had done everything you could possible do wrong in a relationship, Sofia had sworn herself never ever to talk to her again, to avoid every place, her former lover could be. And what happened? She stood right in front of her, tall, sporty, long black hair softly moving in the wind, her eyes – Sofia knew they had the color of the water in the Caribbean – hidden behind shades, the red lips full, eased the soft smile on her face, a red top, washed out jeans shorts. She looked great, very good and that she thought so, was what Sofia made mad at herself. She shouldn’t see that, it shouldn’t matter to her. <br/>“You look great, Sofia.”<br/>“Thanks. You too.” And I shouldn’t tell you because you know it, you play with it and you know, I think so. Stupid me, Sofia cursed inside. <br/>“Don’t you want to introduce me to your friends?”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because it would be nice and polite.” <br/>Damn it, there was no way she could deny a wish with a smile like that. <br/>“Coffee please.” Ellen ordered without letting her eyes go off Sofia, who felt the eyes on her. She felt how her skin began to feel like a million bugs crawled over it. <br/>“And you still smell good.” Ellen whispered when she leant closer to Sofia to pay her coffee. “I like this perfume on you.”<br/>Sofia was sure, it was more than obvious that she wasn’t acting the way she wanted to act. She swallowed. Where was the emergency exit? <br/>“So, who are your friends?”<br/>“I’ll introduce you.” While she said these words she regretted it. She knew she was making a mistake, she knew, she did everything wrong, she saw it, watched like you stared at an accident or anything else bad, you can’t take your eyes off. And there was no chance she could do anything else. <br/>They went back to the little table. <br/>“Sara, Greg, that’s Ellen. Ellen, that are Sara and Greg, we used to work together in Las Vegas.”<br/>“Visitors of Sin City, very interesting.” Ellen smiled. <br/>Sofia took the chair next to Sara, not sure if she wanted to sit between her and her ex because she didn’t want Sara close to Ellen or Ellen away from Sara. <br/>“They were right, women in L.A. do all look great.” Greg said. “Are you with the police too?”<br/>“No, actually I’m a model and an actress.”<br/>“Really? Wow.”<br/>“Both not that exciting and successful. I’ve never had a main part in a block buster, but maybe it will happen one day. Are you with the police?”<br/>“CSI.” <br/>“The smart people on TV.”<br/>“Don’t believe what they show you on TV, the life as a CSI isn’t as they show it.”<br/>“They need to overplay it to make people watch it. Weren’t you a CSI too, Sofia?”<br/>“A long time ago, yes.”<br/>“I always told her, with her looks she could make a lot of money in Hollywood, but she prefers to catch bad guys, a sign of her good character.”<br/>“You know each other longer?”<br/>“We had a really nice time as a couple last year. I just thought of that time a few days ago, it’s a shame we ended it. But you never know, there’s no reason not to try something good again.”<br/>Sofia swallowed hard. She wanted the tell her ex to leave them alone, to stay out of her life. Anything that made her disappear. Instead she wasn’t able to say a single word. What a poor show she was. Why couldn’t she tell Greg and Sara the truth? Why didn’t she do anything to prove, Ellen wasn’t as nice as she pretended to be. <br/>“What a pity, I need to go.” Ellen checked her watch. “It was nice to meet you. Why don’t you all come to the MIX tonight? It’s two for one night, you always liked these nights, Sofia. We can meet there, talk and dance a bit. Like in the good old days. And Sara and Greg see the nightlife of WeHo. You never know, there might be a star around.”<br/>“I’m not sure…” Sara started.<br/>“I’d like to see a club here, sounds good to me.” Greg agreed. “Sofia?”<br/>“Sure.” Why did she say sure when she wanted to say no way? Why were her mouth not doing what it was supposed to do? Say the right words. <br/>“Great, I’ll see there around ten.” Ellen bent over and kissed Sofia shortly on the lips. “Bye.”<br/>This was all wrong, Sofia knew it and she knew, she had no chance to change it. </p><p>“I shouldn’t be here.” Sara complained when Greg took her arm and guided her in the club. “I’ve to get up at seven.”<br/>“We’ll stay two hours or so and you’ll have six hours of sleep. Come on, Sara, I know in Vegas you slept less than six hours between shifts and you did that more than once. You lived like that for weeks.”<br/>“L.A. was supposed to be better, better means more sleep.”<br/>“You can sleep in on Saturday, I’ll bring you some breakfast to bed. Wow, nice club.” Greg looked at the club. It wasn’t that dark, there were a lot of rainbow colored lights on the walls and mirror balls on the ceiling. <br/>Sara let Greg push her to the bar, holding on to Sofia, who was quiet and followed them. <br/>“Cocktails, ladies?”<br/>“Pina Colada.”<br/>“Sofia?”<br/>“Something strong.”<br/>“That’s a great answer.” <br/>Sofia wasn’t sure. She agreed more with Sara’s comment, she shouldn’t be here. <br/>“I can’t see any stars.” Greg gave them their cocktails. <br/>“They always come here later.” All three turned. Ellen was there, in a skin tight leather outfit. <br/>“Catwoman.” Greg grinned. <br/>“Meow.”<br/>“Do you want to drink something?”<br/>“Later, I prefer a dance?” She took Sofia’s glass, nipped on it, took the hands of the blonde. “Come on, let’s dance. I’m sure you’re still a great dancer.” Without the chance to disagree or stop her, Sofia got pulled to the dance floor. Unable to tell her legs to turn around and go back to her friends, she was caught on the dance floor, her eyes on Ellen, who started to dance in the rhythm of the music, her body close to Sofia’s, touching her. <br/>“Come on, Fia.” <br/>Fia. She had called her Fia. All the time Sofia had melted like ice cream on a hot summer day. Ellen knew that, she used that, she played with Sofia. She knew, the blonde had no chance to disagree or send her away. Sofia was helpless. She was prey. <br/>“I missed dancing with you.” Ellen whispered in Sofia’s ear, kept her lips close. <br/>“You…dance good. Still.” That wasn’t what she wanted to say, She wanted to tell her to get lost. To leave her alone. That it was over and that it was Ellen’s fault. <br/>“Thanks, so do you. I always liked the way you move. Not only on the dance floor.”<br/>All wrong, so wrong. She felt how she got dragged into something, she didn’t want to be. And couldn’t do anything against it. If nobody rescued her she was lost. </p><p>“Would you dance like that with an ex?” Greg asked Sara, watching Sofia and Ellen on the dance floor.<br/>“No.”<br/>“Me neither. Looks like Sofia has a really good taste when it comes to woman. At least when you judge the look.”<br/>“You don’t like the rest?” Sara asked. <br/>“No. I believe she’s a model, she has the body for it, but for me, she isn’t attractive.”<br/>“Because she dances with a woman?”<br/>“Sara, did you forget that most men think it’s very sexy when women dance with each other? Our fantasy is always very …wild when we see that. No, I mean her eyes.”<br/>“Nice blue.”<br/>“Nice blue and no feelings. When I look into your eyes, I see a woman, who fights for others, who can’t stand when something bad happens to others. When I look into her eyes, I see only the concern about herself. Maybe you have to be like that to become famous in Hollywood.”<br/>“She isn’t famous.”<br/>“She’s closer to famous than we are. Then again, we don’t want to be famous, do we?”<br/>“No. But Sofia seemed to like a model lover.”<br/>“They’re quite a couple, nice contrast.”<br/>“Maybe she’ll fall for her ex again.”<br/>“You never know. There had been once something she liked about her, sometimes an old attraction comes back. I still think you’re cute and sexy.”<br/>“The difference is, you don’t ask me out for a date anymore, you tell me, you want to see me for dinner and we meet like friends do.”<br/>“Yeah. Am I not a lucky man to have a friend like you? Finally back in the same country and once a week on the phone.” He pulled Sara in his arms. “Ellen thinks, we’re a couple, why don’t we behave like a couple and go dancing? After all, that’s the reason why we’re here. To dance and have some fun. Do you want to have fun with me, Sara?”<br/>“Greggo, girls just wanna have fun, you know that.” She kissed his cheek and pulled him towards the dance floor. Of course she wanted to dance with him, she liked dancing and she knew, he was a good dancer. </p><p>“Let’s go home.” Greg got his arm around Sara. <br/>“What about Sofia?” She hadn’t seen the blonde for a while, most of the time, Sofia had been dancing with Ellen. <br/>“I think, she’ll go home too soon – just not her home. For me, it doesn’t look like Ellen will let her go anywhere else than in her bed.”<br/>Sara bit her lips. She had no idea why she was disappointed. Sofia had every right to enjoy her evening, she had no obligations, there was nothing wrong, when she had fun with her ex or reconnected with her. And Sara couldn’t asked her to stay home, to be with her, to make her feel safe. She was an adult, she had to handle her problems alone. <br/>Greg had driven them to the club, he drank no alcohol, so there was no problem for them to get home. They let the dogs out, walked them around the block before they returned to the house. <br/>“Do you want some company?” Greg offered. He wasn’t as much involved in Sara’s nightmares as Sofia was, but he knew, his friend had nightmares and problems to be alone at night. That there were many things, that haunted her.<br/>“I’ll try it alone, thanks. I might take your offer in case I wake up because of a nightmare. Do you have some space on the couch?”<br/>“For you is always a place and I’d also join you in your bed, if that’s more comfortable.”<br/>“That will be better.” She kissed his cheek. “Thanks Greg. I’m glad you’re here.”<br/>“I’m glad too and if you want, we can not only see each other once a week on the internet for a chat, we can also meet once a month. We both have flexible work times, but I’m sure we can find two days in a row, we both have off and one month you come to Vegas, the other one I come to L.A..”<br/>“We’ve got a date.” <br/>“I love dates with you, Sara. Like I love you.” He kissed her forehead and held her. “And I hope, you’ll get better soon. You don’t have to tell me what happened, you told me a few things. I can’t understand why your past can’t stay away, has to torture you, but I’m sure, you will get over it, will be fine soon.”<br/>“I’ve got a good therapist.”<br/>“That is what I hope.”<br/>“You should know, you dated her.”<br/>“I had dinner with her, that doesn’t qualifies me to judge if she’s a good therapist or not. What I can tell you is, that she’s a nice person, a very nice company for a dinner and I wouldn’t mind to see her again. If you weren’t her client, I think, you could be friends. She likes you, that is what I can tell you and I know, you like her too.”<br/>“For a therapist she’s quite alright.” Sara smirked. “If you want to date her, it’s alright with me. Might be complicated in case you want to go out with her and me or have a party with all of us, but we’ll work something out if that happens. In a pinch I’ll get my name of her patient list, your friendship is more important than therapy.”<br/>“Therapy is important to make you better, we’ll see what will happen. Sleep tight, Dear, and don’t hesitate to wake me up if you need company. I can’t hear you yelling like Sofia could, I need to trust you, that you’ll come to me. Can you promise me to do so?”<br/>“I promise. Good night Greg.” She kissed him again and went upstairs. Rantanplan and Scooby laid on Sofia’s bed, what made Sara smile. If you go out and don’t come home on time, your dogs will sleep in your bed. Should Ellen made the decision, she wants to join Sofia in her bed, they had to get the dogs out their way first. Somehow Sara liked that. </p><p>She hadn’t been asleep for a while, not long enough for her dream to turn into a nightmare when she felt how two arms got around her and pulled her in. Her first intention was to fight the arms, to kick whoever was behind her, but she couldn’t feel any danger. Quite contrary to that, she felt comfortable. Safe. <br/>“Greg?”<br/>“Mhm, I thought, better safe than sorry. Why let you get through a nightmare when we can have a night without nightmares?”<br/>“All you want is to be in bed with me.”<br/>“Busted.” He kissed her hair. “You can slap me for that tomorrow.”<br/>“Only if you don’t scare the nightmares away.”<br/>“I will. And I’ll wake you up at seven for therapy.”<br/>“Join me there?”<br/>“No, I’ll come along later and we’ll buy your car.”<br/>“And have a joyride?”<br/>“Absolutely. We can drive the route 66 through the city and back.”<br/>“Dates with you are quite cool. I should have known that earlier.” She yawned. <br/>“Don’t rub salt in my wounds.”<br/>“Sorry.” She smiled, snuggled in his arms. Being in Greg’s arms felt good. She knew, she could trust him, she had always trusted him. He felt more like a brother to her than her own brother ever did. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, August 7th</p><p>“Would you get hip to this kindly tip and go take that California trip get your kicks on Route 66.” Greg sang with the Rolling Stones. They were on the Route 66, started at the Santa Monica Pier, through West Hollywood up to Upland. Sara used Ford Mercury Mountaineer brought them there in ninety minutes now they were on their way back to Silver Lake, windows down and music loud. <br/>“Do you want to get some kicks with me, Sara?”<br/>“Maybe some sticks – chopsticks.”<br/>“Is that a hint you want lunch? Alright baby.” Greg had taken over the steering wheel on their way back to test Sara’s car. The Mountaineer was four years old, in good condition and so far, there was nothing they could complain about. <br/>“Or do you have to save yourself for tonight?”<br/>“She’s jealous.” Greg smirked. “My Sara is jealous, oh sweet Jesus, thanks for that.”<br/>“Jerk.”<br/>“Right, so right. Oh Sara, I love you.”<br/>“And I won’t take you back to Silver Lake if you’re a pain in the ass.”<br/>“Come on, it’s not my fault, she asked me. More or less.”<br/>“I don’t want details!”<br/>Greg grinned. He had picked Sara up after therapy and when he and Jules met for the brief moment she escorted Sara out of her office, they had talked and ended the conversation with a new appointment for dinner. Something Sara didn’t want to hear.<br/>“You all go out for dates, I stay at home, take care of the dogs. They want to spend time with me.”<br/>“I’m sure Sofia also wants to spend time with you.”<br/>“She wasn’t home this morning, she’ll stay the rest of the weekend with Ellen. Rebuilding an old relationship.”<br/>“I still can’t believe that. Ellen is…not whom I would choose for Sofia.”<br/>“Who would you choose?”<br/>“I don’t know, somebody who is more…sensitive. Ellen is hot, but self-centered. I can’t see her in a long term relationship. I doubt she’s capable of putting herself behind for somebody.”<br/>“Love doesn’t make sense all the time and it certainly doesn’t think.”<br/>“Lust even less. Sofia is a sexy woman, exactly what Ellen needs to show off.”<br/>“So why is Sofia so stupid and let her ex use her?”<br/>“Sometimes you know you’re acting stupid but you can’t change it.”<br/>“Yeah.” Sara looked out of the window. She had no idea why, but she felt a little bit disappointed that Sofia let herself pull into whatever Ellen planed with her. For Sara it had looked the whole time like the blonde didn’t like a single thing Ellen did. At the same time, she wasn’t able to stop herself from getting dragged in. That wasn’t the Sofia she knew. <br/>“So after being the proud owner of a car, when will you come to Vegas?”<br/>“As soon as I’ve two days off.”<br/>“Good, that can’t take too long. I’ll try to have the same days off but you won’t leave the city without a visit in the lab. They guys want to see you.”<br/>“Five minutes.”<br/>“Come on.”<br/>“Okay, a breakfast in our old diner, where Nick’s car got stolen one day.”<br/>“Don’t remind me of that day, that wasn’t funny.”<br/>“We all were at the same crime scene and saw different things.”<br/>“You flirted with a best man.”<br/>“He flirted with me – tried to. Absolutely drunk.”<br/>“You were involved with Grissom at that time, did you feel …like you wanted a wedding too?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Oh come on, you never thought of marrying Grissom?”<br/>“We weren’t that long together when we worked this case. Later I might have wasted a thought or two how it could be to be Mrs. Grissom and have a wedding. I mean, we were engaged, we had plans to get married. But not that kind of wedding. A simple ceremony, no guests, no celebration. If I ever get married, it will be in private.”<br/>“Can I be there?”<br/>“You have to be there, you’ll be my groomsman.”<br/>He held his heart. “Ouch, that was painful. For years, I didn’t want anything else than being your husband, now that I’m over you, you play with me and my feelings. You’re so cruel Sara Sidle, a really cruel woman with no heart. When will we get married? Shall I drive us to Vegas right away?”<br/>“You said, you’re over me.”<br/>“One of your cute smiles and I’m yours again.”<br/>“Get us to an Asian take away shop, Lover Boy.”<br/>“A wedding lunch.”<br/>“Last supper?”<br/>“There is the cynical Sara again, I like her too. Always good for a cynical and sarcastic comment when other women would talk sweet things about romance and love. You’re a woman, I can invite to a rock concert for a date.”<br/>Sara blinked at him, put her hand on his and enjoyed the warm wind, that came through the window. This was good, this felt right. Her own car, a warm late summer day and an old friend by her side. There were no words to thank him for last night. Greg had simply been there, had taken her in his arms, made sure she was fine without really knowing what was haunting her. He didn’t need explanations, he saw what she needed and gave her, what was good for her. No thoughts of what he’d get out of it. Was it worth staying in L.A. or was she better off to go back to Vegas, to have him close? <br/>A new beginning in a new town, a new job, a job she had never worked in before. She was an absolutely beginner, her time at university was useless, she had to learn a lot of new things. No more CSI, no more law enforcement. A brand new start. Was it a good idea? Was she capable of doing the job, she had applied for? What, if she wasn’t good enough, got kicked out? Would she try to find another job in L.A. or would she move on? Go anywhere else. Maybe back to San Francisco. Her old home town. Was it possible to make the things, that went wrong there years ago, go right? Was it better for her…disorder…to be at the place, where all the bad things had happened? Could she fight her fears there better? <br/>A hand, that was placed on her shoulder and gently shook a bit, got her back in reality. <br/>“Did you sleep?”<br/>“No, I was thinking.”<br/>“You don’t look like you had happy thoughts.”<br/>“So many things have happened the last days, weeks, I made plans for a brand new start and sometimes I’ve got doubts, if these plans are good. What if I fail?”<br/>“Sara Sidle doesn’t fail.”<br/>“If I fail, if I can’t work as a ranger because I’m not good enough, then what?”<br/>“Won’t happen. You can and will work as a ranger. You’re a smart woman, you’ll learn everything fast, no doubt about that. You were a great teacher when I became a CSI, without I’d be still a lab rat. You can only be a good teacher when you were a good student.”<br/>“I hope so.”<br/>“I know so.” He hugged her. “Come on, ranger, time for some lunch. A chopstick duel.”<br/>“D’Artagnan?”<br/>“I prefer Charlie’s Angels over the three musketeers. The angels are sexier.”<br/>“Why am I not surprised?”<br/>“You know me too well.” He pulled her in his arms and walked with her to the little Asian take away shop. His week with Sara was almost over, time flew. He had to talk with Grissom about the next two or three days off. Maybe it wasn’t enough to see Sara once a month. Maybe he wanted to see her more often. </p><p>When they came back home in the late afternoon, the house was empty. Neither Sofia nor the dogs were around. <br/>“Looks like I’ll have an evening on my own.”<br/>“You can join me.”<br/>“I won’t join you on your date with my therapist.”<br/>“Not date, dinner.”<br/>“Same shit, different name.”<br/>“My grumpy Sara, I love you.” He kissed her cheek and went away to get ready for his dinner. <br/>With a book and a juice, Sara sat down in the garden. She didn’t feel like going out for a run, she wanted a quiet evening and read. A good preparation made her feel more safe. She had always been an avid reader, that helped her now too. <br/>“Your last chance to change your mind about dinner.” Greg came in the garden. He didn’t wear anything fancy, only some blue jeans, a shirt and black shoes. He looked more like he wanted to spend the evening with some guys in a bar. Somehow Sara liked that more than a Greg in a suit. This looked more casual, not formal, not like he wanted to impress doctor Weinberg.<br/>“No, thanks.”<br/>“Your choice. I’ll see you later.”<br/>“If you don’t come home too late.”<br/>“Before midnight, mom.” He bent down and kissed her cheek. <br/>“Good.” She smiled. <br/>“If there is anything, you need anything, call me. Okay?”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>She watched him vanish in the living room. Now she was alone. A big house, not her house, and she was alone. On a Friday night. She was the same poor show she had been in high school and college. Everybody was out, having fun while she sat at home and read. Some things never changed.<br/>Like feelings for your ex? Sofia was apparently still or again out with Ellen. She had probably taken the dogs with her and wouldn’t come home tonight. What would happen if Sara came to Vegas? Would she fall for Grissom again? Would her old feelings for him, feelings, that made her come from San Francisco to Las Vegas, take over and she fall for him again? Could a relationship, that didn’t work out the first time, have a happy ending when you tried it for the second time. Going back to your ex meant, you knew the person, you knew about the mistakes and the good sides, you knew what the other wanted, what the other one could give you. You knew why it didn’t work out first, can make sure, it would be different the next time. <br/>Which mistakes did she make in their relationship? It took two to make a relationship work, it usually took two make it fail. Sure it was easier to concentrate on the mistakes of your ex, but she hadn’t been easy nor fair either. She hadn’t talked to him when she felt, she wasn’t alright, that she needed some time away from Vegas. She hadn’t told him, her past was haunting her, was inferring with her life, her cases, their relationship. She had written a letter and left it. No real goodbye. <br/>When he didn’t follow her immediately, she blamed him. She sent him a video message that it was over because he didn’t make a decision. Now she knew, it wasn’t fair to end it because he didn’t quit his job and followed her. She had never asked if he wanted another life, if he was alright with being somewhere else. She had left, started a new life, went to Costa Rica and when he didn’t follow her like a puppy, she sent him the video that it was over. Maybe they weren’t meant for each other but he had deserved better. <br/>Something wet and cold was suddenly on her hand. She pulled it back and realized, it was the wet and cold snout of Rantanplan. <br/>“Hey boy, where do you come from?”<br/>“A long walk on the beach with my best pale Scoob and my mommy.” Sofia came out of the living room, a bottle of beer in her hands. <br/>“Sounds like a good day.”<br/>“Wasn’t too bad. What about your day? How is it to own a car again?”<br/>“Great, I feel independent now.”<br/>“You took it out for a little drive?”<br/>“Greg and me drove to Upland, the old Route 66 for a nostalgic day with some oldies coming out of the radio.”<br/>“Sounds like a good day too. Where’s Greg? In bed?”<br/>“Out for dinner.”<br/>“Don’t tell me he’s having another dinner date with doctor Weinberg.”<br/>“I can assure you, I won’t say that.” Sara grumbled.<br/>“Okay.” Sofia smiled a bit. “Do you mind?”<br/>“You sitting here or he dating my therapist?”<br/>“Both.”<br/>“Both are things I’ve no influence over.”<br/>“When you tell me to get lost, I’ll go.”<br/>“Your house.”<br/>“You pay rent.”<br/>“I don’t mind you here, Sofia. Why should I?”<br/>“Because I’m not a good friend.”<br/>“Why’s that?”<br/>“When you needed me last night, I wasn’t there. I told you, you can stay with me, I’ll scare the nightmares away and I wasn’t there.”<br/>“You’re not my slave, you’re entitled to your own life. Besides, Greg was there and he did a good job.”<br/>“I bet he didn’t mind.”<br/>“No, not at all. Did you have a good time?”<br/>“Let’s say I’m not proud of the last twenty-four hours and I rather not talk about them.”<br/>“It’s nothing wrong to reconnect with the ex.”<br/>“Believe, me, everything of that was wrong. But it won’t happen again.”<br/>“That means, you won’t go out tonight?”<br/>“Only if you want to go out with me.”<br/>“I’d rather stay at home.”<br/>“So we’ll stay home. How was therapy?”<br/>“Alright. I told her about my dreams, that I blame myself all the time and I don’t have so bad nightmares when you or Greg are with me.”<br/>“What did she say about that?”<br/>“At the end I’ve to sleep alone in my bed in order to handle my life alone.”<br/>“A typical therapist answer.”<br/>“Yeah, she’s a spoilsport, only jealous that I’ve company while she has to sleep alone.”<br/>“You never know, she might not be alone tonight.”<br/>“He’ll be back until midnight, she has to sleep alone and that’s all I want to say about that topic.”<br/>“Okay.” Sofia smiled a bit. <br/>“How is Don?”<br/>“Better. I talked to him for a while, he’ll be back on Sunday afternoon. So far it doesn’t look like we’ll lose him to New York. He keeps his past in the past and won’t plan his future around it.”<br/>“That’s a good thing. A difficult but good thing. I’ll try the same.”<br/>“Same here.” Sofia finished her beer. “Want one too?”<br/>“Yeah, why not. Thanks.” The good thing about sharing a house was, she wasn’t alone. She used to be a loner, tried to keep people out of her live, the last couple of days made it obvious, she liked to spend time with people she liked. So far it hadn’t bothered her, that she had only her bedroom and bathroom to her own. That was enough. When she was in her bedroom, the door closed, usually nobody came along and bothered her. Don had a little sign on his room, one side said ‘coffee break’, the other one ‘interrogation’. When you could read the coffee break, you could come in, the interrogation meant, please stay out. Not once she had seen the interrogation side. <br/>“There are little smoke clouds above your head, you’re thinking too hard, Sara.” Sofia handed her the cold bottle of beer with a smile. <br/>“I’ll dowse the brain fire with beer.”<br/>“At least you don’t look like you it was something bad you’ve got thought of.”<br/>“No, I thought that it’s good to be here. That even when I share a house with two people, I’ve got my private time and everybody accepts the private time and space of the other.”<br/>“Of course. If you don’t want to see anybody, we’ll accept that.”<br/>“Not like in the motel when somebody got the second key to come in.”<br/>Sofia smiled. “You wanted to see me, you were only unable to say or show that. Lucky for you, I’m a smart woman most times and I understood you.”<br/>The door bell rang. “Stay, I’ll have a look. Probably it’s Greg and he forgot his keys.”<br/>“That was a short date.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“Only dinner, all for my therapy.” Sara grumbled and got up. She hated it when Sofia put pictures in her head, she didn’t want to see. With Scooby right behind her, she went to the front door. Instead of Greg she found Ellen there.<br/>“Hi.”<br/>“Hi Sara, how are you?”<br/>“I’m fine, thanks.”<br/>“Great. I want to see Sofia, is she here?”<br/>“In the garden.”<br/>“Great. Thanks.” Ellen seemed to know where the garden was, she went straight through the house, didn’t have a look around for a second, like she had seen the rooms a million times. <br/>“Didn’t Sofia say, she and Ellen aren’t…? Oh well, people change their mind every time, don’t they, Scooby?” She said to the dog while she closed the door. “Let’s have a look if we find something delicious in the kitchen, shall we?” She had the dog’s full attention when she mentioned food. He stood in front of the fridge. <br/>“Let’s see…cold pizza? No, we don’t want cold pizza.” Scooby’s face said different, but he had no choice, had to wait for the decision Sara made. They were joined by Rantanplan, who heard how Sara opened the fridge. <br/>“Dinner party, cool. Okay guys, we take the cheese, the mandarins, the grapes and for you the little sausages. This will be a cheese plate.” Sara cut two finger thick slices of cheese, chopped it in dices, stabbed them and a mandarin, grape or sausage with a toothpick <br/>“Dinner is served, we’ll have cheese bites today . Sit down, guys.” It was amazing how good the ears of the dogs worked when she had some food in her hands. “One for you.” She held a cheese bite in front of Rantanplan, who carefully pulled it off the toothpick. “One for you.” Scooby also took his carefully. “And one with a grape for me. You guys don’t mind if you eat the sausages, do you? Thought so.” One after another they finished the two dozen cheese bites. Sara had to admit, it was funny to feed the dogs and they were really good behaved, didn’t try to choke the whole thing, only the food. <br/>“Now that we had dinner, I need to check if your mommy minds if I get my book. I don’t want to interrupt her and Ellen, but I need to go on reading. Wanna come with me?” After she had fed them, the dogs were keen to follow her in case, there was more food wherever she wanted to go to. <br/>In the living room Sara stopped when she heard Sofia and Ellen. <br/>“Come on Sof, you don’t mean it that way.”<br/>“I mean it that way.”<br/>“Honey, it was a great night, we both had fun. A lot of fun. You can’t tell me, you didn’t enjoy it or didn’t like, what we did. And I’ve to say, what you do with your hands is magic. Made me addicted. Again.” <br/>Sara wanted to walk out of the living room, up to her room to gave Sofia her privacy, somehow her legs didn’t work. Even worse, her eyes were glued to the window, that showed her the two women.<br/>“Ellen, we were here a year ago, we both know, it can’t work.”<br/>“Why not?” Ellen’s hands softly ran up and down Sofia’s arms. “There is no reason not to have some more fun. I still know what you really like.” The tall black haired woman stepped closer to the blonde, her lips almost touching the blonde’s ear. “I can see you want it too. Come on, let’s go upstairs, you won’t regret it.”<br/>“Ellen…”<br/>“Shhh.” Ellen kissed Sofia shortly. “It will be great.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Of course it will, it was always mind blowing.”<br/>Sara wasn’t sure if she should do something. It was obvious that Sofia didn’t want to go upstairs with Ellen, but somehow she wasn’t able to make that clear. <br/>“Your skin tastes like peaches and I’ve got some cream for the peaches. Plus, I wear your favorite underwear. Wanna see it?” She seemed to open a few buttons of her top. “Looks good, doesn’t it? And you know, when you undress me, it will look even better. Come on, Honey, don’t let us waste more time.” She took Sofia’s hand, placed it on her breasts. “You feel the heat like I do.”<br/>“I think you should go, Ellen.” <br/>“Yes, upstairs with you.”<br/>“No, home. Alone.”<br/>“You don’t mean that.”<br/>“I do. It was wrong to take you with me yesterday morning, it was wrong to go to he club and the worst thing was when I went home with you. I made the mistake last year, I don’t want to make it again. Go, Ellen.”<br/>“You’ll regret that, Baby.”<br/>“I regret things we did, I won’t regret this.” Sofia stepped a few steps back. <br/>“Really a pity but I won’t beg you. You waste a hell of a chance, Sofia.”<br/>“Maybe. If I do, it’s my mistake and I’ve to live with it. You know the way out.”<br/>“Stupid.”<br/>Somehow Sara managed to vanish behind the couch so she stayed out of sight for Ellen, when she went through the living room. Sitting on the floor, Sara felt like a spy, like she had observed something forbidden. Sofia and Ellen weren’t a couple, no matter what had happened the last night, there had been something else, something that had happened before, that made Sofia send her ex away. Sara wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. She wasn’t able to read Ellen, she wasn’t sure what to think of her. She wasn’t a fan of the woman, she couldn’t explain why. Something about the way Ellen treated people bothered Sara and she had to think of Greg’s words, that Ellen’s eyes were…there were no feelings for other people inside. <br/>“Why are you sitting behind the couch?” <br/>“Sorry.” Sara almost jumped up. “I didn’t mean to spy on you, I wanted to get my book and go upstairs but then it sounded like it wasn’t a good idea to interrupt your conversation. Out of the blue Ellen was on her way to here and I didn’t want her to see me, didn’t want to talk to her and I…I guess I hid here. Stupid, isn’t it?”<br/>“No, it’s the best thing you can do when she’s around. Hide somewhere. Can I join you in your hideout?”<br/>“Didn’t you send her out of the house?”<br/>“So you did spy on me.”<br/>“No I…” Sara flushed.<br/>“It’s alright, Sara.” Sofia took Sara’s hand and pulled her up. <br/>“Was it wrong to let her in?”<br/>“I’m sure she didn’t ask of she could come in.”<br/>“No, not really.”<br/>“That’s Ellen.”<br/>“Sofia, I didn’t want to…”<br/>“Sara, it’s alright. Why don’t we go on where we stopped before she invaded our house? The beer is warm, we need new ones.”<br/>“I’ll get it.”<br/>“And I get us a snack.”<br/>“I had dinner with the dogs. Cheese bites.”<br/>“What’s that?”<br/>“I cut cheese in dices, added sausages for the dogs and mandarins and grapes for me and we ate them. They’re hold together with a toothpick – I should have kept one for you. You and your toothpick were a really sexy couple. Better than you and the model.”<br/>“Everything fits better to me – even you.” Sofia stuck her tongue out at Sara, who grinned and went into the kitchen. It hadn’t been her intention to listen to Sofia’s conversation, but her legs were somehow frozen when she arrived in the living room. Now she had to confess, she was glad to see, that Sofia had pushed the other woman away, sent her out of the house. Sara was sure by now, she didn’t like Ellen. She wasn’t sure why she disliked her, but she could accept it without an explanation. <br/>When she came back to the garden swing, Sofia had gotten them some potato chips and a blanket. She pulled the blanket away so Sara could get under it and offered her the bag with chips. <br/>“Will I get in trouble again when I eat your potato chips? Favorite potato chips.”<br/>“No, I offered them to you. If you don’t steal them and run away, you won’t be in any trouble.”<br/>“Good. I don’t want to end up like Ellen and get thrown out of the house.”<br/>“You live here, I can’t threw you out. Plus I want to spend the evening with you. The reason why I sent her away.”<br/>“Really?”<br/>“Yes. I promised myself I’ll stay here with you tonight plus my brain worked today and sent the right messages to my mouth so I said the right words and they were: fuck off, bitch! I’m glad to realize, my brain works most times.”<br/>“Most times?” Sara smirked. That could have been a comment of herself. <br/>“Yeah. Unfortunately I’ve got my bad moments. Like yester-day. Sara, I’m sorry I was…not there. I didn’t mean to act the way I did.”<br/>“There’s no reason to apologize, Sofia. You met somebody, we went out to meet people. In fact, Ellen had the idea to go out.”<br/>“Yeah. She thought, you and Greg are a couple.”<br/>“We thought so. You never told us, you dated somebody famous.”<br/>“She isn’t famous, she has a few model jobs, did some TV production things, nothing big, nothing you  have to know or what you have to recognize her for on the street.”<br/>“Her look is enough to let people recognize her.”<br/>“She knows that, she plays with it, uses it.”<br/>“It works.”<br/>“Unfortunately people let blind themselves. Plus the fact she has the way to make you do what she wants, even when you know it’s wrong.” Sofia buried her face in her hands. She didn’t want to talk about it, wanted to forget everything, but now she had started it, she had to end it. “From the very first moment I met her yesterday morning, I knew, I had to get rid off her, had to get her out of my life. Instead I let her make me take her over to you guys, let her talk us into going out and when we were in the club, I wasn’t able to get away from. She told me to dance and I danced. She had me on her strings, pulled me like she wanted me to move and I did it. Nothing I’m proud of.”<br/>“Not the way you should act like a lieutenant.”<br/>“No, I was a disgrace to my badge.”<br/>“I can’t imagine that.”<br/>“I was. Took me until the early morning to wake up and get the hell out of it. It was too late by then to make it undone, but…it just won’t happen again.”<br/>“You told her, you don’t want to be with her, sent away. It didn’t happen again.”<br/>“No. Can I have one of your session? I think something is wrong with me. Why did I give in yesterday?”<br/>“Timing, opportunity, plus the great feeling of being able to use people the way you want them. Power. She knew exactly you were weak and used it. I’m not sure if you want to talk about it, it’s not my business and I told you before, that it’s obvious that something is…I don’t want to say is wrong with you, but something about you is different. I guess she felt that, she knew, she could use it to her advantage and you had no chance to do anything against it.”<br/>“She has a feeling for your weak spots, yes.”<br/>“Still, you loved her once.”<br/>“Was it love? I’m not sure. I was amazed, that’s for sure. She has the looks, she knows what to say and do to make you want her.”<br/>“She’d be perfect if she was capable to give all this to only person and anybody else.”<br/>“Yes. That obvious?”<br/>“Sofia, I don’t pick you as somebody, who cheats on her partner. She, on the other side, is only interested in herself. If she sees somebody, she wants at that moment, who can help her to get what she wants, she lets you fall and goes to somebody else. Or takes what she needs, keeps you hanging on.”<br/>“Have you been around last year?”<br/>“No.” Sara pulled Sofia in her arms. “Your scars are obvious.”<br/>“Like my stupidity? She hurt me and I’m too stupid to send her away. I gave in yesterday, gave her what she wanted.”<br/>“You sent her away today, that’s what count.”<br/>“Thanks to you.”<br/>“Me?”<br/>“Yes. Like I said, I promised myself I’ll spend the evening with you. After you told me Greg is out, I had no other choice than telling her to leave. There’s only one woman who’s allowed to have me in her arms tonight and that’s you. And if my head works, it will be like that for the next week too.”<br/>“Are you sure your head wanted Ellen last night and not other parts of your body?”<br/>“No comment.” Sofia smiled for the first time. <br/>“I knew it.” Sara blinked at her. “Come here, Sofia?”<br/>“I am here.”<br/>“Closer, Honey.”<br/>“Huh?” Sofia watched Sara suspicious. <br/>“Are you scared, lieutenant?”<br/>“No, I’m not.”<br/>“Good.” Sara pulled Sofia again in her arms and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad you sent her away, You deserve better.”<br/>“Thanks. Do I deserve you tonight?”<br/>“Depends on how you define that.”<br/>“Wild sex in all positions the whole night long.”<br/>“No, I’ve got a migraine. Sorry darling.”<br/>“Bugger.” Sofia laughed. “At least I’ll have you in my arms. Also I’ve to say, you and Greg are a cute couple too. He held you tight.”<br/>“How do you know?”<br/>“I was there.”<br/>“What?” Sofia had been in the house last night? She had seen Greg and Sara`<br/>“You’re not the only one who sneaks around. When my brain worked again last night – it was around three in the morning I guess – I left Ellen’s place and came here, found you in Greg’s arms and knew, you were safe. So I left again, called Don, we talked for around five hours and when I came back home, you and Greg were gone. I took the dogs for a long walk, came back and found you here.”<br/>“It’s not very polite to let your lover wake up alone.”<br/>“I won’t do that do you.” Sofia grinned. “There’s no chance that I’ll miss out a second with you…damn it, I’m not supposed to say things like that.”<br/>“Especially not after you spent a night with another woman.”<br/>“Why didn’t you stop me?”<br/>“Because Greg is my boyfriend so I don’t care with whom you sleep.”<br/>“Right. Your boyfriend is out with another woman.”<br/>“Only for dinner.”<br/>“That’s what you hope.”<br/>“Not my business.”<br/>“Would it be that bad if they like each other?”<br/>“It would make things complicated.”<br/>“Yes. But would you stop seeing one of them?”<br/>“I’d stop seeing doctor Weinberg as my therapist if I meet her as Greg’s girlfriend. And I can’t imagine somebody else as good as she is. Selfish, isn’t it?”<br/>“No, I think, she’s the best therapist for you. She bents the rules so you stay in therapy. She helps you and I like her. I like people who are able to go different ways if it’s better and aren’t fixed on rules.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And she’s cute.”<br/>“Is she?”<br/>“Absolutely. I like her eyes. And her smile.”<br/>“Maybe you should ask her out for a  date when Greg’s away.”<br/>“You’ll kill me then.”<br/>“No, I’m used to have her dating my friends.”<br/>“Thanks. But she isn’t into women, what is a real pity. I noticed that right away. Otherwise I’d fight with Greg for a dinner date.”<br/>“I must be a lucky woman to spend three hours a week with her alone.”<br/>“You pay her for that. If we ignore that, yes you are.”<br/>“She isn’t a cheap woman.”<br/>“No, she has style. And muffins.”<br/>“What is more important for you?”<br/>“Depends on what my stomach says.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“Stop eating potato chips?”<br/>“Never.”<br/>“Sure?”<br/>“Yes. My stomach says: make sure Sara is in your arms tonight. I like to feel her close to me. She’s good for me and the rest of you.”<br/>“That’s what your stomach says?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“I don’t believe you.”<br/>“You call me a liar?”<br/>“I call you a woman, who tries to use parts of her body for her advantages.”<br/>“That sounds not positive.”<br/>“Depends on how you use your body. What for.”<br/>“To get you in my bed. That makes me not better than Ellen.”<br/>“You’re honest, you’ll get a bonus for that.”<br/>“At least something.”<br/>“Yeah, better than nothing.”<br/>“Wanna go to bed with me?” Sofia grinned.<br/>“You’re straight forward.”<br/>“The only things of me that’s straight. No, just kidding. I’m tired after a night with not a lot of sleep. If you want to follow me later it’s okay too.”<br/>“I come with you. There’s no reason to wait for Greg.”<br/>“Make sure he’s really back before midnight?”<br/>“He said he would and I trust him.”<br/>“Who is better in bed? He or me?”<br/>“He because he didn’t ask such a stupid question.”<br/>“Who scares your nightmares better away?”<br/>“You’re even there.” <br/>“Is there anything I’m better in?”<br/>“Are you in a competition with Greg?” Sara laughed. It sounded like Sofia had a list and she wanted to cross off all the things, she was better in than Greg. <br/>“No. But I don’t like being second best.”<br/>“You’re the better lieutenant.”<br/>“That has nothing to do with you.”<br/>“You’re…your face doesn’t need a shave in the morning.”<br/>“Wow, I made a point by being a woman! That’s a start.”<br/>“Yes. And it’s the end of this strange competition. We meet in five minutes in your bed?”<br/>“Ten. I need to get prepared for you.”<br/>“I want you in nothing else than…shorts and shirt.”<br/>“Two pieces too much.” Sofia hugged Sara. “I’m glad I’m with you. To spend time with you is better than anything Ellen can give me.”<br/>“I understood you liked what she did.”<br/>“That’s what she keeps telling herself.”<br/>“So it wasn’t good with her? The nights.”<br/>“They’re better with you.”<br/>“Sure thing.” Sara grinned. “Nine minutes left.” She got up. <br/>“She can’t wait to be in bed with me, I take that as a very good sign and a compliment.” Sofia chuckled and got up herself. It was after ten, the last night had been long without any real sleep, she was ready for bed too. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Monday, August 17</p><p>“You don’t wear a uniform!”<br/>“Ditto.”<br/>“I expected to see you in a uniform today.” <br/>“Sorry to disappoint you.”<br/>“You can make for that by wearing the uniform at home only for me.”<br/>“You’re a pervert.”<br/>“No, I like women in uniforms.” Sofia grinned and pulled Sara in her arms. “How was your first day at work?” <br/>“Exhausting.” Sara closed her eyes for a brief moment and leant on to the blonde. There had been so many new people, so many new places, so many new things to learn. “And I end up at the same place I’ve been before.”<br/>“What do you mean?”<br/>“Law enforcement.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“I wear a gun while I’m working. With my background as a CSI, I’m perfect for the law enforcement unit. At least until I’m qualified for something else. I told them, I didn’t go to police academy, they didn’t care about that. Apparently all the years as a CSI are enough.”<br/>“That means, the Angeles National Forest isn’t a safe place to be.” <br/>“Bitch.” Sara poked Sofia. <br/>“Your bitch. I cooked a dinner for us.”<br/>“You cooked?”<br/>“Yes. Vegetarian Lasagne with extra cheese.”<br/>“Wow.”<br/>“Where do you want to eat?”<br/>“In the garden.”<br/>“After a whole day surrounded by bushes, trees and grass and when she’s back home, she wants even more. A real freak of nature.”<br/>Sara gave Sofia the evil eyes, but her big grin showed, she wasn’t mad. She had survived the first day. Why didn’t she sleep last night? She had been so excited, had thought of so many things, that could go wrong, made herself crazy and now? Now she knew, everything was alright, she had a good day, her coworkers were friendly and she looked forward to a new day. <br/>Her first day of as a ranger. And what did her boss do? She gave Sara a gun. Being close to L.A., the forest was a good place for people to hide when they were running away from the police. They worked close together with LAPD and until Sara was fit enough to guide tourists and school classes through the forest, she was part of the security team. <br/>“Tell me, who do you have to arrest? A squirrel when it runs too fast? Do you  have one way trees? Rush hour to the waterhole and you’re the traffic cop?” Sofia carried on teasing her friend. <br/>“One more comment like that and your Lasagne ends up in your face, lieutenant.”<br/>“Careful I can arrest you.”<br/>“You tried that once last month and it didn’t work out.”<br/>“This time you’re guilty.”<br/>“You’ve no evidence.”<br/>“I’ll have the Lasagne in my face with your fingerprints on the bowl. You need a very good explanation to get out of that. The question is, why do you want to do something like that? You want to lick off the Lasagne from my face? If you do that I might not press charges.”<br/>“My tongue won’t come close to your face.”<br/>“What a pity.” Sofia served them some white wine. <br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>“Greg called me right after I finished for today, I was on my way to the car when he called.”<br/>“Is it your calling day?”<br/>“You know we wanted to call each other once a week, so far we’ve talked almost every day. It’s good to hear his voice, I miss him.”<br/>“Will he be back here soon?”<br/>“Two more weeks. He could talk Grissom into giving him five days off and I’m supposed to ask for the couch. I think, he can have my bed.”<br/>“You don’t sleep in it anyway.” Sofia smiled. Sara had stayed with her every night. It got them a few comments from Don, but he knew, the only reason why Sara was in Sofia’s bed were the nightmares. <br/>“One day I’ve to sleep there again.”<br/>“Is that what your therapist says?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“What do you think?”<br/>“She’s right.”<br/>“Do you want to sleep alone tonight?”<br/>“No. When I’m alone in my bed it will be likely a night with nightmares and not a lot of sleep, I’d prefer to have that when I have the next day off. As long as I need to be fit the next day, it’s not smart to risk a sleepless night. Especially not after I didn’t sleep a lot last night.”<br/>“That’s true. So what exciting things did you do today?”<br/>“I walked around a lot, talked to a million people, who all work in and for the park, I’ve forgotten all their names, drove around the park, listened to a list of work I’ve to do, forgot it, saw some animals, transported a man with a sprained ankle to the next hospital and learnt that you always have to have at least three bottles of water in your car.”<br/>“Yo Ranger, where’s your hat?” Don came into the garden.<br/>“Yo detective, where’s your badge?”<br/>“In my room, I don’t need it here. Is your uniform in your room too?”<br/>“No, it’s in the locker room at work.”<br/>“You won’t show us how you look like in uniform?”<br/>“I tried it already, Don. I’m afraid we won’t see her in uniform unless we visit her at work or buy one for her.” Sofia said. <br/>“I know a nice shop on Sunset with some really nice uniforms. She could dress up every night as something different and we’d like what we see. These uniforms will show her nice legs, we’ll see a lot of…of her trained upper arms…and in which great shape her body is.”<br/>“Your detective is a customer of a sex shop.” Sara looked at Sofia. <br/>“Sounds like. As long as he doesn’t arrest criminals with fluffy cuffs that’s alright with me. Maybe he has some interesting toys hidden in his room.”<br/>“Want to try some with me, Sofia?” Don offered coy.<br/>“You don’t like blondes, I don’t want a man, we can’t use them together. But we can both try them with Sara, she’s what we’re both after, a brunette woman.”<br/>“I need my gun at home, it sound like I need it to defense myself.”<br/>“She wants to play cop, very sexy.” Don grinned. “I want you in nothing more than cuffs.”<br/>“Dream on.”<br/>“Sofia, do you chain her to your bed every night?”<br/>“No, when I handcuff her, she can’t have her arms around me and I like it when she holds on to me. I like her hands on my body all the time actually. No, I have to rephrase that: I like her, no matter if she has her hands or anything else on me, is around me. I simply like Sara and I’m glad to have her here. Now it’s out and I feel better.” Sofia smiled. <br/>“We had worse housemates, yes.”<br/>“Yes we had.”<br/>“But she’s the cutest one. Could be because she’s a woman and all the others were men. Why didn’t you take women before?”<br/>“I thought, I can’t have a woman here, what if we’ll start to fight over her.”<br/>“We fight about Sara?”<br/>“No, she’ll kick our asses if we do. She’ll do that anyway if we go on talking about her like that.”<br/>“Very true, Sofia.” Sara pushed her empty plate away. “It’s about time that Greg comes back. I need one normal person.”<br/>“Greg will be back? When?”<br/>“Two weeks.”<br/>“Perfect, I’ll finally meet him after we didn’t meet the last time. Will he be here to see you or to date your apparently sexy therapist?”<br/>“Shut up!”<br/>“That’s a good question, does she know he’ll be back?” Sofia asked. <br/>“Doctor Weinberg and me don’t talk about Greg.”<br/>“Not?”<br/>“No, he isn’t part of the therapy and I don’t care whom she dates or meets for dinner.”<br/>“Doesn’t Greg tell you?”<br/>“He knows better, Don, he knows I don’t want to hear a word about that if he dates her, meets her, calls her. As a good friend, he respects that.”<br/>“Unlike two other friends, who want to know gossip like that. Tell me about your new job, Sara.” Don made the decision to pull Sara on his lap, what brought him a amused look from the brunette. <br/>“Actually, there’s a chance I’ll work with you.”<br/>“With me?”<br/>“Yes. If you’re chasing a suspect and it makes the decision to hide in Angeles National Forest, I’ll be there to search with you. I’ve got a gun, I’m in the law enforcement team, that means, if LAPD suspects a person of interest in our forest, I’ll be there and look with you for the suspect. And if we catch somebody doing something wrong, I’ll call you or your coworkers to get this individual out of my forest.”<br/>“You need a sheriff star.”<br/>“No I don’t.”<br/>“Want a sexy deputy? For you, I take a second job and be your faithful companion.”<br/>“And you’ll wear nothing else than cuffs?” Sara turned the tables.<br/>“If you like that, I’ll do that. Want to try it upstairs now?”<br/>“No, you can have the blonde.”<br/>“I don’t want the blonde.”<br/>“The blonde, who has a name, doesn’t want to have sex with Don.” Sofia grumbled. “She’s done with sex.”<br/>“Was Ellen that bad?” Don chuckled. <br/>“Very funny.”<br/>“I heard, she tried to get you back.”<br/>“She didn’t.”<br/>“Not for more than one night.”<br/>“I don’t want to talk about that, Don.” She hadn't told him about her night with her ex, it was nothing she was proud of. Plus the fact that he had always told her, Ellen was only playing with her, wasn’t interested in her. <br/>“I’m sure you didn’t talk a lot with her, her strength isn’t talking, it’s something else that includes…”<br/>“Don, stop it!” Sara stopped him. “Leave her alone.”<br/>“You met Ellen too.”<br/>“Yes, I did. She isn’t somebody I have to know, not somebody I want in my life. She plays with people and sometimes, you can’t stop yourself from the influence of other people. In that case you need friends and not people, who tease you with your weakness. I’m sure there was a time when you were played by a woman or a suspect too.”<br/>“Happened, yes.”<br/>“So leave her alone.” Sara got off Don’s lap and sat next to Sofia, pulled her in her arms. “With whom Sofia sleeps isn’t your business. Friends don’t have to share everything.”<br/>“Thanks. My CSI takes care of me.” Sofia smiled. She liked the fact that Sara was defending her, even if it wasn’t necessary. She was capable of doing that herself. But having Sara taking care made everything a little bit more special. </p><p> </p><p>Tuesday, August 25th</p><p>“You look tired, Sara. Do you want to end it here?” Doctor Weinberg asked.<br/>“Is it a good time to end it here?” She was tired, she had worked for ten hours, from six to four, drove home, changed and went straight to therapy. After she had only one appointment per week, she had it at five when she worked in the mornings and at eight when she due for the afternoon shift. This way, doctor Weinberg didn’t have to shift her other patients around because Sara wasn’t able to be here at the same time every week. <br/>“The way you look, yes.”<br/>“You haven’t told me what you think of my dreams.”<br/>“Because it’s something we can’t talk through in five minutes, Sara.”<br/>“I’m far away from being okay, right?”<br/>“How do you feel?”<br/>“Better. I still have weird dreams, light nightmares but I don’t sleep alone. I’m afraid when I stay the whole night alone in my bed, the nightmares will be back.”<br/>“Did Sofia say she wants you to go back to your bed?”<br/>“No.” Sara smiled. “She’d never do that, she likes me in her bed. Another reason why I feel guilty, I’m afraid…no, that would take too long too.”<br/>“Time can be an awful pressure, can’t it?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“If you want to talk Sara, we can make another appointment. This week.”<br/>“You deserve a free evening.”<br/>“I’ve the whole weekend off.”<br/>“Lucky you. No, I’m glad I can work again. Finally I earn some money and don’t spend it the whole time.”<br/>“Plus you get your thoughts away from your past and can concentrate on something else.”<br/>“A typically therapist comment.” Sara got up. “Awful.”<br/>“So true.”<br/>“I’ve to go, I think we’re over the time.”<br/>“You can run away today, next week I’ll make you talk about all the things you try to avoid today.” The doctor smiled. <br/>“You know what the worst thing is?” Sara sighed.<br/>“What?”<br/>“I got so used to come here, I’d miss therapy if I stay away. It’s awful to say this, but you’re really a help and being here isn’t that bad at all.”<br/>“Thank you very much.”<br/>“There’s only one thing bothering me, doc.”<br/>“What’s that, Sara?”<br/>“No…forget it.” Sara shook her head. Wrong topic. <br/>“Are you sure?”<br/>“Yeah…that doesn’t belong here.”<br/>“If it bothers you…”<br/>“It has nothing to do with my PTSD.”<br/>“You can talk about other things, that bothers you, too.”<br/>“No, I think I don’t want to mix that up. Sorry.”<br/>“Alright. If you change your mind, you’re free to talk to me.”<br/>“Thanks. Have a nice weekend and we’ll see each other on Monday morning.”<br/>“Enjoy your new job, Sara.”</p><p>Sara opened the front door, dropped her bag on the floor, kicked her shoes on top of a little mountain of other shoes, that belonged to her, Sofia and Don. One day they had to separate them all to find out, which shoes belonged to whom. Instead of going into the kitchen to find something to eat, she went upstairs to her room, went in, fell on her bed and closed her eyes. That was good. Finally she was home, was able to put her legs up and close her eyes. Time to relax. Ten hours of work and therapy were hard on her body and her mind. She had been for five days on the job and was already collection overtime. Nothing she complained about. They had told her, she was likely to work some more hours in summer and have less hours in winter time. With Hawaii being a five hours flight away, she knew where to spend her first longer holidays. Surfing on Waikiki beach. <br/>“Somebody looks tired.” Don came in the room. <br/>“I am. I’ve been up for fourteen hours, ten of them walking through the forest and one spilling my guts in therapy.”<br/>“Both things were exhausting in different ways.” He sat on the edge of her bed.<br/>“Yes. I guess I walked fifteen miles today, maybe more. They took me checking on walking trails, little ones you can’t take the car. A hiker is missing, nobody knows if he got lost in the forest or if he is anywhere else. Or if he isn’t missing at all and instead having a party in Las Vegas.”<br/>“He has been seen in the forest?”<br/>“Yes, yesterday with a little backpack.”<br/>“If he is there, you’ll find him. You’re a CSI, you can read traces.”<br/>“I’m a ranger.”<br/>“They can read traces too.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And your doctor didn’t feed you with muffins and sent you home?”<br/>“No, she wanted to do real therapy. I feel like I’m stuck since I see her only once a week. How am I supposed to get over my disorder when I don’t work on the problems. I told her about some strange dreams, that scared me, she didn’t talk about it with me because we were running out of time.”<br/>“You still have nightmares?”<br/>“Yes. Not that severe  anymore, but they’re still there. And the last nights I trembled again after I did good for a week. Do you think it could be because I’m working now and don’t have my whole energy to concentrate on therapy?”<br/>“Could be. Do you see things at work, that reminds you of your past? Things, that can trigger the nightmare?”<br/>“No, I don’t think so. Work is stressful, that’s for sure, I’m very tired every evening, feel like I ran a marathon, but exercise is good for me. I…I don’t know. I guess it’s me who stands in my way.”<br/>“How’s that?”<br/>“This sounds so ridiculous.”<br/>“Does it?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Well, try me and I tell you honest if it does.”<br/>Sara closed her eyes. Should she really say this? It was really ridiculous. Don would have a good laugh and think, she’s a stupid school girl. An adult wouldn’t bother about this, would get over it. Maybe she was stuck in her past so much that she started to regress from an quite smart woman to a stupid teenager. <br/>“Greg and doctor Weinberg were out for dinner twice.”<br/>“So you told me.”<br/>“And I don’t know what to make out of that. I think, I don’t like the idea that my therapist dates my friend. Which is absolutely stupid because if she does, she doesn’t mention it, it has nothing to do with my therapy and my problems, she’s doing everything to help me and I…I am simply stupid I guess. Foolish like a teenager.”<br/>“No.” He took her hand. “You go to her and you’re absolutely open and honest. You expect the same from her too, she doesn’t talk about her private life while you tell her every detail, even things you don’t want to think of. This wouldn’t be a problem if her private life weren’t be somehow connected to your private life. Greg is a friend of you, you’re interested in him.”<br/>“I’m not…”<br/>“I mean as a friend, Sara. Why don’t you ask him if he still has contact to your therapist?”<br/>“Because I feel stupid when I do. I almost told her today, which was bad enough. She’ll think I’m totally stupid.”<br/>“If she does, she’s a really bad therapist. You are a lot of things, stupid isn’t one of them, Sara. Why don’t you ask Greg?”<br/>“He’ll tell me if I have to know.”<br/>“You don’t want to ask private questions because you expect people not to ask you them, alright. He’ll be here next week, if and your therapist are involved, no matter in which way, I’m sure he’ll tell you. Do you see doctor Weinberg before?”<br/>“I’ll see her the day he comes here.”<br/>“Think about if you want to talk about it with her. I’m sure she can understand your concern.”<br/>“How? Not even I can understand my concern.”<br/>“She’s trained to understand, therapists have to understand everything otherwise they’ll lose their job.” Don grinned. “And now give me a little smile. Come on, Honey, a tiny little smile for the best looking and best working detective in L.A. and the rest of the world.”<br/>“You’re smug, like your boss.” Sara hugged him. She was glad he had come along to talk to her. She hadn’t got a solution for her problems, but she felt better, what was worth a lot. </p><p> </p><p>Friday, October 16th</p><p>“Hey boss, got a second?” Don entered Sofia’s office.<br/>“Depends, detective. What do you want?”<br/>“There’s somebody in interrogation five, who wants to talk to you.” He had closed the door. <br/>“It isn’t Sara, is it?” Sofia didn’t want to see Sara in an interrogation room again. <br/>“No, but you know her too.”<br/>“What’s the case?”<br/>“Public offending…violating of traffic rules… corruption on an officer…pick one.”<br/>“Murder?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“I’m a homicide lieutenant.”<br/>“I know that, but you may want to have a closer look at this case. It’s Ellen.” <br/>“And? Did she do anything of the things you mentioned before?”<br/>“She did…all of them.” Don sat on the edge of Sofia’s desk. “First she drove her car a little bit over the speed limit – like thirty miles per hour too much. Then she got pulled over by an officer, who was around and caught her speeding. When he told her what are the consequences of her joyride, she offered him a way of paying…without water mark and a receipt. He accepted, torn apart her ticket while she has some abrasions on her knees now. Both are in because a highway cop saw the…payment.”<br/>Sofia looked in disbelieve at Don. “Are you kidding me?”<br/>“No. She asked for you, Sofia.”<br/>“And you know that why?”<br/>“Lee told me, he is working the case. Do you want to talk to her?”<br/>“No, I don’t want to talk to her but I will. What actions have been taken so far?”<br/>“None. Lee didn’t do anything because she mentioned, she’s a friend of you.”<br/>“Add obstruction of justice to the list.” Sofia sighed and got up. <br/>“Sorry to be a messenger with bad news.” Don hugged Sofia. “Do you want me to come with you?”<br/>“No, thanks. I can handle her. Thanks for telling me.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>Sofia left her office and went to interrogation five, where she found Ellen with a female officer. When the black haired woman saw Sofia, a wide grin appeared on her face. <br/>“Hey beauty, I came here to visit you.”<br/>Sofia stayed at the door, not bothering to sit at the same table like Ellen did. She watched her without saying a word. Don was right about the abrasions. <br/>“Don’t you want to greet me?”<br/>“Where’s the lawyer of Mrs. Goldberg?” Sofia asked the officer. <br/>“Not here, ma’am.”<br/>“Why do I need a lawyer when I know the lieutenant?”<br/>“You were charged with violation of traffic, public offending, corruption of an officer and obstruction of justice, you might want to consider a lawyer.”<br/>“I’ve got you. Why don’t you send your lady pitbull out and we’ll talk.”<br/>“Is it true that you drove sixty-five miles per hour on Lanchester Road instead of thirty-five like you’re supposed to?”<br/>“I’ve a new car, a Porsche, you should take a drive with me. I tell you, this baby feels like an orgasm on the road and I bet when you have one while you’re driving it’s even better.”<br/>“I take that as a yes. Did you practice a sexual action on the street?”<br/>“I was fully dressed.”<br/>“Did you offer an officer sex so he doesn’t charge you with traffic violation?”<br/>“It’s a give and take in the world. I could do something to make him happy, he could do something to make me happy. Your job as a police officer is to serve and protect, my job as a good citizen is to help the police whenever they need a hand…help.”<br/>Sofia looked at the female officer. “Book her in. Who was the officer, she had been caught with?”<br/>“McKinley.”<br/>“Cornwall is his captain, right? I’ll talk to Cornwall, he’ll pay just like she will.”<br/>“Sofia, you can’t be serious.”<br/>“I am serious, Ellen. Very serious.”<br/>“Since you live with this gay cop, you’ve no idea of fun anymore. You should have more sex, that makes you more easy going and not so uptight. I could help you out.”<br/>“You have already one charge for corruption of an officer, want to have a second one?”<br/>“I’m sure you wouldn’t complain or fill in a complain.”<br/>“Make sure she’s booked correctly.” Sofia said to her coworker. “And be careful, she does also go on her knees for women.”<br/>“The lieutenant knows what she’s saying, I got on my knees for her too.” Ellen grinned. “Are you sure, you really want to press charges, Sofia? I can tell your coworkers a lot of nice stories about you.”<br/>“Go ahead, the boys like stories, especially when they’re told by women, who don’t have any dignity.” Sofia left the room and went back to her office. Why did she have to run into Ellen so often the last couple of weeks? She had been happy when the other woman left her life, now it seemed like she came back like a boomerang. <br/>“And?” Don had been waiting in Sofia’s office.<br/>“Don’t you have any work to do?”<br/>“I’m off the clock. Is she free?”<br/>“No, she’s getting booked in. I asked if she doesn’t want to have a lawyer, she denied. When I asked her for her side of the story, she confirmed the story. I need to talk to Cornwall, he’s the captain of McKinley, I want him to pay as well. They’ll both get what they deserved.”<br/>“You won’t make yourself any friends this way.”<br/>“I don’t care and I don’t want to think of how often women like Ellen get away with whatever they did because the arresting officer – or supposed to be arresting officer – let them pay in another way. I hate it when my coworkers are bribable.”<br/>“Apparently everybody as a limit.”<br/>“Maybe, but if your limit is this low, that you endanger your job for a BJ of a cheap woman, you don’t deserve your badge. Or at least you deserve a lot of trouble.”<br/>“Can I bribe you with a dinner? After work?”<br/>“You think I’m that cheap?”<br/>“I wasn’t talking about pizza, lieutenant, I was talking about something more expensive.”<br/>“What do you want me to do for that?”<br/>“Come home within the next two hours.”<br/>“That was my plan anyway. Unfortunately one of my detectives told me about a woman in interrogation and now I’ve to work overtime.”<br/>“Blame it on the woman, not on your detective.”<br/>“I do. Stupid bitch, why did she have to get caught by one of our guys? And why do men always stop thinking when a women offers them sex?”<br/>“Because sex is a great thing and Ellen is hot – if you go for sexy, long black haired woman with a body like a supermodel, a face like an angel, dressed in only a little bit more than nothing. Who cares about the lack of personality when you can have all these things for free and no obligations?”<br/>“Because she doesn’t make you happy.”<br/>“That’s what you know afterwards.”<br/>“And even that takes a while.”<br/>“The smart ones learn.” He pulled her in his arms. “If she gives you a hard time, I’ll give her a hard time.”<br/>“She called you gay.”<br/>“Really? I take that as a compliment.”<br/>“She’s mad because she tried to get you in her bed and you denied her wish.”<br/>“She’s your ex, I don’t date women, who were involved with you. Things like that can end up easily in stress and no woman is worth that we fight. Besides, she went for a traffic cop, that’s even more a proof that she has no dignity.”<br/>“You know what makes me angry most?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“That I fell in love with her last year and fell for her a few weeks ago. Not very smart.”<br/>“She was charming last year. She might not be a very talented actress when it comes to movies or television, but she deserves all prizes for playing people. You kicked her out last month as I remember correct.”<br/>“I did. The second night. After I woke up and realized, she hadn’t changed and never will. Plus the fact, that I don’t want her. It took my body a night longer to understand that, my head was faster.”<br/>“Now they’re at the same level?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Good. You deserve better…and if we wouldn’t be here…but we are here so I won’t say what I’ve in mind. Get home soon, lieutenant.” He kissed her quickly. <br/>“Don’t disappoint me, detective. I expect something really special when I’m home.” She smiled and hugged him again. “Out of my office now or I volunteer you for a double!”<br/>“Bye.” Don blinked and left the office. <br/>Sofia stayed a few more seconds at her desk. Time to talk to captain Cornwall, she hated to tell him, that one of his officers had taken a sex offer to drop charges, but the only way to make sure, things like this won’t happen anymore one day was to show everybody, they were in trouble when they did things like this. And maybe Ellen would see that she didn’t get all the time what she wanted. She could make life a little bit more difficult for Sofia by telling her coworkers things of her private life and the time they were a couple, but Sofia was willing to risk that. Maybe it helped her to get really and for good over her ex. </p><p>A chocolate bar with a little candle on it appeared in front of Sofia’s eyes. She had been lost in her thoughts for a while and the candle light and the soft smell of fire got her back. Back from thoughts of her life, of thoughts of the day, her past and things, she would change if she could. <br/>“Blow the candle and make a wish.” Sara sat next to Sofia on a second chair. She had found the blonde on her balcony, sitting in the sun, lost in thoughts. <br/>With a smile Sofia blew the candle. <br/>“What did you wish for?”<br/>“I can’t tell you, the wish won’t become truth when I tell you.”<br/>“Or it will happen because I can help you to make your wish come true.”<br/>“That’s cheating on wishes.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“No, it’s helping them. But alright, you want to wait for your wish, that’s alright with me.”<br/>“Since when do you walk around with chocolate bars and candles?”<br/>“Since I live with a chocoholic and we don’t have muffins anymore. I need to get a dozen the next time I’ve got therapy. Any special wishes? Or can’t you talk about them neither?”<br/>“It bothers you that I don’t tell you my wish? Sara Sidle, you’re curious.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Yes you are. Sara Sidle is nosy. There is a little bit of a CSI left in you.”<br/>“Bite me.”<br/>“Why should I do that after I have got some chocolate?” <br/>“Don’t you want to share? You know, a problem shared is a problem halved.”<br/>“Yes but a chocolate bar shared is a half a chocolate bar wasted.” Sofia grinned.<br/>“Boah.”<br/>Sofia pulled one arm around Sara and held the chocolate bar in front of her mouth. “Bite it!”<br/>“No, you don’t want to share and I don’t want your pity.”<br/>“Honey, you can bite in it or I’ll force your mouth open and stick it in your throat. Choose your option.”<br/>Sara took a tiny little bite of the chocolate bar. Sofia cocked her head. “Maybe I need to offer it in another way.” She put the chocolate bar between her teeth. “Eat it.”<br/>“Dream on.” Sara snorted. <br/>“Scared?”<br/>“Not that hungry.”<br/>“Oh come on, take a bite.”<br/>“If you don’t hold still and start to eat yourself I’ll slap you.” Sara bent forward and bit of a piece of chocolate bar. <br/>“See, it didn’t hurt.” Sofia took the rest of the bar, broke it into two and handed Sara one half. “You need to trust me.”<br/>“I trust you most times, but not when it comes to chances for practical jokes.”<br/>“Sara, I’ve got you in my bed every night, if I want your lips on mine, I wait until you’re asleep and kiss you. Like Cinderella.”<br/>“Now you managed to scare me out of your bed.”<br/>“I didn’t.” Sofia laid her head on Sara’s shoulder. “You’ll stay with me. If not, I come into your bed and make sure, you won’t have nightmares.”<br/>“Will you have some?”<br/>“Me? Why?”<br/>“Don told me about Ellen.”<br/>“Oh.” <br/>“Oh like: I don’t want to talk about it or oh like: Ellen, awful woman.”<br/>“More like: Ellen awful bitch.”<br/>“She gave you a hard time?”<br/>“She said she’ll do it. I ordered that she got booked in. Her plan had been to see me, make me do something that no charges will be pressed and she gets out of that with a smile. I didn’t act the way she wanted. Now she wants to tell the whole department about our past.”<br/>“Your colleagues don’t know that you date women?”<br/>“Some do, but my private life isn’t their business and you know men. Most of them will make some annoying stupid jokes. Especially when you were involved with a woman, who got on her knees to make the officer torn her speeding ticket. Not the kind of thing you want them to  know, they might come to the clue, you’re the same kind of woman. Maybe dating women wasn’t a good idea after all. Didn’t bring me any luck.”<br/>“What she does and you do isn’t the same. It’s nothing to make jokes about. And there is no difference when you date a man or a woman.”<br/>“There shouldn’t, but there is.”<br/>“I can’t understand why.”<br/>“Why don’t you date woman?”<br/>“Because I don’t date anybody.”<br/>“One day you will date again.”<br/>“I’m not sure about that.”<br/>“Come on, you can’t stay single and break so many hearts.”<br/>“I don’t break any hearts.”<br/>“We have to work on your self-esteem, Sara.” Sofia blinked at her friend. “You do break hearts. When we were out the one night, there were people interested in you. I heard a woman complain about the fact that you had a boyfriend. If we would go out tonight, I bet we’ll find somebody, who wants to date you. Do you want a Latin lover? A surfer boy? A hot blonde? A sexy brunette? A black beauty or do you have any other kind of wish? A professor? A student? A business man? A model? An actor? Doctor? Nurse? Cop?”<br/>“A millionaire, who owns an island with a white sandy beach, great waves for surfing and a well stocked cocktail bar.”<br/>“You are so shallow.”<br/>“I try to plan for a safe future.”<br/>“And money gives you a safe future?”<br/>“A financial safe future, yes. Unfortunately I’m not one of these people, who think money is the most important thing. I need other things for my future. Or lets say: other things are more important to me.”<br/>“Like what?”<br/>“I don’t want to end up alone when I’m old. When I was younger, I fancied a shared house like the Golden Girls had. I liked the show. Later I wanted to live with my husband in a little house and now…I think I’m back to the Golden Girls version. I won’t get married, I won’t have children, I will be alone or with somebody else and share a house. Saves money and it can be fun.”<br/>“Want to share a house with me?”<br/>“Depends on how you behave.”<br/>“I share my chocolate with you.”<br/>“You tried some tricks.”<br/>“Knowing, you’re too smart to fall for them. I always admired your smart mind.”<br/>“Remember what I told you about people, who hit on me too much?” Sara grinned. <br/>“Sorry. I can’t help myself. I really try, but I can’t. We have to change the topic.”<br/>“Will Don stay here too?”<br/>“I’m afraid he’ll really go back to New York at one point. We can invite Greg.”<br/>“That would be fun, yes. But it would be better to have Greg and Don.”<br/>“If you want both here, you need to stay in my bed, we don’t have enough rooms.”<br/>“What makes you think I don’t want to stay in Don’s or Greg’s bed?”<br/>“You prefer me.”<br/>“Do I?”<br/>“Yes. Less than two months in L.A. and I’ve got you that far that you prefer to have a woman in your bed than a man. I’m good. Give me a little bit longer and I’ll make you date women.”<br/>“You make me date women or you make me date you?”<br/>“If you ask this way…” Sofia grinned. “Why should you go with the second best when you can have the best?”<br/>“I get a date with Ellen?”<br/>“Not funny!” Sofia grumbled.<br/>“I meant Ellen DeGeneres, a real actress.”<br/>“Oh…can I come to that date too?”<br/>“No, I want that hot blonde for myself.” Sara smirked.<br/>“You can have two hot blondes.”<br/>“Why take second best when I can have the best?” Sara asked sweetly. <br/>“You are so mean! I should kick you out of my bed! Unfortunately I’d punish myself when I do that. Mean. You’re not nice to me.”<br/>“Sorry Honey.” Sara pulled Sofia in her arms. “Shall I get you another chocolate bar?”<br/>“Can I eat it in your arms?”<br/>“Yes.” Sara chuckled. <br/>“Okay. Sara?” <br/>“Yes?”<br/>“I’m glad you’re here. And I hope you’ll stay for a long, long time. Even we won’t be a spin-off of the Golden Girls, after all we need a third woman and somebody’s mothers in the house, I’m sure we’ll have a good time together.”<br/>“We already have a good time together.”<br/>“We do, yes. And when your landlady has some more time, she’ll start to work on the attic, turn it into something more exciting than a place where dust meets more dust. What would you like to have in the house? Any suggestions?”<br/>“A guest room? I don’t know your attic, but a guest room with a little bath plus a place for some gym equipment. In case there’ll ever be rain and cold weather and we don’t feel like working out outside.”<br/>“The dogs will get you out no matter what weather is.”<br/>“True.”<br/>“But it can’t hurt to have some gym equipment to build up some muscles. Do some exercise for the back.”<br/>“If you want some help let me know.”<br/>“Which the back exercise?” Sofia grinned dirty.<br/>“The attic, Smutty.”<br/>“Bummer. But I’ll take that offer too.” Sofia pulled Sara closer in her arms. She felt much better with her friend around. Who needed to waste time thinking of her ex when Sara was there and got her attention to other – much better – things? </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, September 2nd</p><p>“Sara!” <br/>When she felt hands on her shoulders, the pressure of them, pushing into her shoulder, shaking her, she came out of her thoughts. Confused. Scared. Everything was blurry. Why? What strange kind of fog was that? Where was she? What did happen? <br/>“Sara!”<br/>“Yes?” Damn, her voice sounded weird. Like she had eaten something rusty. She tried to focus on the blurry face in front of her, but the fog was still there. She blinked and blinked, nothing helped. <br/>“Take this and clean your eyes.” Whoever was in front of her gave her something soft. A tissue? Sara closed her eyes and wiped her eyes. When she opened them again, she could see. Immediately she realized where she was. She was in therapy. <br/>“What happened?” Her voice wasn’t that rusty anymore. “Did I dis…dissociate again?”<br/>“No. Don’t you remember?”<br/>“We were talking about my childhood…that’s all.”<br/>“We talked about a summer day when your mother was gone, she visited her sister. You, your father and a friend of your father were alone in the B&amp;B.”<br/>“She was? Oh yes, it was her sister’s birthday. Dad, his friend  and me stayed at home, he said, he’d take care of me. I was in the garden, it was warm, I laid on a blanket under a tree, read a book and he…oh god!” Sara jumped up, hand in front of her mouth and stormed out of the room, straight to the rest room. <br/>Doctor Weinberg sighed. Most times it was a good feeling when you were right, this time she wished she had been wrong. Slowly she got up and followed Sara. Her office was closed, Sara was the last patient for the day. <br/>“Sara?” She knocked on the bathroom door. No answer. <br/>“Sara?”<br/>“I don’t want to go on talking to you.”<br/>“Can you come out of the bathroom, please.”<br/>“Leave me alone.”<br/>“You know I won’t do that and if you don’t open the door I’ll open it.”<br/>“Screw that.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg waited a few more seconds then she heard how the door got unlocked and Sara opened it. Her face, that had been covered in tears before, was very pale. <br/>“I want to go home.”<br/>“I won’t let you go home like this. Come on.”<br/>“I’m done here. No more therapy. I feel worse than before, this isn’t helping, it’s torture.” Sara wanted to go to the office door, but she got held back by doctor Weinberg. The hand of the psychologist got the brunette’s wrist and held it firmly. <br/>“You can’t force me to stay.” Sara hissed.<br/>“I give you two options.” <br/>“I  take the option that gets me out of here.”<br/>“Alright. You leave, I call 911 and let you get picked up by an ambulance, they’ll bring you to the ER, you’ll stay there for a couple of hours before they give you a bed in hospital. Being there for a psychiatric reason for the second time within a couple of weeks, you can plan for a few more days.”<br/>Sara stopped in front of the door. “You can’t do that.”<br/>“I’m a psychologist, I can do that. The best thing is, they won’t even doubt my diagnosis and will keep you for a while. But hey, you don’t have to be here then, so you’ve got what you wanted.” Doctor Weinberg took her telephone and started to dial. <br/>Sara needed less than three large steps to be next to the psychologist, slammed the receiver down and got between the woman and the telephone. <br/>“Don’t do something you’ll regret, doc. I won’t let you destroy my life.”<br/>“Do you really think I want to destroy your life, Sara?” Doctor Weinberg asked calmly. The aggressive behavior of her patient didn’t seem to bother her. <br/>“You…you make me go through all these things again…I …had managed to…to forget them. They were gone…not there anymore…you get them all back, make me go through everything again, let me suffer again and I…” She couldn’t held back her tears anymore. At the same time her feet seemed not to work anymore and she almost fell, were only stopped by doctor Weinberg, who caught her. Slowly she guided Sara back in the office, to the couch and let her lay down, holding on to her hand. <br/>Tears didn’t stop floating down her face, trembles ran through her body. Like pictures in her head. Pictures of her childhood, of the day, they were talking about before. No matter what she tried, they didn’t go, they were there, haunted her, tortured her. She whimpered quietly. <br/>“Why? Why do I have to go through this again?”<br/>“It’s important for you to get over what happened to you, Sara. I know it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel like it helps you, it feels the opposite but I hope you can trust me when I tell you, it’s necessary and it will help you.”<br/>“It doesn’t feel like it.”<br/>“I know.”<br/>“It feels bad. It feels…it hurts…it scares me…I don’t want to go back there. How can it help when I have to live through that again?”<br/>“It helps you to reprocess it. You have buried it as deep as possible, but it’s still there. You can only let go of it when you work through it, finish it. That will be painful, that will be hard, but it’s the only way.”<br/>“What if I’m not strong enough?”<br/>“You are.”<br/>“How do you know? Wasn’t it obvious that I don’t have the power to fight?”<br/>“You feel weak.”<br/>“I lost conscious, trembled, threw up, wanted to run away, kind of threatened you and cried like a baby. These things don’t sound strong to me.”<br/>“You didn’t lose conscious, Sara, you were stuck in memories.”<br/>“That’s not better.”<br/>“Tell me about the tremble, what did you notice?”<br/>“Notice? I trembled.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“That’s all.”<br/>“Sure?”<br/>“I…trembled and yes, that’s it…that’s it!” Sara tried to sit up and looked surprised at her therapist. “I didn’t need to do my breathing exercise, I got myself out alone.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg smiled a bit. “You did.”<br/>“I got the control over my body back.”<br/>“You were in charge.”<br/>“Yes. But…why was I gone before?”<br/>“The shock when you realized what you’ve tried to hide and forget. You needed me to get back to reality, but you weren’t dissociating, just caught in your memory.”<br/>“Like when you’re caught in a good book and don’t realize the rest of the world. Only this wasn’t nice.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Do you want to tell me, I’m getting better?”<br/>“I think, we’ve reached a very important part of your therapy today. Only you know for sure how much more is buried inside you, but we came to a very important point.”<br/>“What happened that afternoon…it wasn’t a single event.”<br/>“I was afraid it wasn’t. Do you want to talk about it now? Or about other events?”<br/>“No. No, I don’t think I’ve the power to go back there. Can we do that the next time?”<br/>“Of course. I’d like to see you for that earlier than next week if that’s possible.”<br/>“The sooner we get through that, the sooner I’ll be better. You’re the expert, tell me when you think I should be back and I’ll arrange it.”<br/>“Do you want two nights to sleep over it?”<br/>“You think I’ll sleep?”<br/>“I’m sure Sofia will make sure you won’t have too many nightmares.”<br/>“She will. I’ve no idea what I’d do without her. Probably you had to give me medicine then.”<br/>“She’s better than any sedative.”<br/>“Absolutely.” Sara sat up, leant back for a second and closed her eyes. <br/>“Do you feel better?”<br/>“A little bit dizzy, but perfect compared to before.” She opened her eyes. “I made you work overtime. Sorry.”<br/>“That’s alright.”<br/>“Doctor Weinberg?”<br/>“Yes?”<br/>“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to…when you were on the phone…”<br/>“It’s alright, Sara. I knew all the time, you’d never hurt me. You’re not the type of person, who attacks somebody. You can get very angry, but you’re more likely to scream and threaten somebody with words and not use physical violence.”<br/>“I feel stupid.”<br/>“You’re not stupid.”<br/>“I am and I…” She stopped. This wasn’t the time to talk about that. Especially not after she wasn’t what you called an easy patient this session. <br/>“You what, Sara?”<br/>“Nothing.”<br/>“You are not supposed to have secrets from your therapist.” The other woman smiled and used a teasing tone to make it obvious to Sara, that she didn’t have to tell her. <br/>“I behaved ridiculous and stupid enough for today.”<br/>“It’s my job to judge your behavior. You didn’t behave stupid or ridiculous.”<br/>Sara was quiet for a moment. Maybe she made a fool out of herself, but if she did, she was a fool who felt better because what was bothering her was out. And she had been in here too long anyway. <br/>“Greg’s coming to L.A. today, I assume you know that.”<br/>“I do.”<br/>“So you know he’ll stay a few days.”<br/>“Yes I do.”<br/>“This is so stupid.” Sara buried her face in her hands. <br/>“You don’t like the fact that Greg and me are in contact, do you?”<br/>“No.” Sara sighed. She was awful, she was ungrateful. She had no right to tell Greg or her therapist whom they were supposed to meet and talk to. It wasn’t her business. <br/>“Why don’t we talk about that outside?”<br/>“We don’t have to talk about that at all, it’s not my business.” Sara got up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to…your private life isn’t topic here. It’s none of my business who you meet.”<br/>“At one point of your therapy we will find another way to cope with uneasy situation for you than running away. There are better ways, believe me.” Doctor Weinberg got up and followed Sara to the door. <br/>“Not today.”<br/>“No, not today. Today I let you run.”<br/>“Thanks. For everything. I’ll see you on Friday. Uhm…I have to work from six in the morning until three, when shall I come here?”<br/>“Five?”<br/>“You’ll be late for your weekend.”<br/>“I make you bring muffins at one point for that.”<br/>“Deal.” Sara smiled. “Thanks again.”<br/>“You’re welcome, Sara.”<br/>Sara left the office. This had been a hard session, she had been scared. Of the memories, of herself. She had lost control, she had remembered things, she didn’t want to remember and she had fought with her therapist. Well, she had tried to fight, doctor Weinberg didn’t let her fight. <br/>“Jesus Sara, I thought you moved in with doctor Weinberg.”<br/>She turned. Crazy hair, sparkling brown yes, big grin, that was … “Greg!” She jumped straight in the arms of her friend and hold on to him. He had waited in front of the office for her, like the last time. <br/>“At least you can remember my name if you don’t remember the time.”<br/>“Not my fault, my therapist is supposed to keep an eye on the time.”<br/>“Bad therapist, I should slap her wrist. Talking about the devil…”<br/>Sara turned. Of course doctor Weinberg had come out of her office, she had been the last appointment, the therapist wanted to go home.<br/>“Who’s a devil?”<br/>“You are, you let Sara spent too much in your office.”<br/>“Her well-being is more important than you waiting here. Hello first, Greg.”<br/>“Hi Jules.”<br/>Sara looked from Greg to her therapist and back. “I don’t need an explanation, it’s obvious. My friend and my therapist are dating. Can somebody shoot me, please?”<br/>“Nobody will harm you, not as long as I’m around.” Greg pulled Sara in her arms and kissed her cheek. <br/>“If she hurt me, will you leave her?”<br/>“I can’t leave her, I’m not with her. We’re friends, Sara.”<br/>“Be honest, are you here to see me or her?”<br/>“I’m here to see you and tell you – together with Jules – that she and I are in contact and it might lead to more than a friendship one day. I hope if that happens, it will be alright for you. I can’t feel comfortable when you’re feeling bad because I do something you dislike.”<br/>Sara tried to hide in his arms. Why did she have to be right? <br/>“If you want to change your therapist Sara, it’s alright.” Doctor Weinberg said. <br/>“You won’t get rid off me that easily, doc!” She grumbled. “You got me into this shit, you’ve got to live with me until it’s over. So you better work fast and good.”<br/>“She’s bitchy, she’s getting better.” Greg grinned. <br/>“Be nice to her, Greg, she isn’t a bitch. I don’t want to get rid off you, Sara, I want to keep you as my patient. As long as you want to work with me.”<br/>“So far you haven’t talked about Greg, maybe we can continue like before.”<br/>“We can. Greg isn’t part of the therapy.”<br/>“I am not? Is Sofia?”<br/>“Sometimes.”<br/>“Why is she part of the therapy and I’m not?”<br/>“She isn’t dating my therapist.”<br/>“I don’t date your therapist neither, I meet her every now and then like any other friend and I bet Sofia thought about asking Jules out.”<br/>“No, she didn’t. Plus, she’s my savior.”<br/>“Does your therapist approve that you sleep in her bed every night?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“At one point Sara has to change that, at the moment I can’t see anything bad about it. I don’t tell somebody, who is married, to sleep in another bed so that he or she can’t find comfort in the arms of their partner. Why treat Sara’s friendship to Sofia any different? It helps her to get some sleep, Sofia helps her to work through everything, she is a very important part of Sara’s life. As is Don.”<br/>“Famous Don, will I meet him tonight?”<br/>“Depends. Will you go home with her or me?”<br/>“Go back into the office, you’ve lost your brain in there.” He poked her. “Of course with you.”<br/>“Just asking.”<br/>“I’ll have breakfast with you tomorrow morning and after that I’ll go over to see Jules for a second breakfast. When will you be back?”<br/>“Around half past three.”<br/>“Too early for dinner, too late for lunch. I’ll prepare dinner and when Sofia and Don are back, we can have a nice barbecue. With a lot of salad for my vegetarian.”<br/>“That sounds like an evening I like. But don’t you and doctor Weinberg…?”<br/>“Sara, he’s here to see you. Accept that you have to spend time with him.” Doctor Weinberg smiled. <br/>“I’ll sacrifice.” Sara put her head on Greg’s shoulder. Maybe she would find a way to live with the fact that her friend and her therapist were friends. She didn’t want to lose him nor her, so she had no other choice than find a way to cope. At least it looked like they helped her with that. </p><p>“You are still pale.” Sofia took Sara’s hand. They were in the kitchen, getting some more drinks and snacks. Don and Greg get on good and were in a conversation about rock music. <br/>“A long and hard day.”<br/>“Work or therapy or both? If I’m allowed to ask.”<br/>“Long day at work, a hard therapy session. You might want to send me to the couch tonight because there’re very likely nightmares.”<br/>“So why should I send US to the couch?”<br/>“Because I might keep you awake.”<br/>“I prefer to be awake with you than asleep alone, knowing you suffer. That will keep me away from any good night sleep anyway. So why don’t you save us both a bad night and stay where you belong: in my bed.”<br/>Sara cocked her head. “I belong in your bed?”<br/>“Yes you do.” Sofia smiled. “After a month sleeping with me, you can’t leave.”<br/>“You make it sound like we have sex since one month.”<br/>“And you’re not mad, I take that as a good sign. Besides, you know what I mean. Did I tell you lately that I’m glad you’re here?”<br/>“It has been a while.” Sara grinned. Like two days. <br/>“Sara Sidle, I’m absolutely over the moon because you’re here.” Sofia hugged Sara and kissed her cheek. “I don’t want to let you move, never ever. You need to accept that you’re stuck with me.”<br/>“You mean with you and Don.”<br/>“Didn’t I say that?” <br/>“No.” <br/>“Oh. Bugger. So tell me, my lovely housemate, is there anything I can do for you? To make you feel better?”<br/>“Right now I’m fine. I might need you tonight.”<br/>“Why don’t you stay for the rest of the evening and night in my arms?”<br/>“Are you trying to use my situation for your advantage?”<br/>“Never.” Sofia grinned. “Can I make you a cocktail to relax?”<br/>“Are you trying to make me drunk and get me into your bed?”<br/>“Yes, I try to make you drunk, have sex with you and will feel like I’m a God because I used you.”<br/>“That’s not your style, Sofia.” Sara smiled and snuggled into Sofia’s arms. “And there’s nothing you can say to make me believe otherwise.”<br/>“To be honest, I don’t want you to believe anything else. I’m glad you trust me.”<br/>“I do. Let’s get out, the guys will miss the beer.”<br/>“I’m sure Greg misses you more than a beer.”<br/>“Maybe you should ask him about his relationship status.”<br/>“What? Is he…why do you know? Oh, he picked you up…did they kiss?”<br/>“Don’t put pictures in my head! No, they didn’t. He kissed me.”<br/>“But you’re sure…I need to talk to Greg!” Sofia grabbed Sara’s hand and pulled her outside. “Greggo, you owe me an answer.”<br/>“To which question, Sofia?” He asked surprised. <br/>“You and the doc. I want details.”<br/>“Sara doesn’t.”<br/>“She can cover her ears. Besides, she knows more than I do.”<br/>“If you know what she knows, you know enough.”<br/>“I don’t believe that. This guy asks a woman if she’s single and boom, she becomes his girlfriend. Why does that not happen to me?”<br/>“You ask the wrong girls.”<br/>“Apparently. Sara, are you single?”<br/>“Nice try, Sofia.”<br/>“Hum, that didn’t sound promising.”<br/>“Maybe something like that works only with psychologists. You know, they’re crazy, they don’t mind questions like that.” Don wondered.<br/>“Careful, my therapist isn’t crazy, she’s great.” Sara warned. “You want to watch your words, detective.”<br/>“She’s protecting her therapist, is that a good or bad sign?”<br/>“A good one, she likes her therapist, the therapy helps her and everything is fine. Greg, will you bring doctor Weinberg here?”<br/>“No, I won’t. We are friends, Sofia, that’s it. I don’t bring my friends from Vegas here.”<br/>“I won’t see the two of you together?”<br/>“No. I’ll invite her over after Sara is done with her therapy. It’s not a good idea for her to meet her therapist after therapy. And her therapy is important.”<br/>“Might take ages.” Sara sighed. <br/>“For you I’ll wait. I did that before.” He smirked. <br/>“You see what you got from that.”<br/>“Yeah, a psychologist and you as a friend. It worked out perfect.” He blinked at Sara. The time, that he had a huge crush on her, were long over. Now he was happy to have her as a friend. It was the best for them. </p><p>Arms around her, softly shaking her, woke Sara up. <br/>“It’s alright, Honey, nothing happened to you, it was a dream.”<br/>“I…it…”<br/>“Sara, relax, use your breathing exercise, you’re trembling very hard.”<br/>“Shit.” Sara closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her breathing exercise, but as soon as her eyes are closed, she saw the same pictures like in her nightmare. <br/>“Talk to me.” She begged Sofia.<br/>“About what?”<br/>“Doesn’t matter. Anything. Tell me how you end up here in Silver Lake.”<br/>“Uhm…okay…after we found you in the desert, I realized, a lot of people from the night shift in Vegas got harmed in their job and I became a little bit scared. I started to look for another job, found one with the Hollywood police department and when they told me, I can make my lieutenant here, I took the job and made my lieutenant this year in late spring. You see, I’m a fresh man to this job. And Silver Lake…I didn’t want to live too close to the department. First I looked for an apartment at the ocean, then I made the decision it’s better to stay somewhere else. Or my accountant made the decision. I looked around the area of the department and came up with this house. The price was alright, I had to renovate a few things, but with the possibility to rent two rooms out, I had a way to make some extra money, that I can use only for the house. <br/>I had done the most important renovation parts when Don got sent to my team. He lived in a little apartment with his girlfriend, they split after a few weeks. I offered him a room, told him right away, it didn’t mean anything else than he had a place to stay and if he would try to come after me, I kick his ass. Besides I had made the decision not to date men anymore. I was with Ellen at that time – which was worse than every relationship I had with a man before. So one of the first thing he learnt about me was I’m not the best when it comes to relationships. Not like other colleagues, he didn’t think it was funny to mention my relationship to the whole world and offer me to show me how a real man is, make me forget women. Somehow we just went along great and enjoyed that. Still do. <br/>We found a nice rhythm to live together, giving the other one enough space and be there for each other at the same time. During the time there were two other people living here with us, they were alright, but they never fit in perfectly. One was a college student, who at one point made the decision, he wants to party more and study less. Not the best idea when you live with two cops so he moved out. The second one had finished college, started a job in a company, which offered him after a few months later a better job. For that job he had to move to Canada, what he did. So we had a spare room again and out of the blue there were you. I was really surprised when I came in interrogation and saw you.”<br/>“Same here.” Sara said. “Thanks.” Sofia had distracted her enough to make her do her breathing exercise and breathe normally again. <br/>“You’re welcome, I’m sure it’s in my job description as a safe person.”<br/>“I thought I was over this, I didn’t need the breathing exercise today in therapy, when I talked about my childhood. Now I have a nightmare and I need it again. A huge step back.”<br/>“I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but I’m afraid you’ll need your breathing exercise a few more times.”<br/>“It was the first time that I had a really bad nightmare when you were there. I can’t see this as a step in the right direction.”<br/>“Aren’t flashbacks a part of therapy?”<br/>“Maybe.”<br/>“And if you talked about something bad today…”<br/>“She made me remember the worst moment of my whole childhood.” Sara swallowed. “And every time I close my eyes now, I’m back there, am the child and have to live through it all again.” Sara had to fight with tears.<br/>Sofia took her deeper in her arms. Sara hadn’t told her what exactly she and doctor Weinberg had talked about, but she had an idea. <br/>“Why can’t she leave me alone?”<br/>“She wants to help you.”<br/>“Doesn’t feel like help.”<br/>“I know. Do you trust her? Do you think she does what’s best for you?”<br/>“Yes…but…it was horrible…Sofia…I…shit…” Sara snuggled deeper in Sofia’s arms and hoped, this way she was able to calm down a bit. She felt the warmth of the other woman, she felt, she was held, was taken care of. “The friend of my father did more than slapping me around and breaking my bones. And my father knew that.”<br/>“You don’t have to tell me.”<br/>“Apparently it gets better when I talk about it.”<br/>Sofia wasn’t comfortable with that, she wasn’t a therapist, she had no idea if she was able to help Sara, when she was going back in her childhood and was overwhelmed by memories. But she couldn’t tell her friend to be quiet and not talk to her. If Sara wanted to talk to her, it was important and it meant, she trusted Sofia. <br/>“He abused me sexually when my mom was away. I was…only a child…eleven years old and I…I think my mom killed my dad when she found out he didn’t help me. That she didn’t kill him because she’s ill, she did it for me, what means, it’s my fault.”<br/>“Nothing is your fault, Sara. You hear me? Absolutely nothing. You were a child, he abused you and your mother – no matter if she knew what he did or not – killed him because of her disease.” Although Sofia thought, he deserved to die after what he did to Sara. Or didn’t do and she hoped, somebody got his friend too. She had no sympathy for child abuser. <br/>“I never felt sorry for what she did. He was my father, I should have cried after he was dead.”<br/>“Why? For all the things he let happen to you?”<br/>“He could be nice.”<br/>“There’s nothing nice that can make up for what bad things he did to you.”<br/>“Maybe I provoked his friend. Like Lolita. Maybe it was my fault.”<br/>Sofia shook her head. Why did Sara defend her this man and thought, it was all her fault? She should  know, the words she said, were wrong. Not the victim made the mistake, the perpetrator did. She had been through that a million times with family and friends of victims of crime. Why wasn’t she able to use that for herself? <br/>“Am I a hopeless case?”<br/>“No, you’re not, but I’m not a therapist, I don’t know how to help you…”<br/>“I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, Sofia. I’m sorry…”<br/>“It’s alright. I want to listen because it helps you and I feel bad because I don’t know what to say. I wish I knew the right words to say. Please talk about that with doctor Weinberg.”<br/>“I will.”<br/>“If I could I’d help you but I don’t think I can do that.”<br/>“You are already doing it, Sofia.”<br/>“Doesn’t feel like that.”<br/>“Believe me, you help me a lot.” Sara kissed Sofia’s cheek. <br/>“Good.”<br/>“The question is, do you want it? Are you alright with the position I put you in? It’s not a nice job I asked you to do, it’s hard on you.”<br/>“Remember I got the second key to get into your room when you were burnt?”<br/>“There’s a difference between a sunburn and PTSD.”<br/>“There is a difference between the diseases, yes, but there’s no difference between the person. I didn’t help you because you had a sunburn and I like burnt skin, I helped you because of you. Same for the PTSD. I don’t want to be your safe person because you’ve PTSD and I don’t know anybody with this disorder. I want to be your safe person because of you, because you trust me and that means a lot to me. Believe it or not, you are important to me, Sara.”<br/>“That’s a reason why I feel guilty. You do so much for me and I can’t do anything for you.”<br/>“Says who?”<br/>“What am I doing for you?”<br/>“You’re my friend. You’re here, you let me help you. It would be much harder to watch you suffer and be hold on a distance. If Ellen came in the house and got my by surprise, you’d kick her out because you know, I don’t want her here.”<br/>“She can’t play you anymore, you made that clear when you send her in custody.” Sara smiled. “I’m proud you did that, did I tell you?”<br/>“No, you didn’t.” Sofia grinned. She was proud of herself. So far there had been some stupid comments from her colleagues, some suggestion what she could do, what they could do for her, but Sofia had suspected worse things. <br/>“I’m proud of you, Sofia Curtis. You fought the devil and won. You’re my heroine. Again.” Sara kissed Sofia’s cheek again. “They should make you captain right away.”<br/>Sofia laughed. “It will take a while until I’m a captain and there are other more important things in my life.”<br/>“More important than your job? What will your mother say about that?”<br/>“What she tells me since fifteen years: find a man, settle down, get married and give me half a dozen grandchildren.”<br/>“Half a dozen?”<br/>“She wants a huge family to take care of when she is retired.”<br/>“What does she say about the fact you only date women?”<br/>“If you have to experiment with different things, do that after I’ve got my grandchildren.”<br/>Now it was Sara who was laughing. “I can’t see anything that points in the direction of one grandchild, the captain won’t be happy about that.”<br/>“Life is no picnic. We all have to live with the fact, that we can’t always get what we want. Maybe I’ll buy her a few puppies.”<br/>“Nice idea. What do you want from life, Sofia?”<br/>“I want to be healthy, want that my friends are healthy, that we’re all happy and that I can do a little bit to make this world a better world and if it’s only by getting bad people of the street. And if I find somebody to love, who loves me, that wouldn’t be too bad neither. The life as a single can be lonely sometimes and it’s nice to share your life with somebody.”<br/>“Sounds romantic, not like a tough cop. I like this side of you.”<br/>“Do you?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“That’s good.”<br/>“You want me to like you?”<br/>Sofia bit her lips. Sometimes it was better not to answer a question straight. “The thought of having somebody in my arms, who can’t stand me, isn’t nice.”<br/>“That wasn’t my question, but you don’t have to answer it, it’s alright, Sofia.”<br/>“What answer did you want to hear?”<br/>“I heard what I you said and I heard what you didn’t say.”<br/>“Was both alright with you?”<br/>“Yes.” Sara put her head on Sofia’s shoulder. “Yes, it was.”<br/>“Good. Try to sleep, you have to get up early.” Softly Sofia caressed Sara’s back. Did she know herself what she didn’t say? Probably she did, but at the same time she tried to ignore it, afraid to admit something, she wasn’t entirely comfortable with.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, September 4th</p><p>“You look tired.”<br/>“I am tired.” Sara closed her eyes. She didn’t feel like therapy, she felt like sleep. A lot of sleep. Long. With no dreams. No nightmares, no other dreams, just pure sleep. Deep. <br/>“You didn’t sleep good last night.”<br/>“I had a terrible nightmares the last two nights, Sofia had to wake me up the first night, had to distract me because I couldn’t get my thought off it and I had to do my breathing exercise. A step back.”<br/>“It won’t get only forward the whole time, Sara.”<br/>“Why not?”<br/>“Because you’re not a machine.”<br/>“Not, I’m a walking disaster.”<br/>“Why do you think that?”<br/>“Because I’ve only problems and they become more and more.”<br/>“You feel overwhelmed.”<br/>Sara narrowed her eyes. “You know I hate it when you repeat my sentence with other words. You don’t have to do that, I know you’re listening Don’t talk to me that way, doc.”<br/>“Sorry. What are your problems? Beside PTSD.”<br/>“You, Sofia and Sofia.”<br/>“Am I right that I’m your problem because of Greg?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“He’s a funny guy, I like to spend time with him, that’s it, Sara. We didn’t lie to you, we’re nothing more than friends.”<br/>“At the moment.”<br/>“It might change, there’s no guaranty of what will happen.”<br/>“I know, I feel stupid that it bothers me.”<br/>“You’re not stupid and I hope you know, I won’t tell Greg anything what we talk here.”<br/>“I know. Another reason why I feel stupid.”<br/>“Is there anything I can do that you don’t worry anymore? When you tell me you don't want us to meet, I will stop the contact. You're the highest priority, Sara. One word and Greg will not hear anything of me again.”<br/>“No, he likes you. I need to work it out myself.”<br/>“Alright. And why is Sofia a problem? Or is a double problem because you mentioned her name twice.”<br/>“I’ve got two problems with her, yes. First of all, I feel bad because I’ve the feeling I use her. She’s there for me all the time, she helps me, calms me and I don’t do anything. That isn’t right, I need to do something for her.”<br/>“You want to give something back because she does a lot of things for you…don’t look at me like this, I’m not done with my sentence.” The therapist stopped Sara before the brunette could complain. <br/>“I really hate active listening.”<br/>“I realized that, Sara. Did Sofia complain that she helps you so much?”<br/>“No. I mentioned it last night and she said, I’d do the same for her.”<br/>“Is she right about that?”<br/>“Yes. But she isn’t the fuck-up one.”<br/>“I’m sure there are things Sofia needs help with too.”<br/>“She can manage her life alone.”<br/>“Everybody needs some help now and then.”<br/>“I’m not talking about going shopping or cleaning her car.”<br/>“I’m aware of that.”<br/>“When her ex was in the house, I did nothing to help her, to kick her ex out.”<br/>“Did she tell you, she doesn’t want her ex in the house?”<br/>“Well…no.”<br/>“See.”<br/>“Fact is, I feel guilty for doing nothing for her, for causing her only trouble.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg watched Sara for a moment. <br/>“What? Go out of my head!”<br/>“Your real problem isn’t that Sofia helps you, it’s something else, isn’t it?”<br/>“You tell me, you’re the shrink.”<br/>“I tell you that I won’t work with you when you’re aggressive. You can choose between calming down or leave. Once you’re gone, you won’t get another appointment. So think carefully, Sara.”<br/>“You want to get rid off me? Want to threat me that you’ll call the ambulance?”<br/>The doctor only looked at Sara. <br/>“Fine.” Sara got up and walked to the door. When she didn’t hear a word to stop her, she opened the door and left the room. <br/>Doctor Weinberg stayed on her chair. There were a lot of things in Sara’s life, that messed her feelings up, that made it difficult for the former CSI to concentrate on her life, to get back to normal. The problem was, they didn’t do an ordinary therapy, Sara had never agreed on the rules of an ordinary therapy, but there were rules and when Sara wasn’t willing to keep some, she had to go. <br/>“Does it count as ‘gone’ when I haven’t left your office?” Sara stood in the door frame. <br/>“It counts as gone if you go on sabotaging your therapy, yes.”<br/>“I don’t…” Sara stopped and bit her lip. “Sorry.”<br/>“Choose Sara. Don’t waste your and my time with lies, be honest, work with me or go.”<br/>“You’d really kick me out?”<br/>“Yes. Time is too precious to be wasted.”<br/>“Aren’t you supposed to act more understand as a therapist?”<br/>“Like I’m supposed to use active listening.”<br/>“Your point.” Sara sighed. <br/>“Now make your point. Sit down, accept my rules or go and live your life the way you want. Whatever you choose, there won’t be a chance to change it. I promise you, when you’re gone, I won’t work with you anymore. And I won’t continue to work with you when you act like you did before. All or nothing, stay or go.”<br/>“You don’t give me a choice.”<br/>“I offer you two, Sara.”<br/>“No, you don’t. If I go, I’m really stupid, I won’t get a better therapist anywhere.” Sara closed the door and went back to her chair. “I hate doing stupid things.”<br/>“Now is a good time to start doing something smart.”<br/>“I really hate it when you’re right. Why can you read my mind?”<br/>“I can’t read your mind, nobody can read your mind. Like psychics can’t tell you what will happen in your future.”<br/>“When they tell you, you’ll lose a lot of money, they’re right, because they charge a lot of money that you lose by talking to them.”<br/>“That’s true. And what is the truth about you? Why are you so angry? What scares you?”<br/>“Scares me?”<br/>“Sara, I remember you only one more time, by staying here you accepted my rules. No lies, be honest or we won’t do this anymore.”<br/>“Doesn’t it occur to you that it might be hard for me to face the truth?”<br/>“It does and I know, if I’m not hard on you, you’ll ignore and avoid the truth, what makes your problem even bigger.”<br/>“When you know something is wrong, why can’t you say what is wrong?”<br/>“A therapist, who puts words in the mouth of the patient is a bad one and should be banned from being a therapist. It’s your part to say what happened, what’s going on.”<br/>“I always have the part that sucks. Why can’t anybody make it easier for me?”<br/>“Your real problem isn’t that Sofia helps you.”<br/>“You mentioned that before…okay I stop. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to think about it. You want me to do all these things, so why am I here? Because I think, you know what you’re doing and it will help me at the end…I think Sofia is in love with me.” Sara was surprised how fast these words came out, how easy they were to say. And that she felt a little bit relieved after she said them. Maybe it really helped to say out loud what was your problem. Stupid psychology. <br/>“You think she is in love with you, that means, she hasn’t said so?”<br/>“No. But I’ve the feeling she is. Not because she lets me sleep in her bed, that has nothing to do with that – at least I hope that. But the rest…she had been strange for a while, I can’t exactly say why and how. When she…God…I don’t want to talk about her private life, that feels wrong.” And she felt guilty. Guilty for the stupid kiss, she didn’t want to mention. <br/>“Can you describe what you mean by staying out of her private life?”<br/>“That will be difficult. She met somebody she had been involved with a few weeks ago and was…this woman knew exactly how to press Sofia’s buttons to make her do, what she wanted her to do. Sofia realized that later the night and it appeared to me like she felt guilty for what she did. There was no reason to feel guilty, she’s a single, she can do whatever she wants. But she seemed to apologize to me for this night. Tried to explain why she did it, what made her do it. That is all not my business. <br/>When I had the first nightmare two nights ago, we talked a lot at one point, we talked about what we want from our lives and she made a really nice comment, very sensitive and a little bit romantic in generally. I told her, I like that side of her, the not being a tough cop but the sensitive woman side and she said, that would be good. My response to tease was, if she wants me to like her, which caused her to be quiet for a short moment and think. Her answer was, she wanted people, she had in her bed and in her arms, to like her. I told her, that was no proper answer to my question, but that I heard what she didn’t say and it was alright.”<br/>“You heard, she has some romantic feelings for you. Now you’re not sure if it’s alright.”<br/>“It is alright – I think. But I don’t know how to react. What to make out of this all. Am I supposed to go on like nothing happened? I mean, nothing had happened, but…I don’t know. Maybe I’m crazy.”<br/>“I’d like to ask you a question about what you told me before, Sara.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“You said, your response to tease was if she wants to like you.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Don’t answer my question immediately, please think about it and you don’t have to answer it at all if you don’t want. Could it be that you didn’t ask her this question to tease her?”<br/>Sara was thankful to have a moment to think about this question. It was easy and tempting to say, she asked the question to tease, that there was no other reason, but after she heard the question, she had to give it a second thought. Did she really ask it to tease Sofia? Or did she have other intentions? And did she ask the question to see how Sofia reacted or how she reacted herself? And if it was for the second reason, what were her intentions? <br/>“Why should I ask this question for any other reason?”<br/>“You tell me.”<br/>“I don’t see any other reason.”<br/>“You don’t see or you don’t want to see any other reason?”<br/>“I don’t…I’ve never thought of if I’m interested in a woman. So far I’ve only dated men.”<br/>“Tell me what’s important for you in a relationship, what you want from your partner.”<br/>“I want…trust. It’s very important that I can trust my partner and that he’s patient when I’m difficult and bitchy, withdraw. Which is, like you know, quite often and I need to change that after I’ve worked out the bigger problems in my life. I’ve got a lack in social skills, often put my work above my private life, it would be nice if my partner understands and tries to give me reasons to work less without telling me not to work. I need somebody who is smart, who is a challenge, can stimulate me physically and mentally. Somebody who likes to spend his weekends or free time in a forest or at the beach rather than in a fancy club or a shopping mall. And put the money in holiday trips to see places than buy expensive cars. We should share a few interests without being the whole time together. I need my freedom, I need things, I do alone, that are for myself…gosh, I’m so complicated. You must think it’s impossible to please me.”<br/>“I think, you are a woman, who knows what she wants. Which is good because there are a lot of people, who have no idea what they want. They only know what they don’t want.”<br/>“Wow, I made a point.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg smiled a bit. “Do you want to know what I also heard from the words, you told me?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“You didn’t use the male term all the times, you said, you what that he is patient and spends his weekends in the forest, but all the things you mentioned, were in reality unisex. Women are patient too and spend their weekend outside. There was nothing typical male in your list, not what the society sees as typical male at least.”<br/>“You mean the beer drinking, fast food eating, fating, smelling, sport watching and sex addicted things? I’m afraid women can be the same. Plus, I live with a man in a house, I can’t see any of these things him doing all day long. It’s like you expect all women to be dressed up all day, wear make-up, run from one plastic surgery to the next, drink coffee with friends and gossip the whole day.”<br/>“Ever walked through Beverly Hills?” Doctor Weinberg smiled.<br/>“I did and I’m glad to know, that’s only a small place in the world and most women aren’t the way like the some I saw there.”<br/>“So you know what I mean with that you didn’t mentioned anything, that made it obvious, you want your partner to be a man. All the things also fit for women.”<br/>“Yes…but…I don’t know.”<br/>“You don’t feel comfortable when you think about being involved with a woman.”<br/>“If I picture myself kissing Sofia…it’s a weird picture.”<br/>“Because it’s her or because you picture yourself kissing a woman?”<br/>“Both…I think, I need to make another confession. I kissed her. Once. To tease her. It was the day when I found out, I got a job. We went out for dinner, I can’t really remember why, but at one point, I told her, if I kiss her, she’d spill her drink and flush. She said that wasn’t true, I didn’t proof her wrong in the restaurant but later, home. She sat in her bed, reading, after she put a little present in front of my door. I came over to thank her and kissed for a split of a second on the lips…I was sure it was only to proof her wrong and she did flush…and since that night she’s different. I’m afraid I did something stupid. And after I heard your words I’m also afraid, I did it not only to proof her wrong but also because I wanted to kiss her. Something I’ve never thought of before.” Sara buried her face in her hands. She made a fool out of herself. She made her life more complicated. Like she didn’t have enough problems already, she just made herself more and more. <br/>“You never thought about being in love with Sofia.”<br/>“No. Not that I was aware of it. But we both know, my subconscious isn’t always telling me, what it has on it’s mind, which makes life very complicated.”<br/>“What if she tells you she’s in love with you? Can you handle that?”<br/>“I’m alright with her feelings, but…I would sleep alone in my bed and I don’t want her to come after me. If she tried anything, I’d be mad.”<br/>“You are sure she is in love with you and you still share a bed with her.”<br/>“She hasn’t said it, maybe I’m wrong.”<br/>“And how can you be alright with her feelings when you don’t trust her anymore?”<br/>“I trust her.”<br/>“You said, you won’t share a bed anymore if she says she’s in love with you.”<br/>“Do you have to repeat everything I’ve said?”<br/>“I try to show you what you said, try to make you see, that there are difference between what you say and think. You said you trust her, but you don’t trust her enough to share a bed with her. Do you think she’ll behave different when she tells you what she feels? Telling you her feelings won’t change her feelings. If she is already in love with you and doesn’t come after you now, she won’t do it when she tells you.”<br/>“That leads you to which conclusion?”<br/>“What is your conclusion?”<br/>Sara sighed annoyed. She didn’t want to think about this, she didn’t want to talk about this anymore, she wanted to go home. <br/>“That I should go home and stop thinking about this.”<br/>“Which won’t help you to solve the problem.”<br/>“Some problems can’t be solved.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg looked at Sara.<br/>“I’m tired, doc.”<br/>“You’re helpless and stuck in a situation you don’t like. So you try what you did all your life, you try to ignore the facts, you try to ignore the problem and hope, it will go away.”<br/>“You don’t make me feel better.”<br/>“Only you can make yourself feel better.”<br/>“What do you suggest? I’m sure somewhere in your therapist work description is something mentioned about giving patients an advice.”<br/>“Depends on the therapy.”<br/>“I want a therapy, that  makes you give me advices.”<br/>“That’s not what your kind of therapy is about, but alright, I’ll give you one: Talk with Sofia.”<br/>“If I’m wrong I made myself look ridiculous.”<br/>“If you’re wrong you know, you don’t have to worry about this anymore. If you’re right, you can talk it out with her.”<br/>“Why do you always suggest that I talk?”<br/>“It’s my job.” Doctor Weinberg smiled. “It helps most times.”<br/>“Why can’t I have a broken leg and a twisted ankle instead of PTSD and an identical crisis?”<br/>“You don’t have an identical crisis, Sara.”<br/>“I’ve a life that sucks, not much better.” At least it didn’t make her feel better. Nothing today made her feel better. </p><p>Why did people consider talking as a help? Most people talked themselves into problems and disaster. One wrong word and the work of months was gone. Talking wasn’t helpful, it was a threat to your relationships and your plans. Nevertheless Sara sat on Sofia’s balcony to talk to the blonde. Why was she so stupid and was here? Why couldn’t she just forget what her therapist told her? She wasn’t in therapy to get tips for her private life, she was there to deal with her PTSD. <br/>“Where is Greg?” Sofia came onto the balcony.<br/>“Out.”<br/>“With doctor Weinberg?”<br/>“No, with Don. They get some beer and want to watch sports later. A men’s night.”<br/>“Right, a men’s night. Are you hiding from the men’s night or just enjoying the view?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“No to both?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“That means you’re here because of me. What can I do for you?”<br/>“I…I want to…damn it, this should be easier, I’ve been through this already today…” Sara got up and started to pace around like an animal in a small cage. She mumbled, her eyes on the ground, like she was discussing with herself. <br/>Sofia looked confused at Sara. What was this strange behavior about? What did she mean with she had been through that already today? Was it something work related? Something about therapy? <br/>“Sara?”<br/>“This is crap and no matter how I start it, it will be all wrong. I should have never come here.”<br/>“Why’s that?”<br/>“Can we just forget that I was here? I go and we pretend nothing has ever happened.”<br/>“No, won’t happened.” Sofia got into Sara’s way and stopped her from storming out of the balcony. <br/>“You can’t force me to stay here.”<br/>“Don’t try me. Beside, I don’t want to force you into anything. But you are here for a reason and I’d like to hear this reason. So why don’t you tell me what’s up and I tell you, what I make out of that.”<br/>“I don’t know where and how to start, what to say.”<br/>“Try to put it all in one sentence, less than ten words.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“One short sentence makes it easier for you.”<br/>Sara thought about that. One sentence? Short? How could she do that? She needed a whole therapy hour and wasn’t done with this topic, to put in one sentence seemed to be impossible. You couldn’t put the bible into one sentence, could you? <br/>“Are you in love with me?” Less than ten words and basically what she wanted to know. Plus, it put the pressure away from her and to Sofia. It was harder to look into Sofia’s eyes now than saying these words. <br/>Sofia felt like she got a punch in her guts. She almost stumbled back, had to lean on the door frame. She had expected a lot of questions, a lot of sentences, this hit her totally unprepared. If she had known this was Sara’s sentence, she had thought about if she wanted to hear it twice. It was a simple question, a question that could be answered with yes or no and didn’t need other words. Probably there weren’t other words wanted. <br/>But what to say? For a split of a second she wished, she had let Sara go when the brunette wanted to leave. Why did she stop her? This answer could destroy everything they had built up the last weeks. What was she supposed to answer? The truth? A lie? Something Sara wanted to hear? A mix of all of them? <br/>“I…how did you come up with this question?”<br/>“Please, don’t answer my question with another question. Just tell me yes or no.”<br/>“I’d like to say a little bit more than one word. Can you promise you’ll listen to me and not turn away after you have your answer?”<br/>Sara nodded. <br/>“Okay.” Sofia took another deep breath. Here she goes, time to be honest and see what happened next. There was no way back now. <br/>“Yes. Yes I’m in love with you.” And she wished, she could have answered this question in another way. But there was only one truth and this was the truth. <br/>The answer Sara had expected. Nevertheless she felt like somebody pulled the rug from under her. She had been right. There weren’t many times when she had wished, she had been wrong, this had been one of these times. What now? <br/>“Can I try to explain or do you want to go?” Sofia asked carefully.<br/>“I promised I won’t run.”<br/>“I offer you to go, that’s a difference.”<br/>“Talk. Please.” Sara’s hands found the railing and she held on to it. She needed something that held her. Something to hold on to. <br/>“I can’t explain why I fell in love with you, it’s impossible to explain feelings. Especially because they do whatever they want to do. Fact is, I realized quite fast that I like you, that there was a difference between how I felt for you years ago and how I feel for other friends. I tried to ignore it, tried to tell me, it’s only a crazy idea of my mind and that I was done with this within a few days. When Ellen…after the night with her, I tried to take that as a proof that I’m not really in love with you, after all, I went with her. If I was serious about you, I’d not do things like that. Fact is, I felt guilty the whole time. Not because I did something without thinking but because of you. Which is ridiculous, you don’t care with whom I go to bed, you are not interested in me, but for me it’s important…I felt like I betrayed you, disappointed you and that hurt. I guess that was the time when I realized and admit to myself, that I had feelings for you that are beyond friendship. <br/>And I knew somehow something like this had to happen pretty soon. When you asked me two nights ago if I want you to like me, it was hard not to lie or to say something, that you didn’t want to hear. I tried to answer the question by not answering it, you knew exactly what I didn’t say, like you told me that. Somehow I hoped, we could forget it and ignore it, a stupid idea. It’s impossible to forget something like this. <br/>Like I didn’t manage to forget that you kissed me that night after we had dinner and you told me about your job. That moment got stuck in my head. I’ve no idea how often the moment our lips met repeated itself in my head. Again and again and again. And the pictures changed from me sitting there stupid, unable to do something to me, repeating the kiss, you kissing me back. <br/>I don’t know how you think of me, what you feel, if you want to be with me, still want to have me as a friend. All I can say is, that when I offered you to stay in my bed, it had nothing to do with the fact that I’m in love with you. When I said to you the first night, I don’t want you in my bed to have sex with you, I was honest. I offered you to sleep there so you don’t have nightmares, that you can sleep better. Despite my feelings for you, I care for you, Sara. I want you to be happy, I want you not to suffer. I don’t know if you want and can believe me this, but it’s the truth.” Sofia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She hoped she had put all her feelings, her side of the story and all answers Sara wanted to hear or needed to hear, in these sentences. Whatever came next was up to Sara. <br/>“Can you handle my feelings for you or are you too uncomfortable with them?” Sofia asked when Sara didn’t say a word. <br/>“First I thought yes, then I wasn’t sure and now…now I don’t know. It shouldn’t change anything…but…”<br/>“But it does? Are you afraid I’ll do something you don’t want?”<br/>“It crossed my mind to be honest and then I started to think and knew, you wouldn’t do anything I don’t want. You haven’t done anything the last weeks when I was in your bed, you had all the chances. I know I can trust you…”<br/>“…and still you don’t feel comfortable now that you know, your assumption is right.”<br/>“Which is absolutely stupid.”<br/>“It is. And it’s understandable.”<br/>“Any idea where to go from here?”<br/>“No. You?”<br/>Sara shook her head. “No. I didn’t get any good idea when I thought about it the whole day and therapy wasn’t helpful neither.”<br/>“Not? Doctor Weinberg had no good idea?”<br/>“If she had and said it, I didn’t get it. And like any therapist her suggestion was to talk to you. I did that now and I can’t say it helped. I know I were right but I’ve got no idea what to do with this affirmed assumption.”<br/>“Do you have to do something with it?”<br/>“I don’t know. I feel awkward.”<br/>“Welcome to the club.” Sofia smiled a bit. “I’ve no idea what to say, to do or to suggest. I feel like…I need to think carefully about whatever I do or say next because one wrong single word or action can destroy everything we’ve built up the last months.”<br/>“I don’t want to lose you, Sofia.”<br/>“I don’t want to lose you, Sara. And you know what?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“I’ll say something now, that might be wrong and make you mad, but it’s what I feel and I hope, if you don’t agree, you can just tell me and then it’s done and we forget about it.”<br/>“Okay, try me. I’m not such a monster.”<br/>“You’re no monster at all…and I’d like…I’d like to decrease the distance between us. You hold on to the railing like it has to protect and hold you while I’m stuck at the door frame like I want to run away. That’s stupid, we don’t have to run, we don’t need anything to protect us, we’re not facing monsters, we’re facing each other. Do you think we can manage to sit next to each other or face to face on the chairs?”<br/>“We can try.” Sara smiled. Sofia was right, there was no reason to act like they were facing strangers or enemies. <br/>With their legs a little bit stiff they went to the two chairs and sat down, leaving a little gap between them. <br/>“How was your day beside that you had to put up with thoughts of me the whole time?” Sofia asked to break the silence. <br/>“Alright. I’m getting better in finding my way through the forest and can remember most names of people I’ve met. What about you?”<br/>“A day without a body – reported body. It was good to have a quiet day, I caught up on some paper work and gave into my curiosity.” <br/>“About what?”<br/>“What happened to Ellen and the officer, she got caught with.”<br/>“And?”<br/>“He got suspended for two weeks and demoted, she had to pay some money and is out on parole. Her driver’s license stayed with the LAPD.”<br/>“Did she give you a hard time?”<br/>“I had some stupid comments from some guys, but that’s all. There’s nothing she can do, I met her after work and I’m not responsible for the action my ex takes. When she was arrested I did exactly what I’m supposed to do. Textbook work.”<br/>“It’s best you can do when you’ve to deal with people like her. What when you’ll run into her after work? In a bar, a club?”<br/>“I’ll ignore her and if she can’t let go, she’ll endanger her parole with a legal dispute. Harassment. I don’t want her involved in my life in any way.”<br/>“You’re not a nice ex.”<br/>“I don’t have any problems with my ex partner if they don’t try to play me.”<br/>“Sometimes they deserve some trouble.”<br/>“You want some trouble for Grissom?”<br/>“No, there are no hard feelings between him and me, there is no reason for that. We broke up but that doesn’t mean, I’ve to hate him. It’s not his fault that we’re not a couple anymore, we both made mistakes.”<br/>“When nobody cheated on the partner, both did something to let the relationship ends. But if one of them is an idiot and has to jump into each bed that’s available, you have someone to blame.”<br/>“Ellen can’t be smart when she cheated on you.” Sara said softly and took Sofia’s hand. She would never understand why people cheated on each other, an ex boyfriend had been cheating on her, she was still a little bit burnt, especially after Hank also cheated or lied or whatever. Some experiences you didn’t have to make. That your partner cheated on you was one of them. <br/>“Or I was stupid not to see what kind of woman she is.”<br/>“She might not be a talented actress on TV, but she seemed to be a good actress when it comes to relationships. She doesn’t know how to play convincingly a housewife or a student, but she knows how to play people.”<br/>“You know what roles she played?”<br/>“Know your enemy.” Sara smirked. <br/>“Your enemy?”<br/>“Sure, she made you feel bad, hurt you, that are enough reason for me not to like her. Plus I saw how she played you, used you without thinking a second what she does to you. She’s good doing this, the rest she sucks.”<br/>“That’s what brought her parole.” Sofia grinned.<br/>“True.” Sara had to laugh. “I didn’t mean it that way.”<br/>“But you nailed it.”<br/>“I won’t make a comment on your choice of words.” The brunette got up. “Get on your feet, blonde.”<br/>“That’s the first time somebody said that to me.” Sofia got up, not sure what Sara planed and found herself in the arms of the brunette a second later. Surprised she held on to her friend. This was better than sitting next to Sara. <br/>“I’m sorry for being stupid.”<br/>“You weren’t. I’m sorry for not being honest.”<br/>“You didn’t lie to me.”<br/>“I didn’t answer your question in a proper way when you asked me if I like you. I was scared instead of trusting you.”<br/>“I didn’t react the whole time the way I should to deserve your trust. Do you think we can go back to normal? Act like the smart women we want to be?”<br/>“We can try. Can I invite you to a date? Dinner on the couch and watching sport with our men?”<br/>“Sounds like a good date. Do the Lakers play?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Alright, then let’s get down and watch them win. And tomorrow we’ll have our own basketball competition. You and me against the guys. We’ll kick their asses.”<br/>“You bet we will.” Sofia sighed with relief. She had been frightened at some points that her friendship with Sara was over or severely damaged, it looked like they had managed to get out of the problem and were on their way back to normal. If they both ended up in the same bed tonight, Sofia was more sure, everything was alright. She wanted Sara in her bed more than ever and that had nothing to do with sex. She wanted her there to be sure, everything was alright. She wanted her there, because Sara needed her. And she also knew, she needed her friend. She needed her to be with her, she needed Sara. Even if that wasn’t the best thing right now. Maybe a little distance would help them more. It sounded more sensible to have a little distance, think about everything, but she didn’t want to be sensible. Unfortunately she never wanted to be sensible.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saturday, September 5th</p><p>“Towel?”<br/>“Greg! Get out of my bathroom!” Sara tried to cover up with her shower curtain. <br/>“Why? We had a shower together once, I thought we’ll repeat that. After I didn’t see anything then and you saw everything …did you like what you saw?”<br/>“If you don’t get out of my bathroom this very second, I’ll get my gun and shoot you.”<br/>“You don’t shoot the one you’ll have a party with later.”<br/>“Don’t dare me.”<br/>“She still has fire – and it’s burning for me.” He grinned and left the bathroom. <br/>“What makes you grin this dirty?” Don asked when he saw Greg coming down the stairs. <br/>“I just saw a beautiful woman in her birthday suit.”<br/>“What? You’re joking.”<br/>“Are you wearing anything else under the shower?”<br/>“You took a shower with…Sara? Wow, I’m impressed.”<br/>“No, she was done when I came in the room. I wanted to hand her a towel, you know, like you’re supposed to do as a gentleman.”<br/>“And she wasn’t happy that you were that polite?”<br/>“She had fire – unfortunately she also wanted to fire her gun and I was supposed to be the target.”<br/>“That sounds more like her. You won’t be popular tonight.”<br/>“She’ll forgive me. I told her it was only because when we had our last shower together, she saw everything while I saw nothing.”<br/>“You had a shower with her?”<br/>“Yes and we got paid for that. How great is that?”<br/>“Sounds a little bit like a cheap porn.”<br/>“We don’t do porn movies. It happened on the job, they were afraid we were contaminated and we had to shower together. As a gentleman I didn’t dare to look, which I still regret. Apparently she wasn’t a lady and looked. At least she said so after the shower, when we were back at the lab.”<br/>“So you thought you make up for that today and pay her a visit under the shower.”<br/>“Yes. She didn’t want me to see her, the shower curtain was in my way and I still haven’t seen her naked. That means, I’ve to make her drunk tonight so she’ll dance naked on a table.”<br/>“She’ll never do that, although I’ve to admit, I’d like to see that too.”<br/>“Who wouldn’t? Where will we go?”<br/>“WeHo, the best parties are all in WeHo. Beverly Hills and Hollywood are too snobby, WeHo is fun. It will be harder to find a woman for me than for Sofia, but who cares about that? I’m fine, you have your doctor and Sara has other problems than a relationship.”<br/>“I don’t have a doctor.”<br/>“You’re working on that.”<br/>“I can’t date Sara’s therapist, that would make things too complicated.”<br/>“Are you willing to pull back for her?”<br/>“Yes. If there will anything serious between Jules and me, we can keep that on hold until Sara is better and she doesn’t need therapy anymore. If not, I’ve got a nice friend in L.A., with a really fine sense of humor.” Greg sat on the couch. It was almost nine in the evening, they wanted to leave in half an hour. He and Don were ready, Sara and Sofia were still upstairs getting prepared. It was his last evening in L.A., tomorrow in the early afternoon he had to drive back to Las Vegas to be back on time for his new shift. Five days were over and he felt like it hadn’t been more than two days. Sara had already promised him the next time she’d come to Vegas when she had two days off in a row, so there was something to look forward to. <br/>“She doesn’t look too bad neither. You’ll make the right thing with her, I’m positive about that. If not let me know, I don’t mind dating Sara’s therapist.”<br/>“Sure.” Greg grinned. He had noticed that Don always mentioned, he wouldn’t mind to date whoever, but he had been single for a while. Respecting the other man’s privacy he didn’t ask any questions and didn’t make any comments, but he had his own thoughts. <br/>“Guys, I need some help with my zip.” Sofia came down the stairs, wearing a red dress. <br/>“Wow, are we going somewhere fancy?” Greg asked. He wore just casual jeans and a shirt, Sofia looked she was about to go to the Oscars. <br/>“No, but I felt like a nice dress and wanted to treat myself with it. Zip, please?” She turned in front of Don.<br/>“Open or close?”<br/>“Make an educated guess.”<br/>“Open and my hands all over your body.” He pulled the zip up. <br/>“Thanks.” She turned, hugged him and kissed him right on the lips. “You’re a sweetheart. I love you. How much time do I have left?”<br/>“Twenty minutes and you look already stunning.”<br/>“Thanks, I know but I can do better. Don’t get bored, boys.” She smiled and vanished upstairs again.<br/>“I must be totally gay not to fall for this woman.” Don sighed. What was wrong with him not to go after a woman like Sofia? Something like that would have never happened to him when he was younger. <br/>“Or smart because she’d turn you down.”<br/>“Yeah, I like that better. I’m a lucky guy, I live with two beautiful women in a house, most of the guys at work are jealous. They don’t get the way we live together, have pretty much other things on their mind, but nevertheless, this is pretty awesome. Hello Beauty.” Don smiled when Sara came down the stairs. Her hair was a little bit wet, which made it darker, her black skirt and the black blouse matched perfectly the hair. <br/>“Looks like the ladies dressed up for tonight.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“Sofia wears a dress too.”<br/>“It’s warm, it will be even warmer in the club and I don’t want to sweat the whole night in a jeans.”<br/>“You look great. Again.” Greg grinned.<br/>“Careful, Greggo. I haven’t forgiven you your little visit in my bathroom.”<br/>“I didn’t see anything – again.”<br/>“Your luck.”<br/>“Depends. I hadn’t mind a little look. Anyway, you look great and I hope, I get the honor to dance with you.”<br/>“Maybe.”<br/>“Hey, we’ll go to a club in WeHo, if you don’t have me in your arms, you’ll have girls hover over you all the time. Do you want that?”<br/>“What makes you think I can’t take care of myself?”<br/>“You can but it’s easier with me in your arms. Besides, it’s my last night, don’t you want to be close to me?” He blinked at her. <br/>“I’m not sure if I’ll be the only one or if there’ll be out of a blue somebody else – let’s say a therapist.”<br/>“I said goodbye to Jules this noon, I won’t see her today or tomorrow. We told you, you won’t see her out of therapy. And she’s nothing more than a friend.”<br/>“Will she come to Vegas to see you?”<br/>“I hope she’ll come around one day but I want to see you first. Next month, Sara. Don’t let me wait any longer. And the guys. They want to see you too.”<br/>“I’ll see that I’ll get two days in a row off and come to see you. If you promise to get rid off Ecklie, I don’t want to see him.”<br/>“Consider him as history.”<br/>“My hero.” She hugged him.<br/>“Sofia, we’re running  late, get down.” Don called. One time he wanted them to leave on time and not later because Sofia had to do whatever very important or forgot what time it was. <br/>“One more minute!”<br/>“You looked beautiful ten minutes ago!”<br/>“I want to look stunning.”<br/>“You do that every day.”<br/>“Sucking up won’t help, Don.”<br/>“Bugger.” He dropped on the couch. “Maybe we should order a pizza. By the time Sofia is done, we had a second dinner.”<br/>“Are you in a hurry? Is anybody waiting for you?”<br/>“Yes. The first hundred guests get a ticket for a competition, you can win a dinner for two at an expensive restaurant. Even as a single, this is a nice prize I’d like to have.”<br/>“Me too – if Sara comes with me.”<br/>“You can take the doc with you and me to the beach for a surfing afternoon.”<br/>“That’s fine with me too. Sofia, hurry up, we’ll be late for the competition and you hate to lose.”<br/>“Ten seconds.”<br/>“Ten, not more. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two…wham! Uhm I mean one.” Greg’s jaw dropped down. Sofia came down the stairs, her hair up, matching red earrings to her red dress, red high heels and her lips were as red as a Ferrari. <br/>“We can go.”<br/>“Don, get your gun, we’ll need it to keep people from stealing this woman. She’s…wow.”<br/>“I told I’m a lucky man to live with two beautiful women together.”<br/>“Yes you are….can I move in too?”<br/>“No way, I won’t share them. Get your own.”<br/>“There can’t be two other women as beautiful as they are. I’ve no idea who I can stare at. You are both incredible.”<br/>“Thanks Greggo.” Sofia grinned. “Nice dress, lady in black.”<br/>“Ditto, lady in red. Got any plans for tonight?”<br/>“Yes, I’ll make everybody, who ever rejected me, regret that.”<br/>“I’m sure that will work out.”<br/>“Are you kidding her?” Don asked. “I’m regretting big time right now. Regretting that I never asked her out, that I’m not born as a woman and have a chance to make her mine. I tell you, my pulse is running”<br/>“Calm down, detective, it’s your boss you’re talking to.” Sofia grinned widely. <br/>“Not tonight.”<br/>“Every time. Shall we go or don’t you want the chance to win the dinner?”<br/>“I want whatever you say.” He opened the door and offered Sofia his hand. “Tell me”, he whispered. “Are you wearing a gun?”<br/>“I’m a lieutenant, what do you think?” She grinned dirty. <br/>“I think I’ll faint!”</p><p>Sofia enjoyed the attention she got with her outfit. There had been a few women and men, who had asked her for a dance. She danced with all of them for a song or two and returned to her friends. Don was very active on the dance floor himself while Sara and Greg stuck together most times. <br/>“Your feet will kill you tomorrow.” Greg said to Sofia.<br/>“Yeah I know, I’ll need a whole day in bed to be able to walk in two days. But it’s fun, why don’t you hit the dance floor too? Come on, Greggo, give me a dance.”<br/>“I don’t know…” He looked at Sara.<br/>“Go, I’m fine.”<br/>“You’ll get your dance too.” Sofia grinned.<br/>“Who said I want to dance with you?”<br/>“I do.” The blonde smirked, took Greg’s hand and pulled him to the dance floor. <br/>Sara watched them. She wasn’t a fan of nights in clubs, most times when she had a night off these days, she was happy when she went to bed and could sleep. Maybe she became old or the change of air made her need more sleep. Whatever it was, she liked her evenings in the garden with a book, the dogs in front of her feet and a glass of wine. Or was it because she was the whole day on her feet, walked around the forest and was just tired when she came home? <br/>“Hi.” <br/>She turned. A woman in her late twenties stood in front of her. She had short red hair, green eyes, that reminded Sara of jade stones, and a lot freckles. <br/>“Hi.”<br/>“I’m Caroline.”<br/>“Sara.”<br/>“I haven’t seen you here before.”<br/>“It’s the first time I came here.”<br/>“Are you alone?”<br/>“No, with friends. They’re on the dance floor while my feet are happy to have a break. What about you?” Small talk in a club. Not her strength, but why not working on that? She had to be good at small talk later, when she guided people through the forest. <br/>“With my brother and sister, they’re also dancing. So you’re not up for a dance?”<br/>“No, sorry. I had to promise my friend a dance, that will be the one and only dance I’ll have today.”<br/>“What a shame.”<br/>“I’m not exactly a party person.”<br/>“Me neither but every now and then I join my siblings, they like to party.”<br/>“What do you do when you don’t join them?”<br/>“I’m working at Los Angeles zoo.”<br/>“Really?” Now that was a job, that wasn’t too different to her own. “As what?”<br/>“I take care of the big cats, especially the snow Leopard.”<br/>“That’s a cool job. And dangerous?”<br/>“It can be, you need to make sure they are all not hungry and in a good mood when you walk through their territory. What are you doing?”<br/>“I’m a ranger in Angeles National Forest.”<br/>“Not that far away from my job. What’s your job?”<br/>“At the moment I’m with the law enforcement team, I just started my job there and have to learn a lot.”<br/>“What did you do before?”<br/>“I used to work as a CSI.”<br/>“With human predators.”<br/>“Yes. I prefer the animal predators.”<br/>“I can imagine that. Have you been to the zoo?”<br/>“No, I moved to L.A. a few weeks ago.”<br/>“You’re new to the town.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And you came here because of the job?”<br/>“No, I came here as a stop between two excursions, but the second one never happened. I met a friend, got the opportunity to stay with her and found a job. I want water around me after eight years in Vegas.”<br/>“I see, you had an exciting life, not like me. I’ve never left Los Angeles, have always worked in the zoo and I’m sure, I’ll do that for the rest of my life. Boring, isn’t it?”<br/>“Not if it’s what you want. When something makes you happy, it can’t be boring.”<br/>Caroline smiled. “That’s a nice point of view.”<br/>“People bother too much what other people think about them instead of doing, what makes them happy and cares about, what they want.”<br/>“Let me guess: you stepped on a few toes during your life.”<br/>“If people can’t watch their toes it’s their problem not mine.” Sara grinned. <br/>“That’s my girl, that’s a true Sara attitude.” Greg came back, got his arm around Sara’s waist. “Am I interrupting something? Hi, I’m Greg.” He looked the woman next to Sara over from head to toe. <br/>“Caroline.”<br/>“Nice to meet you. You can have the next dance with Sofia if you’re fa…too late.” <br/>“Doesn’t matter, I don’t want to dance.” They looked to Sofia, who had found a new partner for the next song. <br/>“I would dance with her.” Caroline said. <br/>“Go for it, she’s available.” Sara answered. <br/>“While you’re taken?”<br/>“No, I’m not taken but I’m not available.”<br/>“She’s a bitch, nobody wants her.” Greg teased. <br/>“I don’t believe that.”<br/>“He’s lying. I don’t have the head for a relationship and he tries to get me since we first met which was a few years ago.”<br/>“I’m over you, you’re too old now anyway.”<br/>“While you’re too young.”<br/>“Shall I dye my hair gray, grow a beard and become a doctor? Would that make you interested in me?”<br/>“No, I’m over that kind of man.” Sara shot back dryly and hugged him. <br/>“How comes that all woman I talk to are straight or taken?” Caroline complained with a smile. <br/>“It’s a certain talent you can grow out. At least that’s what I hope.” Greg solaced her. <br/>“I hope so too.”<br/>“Until then you can enjoy good conversations.”<br/>“I did that so far. Sara and me work almost in the same area.”<br/>“What are you doing?”<br/>“I work in the zoo.”<br/>“One in the forest, one in the zoo and I’m in the jungle of Vegas.”<br/>“You must be a CSI and worked with her there.”<br/>“You got that right. Eight years we were on the same shift before she made the decision to start new and now I’ve to drive to L.A. to see her.”<br/>“I’m sure she’s worth the drive.”<br/>“Absolutely. I’d drive to Alaska to see her.” Greg blinked at Sara. He was happy to have his friend back in his life. Even if it was a little bit sad that she lived in another city now, L.A. was closer than Costa Rica – or Alaska.</p><p>“I need a break.” Don sat next to Greg, who was sitting at a table close to the dance floor. “I’ve no idea how Sofia does this, she barely took a break, my feet are killing me. And my throat yells for a beer.”<br/>“Your body asks for a lot.” Sara chuckled. So far she had denied every wish to dance, had stayed on her place and watched other people dancing. Caroline had left them half an hour ago, they had exchanged mail addresses because they had some things in common and enjoyed the conversation. <br/>“It also wants to go to bed, but that’s a wish I’ve to deny.”<br/>“Mine also thinks, the nights are a good time to sleep, but with nightshift starting again tomorrow, I’ve to get used to be awake when it’s dark and sleep when it’s daytime. Don’t you miss nightshift, Sara?”<br/>“Actually no. I prefer to work daytime, I’ve got either a whole morning for myself or the whole afternoon. Both are just perfect when I want to go to the ocean.”<br/>“What about our trip to Hawaii?”<br/>“Next year, this year I’ve to pay for my car.”<br/>“Alright, January?”<br/>“The first chance? Is it because you want to go on holidays with me so badly or because the waves are so great around that time?” She cocked her head. <br/>“Both.”<br/>“I like that you’re so honest.” She put her hand on his before her smile disappeared and was replaced by an annoyed look. “This can’t be true.”<br/>The men turned and sighed. They saw immediately what Sara meant.<br/>“How did she do that? Did she bug us?” Greg asked.<br/>“I’ve no idea but I want to kick her ass.” Don grumbled. <br/>Sara’s eyes went back to the dance floor. Sofia was dancing with nobody in particular, only dancing and enjoying the music. Not aware of what was happening around her. <br/>“There’ll be trouble.”<br/>“Oh yes and I consider myself as a trouble maker.” Don wanted to get up, but was held back by Sara.<br/>“Would you mind if I take over?”<br/>“Are you sure?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Be my guest.”<br/>“Thanks”<br/>Sofia hadn’t realized that her friends were in alert. The only thing that was bothering her were her feet, that wanted to have a break, she wasn’t willing to give them. It felt so good to dance, the music was perfect, the people around her were perfect, she couldn’t end this evening now, not even when she knew, going on dancing meant very sore feet. And blisters. Sometimes you had to sacrifice in order to have…she stopped. Maybe she needed a break, her eyes were playing practical jokes on her. <br/>“Hey Sofia.”<br/>“Get lost.” What the hell was Ellen doing here? How did she know Sofia was here? And why was she still following her after what had happened at the police station? Didn’t Sofia make herself clear?<br/>“You don’t really want that. Are you afraid I’m mad with you because of what happened at the police station? I know you only did that to keep your job – and to have the possibility to see me around.”<br/>“I did that because you deserved it.”<br/>“Were you jealous? It was a pity the guy stopped me and not you, we would had found some better place to talk and some better ways to make me pay.” Ellen put her hand on Sofia’s shoulder. Before the blonde could push it away, it got taken away by another hand.<br/>“Get your hands off my girlfriend!” Sara placed herself between Sofia and Ellen, her arm around Sofia. <br/>“Your girlfriend?”<br/>“Do you have bad hearing? That’s what I said. You touch her again, I’ll touch you. In case you haven’t noticed, she doesn’t want you anymore.”<br/>“Is that why you sent me away, Sofia? For her?”<br/>“Not your business.”<br/>“Honey, come on, let’s go dancing.” Sara pulled Sofia in her arms. “And you, stay away from her. You had your chance, you messed it up and who’s as stupid as you were, doesn’t deserve another chance. But when you walk up and down the boulevard, I’m sure you’ll find somebody, who is just as cheap as you are.” She took Sofia in her arms and pulled her in the middle of the dance floor. There was no way Sara would have watched her friend fighting with the black haired woman. She knew Ellen loved to play people, she seemed especially love to play Sofia at the moment. This time, it wouldn’t happen. This time, Sara was there and she knew, Sofia didn’t want any contact with her ex. Time do pay her safe person back and be her safe person.<br/>“Your girlfriend, mhm?” Sofia placed her head on Sara’s shoulder to make it look like they were a couple. And of course to be closer to her. <br/>“It did work.”<br/>“What if she had asked for a proof? A passionate kiss?”<br/>“Let’s be happy she wasn’t smart enough to ask for a proof.” Sara smirked. <br/>“Why? You wouldn’t have kissed me? She had found out you lied.”<br/>“I took the risk.”<br/>“If you start to play a role, you have to play it right.”<br/>“I played it well enough to make her believe. For more acting, you need to go back to her.”<br/>“No.” Sofia pulled Sara closer. “I like to be with you, my girlfriend.” <br/>“If your hands get to any other place than the place they belong, you’ll be in trouble.”<br/>“Honey, as a couple, my hands belong everywhere on you.” The blonde whispered. “Or are you scared?”<br/>“I’m not scared, I’ll shoot you.”<br/>“You won’t, you like me.”<br/>“You like me more.”<br/>“Now you’re playing unfair.”<br/>“A little bit.”<br/>“Mhm…as my new girlfriend, you don’t need your room anymore.”<br/>“I barely used my room the last weeks, I wonder what I pay rent for.”<br/>“If I charge you for the nights in my bed, your bill would be higher.”<br/>“So you have a price.”<br/>“Everybody has a price.”<br/>“Really?”<br/>“Yes. You’ve got a price too, Sara.”<br/>“I didn’t know that. How much do I charge?”<br/>“A lot. But you give a lot. And I’m not talking about money, I talk about other things, more valuable.”<br/>“We need to talk about that later. For now, I’ll get my girlfriend home, she can barely walk because of her feet. Come on, Dear, time to get the boys and drive home. Your bed is waiting for us.”<br/>“That sounds sooo good.” Sofia grinned, got her arm around Sara’s waist and left the dance floor with her. She liked this, she liked what Sara did for her and she loved Ellen’s face when Sara told her, Sofia was her girlfriend. Priceless. <br/>“Hey guys, what do you think about going home?” Sara asked. “Cinderella has danced her feet bloody.”<br/>“Give us one more minute.” Don checked his watch. “They’ll call out the winner of the dinner. Or do you want to miss the chance to win it?”<br/>“I don’t care about dinner in an expensive restaurant, a barbeque with you guys is much better.” <br/>“Aww Sara, you’re cute.” Greg kissed Sara’s cheek. <br/>“What happened to Ellen?” Don wanted to know.<br/>“Sara sent her away, she’s good in scaring people away. I should know, but I forgot because I’ve seen such a lovely Sara over the last weeks. Ellen got introduced to the bitch I met the first time.”<br/>“I wasn’t a bitch, I was…”<br/>“Ladies and gentlemen.” The DJ interrupted Sara. “It’s time to let you know who won the great dinner. Remember? The first one hundred guests got a little number on their ticket and we’ll draw now the winner. A romantic dinner for two in a luxury restaurant in Malibu, the place where the stars have dinner with a view over the ocean. One of you guys will win this so take your ticket and wait.” He got a big box on the table, stuck his hand in, moved it a few times and got a little ball out. <br/>“There’s the winner, the lucky one.” Slowly he opened the ball and presented a number in the inside. “Number eighty-seven! Who is number eighty-seven?”<br/>“Meeeeeeee!” Sofia jumped up, waved with her ticket. She had won the dinner! She was the lucky one. <br/>“The beautiful lady in red, come up to me to get the voucher.” <br/>Sofia made her way up to the DJ, gave him her ticket to let him check on her number. <br/>“So tell, what’s your name?”<br/>“Sofia.”<br/>“And Sofia, who will be the lucky one, who will come with you to this romantic dinner? Is there somebody special?”<br/>“Yes, my lovely girlfriend Sara.” Sofia grinned widely. <br/>“Girlfriend?” Greg and Don asked simultaneously. <br/>“We’ll tell you this story on our way home.” Sara chuckled. <br/>“She’s a lucky lady. First to have you as her girlfriend and second, to get invited to such a great dinner. I hope you’ll have fun there.”<br/>“Thanks, we will.” Sofia took her voucher and left the stage. In the corner of her eyes she had seen Ellen and her face, when Sofia mentioned Sara as her girlfriend. Payback for a bitch. </p><p>“I had a great night out, danced for hours, won an expensive restaurant dinner and have my girlfriend in my arms. It can’t get better.” Sofia sighed happily. She had put some crème on her feet to reduce the pain and was in bed, Sara in her arms. <br/>“You know I said that to get rid off Ellen, don’t you?”<br/>“Yeah, but I like the idea. And I like it especially because you had the idea.”<br/>“I did.”<br/>“Plus, you are in my bed, you trust me. You want to be with me. And you seemed to be more comfortable that my feelings for you are more than friendship.”<br/>“I’m getting better, give me a few more sessions with my therapist and I’m fine.”<br/>“You’re not supposed to talk about me, you’re supposed to talk about your PTSD.”<br/>“At the moment, you’re my bigger problem.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sofia grumbled. That wasn’t a nice thing to say. <br/>“Let me rephrase that: I think you’re more important than the past. I can’t change what happened in the past, but I can try to work on a future, that’s is good. I’d like to have you as a part of my future and it’s important for me to figure out, in which way I want you to be involved…what I feel for you.”<br/>“Do you think, one day you could feel more than friendship?”<br/>“I don’t know. To be honest, the thought of that scares me a bit. There’s no reason to be scared, it’s ridiculous, but I’ve never been with a woman, it…it doesn’t seem to be right at the moment.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“I don’t know. When doc Weinberg and me talked about this, about relationships, there was nothing that I wanted from a partner, that only a man can give me. Maybe you need to take me out to gay clubs more often.”<br/>“I’ve some nice movies too.”<br/>“Nice movies?”<br/>“Yes, really cute love stories and funny movies. Or sad ones. When I watched ‘Lost and delirious’ for the first time, I cried my eyes out. If we watch it together, I need tissues and you to hold me.”<br/>“How about something funny?”<br/>“Better.”<br/>“Can I ask you something, Sofia?”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“When you made the decision to…change to women, was that easy? I mean, you didn’t wake up one morning and said: I want to have sex with women, I can’t find a good man.”<br/>“No.” Sofia laughed a bit. “I was frustrated because I was single, when I thought about my last relationships, I got even more frustrated and thought, I need to change something to be happy. Being close to WeHo and having a quite high rate of same sex couples in Silver Lake, I ran into women kissing each other a few times and they seemed to be happy. They shared interests, they laughed a lot, they went shopping together, there seemed to be no problems because of what the other one expected of the partner because of stupid role models. So I went to some gay clubs, started to dance with women, got closer to them. <br/>It was weird first, felt wrong somehow but at the end I thought, it wasn’t that bad. When I denied a date or dance wish, they were mostly fine with that, nobody tried to force me into something and then I met Gabrielle. She was…different to all other women. We played basketball in the same team, started to meet after and before practice, spent evenings in the cinema or in the garden together, just had a great time. I felt good with  her around and one day I realized, I missed her when she wasn’t around. That I wanted to call her whenever something good or bad happened to me. I wanted to share everything in my life with her, wanted to be her around all the time. <br/>One night, we came back here after a movie, she pulled me in her arms and kissed me. Her lips were so soft, I had never experienced something magical like her lips and the kiss she gave me was so…it felt like my lips were made for hers. There weren’t any thoughts of that she was a woman and I’m not supposed to kiss a woman, it couldn’t be wrong because it felt so good. She stayed the whole night, was very patient and I found out, it’s different to have sex with a woman, but this difference wasn’t important when it came to feelings. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was home, like I had found, what I had been looking for my entire life. Everything seemed to be perfect.” Sofia sighed and stopped. She still got shivers when she thought about that night. She had her share of relationships, she had some really bad and some really good experience, but that had been one of her best. <br/>“Where is she now?” Sara asked carefully.<br/>“She lives in Silver Lake, a few streets down from the dog’s playground. We had some really great months together, were happy and everything. But at one point we found out, we were too much the same. There was no surprise in our relationship so with a million tears, we decided to end it and stay friends. Probably you know what happens to this kind of promises.”<br/>“They don’t work out.”<br/>“Yes. There are no hard feelings, when we meet somewhere, we talk to each other, we call each other on birthdays, but that’s it. Since I’ve given up playing basketball in the team, we barely see each other. She’s in another relationship since one year and – you’ll like that – she hated Ellen, said she wasn’t good for me.”<br/>“Gabrielle seems to be a smart woman.”<br/>“She is. Got a doctor in architecture. She helped me with the renovation of my house and if I ever make the decision that the attic has to be more than a dark dusty place, she’ll do some magic and makes it just the way I want it.<br/>So I guess my point is, I stopped thinking about that the one I kissed was a woman and started to enjoy the kiss and the feeling to be with somebody I liked, who liked me and that that was more important than the gender. I fell in love with the character and not the body.”<br/>“Did you think of going back to men after you and Gabrielle broke up?”<br/>“I was sure I never wanted any relationships at all after that. Then I met Ellen, she was sexy, charming, it was a hell of a roller coaster relationship, at the end I found out, women are just the same as men. There are no bad behaviors only men or women have, they’re the same. It’s all about the character and when you let yourself blind by a great body, you’re likely to ignore the lack of character.”<br/>“Some women look beautiful and have a good character.” Sara pocked Sofia softly. “Like this sexy lady in red, who danced the whole night, could have had most people in the club as her company and told all of them right away, she wasn’t interested, didn’t play with them.”<br/>“There must be a very special person on her mind that she denies all requests. I wonder if the special person knows she’s special.”<br/>“I think she knows, but she is too stupid to make something out of it.” Was that the truth? Was Sara simply too stupid to take the chance and become more than friends with Sofia. Was she stupid to hold back? Why were there still some doubts, why didn’t she feel comfortable when she thought of kissing Sofia? <br/>“Maybe she needs a little bit more time.” Sofia took Sara’s hand. She hoped one day Sara would change her mind, that she gave her a chance at one point, but she wouldn’t try to force her friend into something. She knew, she had to let Sara lead their relationship, like Gabrielle had let her made the decision when it was the right time to kiss her. <br/>“Maybe.” Sara put her head on Sofia’s shoulder and pulled the blonde in her arms. There was no reason to feel uncomfortable with the thought of her and Sofia being more than friends. She needed some time to get used to it, she had all the time. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thursday, October 1st</p><p>Sofia smiled and let her hand run through Sara’s hair. She was glad she had changed her mind. First they had planed to go out tonight, dinner, cinema and dancing, then they both came  home tired and not in the mood to see a lot of people. After a walk with the dogs, they took their take away food, made the living room dark, put on a DVD and watched a movie at home. Sara had been fallen asleep during the film, her head rested on Sofia’s lap and – what Sofia thought was the cutest thing ever – her hands held on to Sofia’s sweat pants. Her friend, the independent Sara, the one, who gave her the hardest time of all in Las Vegas, peacefully asleep with her on the couch, holding on to Sofia to make sure, the blonde couldn’t go away. Almost three months in the same house and everything had changed. Less than three months of ups and downs, of laugher and tears. <br/>“Stop staring at me.” Sara mumbled.<br/>“Ssssh, sleep.”<br/>“I need to go to bed.”<br/>“You’ve got ten more minutes. I promise I won’t let you sleep on the couch.”<br/>“Okay.” <br/>Sofia went on stroking Sara’s back, caressing her cheek with her index finger. Her skin was so soft, Sofia loved to touch her. What she didn’t like was that Sara slept now in her bed more often. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to be with Sofia anymore, but it was part of her therapy. Doctor Weinberg argument was, that Sara had to learn to deal with her dreams alone because there weren’t all the time somebody with her. If it was in Sofia’s hand, she’d be with Sara all the time. There didn’t have to be a night the brunette had to sleep alone, she was welcome in Sofia’s bed whenever she wanted. But she got the point and she knew, when Sara later guided tours, there was a chance, she had to camp in the forest. So they spent every second night alone in their bed. <br/>First Sara hadn’t slept, had walked around the house, which kept Sofia awake and made her fight with herself to stay in bed and join her friend or get her in her own bed. Then Sara stayed in bed, had nightmares, Sofia woke her up twice because she heard her scream and now Sara slept, not good, but she slept. <br/>“I don’t want to sleep in my bed tonight”<br/>“It’s the second night, the lonely night. Your therapist told you so.”<br/>“She’s in Vegas, she won’t know.”<br/>“She’ll have other things on her mind.”<br/>“Gambling.” Sara groaned. She didn’t like the thought of her therapist being in Las Vegas to see Greg. She wasn’t sure if they still were nothing more than friends, but there was no way she would ask. You are only supposed to ask a question if you can handle any possible answer and there was at least one answer, she couldn’t handle about this question. <br/>“Of course.”<br/>“I need some sleep, with you, I sleep much better.”<br/>“I’m a sleeping pill – or totally boring.”<br/>“Or just the one I need in bed.”<br/>“That – my Love – sounds really promising. Unfortunately you don’t mean it the way I want to understand it.”<br/>“We’ll work our communication problems out.”<br/>“Okay Sleepy Beauty, let’s leave the private cinema and go to bed.” Sofia turned off the TV. There was no point in sitting here, none of them was watching the movie anymore. <br/>“Will you carry me, my princess?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Something is wrong with this fairytale.”<br/>“It starts with there is no prince in, only two princesses.”<br/>“A modern fairytale.”<br/>“And in modern fairytales the princess walks alone.”<br/>“She’ll walk straight to the bed she likes most.”<br/>“She’ll walk straight to her own bed.”<br/>“We’ll see about that.”<br/>“Something is terrible wrong here, I try to keep you out of my bed, I wonder what happened to my head.”<br/>“It’s called sense of responsibility.”<br/>“Thanks, I feel better now.” Sofia poked Sara in her sides to make her move. It was really a shame that she couldn’t give in, but the therapist was right, Sara had to learn to sleep alone again. </p><p> </p><p>Friday, October 2nd</p><p>It was supposed to be a perfect evening, Sofia had ordered the table for the dinner in Malibu she won, she and Sara were supposed to go there together around seven o’clock. Now it was half past seven and Sofia sat alone at the bar of the restaurant. Sara had to work longer and got stuck in traffic on her way back. She had called Sofia that they’ll meet in the restaurant so the blonde sat and wait. <br/>The bar was in rear of the building, with a view to the mountains. Three waiter fulfilled every wish of the guests as soon as possible. The cocktail Sofia had in front of herself, was perfect, she played with the little sunshade and watched some of the guests. The internet promised the chance to see a star in here when you had dinner was big and so far Sofia had recognized two actors from daily soaps. The price list told her why ordinary people didn’t come here often, the asked for a cocktail five times more than an ordinary bar. Lucky her, one cocktail for each person was included. <br/>“What’s wrong with the world that a beautiful woman like you sits alone at the bar?” <br/>She turned and had to force her jaw not to drop. Lou Lee. That was really Lou Lee, who stood in front of her. His new movie was number one in the States, he was the star of the moment, he earned with one movie more than she’d in her entire life. He was the man every woman was after and this man stood here, in front of her and had talked to her. He had called her beautiful.<br/>“Hi, I’m Lou.”<br/>“Sofia.”<br/>“May I?”<br/>“Sure.” How could she send away a Hollywood star? A good looking Hollywood star. <br/>“So tell me, Sofia, why are you here all alone?”<br/>“My dinner date is stuck in traffic.”<br/>“Your date lets you come here alone? Didn’t pick you up? That can’t be a gentleman.”<br/>“No, it isn’t a gentleman. Why are you alone here?”<br/>“I’m not, you’re here.” He shot her a wide grin. <br/>“You didn’t know I’m here.”<br/>“Maybe it’s destiny that we met here, both alone.”<br/>Sofia raised an eyebrow. Destiny? A coincidence, yes, not destiny. <br/>“Are you trying to get into my pants, Lou?” She asked amused. He wasn’t famous for having the life of a saint, quite the opposite. <br/>“You don’t wear pants, unless you’re talking about underpants.”<br/>“Who says I wear underpants under my dress?”<br/>“Now you’re making me feel very hot.”<br/>“They’ve got crushed ice at the bar, order a bucket and stick your head in it.” <br/>Sofia bit on her lips and turned. She knew this voice, she liked the sound of it and she loved what she saw: Sara in a short blue dress. <br/>“Wow.”<br/>“Yeah, wow is the right word. Lou, may I introduce you to my dinner date? This breathtaking woman is Sara, Sara say hello to Lou, who took pity on me for sitting here alone.”<br/>“As long as he took only pity on you and didn’t had other things in mind it’s alright.” Sara placed her hand on Sofia’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for being late.”<br/>“Not your fault.”<br/>“She is your dinner date?” Lou asked Sofia.<br/>“Yes, I am a lucky woman, I know.”<br/>“So is she.”<br/>“That makes us two lucky women. Sorry Lou, I’ll take Sofia away, the date is for two and not for three.” Sara took Sofia’s hand and pulled her away from the bar. The blonde had only the chance to send Lou a last smile, grab her cocktail and followed her friend to the waiter, who was in charge for the tables. He guided them to a little table on the balcony. <br/>“Wow.” Sara took a look around. They could overview the ocean and a part of the beach. With the sunset in two hours, they knew, they had to eat slowly to see this event. All tables were surrounded by plants, that gave them some privacy. <br/>“Not that bad.” Sofia sat down. <br/>“You can charge some money for this, yes.”<br/>“I bet they charge some more money for this.”<br/>“Probably. You  had the chance to come here more often.”<br/>“Lou? Come on, we all know, he isn’t the kind of man for one woman. He has made that very obvious.”<br/>“Has he?”<br/>“Sara, do you know with whom I talked at the bar?”<br/>“Some guy, who tried to hit on you, pretending to be important.”<br/>“He has the main part of the movie that is number one since four weeks in the US. He is a real star, his face is all over the magazines.”<br/>“That’s why it looked so used.”<br/>Sofia chuckled. “You didn’t recognize him?”<br/>“No. I’m not interested in who acts in which movie and has success with that. If it’s not a movie I’ve watched, I don’t care. I watch the movie, if the actors aren’t a nightmare, I don’t pay attention to them.”<br/>“That’s my Sara.” <br/>“Did I destroy your chance of fifteen minutes of fame? I mean, all you need is an evening with him and you’ll all over the news too.”<br/>“Nah, I don’t need that, that’s not good for my reputation. What will the bad guys say?”<br/>“Depends. Is he an action actor?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Then they’ll ask you for an autograph.”<br/>“Could be. Anyway, I prefer to spend the evening with you. They called it the perfect dinner date, I can only have a perfect dinner date with the perfect person and that’s you.”<br/>“Even I’m not a famous actress?”<br/>“The last time I dated an actress wasn’t very nice. So yes, you’re perfect you’re not an actress. I like ranger…when will I see you in your uniform? Do I really have to come to Angeles National Forest and see you while you’re working to have this experience?”<br/>“I’m afraid so.”<br/>“I’ll do that.”<br/>“Don’t forget to wear your own uniform, lieutenant.”<br/>“You like women in uniforms? Why didn’t you tell me before? I would wear it the whole time for you.”<br/>Sara smirked and got her attention to the waiter, who brought them the menu. They didn’t have to look at the prices today and Sara was sure, that was good. This was an expensive place and she had no desire to see how expensive it was. Probably she’d ask if she could cash out the price and buy something for all the money, they were about to spend. </p><p>“What do you think of the dinner?” Sara asked. They had finished all their three courses and enjoyed the sunset with a glass of wine. <br/>“Not bad, good quality but I would never pay the price they ask for it. For the things we’ve eaten and drunk so far, you can have a little holiday trip.”<br/>“It’s crazy, isn’t it? When you cook at home what we had, you can make this meal for a huge family and friends.”<br/>“But you won’t have this view.” Sofia pointed to the sun. “It’s a really nice place for a restaurant.”<br/>“It is. There are stairs, we can go down to the beach if you want.”<br/>“Let’s wait until our personal servants are done with the special lighting.” <br/>“Alright.” Sara watched two men walking around the beach with a torch. It seemed like the beach in front of the restaurant was a private beach, they lighted up several other torches, that gave the beach nice light and made a romantic atmosphere. <br/>“Just for the book, I’d like to remember you, that a famous movie star tried to hit on me, he wanted me to be his date and I dumped him for you.” Sofia grinned when she saw Lou Lee with another woman not too far away from them. Apparently she had been replaced quite fast. <br/>“So what?”<br/>“I hope you appreciate that.”<br/>“Sofia, we had an appointment for dinner together. I appreciate that you keep appointments, I don’t care who you send away to keep your promise.”<br/>“A real star.”<br/>“What am I? Dirt?” Sara cocked her head. <br/>“No…”<br/>“Sounds like that.”<br/>“I didn’t mean it that way…”<br/>“You have to work hard to get yourself out of that.”<br/>“Uhm…shall I order you something else to drink?”<br/>“You can’t buy me with a drink, I’m not that cheap.”<br/>“You know how expensive they are.”<br/>“Drinks inclusive.”<br/>“Only one cocktail, I’d buy you a cocktail…or a used car for the same price.”<br/>Sara giggled. “It’s good to see you like this, lieutenant. Right now you’re everything but smug.”<br/>“I’m never smug, I’m self-assured.”<br/>“Arrogant.”<br/>“You have a really strange way to show me that you thank me.”<br/>“For what do I thank you?”<br/>“Let’s start for the dinner. I could have taken anybody with me, there were so many offers that night.”<br/>“What kept you from taking one?”<br/>“The fact that I prefer to spend my time with you. Maybe I need a therapy too, it seems like I like to be abused, I can’t find another explanation why I took you here. What was the number of your therapist again?”<br/>“You won’t get her.”<br/>“She’ll have appointments available one day.”<br/>“Get your own therapist, you’re a mean person, she doesn’t work with mean people.”<br/>“What’s she doing with you?” Sofia shot back dryly. <br/>“Something you’ll never know.”<br/>“That sounds like I want to watch.”<br/>“You’re a pervert you need to go to jail and not to therapy.”<br/>“I go to jail, collect my two-hundred dollars and have some fun. As we know, you can bribe police officers.”<br/>“With two-hundred dollars? Are they that cheap?”<br/>“You know the average price of a…what Ellen gave?” Sofia considered the place where she was and made the decision it was better not to say all words. <br/>“Do you?”<br/>“Yes, I’m with the police, I pick…I’ve business sometimes with people from this business.”<br/>“Shall we change the topic?”<br/>“Yes! Why don’t we use the last bit of the sun and go down to the beach? I can walk a few steps after this great dinner and we don’t have to worry about the check, it’s all paid.”<br/>“Sounds good.” They got up and walked the steps down to the beach. There was only a tiny little bit of sun, that wasn’t in the water. Quietly they walked away from the restaurant, guided by the torches to the beach. Sofia took off her shoes and walked into the water. The waves were shallow, the water still warm and it felt good to be barefoot. As much as she loved her shoes, the next time she bought them a size bigger. But the thought of bigger shoes had brought her straight to the thought, that old women got wide feet, plus a wide rear end and everything fell down – and she wasn’t talking about the things in her hands. Buying shoes a size bigger was the first step to become an old woman. Or a woman with comfortable feet. <br/>Sara joined her in the water and they continued their silent walk through the water. The torches gave them enough light to see where they put their feet on. There weren’t other people down at the beach, most guests had arrived later than they had, had taken more time to order their meals and were still eating. Only one couple had went down to the beach before they did and they were out of sight. <br/>“Do you think it’s possible to use the beach without buying a dinner that’s worth a little country?” Sara asked.<br/>“I doubt that. It would be the perfect place for a picnic but I’m afraid if we want their beach, we have to buy their food. For the price they ask for.”<br/>“What a shame. I wanted to take Greg here.”<br/>“Greg? Not a second dinner date with me?”<br/>“No.” <br/>“She used me to find a nice spot and wants to replace me with Greg. Tell him to save a lot of money to pay for your dinner.”<br/>“We’ll take two cocktails and enjoy the sunset.”<br/>“Still expensive.”<br/>“Would you pay the money to let me experience such a wonderful evening again?”<br/>“Yes.” Sofia sighed. “Yes, if you’d seriously ask me, if I take you out to this place again, I do it. Quite stupid, isn’t it?”<br/>“No, very cute.” Sara pulled Sofia in her arms and held her tight. “Especially because I know, you’re serious about this. You’d do it, those are not only words you say to impress me. You do what you promise.”<br/>“I try to. I’m your safe person, it’s my job to help you. Add the lieutenant to it, serve and protect, I’ve no other choice.”<br/>“You a lot of other possibilities, Sofia. When I was looking for a new place to stay, you had the choice to let me go wherever – you chose to offer me a room in your house. When I had nightmares, suffered from PTSD you could have let the therapist handle everything – you chose to share your bed to make sure I get some sleep. When you won this dinner, you could have had anybody as your company, even a famous movie star – you chose me. You had and have a lot of choices, you always choose me, what’s best for me.”<br/>“Isn’t that what friends are for?”<br/>“Maybe.”<br/>“Maybe?”<br/>“You know why I do all these things. I mean, I also do it because I want you to be happy, to feel better, but I do it for me too. I can’t help myself, I’m in love with you and to see you happy makes me happy, to spend time with you makes me happy.”<br/>“You do all these things only for yourself, I understand. You’re selfish.”<br/>“Yes. Kind of.”<br/>“Okay, then I’ll be selfish too.” Sara lifted Sofia’s chin with her finger and kissed her softly. <br/>For a second Sofia wasn’t sure if she was dreaming or if it was reality. Then she got herself together and responded the kiss. Sara kissed her. She felt Sara’s soft lips on her own, felt how the brunette deepened the kiss, how she pulled Sofia closer in her arms like she never wanted to let her go. Sara’s lips on her own. And Sara kissed her because she wanted it, because she was selfish. When she had asked herself if it was worth to wait for Sara, to hope that the brunette would change her mind one day and gave her a chance, now she had her answer. It had been worth every second. They kissed. And the rest of the world around them didn’t exist anymore for them. They were the world. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tuesday, October 6th</p><p>Sara checked her watch. It was time to go, especially if she wanted to have a little break at the dog’s park. With her empty bag she left the house. Sofia was out with the two dogs, she had today and tomorrow off, was at the ocean and was supposed to be back in one hour. Sara on the other hand had worked in the morning and took the afternoon off for a little nap and a muffin shopping tour. They had eaten all muffins and pastry and because the bakery opposite of her therapist’s place was the best, she wanted to go there and buy a dozen muffins and whatever else she liked. Greg was due for the weekend, they needed a lot of sweets. <br/>She found Rusty and his owner at the dog’s park and stopped there. The Husky with the blue eyes greeted Sara for a short moment before he went on playing with other dogs.<br/>“Where did you leave Rantanplan and Scooby?” Mister Bennett asked. <br/>“They’re in Malibu with Sofia. She had the day off and took them for a long walk and a swim.”<br/>“That’s better than the dog’s park.”<br/>“They love it here too, I think, it’s even.”<br/>“It’s a pity we don’t have a place for the dogs to swim here, most dogs love it and when it’s warm, they could use some cold water.”<br/>“I doubt the city will change anything about that.”<br/>“No, they’ll ask for money at the end so we can use this area.”<br/>“You never know.” She took another look at her watch. “I’ve to go, the shop closes at five.”<br/>“The one down the street?”<br/>“No, I’ve a few more blocks to walk to a bakery. They’ve  got really nice muffins and we want to have a muffin weekend. Or anything else that’s sweet.”<br/>“That reminds me of a song: Sweets for my Sweet, sugar for my Honey.”<br/>“I think I remember that song. I’ll see if I can play it for Sofia when she’s back.”<br/>“She’ll like that.”<br/>“She’ll like the muffins more.” Sara blinked and left the dog’s playground. Her favorite spot in Silver Lake. Whistling a song she had heard on the radio on her way to work, that was stuck in her head since then, she walked on. Halloween was over, the sun wasn’t that hot anymore but still warm enough to let her walk in shorts and a top. <br/>When she crossed the pizza shop, she used to order her pizza on a regular base, she felt a little hunger. The temptation was high to walk in and order a pizza. Order now, take it with her on the way back home. She sighed and went on. Sofia wanted to bring some dinner, her job was the sweet things. Hopefully there were enough muffins left, she should have called in the morning and order a dozen to be sure, she got what she desired. If she came home without muffins there would be a lot of disappointed faces. <br/>Sara stopped for the blink of a second. She knew this person at the petrol station, she had seen this face before. That was…oh God….</p><p>“I think she’s coming back. Sara! Sara! Can you hear me?”<br/>She heard a voice, it sounded like it was far away. Or was she far away? She felt…numb. She felt strange. Like something was wrong and she had no idea what was wrong. <br/>“Sara, can you open your eyes?” <br/>Why should she? She didn’t feel like open her eyes, she felt like sleep. She was tired. No, not tired. Exhausted. Like she had ran a marathon. Or had a flu. <br/>“Honey?”<br/>Sofia’s voice. Her girlfriend was here. Wherever here was, but when Sofia was there, it was a good place. <br/>“She smiles, she hears you, Sofia.”<br/>Where did she know the other voice from? She sounded familiar. <br/>“Sara, can you open your eyes for me, please? I’d like to see your eyes.”<br/>If Sofia wanted her to open her eyes, she had to open them. She could see Sofia then, she loved to see her lover. In fact, she didn’t enjoy watching anybody or anything else as much as she enjoyed watching the blonde. She was so beautiful. Sometimes, it took Sara’s breath away. Such a wonderful woman. Adorable. She was Sara’s girlfriend. Her own beautiful girlfriend. Not to forget that Sofia was smart, caring, had humor and…to make it short, she was perfect. Wasn’t Sara a lucky woman? Why had she waited for such a long time to make her hers? Why had she needed so much time to realize she loved her? She was so stupid sometimes. <br/>There she was, Sara could see Sofia. First a little bit blurry, she had to blink a few times to clean her eyes, then she saw the blonde right in front of her. Why did her girlfriend look worried? Did something happen? What could be wrong as long as they were together? <br/>“Sofia.” There were days when her voice didn’t sound this rusty. Did she swallow a rusty nail? Not the cocktail.<br/>“Oh Sara.” <br/>Sara felt how Sofia hugged her and held on to her. Somehow her shoulder got wet, was Sofia crying? Why? <br/>“Do you cry?”<br/>“No…a little bit.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Can’t you remember?”<br/>“No.” Slowly she started to have a look around. This wasn’t their room, this wasn’t any room of their house. This was…the office of her therapist. How the hell did she end up here? Why was here? Did she have therapy? Did she dissociate? <br/>“Why am I here?” There was her therapist. She looked worried too. And another person. Sara had to concentrate hard to recognize the other person. She knew, she knew her too. <br/>“No! Not you!” <br/>“She remembers some things.”<br/>“What’s she doing here?”<br/>“Sara, can you sit up?” Doctor Weinberg asked. <br/>Now Sara realized she was more laying on the couch in her therapist’s office than she sat. <br/>“Sure.” At least she hoped she could. She had to. The enemy was in the same room. With Sofia’s help she managed to sit up and leant on her girlfriend, her hand linked to the blonde’s hand. She had to protect her. <br/>“What’s she doing here?” She wanted a good explanation what had happened. <br/>“She had to make sure you’re alright.”<br/>“Why? I’m fine.”<br/>“Do you remember what happened?”<br/>“I remember everything. Let’s go home, Sofia.” Sara wanted to get up, but was pushed back on the couch by the fourth person in the room. With one finger. <br/>“What the…”<br/>“You stay where you are or I’ll make the decision where you stay.” Doctor Bendler said. <br/>“You can’t force me, you have no rights to tell me what to do.”<br/>“She’s bitchy, that’s a start. Why don’t you tell your patient what happened before I take over?” Doctor Bendler looked at doctor Weinberg. <br/>“You won’t take over anything. Sofia, I want to go!”<br/>“Honey, do me a favor and listen…”<br/>“I won’t listen to her!” She pointed to doctor Bendler. <br/>“Would you listen to me, please?” Doctor Weinberg asked calm. <br/>“Please.” Sofia added. <br/>“Okay.” If that got her out of the room as fast as possible. <br/>“I’d like to talk to you in private, Sara.”<br/>“Why?” She didn’t want Sofia to leave. What if doctor Bendler came back and did something, Sara didn’t want? She needed Sofia, she was her safe person, she was the only one Sara could rely on. Could trust. <br/>“Please.”<br/>“Sofia?”<br/>“I’ll be in front of the door, I won’t leave you.”<br/>“Can you make sure she doesn’t do anything I don’t want?” Sara’s eyes were still suspicious on doctor Bendler. <br/>“I’ll take her out with me.”<br/>“Okay.” Unwillingly Sara let go of Sofia’s hand and watched her and doctor Bendler leaving the room. <br/>Doctor Weinberg ignored her chairs and sat next to Sara, took her wrist and silently checked on the pulse. <br/>“Tell me what happened.”<br/>“Why don’t we try to find out what happened together?”<br/>“Don’t play with me.”<br/>“I don’t. You tell me what you know from the time you left home and I tell you what I know. Deal?” Doctor Weinberg kept Sara’s hand. <br/>“Alright. I left home to get some muffins. Your turn.”<br/>“Sara, you can do better.”<br/>“Why should I?”<br/>“Please.”<br/>The brunette sighed. “I left home, stopped at the dog’s park, talked to Mister Bennett, who owns a Husky, and went on after two minutes because I didn’t want to be late. I took the usual way from there to here.”<br/>“Do you remember when you came here?”<br/>“Wasn’t the deal I tell you something and you tell me something?”<br/>“I’d like to know until what time you know what happened so I know where I’ve to start.”<br/>“I turned right at the corner with the little shop, passed by our favorite pizza shop, thought of ordering a pizza because I was hungry and…” Sara stopped. Irritated she looked at doctor Weinberg. “I didn’t want to go here, I wanted to get muffins. Why am I here?”<br/>“You don’t remember walking into my office?”<br/>“No…did I faint somewhere and they took me here?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“But?” No more memories of her own, she wanted to know what the doctor knew. <br/>“I was about to close my office when you came storming in, very confused. I asked what happened, instead of answering my question you practically jumped into my arms, crying and lost conscious.”<br/>“I did not!” She would never do something like that, would she? Why should she? If she panicked, why not run back home? Why here? <br/>“I’m afraid you did.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“I don’t know, that’s why I asked you to tell me what happened after you left your home. There has to be a reason why you were so…Sara, you had a nervous breakdown.”<br/>“I did?”<br/>“Yes. That’s why doctor Bendler is here. I’m not a physician and I needed a physician to make sure, you’re alright and don’t need an ambulance.”<br/>“But why her? Isn’t there another physician around? There’s one a few doors down.”<br/>“Let’s say, she came in handy.”<br/>“I can’t imagine that.”<br/>“Any other doctor had called an ambulance. Besides, she knows you a bit, she knows you when you lost conscious and she’s really good.”<br/>“She wants to send me to hospital.”<br/>“She won’t do that.”<br/>“But if she…”<br/>“She won’t. I won’t let her do that. Okay?”<br/>“Promise?”<br/>“I promise.”<br/>“If you lie to me I can never trust you again, doctor.”<br/>“I’m aware of that.” Doctor Weinberg smiled a little bit before she became serious again. “You didn’t tell me what happened. I mean, you told me what you remember, but there’s more, Sara. You didn’t mention a reason why you lost conscious.”<br/>“I don’t know a reason.”<br/>“Sara.”<br/>“I can’t think of one. I promise.”<br/>“We need to find the reason.”<br/>“Can’t I just go home?”<br/>“No, you can’t.”<br/>“You said I don’t have to go to…”<br/>“I didn’t say I’ll send you to hospital.”<br/>“Good.” <br/>“I’d like to work out with you why you lost conscious. I need you to remember. That means, you need to go back, back to the dog’s park and tell me everything. Every little detail.”<br/>“I can try.”<br/>“Good. When you mention the reason for your nervous breakdown, you’ll be very tensed, you’ll be at risk to get another breakdown, maybe. I’d like to know if it’s okay when you get some sedative in that case?”<br/>“Everything is better than a trip to hospital.”<br/>“Alright.” Doctor Weinberg got up and took a syringe out of her fridge. “This is a sedative, that works fast and won’t knock you out. I gave it to you once and your response to it was very good. I’d like to use it again in case you need it.”<br/>“Okay.” Sara watched the syringe, that doctor Weinberg put on the table and sat on a chair. “Tell me what happened after you left the dog’s playground. Tell me details, tell me of people you saw, things you heard.”<br/>“I…passed the supermarket, there was a…family in front, they had done their shopping. Because I kind of hate the mountain you’ve to walk up from the supermarket I whistled a song that’s stuck in my head since this morning. I don’t know the title or who sings it, but it’s there…well, now it’s gone. I noticed that the sun was nice and warm without burning my skin, which is nice. I had some problems after the sunburn, it took longer to heal than I’ve expected. I came to the pizza…oh, there were a few people on the road, I saw some people in their gardens, but nothing special I remember of…when I came to the pizza shop, I thought I want pizza because I was hungry. It was tempting to go in, order one and take it home on my way back. But Sofia wanted to get dinner while I was in charge for muff…what time is it?”<br/>“The bakery is closed.”<br/>“Damn it!”<br/>“You’ll get your muffins tomorrow.”<br/>“I’ve to get them for Greg. He will come over…well, you’ll know that…”<br/>“Sara, back to the pizza shop.”<br/>“Right, sorry.” She had lost the central theme. “Pizza shop. I went on because Sofia wanted to take care of the dinner. She had been at the ocean with the dogs. There were a couple of teens in the pizza shop and in a little side road was a couple making up. I went on, the petrol station was left, I thought of the muffins, that it had been wiser to order some to make sure, to get enough for the weekend and…” Sara stopped. <br/>“Sara?”<br/>“Will you come too? When we have a little party in the garden.”<br/>“Sara, you need to concentrate on your way to the office, it doesn’t matter what I’ll do on the weekend.”<br/>“He’d like it when you come over.”<br/>“Sara, your way to here, that’s important, nothing else.”<br/>“He loves you.”<br/>“Sara, what happened at the petrol station?”<br/>“Nothing. Why don’t you come over?”<br/>“Whom did you see?”<br/>“Nobody in particular. We’ll have a barbeque…”<br/>“How many people?”<br/>“One. It will be only a little party….”<br/>“Describe this person.”<br/>“I can’t. We want to start around half past six…”<br/>“What hair color?”<br/>“Grey. I’ll tell Greg…”<br/>“What did he wear?”<br/>“Blue jeans, red shirt, a hat, sport shoes. He looked older than…do you like Mexican salad?”<br/>“Than what, Sara? When did you see him before?”<br/>“San Francisco. We can make something else too if you don’t…”<br/>“Who was he, Sara?”<br/>“He raped me!” Sara jumped up, stormed out of the room and doctor Weinberg heard how she locked the door to the toilets. <br/>Slowly she rose. She had known that Sara met a man on her way to her office. When the brunette stormed in, she had repeated the whole time one sentence “He found me”. She didn’t mention this to Sara because she wanted the brunette to remember it by herself. When Sara started to ask her things about the weekend, she tried to ignore the man, she tried to distract her therapist from the event, that gave her a nervous breakdown. <br/>“What did happen?” Doctor Bendler came in the office.<br/>“She remembered what happened.” The therapist went to the door into her waiting area, where she found Sofia in front of the door to the toilet. <br/>“Sara, what happened? Are you alright?”<br/>“Sofia?” Doctor Weinberg’s voice was softly. “Sofia?”<br/>“What happened?”<br/>“I need to talk to Sara. Alone.”<br/>“The last time I left her alone with you…well, you see what happened.”<br/>“Please.”<br/>“But…”<br/>“We’ll wait in the office.” Doctor Bendler took Sofia’s arm and guided the blonde carefully out of the room and closed the door. <br/>Doctor Weinberg waited a few seconds. “Sara, I need you to open the door.”<br/>“No!”<br/>“Please.”<br/>“No, I don’t want! I want…I want to drown in the toilet and I know it’s possible.”<br/>“If you don’t open the door yourself I’ll open it. You threatened suicide, I’m supposed to send you straight to hospital for that, so if you don’t open the door and show me, I don’t have to worry about you, I’ll call the police, an ambulance and open the door with force.”<br/>“You promised…”<br/>“When you start with suicide all promises are waived. Please open the door.”<br/>It took a few seconds before Sara unlocked the door. Carefully doctor Weinberg opened the door. She found Sara pale, trembling sitting on the toilet seat. <br/>“Come here.” She offered the other woman her hand. Sara took it, made another step and buried her face in doctor Weinberg’s hair, holding on to her. <br/>“He’s back. He’ll get me. He’ll do it again. He…” She couldn’t talk anymore, the trembles took over.<br/>“I need the sedative!” <br/>A moment later doctor Bendler came with the syringe out of the office.<br/>“No!” Sara yelled.<br/>“You need to calm Sara, you’ll lose conscious.” <br/>“No!”<br/>“I’m here, nothing will happen.” Doctor Weinberg held stronger to Sara. Sofia, who had joined them, tried to calm Sara by embracing her from behind. <br/>“Honey, you need to relax. Do your breathe exercise, you’re trembling very hard. You don’t have to be afraid, we’re here, we take care of you. I don’t let anything happen to you. I love you.”<br/>“Done.” Doctor Bendler used the second Sara held still to give her the injection. “Get her over to the couch.”<br/>Slowly they got Sara back in the office, on the couch. <br/>“Sofia…” Sara’s voice was thin like the voice of a crying little child. <br/>“I’m here.” Sofia kicked away her shoes and got next to Sara. She didn’t care what the doctors thought, how it looked to them, she felt, Sara needed her, needed to be in her arms. <br/>“I’m here, I hold you. Nobody can hurt you, Honey. I’m here. I love you. I love you so much. Can you give me a little kiss?” <br/>Sara found Sofia’s lips and kissed her before she buried her face in her lover’s hair, held on to her like it was her only chance to survive. Slowly she realized the trembles became less severe and Sara breathed more evenly. <br/>“She needs medical attention.” Doctor Bendler said. “She’ll have another nervous breakdown.”<br/>“She won’t go to hospital.”<br/>“She isn’t in a position to make the decision what she does or doesn’t.”<br/>“I’m in a position to make that decision. She’ll stay out of hospital.”<br/>“Jules…”<br/>“No, mom. She’ll stay out of hospital. There’s nothing they can do for her. It’s not physical.”<br/>“I know that’s not physical, she needs to see a specialist in a mental hospital, she needs a trauma ward.”<br/>“Since when are you specialist in mental disorders?”<br/>“It’s not like I’ve no clue about them.”<br/>“You sent her to me for a reason.”<br/>“When I sent her to you I didn’t know what was wrong with her.”<br/>“She’s in good hands, she doesn’t want to go to a mental hospital, she doesn’t want to be in any kind of hospital and I won’t send her there. It would make things even worse.”<br/>“It’s a hospital…”<br/>“Believe me, it will be worse. I know her story, I can tell you if you send her to a mental hospital, it will be bad for her.”<br/>“So what’s your plan?”<br/>“We’ll take care of her here.”<br/>“Apparently that didn’t work out.”<br/>“This had nothing to do with her therapy, she did good.”<br/>“So why this?”<br/>“I can’t tell you.”<br/>“I’m a doctor too.”<br/>“Yes, but you’re not her doctor and I can’t tell you without her permission, you know that.”<br/>“So you’ll go on giving her sedatives?”<br/>“No. Well, I might give her one for the night.”<br/>“Jules, that’s not the solution.”<br/>“Hospital isn’t neither one.”<br/>“You’re stubborn,”<br/>“Blame it on my mother.”<br/>“I will.” Doctor Bendler watched Sara, who was still in Sofia’s arms, didn’t react to the things around her, only held on to her lover, desperate for some safety. “What do you want to do now?”<br/>“I want to let her rest for a little while.”<br/>“Alright.”<br/>“Sofia, is it okay when we leave you and Sara alone for a little while? Half an hour? We won’t be far away, just outside. I think, she needs some quiet moments, she needs you and she  needs time with you alone.”<br/>“We’ll be alright.” The blonde swallowed. <br/>“Okay. If anything happens, we’re outside, get us.”<br/>“Anything I can do? Anything special?”<br/>“Be there for her, you’re the one she trusts most, you’re the one, who can make her feel safe. She needs trust and safety. That all we can do now if we don’t want to mix a medical cocktail for her.”<br/>“She wouldn’t like that.”<br/>“I know. Come on, mom.” Doctor Weinberg pushed doctor Bendler carefully out of the office. </p><p>Sara and Sofia stayed quiet on the couch for a while. Sofia caressed softly Sara’s back, kissed her face every few seconds, held her and tried to make it as comfortable as possible for the brunette. She desperately wanted to know what happened, what was wrong and what she could do to help Sara. She had coped so good the last couple of weeks, no more bouts, almost no nightmares and no need for breathing exercise. What was different today to any other day? Why was is like in the beginning? No, even worse. <br/>Sofia had been aware it wasn’t over, that Sara hadn’t come over her disorder, but this? This was major. This wasn’t only hard on Sara, it was also hard on her. She felt guilty because she didn’t do anything to prevent this. She was useless, she was…wasn’t even allowed to know what was wrong. She had been sent out. <br/>“Sofia? What did happen?” <br/>“You were close to a nervous breakdown again, locked yourself in the toilet, doctor Weinberg got you out and you…I don’t know what happened, but they needed a sedative to make sure you won’t break down again.”<br/>“It worked?”<br/>“You’re here, not in a hospital.”<br/>“Doctor Bendler wants to send me to a mental hospital.” She had these words in her head, again and again, like a boomerang, no matter how hard she tried to throw this all away, it came back to her.<br/>“She can’t do that.”<br/>“She’s a doctor.”<br/>“So is doctor Weinberg and she wants you to stay here.”<br/>“But…doctor Bendler is a real doctor.”<br/>“If you tell doctor Weinberg she isn’t a real doctor, she might want to send you away too. Honey, she’s your doctor, she’s the expert and she won the argument. You’ll stay.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“And I won’t let them send you away neither. I know you don’t want to go there, I’ll do whatever I can so you can stay.”<br/>“You’re my safe person.” Sara kissed Sofia softly. “I love you.”<br/>“I love you too. Sara, can you tell me what happened? Or is it…too painful?” Sofia didn’t want to ask if it wasn’t her business. The thought that something this big, something that affected Sara’s life so much, wasn’t her business, hurt. <br/>“He’s back.”<br/>“Who?”<br/>“The friend of my father.” Sara said every word slowly, like every letter hurt her. <br/>“The friend of your father?”<br/>“Yes. He…”<br/>“You don’t have to tell me.” Sofia kissed Sara’s hair. She didn’t want her girlfriend to suffer. She could wait, she had all the time in the world. It wasn’t necessary that her lover tortured herself to tell her a story, she didn’t want to tell.<br/>“When my mother was out of the house and my father and a friend of his were there, this friend…he raped me. Not just once. My father knew it, he didn’t stop him.”<br/>Sofia pulled Sara in closer. She had been afraid something like this had happened to her lover, she had always suspected it, but she had never asked, never dared to put her lover through any kind of pain because of her questions. <br/>“He is here?” There were so many more questions, like if her mother had known, if she had done anything, if the man went to prison, too many questions a cop asked, She wasn’t a cop right now, she was a concerned lover. <br/>“I think I saw him today. At the petrol station. And after that I can’t remember anything. Until you were here with me.”<br/>“Doctor Weinberg called me, told me, it’s an emergency, you weren’t hurt but you needed me.”<br/>“I did. I always do.”<br/>“Did somebody take you here?”<br/>“No. Apparently I ran here, stormed into the office, dropped into her arms and broke down. She called doctor Bendler because she wanted to have a physician around. I wonder why she called her.”<br/>“Doctor Bendler was handy.”<br/>“Why? The hospital is a few blocks away, there are some other doctors closer.”<br/>“Yeah, but it’s easier to threaten your mother to stay out of your patient’s cases than a stranger.”<br/>“Mother?”<br/>“She called her mother once or twice, I guess, she’s her daughter. That would explain why your therapist took you when you got sent here by doctor Bendler as an emergency case.”<br/>“Her mother…”<br/>“Even doctors have mothers. Does it matter?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Sara, I don’t want to put you through anything you don’t want to talk about, but this man…is he…is he supposed to walk around free?”<br/>“He never got convicted.”<br/>“Not?”<br/>“No, like I said, my father didn’t care and my mother…she’s crazy, nobody believes her.” Plus as far as Sara knew, her mother had never talked to anybody about what had happened to Sara. <br/>“Why did you never…you blocked it out.”<br/>“Yes. And Sofia, I don’t think I want to do anything. I don’t want to talk to strangers about it, I don’t want to tell a jury what happened, a prosecutor, shrinks and whoever would be there if we take this to court. I want to forget it.”<br/>“You won’t forget it.”<br/>“No. But I’ll work on it. I’ll talk about it in therapy and I…I don’t want…I don’t tell you much about my sessions.”<br/>“No, you don’t.”<br/>“I don’t do that because I don’t trust you. I don’t want to involve you so much because I don’t want that you’ve to live with all these things too. I don’t want to make your life harder than it is already and I’m sure, a huge part of the reason why it’s hard, is me. Without me, your life would be easier.”<br/>“If you weren’t here, if we hadn’t met in interrogation, I didn’t have to worry about you, yes. But what weights more is, that without that, I hadn’t met you at all, you wouldn’t be in my life without that day. And I prefer to have a lot weight to carry than to live my life without you. If you don’t feel comfortable telling me what happened to you, it’s alright, but if you make the decision not to tell me, make it because of you, not because of me. I can handle it, I can’t handle to see you suffer.”<br/>“I wish I could do something for you.”<br/>“You can. You can kiss me, hold me, love me, stay with me, be my partner. That’s worth more.”<br/>“I don’t want to be a burden.”<br/>“You aren’t.”<br/>“But you do the whole time things for me while I do nothing for me.”<br/>“You do a lot of things for me.”<br/>“I didn’t even manage to buy you muffins.”<br/>“Well, I didn’t buy dinner, we’re even. When we’re back home, we’ll order some pizza, have a glass of wine and go to bed. Your lieutenant would like to go to bed early to have you as long as possible in her arms. Do you think that’s possible?”<br/>“Yes.” Sara smiled for the first time. <br/>“Good.” Sofia kissed her forehead. Being in a relationship didn’t mean you had to write a list of things you did for your partner and tried to be even at the end of the day or week. It meant for Sofia to be there, when the one she loved, needed her. And Sara could never need her as much as she loved her. </p><p>“How is my special patient?” <br/>“Better. Thanks.”<br/>“I think, I’ve got something that makes it even a little bit better.” Doctor Weinberg put two plates with muffins on the table. <br/>“I thought the bakery…”<br/>“It closes at five, yes. But when you’re a special client like I am, you get your muffins later. Try one, you were hungry when you were on your way to here.”<br/>“Thanks.” Without letting Sofia’s hand go, Sara took a muffin and held in front of Sofia’s mouth. “Open up.”<br/>With a smile the blonde bit off a piece of muffin. “Thanks.”<br/>“That’s better.” Doctor Weinberg took Sara’s wrist and checked the pulse. “That’s better too.”<br/>“Well, you gave me a sedative.”<br/>“We talked about that before and you said, it’s alright.”<br/>“I guess I panicked because doctor Bendler…”<br/>“I’m the bad one here, I found that out.” Doctor Bendler took a muffin herself. <br/>“I don’t want to go to hospital.”<br/>“I still thinks it’s better, there are trauma wards, that are specialist in…”<br/>“Mom! Stop it! I don’t tell your patients what’s good for them.”<br/>“You’re not a…physician.”<br/>“You meant doctor.”<br/>“Honey, I..”<br/>“See, I told you, family. You only fight with your family like this.” Sofia grinned and kissed Sara. “First you had the mother taking care of you, then the daughter, who is very protective when it comes to you. I’m a little bit jealous, she likes you a lot and she spends a lot of time with you alone.”<br/>“She’s my therapist.”<br/>“She knows all your deepest secrets.”<br/>“And she keeps them.” Sara smiled. “I trust her. I’ve to leave that to you, doctor Bendler, you made a good decision to send me to her.”<br/>“Yeah, I recognized you as a stubborn head and I was sure, if anybody can handle a stubborn head, it’s another stubborn head. I was sure it works out or you’ll both end up in custody for punching the crap out of each other. And I’m not supposed to say something like this as a doctor, but I thought, both ways would be alright for the two of you.”<br/>“It’s impossible to fight with her, I tried it several times.” Sara grumbled. “She ignores it or she tells me, if I don’t stop sabotaging her therapy, she’ll stop working with me. Unfortunately I don’t want to risk that – and she was right all the time.”<br/>“If you’re right, I give in, Sara. I promise.”<br/>“Nobody is right in your eyes who has another opinion, Jules. That’s why you’re still not married, no man wants to put up with you.”<br/>“Mom, stay out of my private life.”<br/>“I guess I just developed a crush on your therapist, Sara.” Sofia confessed. “She has the same problem like I have, a mother, who doesn’t understand what’s her business and what is not. Allow me the question, doctor Weinberg, does she annoy you with the grandchildren question too?”<br/>“Yes. Since I left college.”<br/>“A fellow sufferer. We should meet one day and share our problems with our problem mothers.”<br/>“And we should make sure our mothers never meet.”<br/>“Mine is in Vegas.”<br/>“That sounds safe until she’ll come to L.A. to visit you.”<br/>“I’ll make sure she’ll stay away from the hospital.”<br/>“You two know you’ll end like your mothers.”<br/>“No, we won’t.” Doctor Weinberg and Sofia said simultaneous. <br/>“Yes you will. Who do you think you’ve this stubborn head from, Jules?”<br/>“Dad. Dad says I’ve got all good features from him and my strong mind is something good.”<br/>“I need to talk to your father.”<br/>“Poor dad, I’ve to warn him.”<br/>“You shouldn’t discuss that in front of your patient, daughter.”<br/>“Well, if you shut up or stop it, mother, I won’t. Until then I’ll do because Sara has the muffins and I plan to eat another.”<br/>“You should…”<br/>“Mom!”<br/>“I’m quiet.”<br/>“Good. Sara, what do you want to do next?”<br/>“Uhm…you’re the doctor…”<br/>“Yes I am. But I’d like to know what you want to do. Or don’t want.”<br/>“I don’t want to go to hospital. I know there’re special wards, but I…I don’t think that I can talk to any other therapist than you. I trust you, I doubt I can trust anybody else.”<br/>“Alright. But…I don’t know, about what you told me today …what kind of actions we have to take.”<br/>“None. Please.”<br/>“But…it was…is…”<br/>“No, please. None. I don’t want anything, I don’t think I can handle the attention. My lieutenant has the same ideas you have, but I can’t. Please don’t make me do it.”<br/>“I won’t do anything you don’t want. Lieutenant?”<br/>“I do whatever Sara wants. And you can call me Sofia.”<br/>“Are you sure Sara will like that?”<br/>“Will you start to date her too? I mean, see her for dinner?”<br/>“No.” Doctor Weinberg laughed. <br/>“Good.”<br/>“Okay Sofia, then it’s Jules for you.”<br/>“Great, my therapist is friend with all my friends…”<br/>“That makes it easier to work closer together, to help you.”<br/>“Yeah, yeah, sure…that reminds me…I’m sorry for…the stupid suggestions I made earlier.”<br/>“You can blame that on your disorder?”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because they made you do that.”<br/>“But…”<br/>“Don’t argue with your therapist about disorders, Miss Sidle!”<br/>“Sorry doc.”<br/>“We’ll have some work to with this woman, Sofia.”<br/>“I know. But I love her, I’m willing to do whatever it takes. And I know, she’ll do whatever it takes to make me happy.”<br/>“Don’t you have to prepare some dinner?” Sara asked her girlfriend. There was no need to tell her therapist and her mother, that Sara would do everything Sofia asked her to. They could use this knowledge against Sara. <br/>“Only if you come with me. Jules?”<br/>“I think there’s no reason for Sara to stay, at least no psychological reason. What is about any physical reason,, mom?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Good. Sara, you won’t go to work tomorrow.”<br/>“But…”<br/>“No. You’ll stay at home and I want to see you tomorrow. If you’re better you can go back to work the day after tomorrow. No discussion.”<br/>“Not fair.”<br/>“Do you want to argue with her or with me? Hospital or one day at home?”<br/>“Home.” Sara grumbled. <br/>“Good. Sofia, can you make sure she stays at home?”<br/>“Sure, I’ve got the day off.”<br/>“Perfect. Sara, be here at eight.”<br/>“It’s a waste of time.”<br/>“And at five. And if you argue more, you’ll get a third appointment.”<br/>Sara bit on her lips. “Lets go home, Sofia.”<br/>“Okay.” Sofia got up. She held on to Sara’s hand, there was no way, she’d let her walk alone. <br/>“I’ll see you tomorrow Sara and I guess, I’ll see you too, Sofia.”<br/>“Yeah, I might join her and walk back with the dogs or come here to get her to walk back with us. Some fresh air never hurts. Have a nice evening and don’t let your mother annoy you too much. Even if I’m glad she was here to make sure, Sara is alright. You’re too much like my mother, doctor Bendler, that’s scary.”<br/>“I’m sure you love your mother anyway so I’ll take it as a compliment.”<br/>“Thanks doc.” Sara mumbled. “Both docs.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, October 7th</p><p>“Sofia!” Sara shook her girlfriend.<br/>“What?” Confused the blonde looked around. She was in her bed, the little light next to her bed was switched on. Sara had her in her arms, caressed the blonde’s back. Sofia saw concern in her lover’s eyes. <br/>“You had a nightmare.”<br/>“Did I?…Oh yes…” She remembered and immediately tried to push the memories away. “I’m alright. Sorry to wake you up. Go back to sleep.”<br/>“Sofia, I woke you up so many times, I had a nightmare myself and I’m sure if you didn’t have your own nightmare, you had heard me.”<br/>“It was a hard day for both of us.”<br/>“Sofia?” Sara had the feeling her lover tried not to tell her something important.<br/>“Yes? Do you want in my arms? And I’ll protect your while you protect me?”<br/>“You don’t want me to know what your dream was about?”<br/>“It doesn’t matter, does it? It’s over.”<br/>“Can you remember the dream?”<br/>“No!”<br/>“Okay.” Sara switched off the light, turned and took the pillow in her arms. She knew Sofia lied to her but she didn’t want to tell the blonde, she knew about that. If her girlfriend didn’t want to talk to her, she had no other choice than leaving her alone. <br/>“I love you.” Sofia took Sara in her arms. <br/>“Love you too.” <br/>Sofia closed her eyes and tried to relax. She was glad she knew about her girlfriend’s breath exercise, it helped her too. This was the first time she had a nightmare this strong. She had a few the last couple of months, especially since she knew what happened to Sara – or since she suspected what had happened to her – but tonight was…it had been too much. The things Sara had told her, the pictures she had in her head, they all came back this night. <br/>“Shall we get some muffins tomorrow morning?” Sofia asked, knowing the brunette was still awake. <br/>“We can do that.”<br/>“And have a little barbeque in the garden for lunch?”<br/>“Why not.”<br/>Sofia bit in her lips. It was obvious something wasn’t right. She knew she had to done something wrong and it wasn’t waking Sara up with her nightmare. <br/>“Sara…I’m sorry.”<br/>“It’s not your fault that you woke me up.”<br/>“I don’t mean it that way.”<br/>“Everything is alright, Sofia.”<br/>“No, it isn’t.”<br/>“You said so.”<br/>Sara…damn it.” Sofia got up, switched on the light. This wasn’t good, this was bad. She had to do something, she felt like…she had no idea. To see Sara laying there, rigid, ignoring her, made her angry, sad and helpless. <br/>“I think, I need…some air.” She left her bedroom and walked down into the living room and the garden. Her dogs, irritated that she was awake, followed her. <br/>She sat on the table in the garden and wished for a cold beer. This was all wrong. This wasn’t good. She wasn’t supposed to be here, she was supposed to be with Sara, to be with her in bed, hold her. Most of all she was supposed to talk to her girlfriend. She did exactly what she hated most in relationships, she went away in the middle of the night, left the partner with nothing than the knowledge that something was wrong. She hated it when her partner did that to her, why did she do this to Sara? Why didn’t she get up, walked back in her bedroom and talked to her lover, who was still awake. Sofia didn’t have to be in the bedroom to know if Sara was asleep or not. She could feel it. <br/>Like she felt how hurt the brunette was. There was no way to tell herself that Sara had no idea what was wrong with Sofia. Her lover knew. She knew exactly that something was wrong and she knew what was wrong. And she blamed it on herself. She blamed herself to tell Sofia about her past, to share it with her. The thing Sofia wanted Sara to do most, to trust her. She was about to ruin this trust, she was about to make Sara withdraw, to keep her out of her life, her thoughts, fears. <br/>“I need to do something, guys.” Sofia pulled Rantanplan in her arms and buried her face in the hair of the dog. “Why is it difficult to do the right thing even when you know what the right thing is? I know exactly what to do and what not to do and here I am, do the opposite of what I should do. I must be very stupid.” <br/>“You’re not stupid, you can leave that to your girlfriend.” Sara appeared in the doorframe and watched Sofia from a distance. For a few seconds they both watched each other before Sara slowly walked toward Sofia. Still without words, she put her hand on the blonde’s shoulder to have her a second later in her arms. Sofia couldn’t bear to have a distance between them after she felt the hand of her lover. <br/>Her face buried in Sara’s hair, her arms around the brunette like she had to hold on for her life, they stood in the garden. When she realized she had tears running down her face, it was too late to hide them. And why should she hide them anyway? She wasn’t ashamed to cry in her lover’s arms. She wasn’t ashamed of her feelings, she felt stupid for some. No, she felt stupid for things she did or didn’t do.<br/>“I’m so sorry, Sofia.”<br/>“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”<br/>“I…I’ll keep you out of therapy. I’ll tell doctor Weinberg not to involve you anymore. My past, the things that had happened, have nothing to do with us. I’ve to handle them alone.”<br/>“No, that’s bullshit.”<br/>“I can’t ask you to handle them.”<br/>“Sara, your past affects me. It’s a part of you and I love you. I don’t want to watch you suffer, I want to help you.”<br/>“There are some things that are…better kept out of a relationship.”<br/>“If we start to keep things out of our relationship, we’ll lose it.”<br/>“Or save it.”<br/>“No. Please, don’t keep me out.”<br/>“Sofia, it’s obvious it’s too much. You had a nightmare, you screamed, I heard you I heard what you said. Don’t touch her! Leave her alone! You dreamed of my childhood, you saw somebody raping me. I don’t want you to live through things like this.”<br/>“It’s a part of your life and I…I love you, that means, what affects you, affects me.”<br/>“I have to go through this, to end it for myself, you don’t have to. I’ve professional help, I’ll be alright, you don’t have help, don’t have to live through this.”<br/>“I can go to the departments psychologist.”<br/>“You won’t. I know you.”<br/>“Give me a day and I’ll be fine.”<br/>“That’s what I thought too.” Sara got out of Sofia’s arms. “I’ll give you all the time you want.” She turned and started to walk away. <br/>Sofia stood there, her hands reached out of Sara for a second, she wanted to call her back, wanted her to stay, but she couldn’t say a word, couldn’t move her feet. She watched her life going wrong, why didn’t she do something to make it right again? </p><p>“You didn’t sleep.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Coffee?”<br/>“Please.” Sara closed her eyes for a moment. She was tired. After she left Sofia, left the garden, she went to her room, into her bed. With crossed legs she sat on her bed until the sun got up. No Sofia. She had hoped that the blonde would come to her room, she had waited for her while she knew, it wouldn’t happen. It hurt. It hurt more that Sofia didn’t talk to her. It hurt that her girlfriend, the most important person for Sara in her life, didn’t trust her. <br/>“Sara.” <br/>She felt doctor Weinberg’s hand on her shoulder. <br/>“Sorry, did you say something?”<br/>“Why don’t say you something? Like what’s on your mind.”<br/>“Make an educated guess.”<br/>“Usually you don’t want me in your head.”<br/>“It’s your job to be in there.”<br/>“I can’t go into your head. But I can try to read your behavior. You look tired, you’re distracted and your eyes tell me, it’s not only because of what happened yesterday. Something is wrong with you and Sofia.”<br/>“How do you do that? Why do you know that?” Usually Sara would sound angry because her therapist hit the bull’s eye Today her voice was only tired and sad. <br/>“I’ve seen you a few times when you had a hard time because of your PTSD. Today you have all reason to have a hard time because of what happened yesterday. But this is…I don’t want to call it personal because your PTSD is personal too.”<br/>“She…doc, I don’t want her involved in my therapy anymore. Is that possible? That she doesn’t know what happened to me. Won’t have to cope with it.”<br/>“It’s your therapy, if you tell me not to talk to her, I won’t talk to her.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“Do you want to talk about what happened?”<br/>“It’s my job to talk to you when I’m here and – even if I don’t understand why – I like it. That’s not like me, you know that. I woke up last night because Sofia had a nightmare. She didn’t tell me what about, but there was no need to do so. I heard her, I understood her words. She saw how I got raped. She saw something, she actually never saw. Doc, she can’t take that anymore. She…I don’t want her to suffer. She left the bed after that, went into the garden, I followed her, wanted her to talk to me, she refused, I went into my room and stayed there the whole night. Alone. <br/>I thought of leaving her, just vanishing out of her life so she can go back to normal.”<br/>“You feel responsible for her problems.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Do you think she’ll go back to normal when you’re gone?”<br/>“It will take a while but it will be easier for her without me than with me.”<br/>“Because you make her life hard.”<br/>“Yes. I make it harder for her, I make her suffer, I demand so much and don’t give anything back.”<br/>“You love her.”<br/>“My love is like bad medicine.” Sara smiled bitterly. <br/>“To continue the song, bad medicine is all she needs.”<br/>“I don’t think so. She needs…I told her I can’t have her involved anymore because I can’t watch her suffer. There are so many things she has to cope with, her job is hard enough and she…she’s like me, she doesn’t ask a therapist for help. She said, she can go to the department therapist, we both know she won’t. And I know she can’t handle my story alone. It was obvious last night. I love her and that’s why I’ve get out of her life. To give her the chance to have her life at all. A life that’s worth living.”<br/>“How would you feel when she leaves you out of the blue?”<br/>“Relieved that she can live without my problems.”<br/>“You wouldn’t miss her?”<br/>“Of course I would. I love her, she’s my everything, I…doc, don’t make it complicated.”<br/>“I try to let you figure out what you said, what you want to do, what it means.”<br/>“It means freedom for Sofia, less problems and…that she’ll lose the one she loves.”<br/>“Exactly. Now I’ll turn the table: if you could choose between putting up with your lover’s shit or living without her, what would you choose?”<br/>“Her.” Sara sighed. “She’s the most important person in my life, she’s…above everything. I’d do anything for her.”<br/>“Would you live with her past? If it was a bad one and why?”<br/>“Of course. I love her.”<br/>“Would you want her to be with you and why.”<br/>“Of course, I love her…okay, I get you.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“She wants to take legal actions regarding the man…I saw yesterday.”<br/>“Understandable.”<br/>“You want the same.”<br/>“Sara, I’m your therapist, I won’t do anything you don’t agree on. You told me, you don’t want any legal actions, I can’t and will not talk to the police without your consent.”<br/>“Don’t do it.”<br/>“Alright.”<br/>“I hope Sofia will also not say a single word.”<br/>“As a lieutenant it’s her job…”<br/>“As my girlfriend it’s not. The question is, which role is more important to her?”<br/>“You really wonder about that?”<br/>“No.” Sara closed her eyes. Of course she didn’t wonder about that. She knew she was more important to Sofia than the job. It made it harder for Sara. “I don’t want this anymore. Everything was fine before I came to L.A., my life was alright, I had no problems and now…I’m just a shadow of the woman I used to be.”<br/>“You think this all hadn’t happened if you haven’t come to L.A.?”<br/>“Yes. And yes I know it’s wrong. My PTSD could have stroke anywhere.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“At least I’ve got you here.”<br/>“I’m glad to be a highlight.”<br/>“You are. And if you make my PTSD disappear you’ll be my star – above all other stars in this city.”<br/>“Always what I wanted to be. Sara, how did you sleep?”<br/>“I had nightmares, I was back in my childhood, but before he could…do anything I woke up because of Sofia’s nightmare. After that I didn’t sleep anymore. That was around two in the morning.”<br/>“You know I’ve to take you back to that day.”<br/>“The days you mean.”<br/>“We start at the beginning.”<br/>“Now?”<br/>“Would you like to start now?”<br/>“No. To be honest…I know it’s important to work on that but I…the thing with Sofia is too much on my mind.”<br/>“We’ll work that out too.”</p><p>Sofia scratched out the word for the third time. She couldn’t concentrate. She tried to work on her report since two hours. Wasn’t it bad enough that she worked on her day off, she wasn’t able to concentrate on a bloody sentence. Every time she started to write, her mind drifted off and she thought of Sara. The last night. <br/>It had been wrong to leave the brunette alone in her room. She knew it. She had known it when she sat in the garden. She had known it when she walked back in her room. Like she had known this morning it was wrong to let her go without talking to her. Or staying home when she was supposed to go to the office of the therapist to see Sara. <br/>“A penny for your thoughts.”<br/>“They’re not worth a penny.” Sofia leant back, knowing Don stood behind her and held her. “And you should be at work.”<br/>“I’ll start later, we want to get a guy, who is better to locate during the evening.”<br/>“Do you need some help?”<br/>“I’m sure you’ve got other things to do.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Yes. You’ve got a relationship to work on.”<br/>“Why…?”<br/>“Sofia, I know you for a while, I know how you look when you’ve got problems and you look like a huge relationship problem. Plus the fact that you’ve got a day off, Sara is on sick leave and she isn’t here with you. What happened?”<br/>“We…we had a disagreement.”<br/>“A disagreement.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Since when do the two of you fight?”<br/>“Since she wants me to…since I’m an idiot.”<br/>“A smart woman like you an idiot? I don’t believe that.”<br/>“I acted like one the whole night and morning. Don, I’m about to mess it up.” Sofia took his hand. She needed a friend, he knew it and was there. He always seemed to know when she needed a friend. <br/>“Do you want to tell me what happened?” He sat next to her, took her in his arms. <br/>“I had a nightmare, I dreamed of…something she told me about her childhood yesterday.” Sofia couldn’t tell him about Sara’s past, it wasn’t her decision who was allowed to know about it. <br/>“It had to be something really bad.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“You don’t have to tell me.”<br/>“I can’t. But…I’m in a conflict too. She told me about things I’ve to keep quiet about as her girlfriend, but as a lieutenant…I should talk about them.”<br/>“A conflict of interest.” <br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And she knows about your nightmare.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“She knows why you had a nightmare, she feels guilty and you didn’t want to talk about it.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“So what’s your solution, lieutenant?”<br/>“I need to find a way to show her I’m fine.”<br/>“What you are not.”<br/>“Doesn’t matter.”<br/>“It does. For her. And for me.”<br/>“I’ll cope.”<br/>“With nightmares.”<br/>“One nightmare.”<br/>“Of course, you slept like a happy baby the whole time before. It never touched you what happened to the woman you love. You can just blind it all out.”<br/>“Don’t annoy me, Don.”<br/>“You mean, don’t tell me things I don’t want to hear?”<br/>“Yes. Again. We’ll work it out.”<br/>“By sitting in the garden and being somewhere else? Anywhere but not together. Do I have to cuff you, throw you in my car and get you to her or will you go to see her yourself?”<br/>“I can handle my private life alone.”<br/>“Good, then do it. Now!”<br/>“I’ll wait until she’s back.”<br/>“Sofia, she’s a stubborn woman, just like you are. She won’t come back for lunch. You have to find her. Where’s her favorite spot?”<br/>“The dog’s park.”<br/>“Why aren’t you there?”<br/>“I…I go there. Now.”<br/>“That’s what I wanted to hear.”</p><p>Sofia had been at the dog’s park for over two hours, no Sara arrived. She didn’t get a message from Don, which told her, Sara wasn’t home either. She had walked around Silver Lake, parts of Hollywood and West Hollywood, went to the bakery and even drove to Angeles National Forest. No Sara. Her last solution was doctor Weinberg’s office. Sara was supposed to be there at five. Five minutes to five Sofia sat in the waiting area. Alone. The door to the office was closed, she didn’t hear voices, but didn’t knock. If the doctor was in a session she wouldn’t appreciate it when Sofia disturbed her. And Sara was due to come now. <br/>She didn’t get a call or text message of her girlfriend the entire day. Nothing. Alright, she also didn’t call or text her to give her some space. If Sara thought the same, they both were waiting for the other one to take some action. <br/>“Sofia.” <br/>It was her name, but it was the wrong person, who said it. Not Sara, doctor Weinberg was there. <br/>“Hey…Jules.” It felt weird to call the doctor by her first name. She had to get used to that. <br/>“What are you doing here?”<br/>“I…I was waiting for Sara. I am waiting for Sara.”<br/>“She isn’t here.”<br/>“She’s supposed to come here, isn’t she?”<br/>“Not anymore.”<br/>“But…why?”<br/>“Sofia, she asked me not to talk to you about her therapy anymore, that means, I can’t give you answers.”<br/>“She did…are you serious?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“She keeps me out.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg stayed quiet. <br/>“Why?”<br/>“You’ve to ask her that yourself.”<br/>“I would if I knew where she is. She…I supposed you know about last night…yes, you can’t tell me, but I assume you do. She worries, I don’t want her to worry, I can handle it…”<br/>“Let me give you a friendly advice: talk to your department psychologist.”<br/>“Why? Because of one nightmare?”<br/>“Sofia.” <br/>The way the tall brunette said her name, it was obvious to Sofia, that she knew, there had been more than one nightmare. Sofia didn’t know what Sara told her therapist, but she suspects a lot. Probably everything. She trusted her. Apparently more than Sofia otherwise she hadn’t told the doctor not to talk with the blonde anymore. <br/>“Where is she?”<br/>“I don’t know if I did, I’m not allowed to tell you.”<br/>“She told us that a man, who raped her as a child, is in L.A. and this man has never paid for what he did to her. Can you just let go of that? Can you sit here, watch her suffer and know, he is out there somewhere, happy, maybe doing what he did to her, to the next child? Can you live with this? Are you happy with this?”<br/>“I’d prefer to see him in jail too, but I’ve to respect the wishes of my patients. And I’ve no idea if he has to fear any legal actions after all these years.”<br/>“You’ve got twenty years. Twenty years after you’re an adult, so until she’s thirty-eight, she can press charges and he has to pay. She’s thirty-seven, she can do it.”<br/>“She doesn’t want to.”<br/>“I’m a lieutenant, not a priest, I have to take action when I know about a crime. Especially when it involves child abuse.”<br/>“I’m aware of that. I won’t tell you not to do it, but I want you to consider the consequences. If you tell your boss or whoever is responsible for a case like that, you’ll do the opposite of what she asked you to do.”<br/>“She doesn’t trust me anyway.”<br/>“She trusts you.”<br/>“Yeah sure, that’s why you’re not supposed to talk to me about her anymore. What a great deal of trust. And don’t tell me she does this all because she wants to make it easier for me.”<br/>“She loves you.”<br/>“If she loves me, why doesn’t she let me help her?”<br/>“She can see how you suffer, that all the things, that happened to her, are hard on you. That you suffer. She loves you, she doesn’t want you to suffer.”<br/>“That’s why she ran away?”<br/>“She didn’t run away.”<br/>“She hasn’t been home the whole day.”<br/>“How can you know? You’re here.”<br/>“She’s supposed to be here too.”<br/>“She had been here this morning, she won’t come back today.”<br/>“Jules…tell me what to do. Please.”<br/>“Talk to her.”<br/>“Why do you always want people to talk?”<br/>“Because it’s a nice way to get problems out of your way. Tell her what you feel, tell her your fears and – that’s sometimes even more important than talk – listen. Listen what she has to say. This is a situation, that’s difficult for both of you.”<br/>“It’s easier to talk to her if I knew where she is.”<br/>“I can’t help you there.”<br/>“No.” Sofia got up. “I’ll go home, maybe she’ll be there. I assume you can’t tell me when she’ll be here the next time.”<br/>“No, I can’t.”<br/>“Thought so. Well, I’ll see you around.”<br/>“Yes. Have a good evening, Sofia.”<br/>“Can’t get worse…” Sofia mumbled. </p><p>“She’s gone.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“She’s gone.” Sofia tried to repeat her sentence calmly. When she came home, she checked the garden, knocked on Sara’s door and when she got no answer, she opened the door. The room looked like the days before, the only difference was, some of Sara’s belongings were gone. The important ones. The big backpack, her papers, some clothes, the laptop. Everything that was valuable for the brunette was gone. <br/>Sofia had tried to call Sara, her calls all ended up in voice mail, ran to the dog’s playground, knowing her girlfriend wasn’t there, she checked the house again, the garage, even if Sara’s car has never been in one of garages. No signs of Sara, so signs of Sara’s car. Exhausted Sofia dropped on her couch and called the number of the therapist. <br/>“Her things are gone, her car is gone, her cell phone is switched off. I don’t give a damn about your therapist codex, where is Sara, Jules?”<br/>“I don’t know Sofia.”<br/>“She didn’t tell you?”<br/>“No. I told her she doesn’t have to come back this afternoon, we made an appointment for next week and that’s it. She didn’t mention that she wanted to leave, she didn’t mention anything about her plans for the day.”<br/>“She is gone. She left me. The house.”<br/>“I didn’t know about that, Sofia. Really.”<br/>“I’ll put on the radio.”<br/>“She hasn’t been away for…”<br/>“I won’t wait. If I tell my colleagues to put her on the radio, they’ll do that. If I ask them to track down her cell phone, they’ll do it. I won’t sit here and wait, I’ll find her. You can either help me or not, I don’t care. I’ll find her.”<br/>“What do you want me to do?”<br/>“Did she mention anything? About leaving? About where she wants to go?”<br/>“Sofia…I want to tell you but I can’t. As long as she’s my patient, I can’t tell you what we talked.”<br/>“What can you tell me?”<br/>“The last night was hard on her, she worries a lot, but we wanted to work it out.”<br/>“Looks like she preferred to run. To where, Jules?”<br/>“I don’t know.”<br/>“Will you call me if you hear anything of her?”<br/>“I can’t.”<br/>“Jules!”<br/>“Sofia, I can’t. I promised her. I can try to make her call you if she calls me, but I can’t call you. Even if I think her life in danger, I’ve to call an ambulance or the police. If your colleagues tell you about that call, I’m happy because I think, you’ll be good for her, but I can’t call you.”<br/>“Great, you’re no help.”<br/>“Sorry.”<br/>“Is there anything you’re allowed to do? To help?”<br/>“I can try to call her.”<br/>“Okay.” Nothing that helped Sofia. <br/>“If she answers her phone I’ll try to make her come here earlier and talk to her. But she has to make the decision if she wants you to know where she is, how she is.”<br/>“Great. I’m left out in the dark.”<br/>“She’ll be alright.”<br/>“I hope so. I’ll  go out and look for her, I need to find her. She has to be somewhere. I let you know if I find her.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>Sara was gone. Sofia sent Don a text message that Sara was gone and if he, Lynn or Kyle saw her, they should call Sofia immediately. <br/>Sofia put her cell phone in her pocket. She couldn’t just sit here and wait. She had to do something. Anything. Where would Sara go to…the motel? She should know that Sofia thinks about this place, that the blonde would find her there. It was too obvious. On the other hand, too obvious was sometimes the best way to hide something or somebody. <br/>She took her car keys and drove to the motel. The woman, who helped Sara out when she stayed there, sat at the front desk. <br/>“Hi.”<br/>“Lieutenant, what can I do for you?”<br/>“Is Sara here?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Listen, I don’t feel like playing games. If she is here, tell me now. Don’t give me any shit about a woman with another name, who is in reality Sara. I’m not in the mood for games. She’s gone, she left our house, she took her things and she isn’t in a constitution that makes her really stable. So I ask you again: Is Sara here?”<br/>“No. I haven’t seen her since the day she checked in as Mrs. Grissom. If you want, you can check all rooms, she isn’t here.”<br/>“Alright. If she shows up, give me a call. Or call this number.” Sofia wrote the number of Jules down. “Tell Jules Sara is here, she’ll come here and talk to her.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sofia left the building. Where to go now? What to do? Should she really call her colleagues and put Sara on the radio? If she did so, she needed a reason why, they wanted something from her to understand, why it was important to find the brunette. More than that they had a fight and Sara left. She was an adult, it was her decision where to be and if she didn’t want to be with Sofia, there was nothing the police could do to change that. <br/>This was not good</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thursday, October 8th</p><p>Sofia almost jumped off the chair. Did she sleep? She was tired, but she couldn’t sleep. She had no time for sleep, she had to find Sara, she had to…answer her cell phone. Maybe it was Sara. <br/>“Sara?”<br/>“Jules.”<br/>“Is she with you?”<br/>“No. She called me.”<br/>“Where is she?”<br/>“I don’t know, Sofia. She said she is alright.”<br/>“You don’t know where she is or you don’t want to tell me?”<br/>“I don’t know and if I would, I couldn’t tell you. But I will tell you something I’m not supposed to tell you because I know you worry and drive yourself crazy…”<br/>“I love her. Would you calm down if the one you love disappeared?”<br/>“I told her to go to work. If she does so, I can’t tell you, but I asked her to do so. And I told her to call you. Sofia, if Sara goes to work, it’s important that you don’t go there.”<br/>“Are you kidding me?”<br/>“No. She needs some time alone, if you go there, she might leave L.A. and won’t come back.”<br/>“How am I supposed to leave her alone? I love her.”<br/>“I know you do and she knows it too.”<br/>“I can’t…”<br/>“Please. I know it’s hard but give her the time and give her the space. She’ll be back with you if you give her some time.”<br/>“Will she come to your office any time soon?”<br/>Jules was quiet for a few seconds. “Yes.”<br/>“Will she call you again?”<br/>“I hope so.”<br/>“Three days. Tell her that if I haven’t heard anything of her within the next three days, I’ll let my colleagues see her. And her rent is due the day after tomorrow.”<br/>“I’ll let her know. Sofia, you should take the day off and get some rest.”<br/>“You’re her therapist, not mine.” Sofia ended the call. She didn’t need a day off, she needed to go to work and get her head straight. She couldn’t sit here and think of Sara the whole day, she needed something to distract her. <br/>The radio. Maybe some music got her mind of Sara and made her feel better. She turn on her favorite radio station. <br/>I dreamed I was missing<br/>You were so scared<br/>But no one would listen<br/>Cause no one else cared<br/>This didn’t distract her, this made her feel more sad. She took her cell phone and dialed a number.<br/>“Yo.”<br/>“Greg, it’s Sofia.”<br/>“How are you? Did you get bored at work?”<br/>“No, not really. I have to start later.”<br/>“With or without the sexy brunette?”<br/>“Sara…should be at work.”<br/>“Should? If she’s not with you, she’ll be at work. Where else should she be?”<br/>That was something she wanted to know too. <br/>“Greg, she left.”<br/>“What do you mean with she left? Of course she has to leave to go to work.”<br/>“No, she left…yesterday. When I woke up, she was gone, I haven’t seen her since, haven’t heard from her.”<br/>“You are kidding me, right?”<br/>“No. I wish I were.”<br/>“What happened?”<br/>“She…damn it, I don’t have to keep her problems secret from you. She saw a guy you abused her when she was a child. He was here in L.A., not too far away from home. She managed to get to Jules, lost conscious there. Jules called me, a physician and when Sara got her conscious back, she told us – Jules – what happened. She told me later and I got…I had a nightmare about what she told me and she had to wake me up.”<br/>“She felt guilty.”<br/>“Yes.” He knew Sara, Sofia didn’t have to tell him every detail, he knew what Sara felt better than most people. <br/>“I needed some air, we had a little disagreement outside, she went in her room, I in mine and when I looked for her in the morning, she was gone. She had therapy at eight, so I thought she was there but when she didn’t come back, I started to worry. Jules can’t tell me about her session with Sara anymore, Sara made her shut up.”<br/>“Holy shit.”<br/>“Yes. Greg, is she with you?”<br/>“Sara? No. Really not. I swear.”<br/>“Alright. I want to know where she is, I want to know if she’s fine. I can’t call her, her cell phone is switched off.”<br/>“I’ll try to call her, maybe she’ll listen to her mailbox at one point.”<br/>“I hope so too.”<br/>“She’ll be alright, Sofia. And she’ll be back with you soon. She loves you.”<br/>“She loved Grissom too before she left him.”<br/>“That’s something different.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because…she wouldn’t do that, she wouldn’t leave you.”<br/>“Yeah, I bet that’s what everybody thought about her and Grissom. And he was alone because she left without saying goodbye.” Sofia hung up the phone. Why did she have to think the whole time about the fact, that Sara left Grissom. <br/>When my time comes<br/>Forget the wrong that I've done<br/>Help me leave behind some<br/>Reasons to be missed<br/>Don't resent me<br/>And when you're feeling empty<br/>Keep me in your memory<br/>Leave out all the rest<br/>Leave out all the rest</p><p>Don stood behind the window in the living room and watched Sofia. The blonde sat on a bench, arms on her knees, head on her hands, eyes down. She had been distracted the whole day, she wasn’t able to work, she hadn’t paid any attention to her job. If he hadn’t taken over, Sofia had endangered herself and her colleagues. <br/>He knew Sara was gone, he knew her friend suffered. Like he did. He missed Sara, he didn’t understand why she left, he wanted to know where she is, how she was. Sitting here, waiting, not knowing anything, made him crazy. Made him feel useless. Sofia had told him, Sara needed some time alone, she needed some space, that there were things of her past, that made her go. That she would come back. But he wasn’t blind, he saw the fear in Sofia’s face. He saw the fear in her blue eyes that her lover might not come back. Didn’t Sara do the same with her ex? Leave him in Vegas because she needed some time and space because of her past? What if she did the same to Sofia like she did to Grissom? He didn’t know much about this, only the things Greg and Sofia had mentioned, but so far it looked for him like it was the same like two years ago. And Sofia’s voice, that was shaky, sounded like she had cried a lot, was just another piece of evidence, that she had the same thoughts. The same fears. <br/>He had tried to call Sara, the cell phone was switched off. He had left a few dozen messages, none got responded. He was about to drive to Angeles National Forest, Sofia stopped him. He wanted to track her credit card down to find out where she stayed. It had to be a motel or a bed and breakfast. He wanted to know if she came back. And when. And why she left. There were so many question and no answers. <br/>It was hard for him, it was even harder for Sofia. And he had no idea how to help her, what to do to make her feel better. It broke his heart to watch her suffer, to see, she felt like somebody had taken away her air to breathe. <br/>“Don’t watch me like a suspect through the one way mirror.”<br/>“Sorry.” He left the house, went into the garden, sat next to Sofia and pulled her in his arms. For a few minutes they stayed like this, arm in arm, holding each other. <br/>“I miss her, Don.”<br/>“Me too.”<br/>“Why did she go? Why did she leave me?”<br/>“I don’t know.”<br/>“We can work things out, there’s no reason to leave. Without a single word.”<br/>“I don’t understand it.”<br/>“What am I supposed to do without her? She’s my life. I love her. And I’ve always thought she loves me too.”<br/>“She does.” He hoped Sara loved Sofia. Loved her and came back to her. Soon.<br/>“Why did she go?”<br/>“I don’t know. I’ve no idea what happened.”<br/>“I’d love to tell you but…just the thought of it makes me feel guilty because I think, it’s her business to tell you, to let you know. With this I can even understand Jules, what I didn’t want to. Why does Sara call her and not me?”<br/>“Maybe because she knows doctor Weinberg tells you.”<br/>“She told her not to talk with me about her anymore.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“I don’t know…to make it easier for me?”<br/>“Easier for you?”<br/>“Some things she told me got into me. Gave me a really bad nightmare, she witnessed it. I think, she tries to protect me, not seeing that this is worse than any nightmare because it’s reality. I prefer not to sleep because of a nightmare than to be awake without her.”<br/>“Did she go to work today?”<br/>“I don’t know. Jules didn’t call, I’ve no idea what Sara did or does.”<br/>“Did you call doctor Weinberg?”<br/>“No. She’ll let me know if there’s anything she can tell me.”<br/>“Did you…talk to our doc about it?”<br/>“I don’t want to take my person life, my personal problems to the department shrink. It’s not work related, it’s none of their business.”<br/>“Sofia…it’s work related. You didn’t concentrate, you didn’t work the way you used to work, you are supposed to work. You need to get your mind on the job, otherwise you put the life of the people you work with and your life in danger.”<br/>“My life is worthless without her.”<br/>“Don’t talk like this.”<br/>“It’s true. What am I without her? Without her I’m nothing. I don’t want to be without her.”<br/>“Don’t talk like this.”<br/>“It’s true Don and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Without her, I’m nothing and my life makes no sense.” Sofia got up and ran into the house. <br/>Don started to follow her, stopped when  he heard how the door to her room got locked. He didn’t like this. Not a bit. And he knew, he had to do something. He couldn’t sit and wait, Sofia was suffering, she wasn’t herself. She needed him to do something. Something to help her out of this. Fast. </p><p>Don had no idea for how long he had paced up and down the little hallway. Time went so slowly when you needed it to hurry. Where was the car? Why didn’t he hear anything? How much longer could this take? <br/>A knock on the door made him jump and open the door. <br/>“Thanks God you’re here.” He had tried to call Sara, had talked on her mailbox, had begged her to call Sofia, to come back. He had no idea if she listened to this or she deleted everything and didn’t care. All he knew was, he was not getting anywhere this way. He called a colleague and asked a personal favor. A few minutes later he got a call back, got a number and dialed it. It was Doctor Weinberg’s personal cell phone number. <br/>“What happened?” <br/>“She’s losing it.”<br/>“Be more specific.”<br/>“She said her life is worthless without Sara. She’s desperate. I…I’m scared she might do something stupid.” Saying these words out loud scared him even more. <br/>“Where is she?”<br/>“In her room. She locked the door, doesn’t want to talk to me.”<br/>“Do you have a second key?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Show me the door.”<br/>“Up here.” He guided her up the stairs to Sofia’s room. <br/>“Thanks.” She knocked on the door. No answer. She knocked again.<br/>“Leave me alone!”<br/>“Sofia, it’s Jules.”<br/>“Leave me alone.”<br/>“That won’t happen.”<br/>“This is not your office, you don’t make the rules.”<br/>“Open the door.”<br/>“No. Leave me alone.”<br/>“Sofia, you’ve got two options: the first one is, you open the door, the second one is, you let the door closed and I’ll open it.”<br/>“Tell Don if he does anything to open the door I want him out of the house ASAP.”<br/>“I don’t need your housemate to get into your room. So what’s your pick?”<br/>“Get lost!”<br/>Jules looked at Don. <br/>“I can kick the door in, I don’t care if she kicks me out for that.”<br/>“I can handle this. It might be better if you step back.”<br/>“But…”<br/>“Please.”<br/>“Alright.” He stepped a few steps back. <br/>“How about you organize some muffins and coffee?”<br/>He looked at her. Did she really ask him to back off completely? Was she serious? She wanted to do this all by herself? <br/>“Alright, your pick, doc but if you don’t get anywhere within the next few minutes, I’ll do something.”<br/>“Thanks.” Doctor Weinberg waited until Don was gone. <br/>“I sent Don away, Sofia. Don’t you want to open the door?”<br/>“What didn’t you understand when I told you to get lost?”<br/>“So you take option two? Alright.” Doctor Weinberg sighed. She hadn’t done this for a long time. At least she wore sport shoes, that made it easier. She went a few yards back, took a deep breath, ran towards the door. When she was around a yard away, she jumped up, turned in the air so that she hit the door with her right foot, face down. Together with the door she fell into the room and ended up on her belly. The door was open, she was inside but she got no points for the landing. She was supposed to land on her feet and hands. She was out of practice. <br/>“What the fuck?” Sofia sat up on her bed and stared at her door and the psychologist on the floor. <br/>“I told you I’ll get inside without help.” She got up. <br/>“What do you think you’re doing?”<br/>“I keep my promise to come inside.”<br/>“I can’t remember I asked you to promise this.”<br/>“You didn’t say it with words, lucky for us, I’m a psychologist, I understand what people say even when they don’t say it.” Jules picked up the door and put it in front of the frame. It wasn’t broken, only flew out of the door hinge.<br/>“I can shoot you for that.”<br/>“Sofia, if you threaten me I’ve to call an ambulance. Do you really want to stay a few days in a mental hospital?”<br/>“You’ve got no…”<br/>“I’ve got everything I need for that. So, now that we’re here and Don is getting muffins and a coffee, why not talk?”<br/>“I’m not your patient.”<br/>“I know, but I do talk to other people than patients.”<br/>“Why can you invade my life, give a damn about my privacy, while you treat Sara’s like it’s a treasure?”<br/>“When people say things like that their life makes no sense and close friends worry about them, I’m allowed to do a lot of things.”<br/>“I’m fine.”<br/>“You didn’t tell Don your life is worthless and has no sense without Sara?”<br/>“Not your business.”<br/>“What do you think does he think when he hears words like these?”<br/>“That my girlfriend left me and…I miss her.” Sofia had to swallow. Her anger was gone. She was too tired, worried too much about Sara to be mad at the therapist. <br/>“Talking like you’re threaten to harm yourself won’t make it better. It will make people worry about you, break a few rules to get to you.”<br/>“And my door.”<br/>“Yeah, sorry about that. I told you, I’ll come in.”<br/>“I thought more of…I don’t know.. you pick the lock.”<br/>“Sorry, I’ve no idea how to do that.”<br/>“But you know how to kick in a door. I thought you’re a therapist.”<br/>“A therapist, who worked in a hospital and we had once or twice a year a patient, who locked himself in a room. The fasted way to get in is kick it in. I’m out of practice, there were times when I did that better. More elegant.” Doctor Weinberg sat on Sofia’s bed, took her hand. “You didn’t sleep.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“I know you love her and she loves you too. If she saw how you suffer, what she’s putting you through, she wouldn’t do it.”<br/>“She should know what she’s putting me through.”<br/>“She still thinks it’s better for you to be without her. Without her problems.”<br/>“It’s not. I love her, I want to be with her. I want to have her with her problems in my life, you’re supposed to be there for the one you love, to help her through everything and…” Sofia couldn’t held back her tears anymore. Like a monsoon rain in the rain forest, her face was flooded by tears. She couldn’t see anymore, everything was blurry, she shook and held like somebody had ripped off her heart. She leeched on to the other woman, buried her face in her shirt and let go of everything. All the pain, all the fear, all the things of the last two days got up and seemed to leave her body through her eyes. There was no way she could stop her tears, she didn’t try, she had given up, had let them taken over. She was a hostage of her own body. <br/>“Can’t you get her back to me?”<br/>“I can try. When she’s with me the next time, I’ll try to make her come back.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sofia snuffled. “I’m such a wimp.”<br/>“You’re a woman, who is in love.”<br/>“I cry like a baby and she isn’t even gone for forty-eight hours.”<br/>“You don’t start to miss your lover after forty-eight hours and it’s not like you’ve forgotten her after seventy-two hours, we’re not talking about a physical addiction, Sofia. You love her, you miss her when she leaves the room to get a drink for the two of you. You wonder what she’s doing when she’s in the kitchen and needs a little bit more time to fix the cocktail because she can’t open the tin. And you worry if something has happened to her when she comes home late, despite the fact that you know, it’s rush hour and she can’t always be on time. It’s love Sofia. Just the side effects of love, not more and not less.”<br/>“Are you a relationship counselor too?”<br/>“No. And you don’t need one.”<br/>“Right, I don’t have a relationship.”<br/>“You have one, you know that.”<br/>“A relationship on hold.”<br/>“A relationship, that’s a little bit tough, but you don’t give up a case when it gets tough, do you?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“So do you want to give up Sara because it’s tough?”<br/>“No!”<br/>“See.”<br/>“But what if she…you know, when she was…she left Vegas, left her fiancé there, she left him a letter, didn’t tell him she’d go. Didn’t tell him where she’d go to. I’m…I feel like…I’m afraid she’ll do the same again. Maybe there’ll a letter in front of my door tomorrow, telling me, she couldn’t handle it anymore and had to leave. Maybe I won’t get a letter and she leaves me without a note. I’m so scared, Jules.”<br/>“She won’t do that, Sofia.”<br/>“How can you know?”<br/>“Let’s say I know a little bit about people and their actions. Especially when I’ve talked with them for a while.” Doctor Weinberg smiled.<br/>“True. Sorry.” <br/>“It’s alright, Sofia. She’ll be back soon. Sara is…she needs  some freedom and at the same time she’s afraid to be alone, that nobody cares about her. The problem is, the people, who were supposed to care for her as a child, didn’t care.”<br/>“You mean, she’s afraid she’ll get disappointed again? That I’ll watch her suffer and won’t do anything?”<br/>“At the moment she’s more scared that the person she cares about most suffers because of her. It’s like…she had to suffer because her father didn’t stop the suffering. She tries to stop it for you by staying away, not seeing that she gives you even more pain.”<br/>“Can’t you make her understand that it’s worse for me to be without her than to suffer with her?”<br/>“I can try when I see her again.”<br/>“You won’t tell me when she has her next appointment?”<br/>“No. And I don’t know if she’ll be there.”<br/>“I hope she will.”<br/>“So do I. And I hope, I can leave you without worrying that you’ll do something stupid.”<br/>“I won’t. No more locked doors. Promise.”<br/>“Good. Get in the kitchen, your muffins should be there.”<br/>“Don’t you want some muffins too?”<br/>“No, I’ll go back home.”<br/>“I’m sorry Don called you and got you here. You don’t have a lot of spare time since you met us, do you?”<br/>“I’m fine. My mother wants to see me for dinner, you can imagine, that’s not exactly a time I can relax.”<br/>“She should be happy.”<br/>“She would I was a medical doctor. This isn’t what she had planed for her daughter. You can’t please your parents all the time, can you?”<br/>“No.” Sofia got up. “Thanks Jules. I guess, I’ve to write you a big check.”<br/>“You’re not a patient, Sofia. You’ve to pay me in another way. I might call you the next time I get a parking ticket and let you make it disappear.”<br/>“I’ll see what I can do.”<br/>“Good. Until then, you forget that I broke your door and…I don’t know, I trespassed your room, I guess.”<br/>“B&amp;E. Break and enter. You’ll need a good lawyer to get out of this without some time in jail.”<br/>“You know any good lawyer?”<br/>“There are no good lawyer. It’s like you want to order a dry water or baked ice cream. Some things just don’t fit together. Good lawyer is one of these things. Or careless therapist.”<br/>“You’d be surprised how many therapists don’t care about their patients.”<br/>“I’m afraid I wouldn’t, most people don’t care anymore. Why should a therapist be different to some cops?”<br/>“I know a cop, who cares a lot.”<br/>“I know a therapist, who cares a lot. We should hold on to these special people we know and be thankful for their help.”<br/>“We are, aren’t we?” Jules squeezed Sofia’s hand before she got up and left the room. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, October 9th</p><p>“I can smell muffins.”<br/>The door to the office, that was ajar, got opened. With a bag of muffins and two large coffees Sara entered the office. She dropped the things on the table, sat on her favorite chair and waited until doctor Weinberg was done with her last report. <br/>“Since when is this a muffin session, Miss Sidle?”<br/>“Since I’m hungry, didn’t have any breakfast nor lunch and couldn’t resist the smell.”<br/>“I let you away with this today. You look like crap.”<br/>“Thanks doc, I’m glad to see you too.”<br/>“That’s why you’re here.” Doctor Weinberg sat next to Sara, ignored the coffee and muffins. “How was your day?”<br/>“Alright. I went to work, stayed for ten hours, got told a few times I look not too good today, nobody said it as charming as you did, I stopped by the bakery and came here.”<br/>“Will you go home tonight?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because I don’t feel like it. I’ve a place to stay.”<br/>“I know you do. Nevertheless you should go home, your plants need water.”<br/>“How do you know?”<br/>“I saw them yesterday.”<br/>“You were there? Why?”<br/>“Because your housemate Don went through a lot of trouble to get my personal cell phone number, called me on my way to dinner with my mother. Sofia had locked herself in her room, after she had a breakdown and the situation he described sounded like she was suicidal…”<br/>“What? Why…”<br/>“She was suicidal because from her point of view, her life makes no sense without you. She prefers to share your problems than to be without you. And if you go, she doesn’t see any reason for herself to go on with her life. You are her life, you’re gone, her life is over. That and the fact, that she wasn’t herself the whole day at work and endangered herself and her colleagues, made me come to your place.”<br/>“Is she alright?”<br/>“Why don’t you ask her that herself?”<br/>“I…I can’t.”<br/>“Great. So the next time, when Don isn’t around to stop Sofia or call me, he’ll come home finds your lover or ex girlfriend, whatever she is for you, with a bullet in her head on the floor. Is that what you want, Sara?”<br/>“No…I…why do you say things like this?”<br/>“Because I need you to wake up, to realize that the actions you take, don’t affect only you. You need some time out, you need some space, that’s alright, but it’s not okay the way you did it. There’s a woman, who loves you more than her life, who doesn’t want to live without you and you don’t give a shit about her.”<br/>“I…I do…”<br/>“You don’t. You left her, you don’t answer her calls, you don’t answer any calls, you left everybody worrying about you. Maybe there was a time when nobody cared that you were gone, that you didn’t call, this time is over. There is somebody who cares. There is somebody who loves you and if you at least care a little bit about Sofia, you tell her yourself that you are fine and that it’s not her fault that it’s over.”<br/>“It isn’t over…why do you say that?”<br/>“Because the way you treat Sofia, you don’t treat somebody you love. If you would love her, you don’t act the way you do. You treat her like dirt and not like a lover.”<br/>“I…shit.” Sara closed her eyes. “I bring pain in her life, she’s better off without me.”<br/>“You take away all the joy of life, her interest in life, if you leave her. If you could choose between living through a hard time with the one you love or be left by the one you love, feel like you’re worthless and have never been truly loved, which one would you choose? Tell me, Sara.” She had asked Sara the same thing the last time they’ve met. <br/>“I…you want me to talk to her?”<br/>“I don’t want you to do anything I just tell you how she feels and to be prepared in case nobody is there to stop her the next time she feels she better off dead than without you. She has a weapon, she has the possibility to commit suicide.”<br/>“She isn’t the kind of woman…”<br/>“You want to tell me what I saw yesterday was wrong? Are you making my job now, Sara? Are you the therapist, who has works with suicidal people?”<br/>“No, I…shit…”<br/>“Tell me, how long do you want Sofia to suffer? How long do you want to take the risk?”<br/>“I…”<br/>“Yes?”<br/>“I don’t want her to do anything stupid…”<br/>“Not?”<br/>“No!”<br/>“Alright. In that case you should take your muffins and see your ex.”<br/>“She isn’t my ex.”<br/>“Not?”<br/>“No. I…I love her.”<br/>“Maybe you should tell her – or even better: show her.”<br/>“But…”<br/>“No but, Sara. Make your decision: stay away and take all the consequences or go to her and tell her you love her. Two possibilities, choose one. Now!”<br/>Sara sat on her chair, bit her lips, avoided her doctor’s eyes. She had to swallow hard. This wasn’t the therapy she was used. This wasn’t the way doctor Weinberg usually talked to her. This was very straight forward, aggressive. She held Sara at gun point. <br/>“Okay.”<br/>“Okay what, Sara?”<br/>“I’ll go home. Now. And talk to her.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“But…”<br/>“Can’t see you walking to your car.”<br/>“What am I supposed to tell her?”<br/>“How about what you feel for her?”<br/>“Isn’t that too simple?”<br/>“Sometimes simple things can be the most important things in your life. Out, Sara.”</p><p>Sofia watched her food. She knew she wasn’t nice to Don, who had cooked her favorite dinner to make her happy. And now she sat in front of her food, picked the mashed potatoes up with her fork, lifted it and dropped it again. She wasn’t hungry. More, the thought of food made her sick. She couldn’t eat this. It smelled good, it looked great, but…she couldn’t. Like she couldn’t have breakfast or anything for lunch. <br/>“Sofia, you have to eat.” Don sighed. <br/>“I can’t. I really appreciate what you did for me, that you cooked this, it smells great, it looks great, but…if I take only one bite I’ll throw up. I just can’t eat….” She got up and left the kitchen. She needed some fresh air. <br/>The third day was over. She wanted to have Sara back, she wanted to tell her colleagues to look for her. The problem was, Sara wasn’t really gone. She had contact with her therapist, probably she went to work. There was nothing her colleagues could do. She’d make a fool out of herself if she told them to get Sara back. He brunette left her, if she started to whine and involved the police, she looked like a woman, who couldn’t let go of a former lover. Former lover. Was it really over? Did she lose Sara? Was it over? <br/>She didn’t want it to be over. She wanted Sara back. She wanted to fight. But how? How could she fight a fight she didn’t start, she had no idea who was her opponent. She felt helpless, she felt hopeless, she felt…Sara. Sofia turned and blinked a few times. Was that real or did she have hallucinations? <br/>“Hey.”<br/>That was Sara’s voice. Was she real? Was she really back? <br/>“Sara.” Sofia had no idea what to do. She wanted to run to her lover, she wanted to hug her, wanted to pull her in her arms and never let go. But her legs didn’t move, she stood there like she was frozen or made of stone.<br/>“Sofia, I’m sorry…I…I’m sorry.” <br/>“Are you…are you telling me it’s over?” Every word was hard, every word hurt. Sofia didn’t want to have an answer, she was scared of what Sara might say. But she needed an answer, she needed to know, if it was all over or if she and Sara were still together. <br/>“What?” Sara closed her eyes. She felt a twitch in her heart. Sofia really thought it was over, she really thought Sara didn’t love her anymore. She had thought doctor Weinberg over-reacted a bit, but the words of her lover, the way she said them, the way she looked, it was more than obvious that Sofia really thought she was here to tell her, it was all over. That she didn’t love her anymore. <br/>She wanted to tell her, it wasn’t over, that she loved her, that she wanted to be with her, but somehow it was like all these words wouldn’t be enough. With a few steps she was with Sofia, pulled her in her arms, held her as strong she could. <br/>Being in Sara’s arms Sofia wasn’t able to hold up the mask she had put on this morning to survive. She wasn’t able to control her body, for the second time within twenty-four hours, tears flooded down her face, made her lose her eyesight, made her unable to react to anything. She tried to hold on to the brunette, tried to get her as close as possible. <br/>It was Sara, who got a little bit out of Sofia’s arms only to have enough space to move her head and find the blonde’s lips for a long and deep kiss. This should answer Sofia’s question, this should make it obvious, that it wasn’t over. That she still loved her. That she wanted to be with her. <br/>“I love you.” Sara whispered when their lips were apart to make it possible for both to breathe. “I love you so much, Sofia. And I’m so sorry. I won’t leave you, I’m so sorry you thought so. I love you. You’re my everything. You are my life.”<br/>“Love you too.” The words came out with breaks, got half under in tears. Tears, that were still running down Sofia’s face. She had no control over her body and she had given up to try anything to stop her tears. <br/>Their lips found each other again, made them feel each other, feel the love, made fears and nightmares leave. They were back together. They were back as one. </p><p>“I really thought I lost you.” Sofia kissed softly Sara’s naked shoulder, snuggled in her arms and enjoyed the feeling of Sara’s arms around her. <br/>“I never wanted to leave you.”<br/>“You were gone, you didn’t call, didn’t answer the phone and …at one point I thought of what Greg told me about you and Grissom. That you left him with nothing more than a note. Just I never got a note.”<br/>“I scared you, I’m so sorry. All I wanted what to give you some space, to get the bad things, that happened to me, out of your life. I didn’t want to make you suffer, give you nightmares.”<br/>“I can live with nightmares and bad stories, I can’t live without you.”<br/>“I know. Now I know.” Sara kissed Sofia. How could she have been so stupid? How could she leave her lover? How could she treat her like this? How could she make her this sad? Hurt her so much. She had been so stupid, so selfish, a really bad girlfriend. She didn’t deserve a wonderful woman like Sofia. She didn’t deserve somebody this wonderful. Not when she treated her like dirt. <br/>“I won’t do it again. I promise.”<br/>“Good.” Sofia wasn’t sure if she could handle all these things again. So much pain, so many fears. <br/>“Can you also promise me something?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“Never ever think about harming yourself because of anybody. Not me, not anybody else. Your life is too precious to be wasted for somebody, who doesn’t deserve you. And me, treating you the way I did the last three days, I didn’t deserve you. Please Sofia, please never say, try or do anything like that again.”<br/>“Your doc is a tattletale.”<br/>“She’s the best doc I could have asked for.”<br/>“She broke my door.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“She broke my door. Kicked it in.”<br/>“No way!”<br/>“I’ll show you later.” They were in Sara’s bed. Sofia hadn’t repaired her door, she kept it broken as a memory of what had happened. Of the fact, that she had crossed a line. <br/>“She told me she was here yesterday, said I need to water my plants, she didn’t mention she kicked in your door.”<br/>“She did. I locked it, refused to open it, she was afraid I’d harm myself and kicked it in.”<br/>“I like her even more.”<br/>“I love her for getting you back. How did she do that?”<br/>“She told me what I did to you and wasn’t like before. She was harsh, she made it very obvious, that she didn’t agree with my behavior and I better wake up and start to use my head again. She forced me to go here.”<br/>“I can’t see her forcing anybody. She seems to be too nice for that.”<br/>“I can’t see her kicking in doors. Apparently doctor Weinberg has sides, we don’t know of.”<br/>“Yes. She isn’t a wimp like most psychologist are. I bet she can kick asses.”<br/>“She’d be great for the police work.”<br/>“Oh yes. But I can’t take her away from you. She needs to take care of you first.”<br/>“Thanks. She played me. From the moment I entered her office today, she played me. She knew how to get me, she knew how to press my buttons to make me come here. Bloody bitch.”<br/>“Amazing doctor. I wonder why her mother thinks she should be a physician. She’s perfect as a psychologist, she knows how to play people, she can see in people’s head…unfortunately she doesn’t do relationship counseling .”<br/>“You need that?”<br/>“If my girlfriends makes the decision to vanish again…no then I need a psychologist in general…her.”<br/>“She’s mine.”<br/>“Yours is mine, mine isn’t your business.” Sofia kissed Sara. “I’m so glad to have you back. I missed you so much.”<br/>“Ditto.”<br/>“Where have you been? You weren’t in your favorite motel.”<br/>“No, I knew, you’d come there. I was in a little motel not too far away from Angels National Forest.”<br/>“I knew you were working, I was close to come to your workplace. I knew, you wouldn’t like it, but…I needed to see you. I missed you and I wanted to know, if I had lost you.”<br/>“You don’t. You won’t get rid off me that easily, Miss Curtis.”<br/>“I don’t want to get rid off you, Miss Sidle. I want you in my life. To be more specific, I want you in my arms.”<br/>“I’m in your arms.”<br/>“The place you’re supposed to be.”<br/>“Yes.” Sara put her hand on Sofia’s stomach and at the same moment, Sofia’s stomach growled. “Somebody is hungry.”<br/>“Somebody refused to eat the whole day. Just the thought of food, of eating, made me feel sick. Don cooked such a great dinner and I didn’t touch it.”<br/>“Feel like some food now?”<br/>“I feel like sinking my teeth you.”<br/>“You eat me, I’ll be gone. So why don’t we dress in something casual, get some food and come back in here? We can feet each other with the good dinner you refused first. Oh, maybe I should say hello to Don.”<br/>“You can do that tomorrow…okay, that’s mean, he worried too. Say hello to him, I’ll tell Greg you’re back.”<br/>“You called Greg?”<br/>“In case you were on your way back to Vegas, yes. I needed him to tell me if you arrive there and want some shelter in his apartment.”<br/>“Back to my Greggo…no, I have a job in L.A., I can’t vanish to Vegas.”<br/>“Exactly. You’ve got a girlfriend in L.A. too, you shouldn’t leave her neither. I’m sure you meant to mention this too. And I’ll text your doc that you’re back where you belong. In case she had any doubts.”<br/>“Yeah, call your new friend.”<br/>“Jealous?”<br/>“No, she’s my therapist, I’ve got secrets with her.”<br/>“I’ve got her private cell phone number.”<br/>“I don’t want her private number, it’s enough that she meets Greg for dinner and is in private contact with my girlfriend.”<br/>“Only when her patient makes me worry.”<br/>“She won’t do that anymore.”<br/>“I hope so.”</p><p> </p><p>Monday, October 12th</p><p>“We don’t have an appointment today.”<br/>“We didn’t finish the one we had Friday.”<br/>“I see a beautiful woman next to you, she smiles, she holds your hand, I think, we finished our session perfectly.”<br/>“Do I get a new appointment? We didn’t talk about that Friday because my therapist kicked me out of her office.”<br/>“She made you no to lose too much time. Do you want to come in now?”<br/>“I don’t want to interrupt your evening plans – again. Like the whole week.”<br/>“It will cost you.”<br/>“I’ve a good insurance, but I doubt it’s that good.” Knowing of her mother’s condition, Sara had always been afraid that she might have inherited schizophrenia and got an insurance, that covered for therapy as much as possible. For years she had paid a lot of money, not using the benefits, now she used them. <br/>“We have – no muffins – we brought ice cream.” Sofia held up a box with ice cream. “For a change. Your mom told me, you love this one particular brand so we got it with your favorite fruits.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“You called my mother?”<br/>“Sure. I had to tell her about her door kicking daughter. You didn’t mention, you did this as a child too.” The blonde laughed. “No, I met her on the streets.”<br/>“I never liked it when doors were in my way.”<br/>“I like that. My therapist has a temper.”<br/>“You better keep it low, Miss Sidle, or you’ll learn what bad temper means.”<br/>“I’m not a door, so I’m safe. You might throw pieces of cotton wool at me. I’m dying of fear by the thought of it.”<br/>“You know, there will be no therapy for you today.”<br/>“No ice cream for you. Come on, Sofia, we need to find a nice spot to eat the ice cream before it melts.”<br/>“You go, the ice cream stays!”<br/>“All or nothing, doc.”<br/>“Can you get in any trouble for having some ice cream with us?” Sofia asked seriously. “I mean, I don’t know about the rules of therapy, is it possible or can you get some trouble for that?”<br/>“Sofia, I did a lot of things I can get in trouble for since I’ve met Sara. To be honest I thought a few times of putting her name off my patient’s list.”<br/>“What?” Sara was sure she had heard the wrong words. She understood, doctor Weinberg wanted to kick her off her patient’s list. That couldn’t be true. <br/>“Not having you as my patient would make things much easier.”<br/>“I…I know I’m not the easiest patient, but I…I don’t like the idea that I’ve to find another therapist. And I don’t know why. Why? Did I do anything wrong? Apart from all the things I did the last couple of days.”<br/>“If you weren’t my patient, I didn’t have to worry about rules.”<br/>“But…no. Please.”<br/>“I won’t put your name off the list, Sara, don’t worry.”<br/>“Not? Good. Thanks.”<br/>“I was looking for another solution, the problem is, your insurance does only pay as long as you’re officially my patient. Our professional relationship interferes a lot with our private lives, that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. We need to make a decision which way this should head to. I’m sorry to spoil the fun, but we either have the professional relationship and I’ll be your therapist or we change that and I won’t be your therapist again. Means, we make our appointments like I do with any other client, regardless the time, or you need a new therapist. You can’t have me as a friend, not even when therapy is over. I’m sorry to say so, if we stop having a professional relationship, we won’t have any kind of relationship at all. It’s ethically not possible.”<br/>“I don’t see any problem with ice cream and having you as my therapist, you’re the only therapist I want to talk to. But you’re the expert, if you say, it can’t work this way, I’ll accept that. No ice cream and a new appointment, please.”<br/>“Good.” Doctor Weinberg took her calendar. “What shift do you have on Wednesday?”<br/>“Early”<br/>“Do you want to come in at five?”<br/>“Yes, please. And doc? I’d like to…is it possible that Sofia is there too? I might have a topic, I need both of you around – it includes legal topics.”<br/>“Alright.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara took the ice cream and gave it to her therapist. “Enjoy the ice cream.”<br/>“You can keep it.”<br/>“No, we’ll keep the fruits, the lieutenant needs something healthy anyway.”<br/>“Alright. I’ll see both of you on Friday. Thanks for the ice cream.”<br/>“You’re welcome. See you on Friday.”<br/>“Bye Jules…and don’t eat the whole box at once.”<br/>“Stop talking to my mother!”<br/>Sofia smiled. It had been only a short meeting, but she had learnt some really interesting facts about the psychologist.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, October 14th</p><p>Sara paced up and down in the living room, checked her watch, the clock on the wall, went to the window, back to the book shelf, read the titles of the books, she had read half a dozen times already and repeated it all again. Where was Sofia? They were due to meet here. In two minutes, thirty-six seconds. Where was the blonde? Why wasn’t she here? Why didn’t she call that she’ll be late? Should they meet somewhere else? Could Sofia make it at all? <br/>“I go crazy.” <br/>She went outside to start walking in circles there. She hated to wait, she hated not to know, what was going on, she hated the feeling of going crazy – and she was sure if she didn’t stop walking around, mumbling senseless things, she made the dogs crazy too. <br/>One minute to go. Where was Sofia? Did she have an accident and couldn’t call? Was she in hospital? Working a hot case, involved in a shooting with multiple criminals? There had to be a reason why she wasn’t here, why she didn’t call. And usually when somebody didn’t call, wasn’t on time, it was something bad. Really bad. Her  job as a homicide lieutenant gave her a lot of bad reasons to be late. So many possibilities what could have happened to her, that she didn’t make it on time. What if she…<br/>“Sara? Are you ready?”<br/>Sara stopped. There she was. Relaxed. A little bit concerned because of her pacing girlfriend. But not harmed. No blood. No accident. And on time. Five seconds left.<br/>“I’m so glad you’re here.” Sara hugged Sofia and kissed her. <br/>“I’m glad I’m here too…are you alright?”<br/>“Yes. Just stupid thoughts. Let’s go.”<br/>“Sure?” Sofia held her lover back. “What kind of stupid thoughts?”<br/>“I was worrying that you won’t be here. We said ten to five, from half past four on I was pacing, looking for you, drove the dogs and myself crazy with ideas, what could have happened to you.”<br/>“Come here.”<br/>“We don’t have time, we need to…”<br/>Sofia pulled Sara in her arms, kissed her hair and held on to her. “We’ll take this minute. Your therapist will be fine when she has to wait for a minute more.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“That’s better.” Sofia kissed her again.<br/>“You know what’s even better?”<br/>“What, Honey?”<br/>“That I love you.”<br/>“Right, that’s the best of everything. I love you too and I’m so glad that you were next to me the last nights. No bed does feel right when you’re not there.”<br/>“I can sleep much better with you by my side.”<br/>“Ditto. And now, we’ll go and see your therapist. With an appointment, without ice cream or muffins.”<br/>“You think she’s a little bit pissed off?”<br/>“No she isn’t. But there are some rules she has to keep and some rules, you have to keep. After all, it’s therapy and when we start to just show up and want to talk to her, we’re invading her privacy. Something we both don’t like when somebody tries that with us.”<br/>“True. Let’s see her. Rumors is, she’ll be working only four days next week.”<br/>“Let me guess, she plans a trip to Las Vegas.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Well, Greg waited long enough and there are some new show on The Strip.”<br/>“I think, they’ll find some things to do. He wanted to go to Grand Canyon again.”<br/>“You’re surprisingly relaxed for the fact that she’ll meet him there.”<br/>“She stays in a casino hotel room.”<br/>“No. Serious?”<br/>“Yes. Friends, Sofia, they are only friends. There’s only one bed in Greg’s apartment, if she doesn’t want to sleep on the couch, she needs another bed.”<br/>“As a gentleman he should have offered her his bed.”<br/>“You don’t want to destroy my good mood, do you?” Sara asked and opened the car window. <br/>“No.”<br/>“Good. Casino hotel room.”<br/>“Sam Braun’s casino?”<br/>“I guess Cath got him a room for her in one of her father’s casinos. Are they her casinos now? Her mother’s? I’ve never asked her.”<br/>“I’ve no idea. We need to go to Vegas soon.”<br/>“We?” Sofia shot Sara an amused look. <br/>“Yes, we. You need to see your mom, I need to see Greg. And we both have to see the guys from work.”<br/>“I won’t let my girlfriend come close to her ex.”<br/>“Don’t be ridiculous.”<br/>“It’s jealous, not ridiculous.”<br/>“Sometimes that’s the same.”<br/>“We’ll talk about that later – when I have to go to Vegas. Like when my father turns sixty in two months.”<br/>“Perfect. Greg will be happy.”<br/>“So will my parents when they meet you finally.” Sofia grinned when she saw how pale Sara got. That was good. That was something, the brunette hadn’t thought of. Of course Sofia’s parents wanted to meet Sara. They knew about Sara and Sofia, they wanted to meet the woman, who was with their daughter. Their future daughter-in-law.<br/>“You can’t do that to me.”<br/>“Honey, your in-laws are dying to talk to you over dinner. When we’re in Vegas, we have to meet them. Together. And yes, my dad wants to see you on his birthday party too.”<br/>“I feel like I need my breathing exercise. I did so good. I didn’t need it when I waited for you, now I think I need it .”<br/>“You’re cute. Get out and see your therapist, maybe she can help you to find a solution for this new problem. A family meeting – Sara Sidle’s hardest case.”<br/>“Not funny.” Sara got out of Sofia’s car, slammed the door and entered the building without waiting for her girlfriend. Sofia was making fun of her, she was teasing her and liked the fact, that Sara panicked when she thought of a family meeting. <br/>“Hey doc, how are you?”<br/>“Hello Sara, I’m fine. You look much better than the last time I saw you.”<br/>“I feel much better. Sleep is an amazing drug.”<br/>“Where is…oh, there she is.”<br/>“The nasty one had to come up here alone.”<br/>“Don’t tell me you fought.”<br/>“I told Sara may parents want to meet her next month and she wasn’t happy about that.”<br/>“While Miss Curtis enjoyed the fact that I don’t like family meetings.”<br/>“Hey, these news did what they were supposed to do: they took your mind off this meeting.”<br/>“Yes.” Sara grumbled. “I hate it when people play me.”<br/>“Sometimes we do that because it’s for your best.” Sofia took Sara’s hand, squeezed it and entered with her girlfriend the office. Not bothering with the chairs, Sofia pulled Sara to the couch to have her right next to her.<br/>“I want to believe that.”<br/>“That’s a good start.”<br/>“I see, the two of you are happy together and there’s no sign of Sara leaving again for a few days.”<br/>“No, I’ll stay where I belong. And…with what I’ve on my mind I need her. And you. Be prepared for…that I’ll need you both a lot.”<br/>“What do you have on your mind?”<br/>“I want to…I don’t know if it’s possible, but I’d like…make him pay.” Sara swallowed and held on to Sofia’s hand.<br/>“It’s possible.” Sofia didn’t need to ask whom Sara was talking about. “You’re thirty-seven, you’ve got one year left until you’re thirty-eight.”<br/>“Okay. That’s good.”<br/>“I’m homicide, I can’t work the case, Sara, you know that.”<br/>“Yes. But…you could help me.”<br/>“I will help you. I can talk to the captain, who can work the case, I’ll be by your side. Can you tell me his name?”<br/>“Trevor. That’s all I know.”<br/>“You arrived here at five, that means, he was at the petrol station between quarter to five and five. I’ll let them check on credit cards, if he paid with plastic, we’ll get all the information we need.”<br/>“I’ll have to face him.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Doc, I need you for that.”<br/>“What do you want us to do, Sara?”<br/>“I…I want to talk through with you what might happen, what they might ask me, what will happen to me, my body, when I see him face to face. I can’t behave like the last time, I need to be able to control myself…I might need medicine for that.” Sara bit her lips. She hated the thought of taking medicine, psychotropic drugs, but maybe she’d need them to stay strong. To stand up in court.<br/>“I can’t give you any medicine, Sara. You need a medical doctor for that, a psychiatrist in the best case.”<br/>“I was afraid you’d say something like that. Can you ask your mother?”<br/>“She’s a doctor at the hospital, if you go to the ER, she might be there, she might treat you, but she can’t describe the best psychotropic drug for you. She isn’t a psychiatrist. And she can only prescribe the medicine you need for the reason, you’re in the ER.”<br/>“Okay…can you recommend somebody? Somebody you work with closely? Somebody, who isn’t…too much a psychiatrist. I want somebody, who is also human, doesn’t live above everything. Is there somebody you know, who would fit?”<br/>Doctor Weinberg thought for a few seconds. <br/>“Actually yes.”<br/>“Where can I find this man?”<br/>“First of all this man is a woman, I think, you respond better to woman, especially in a case like this. Second – and that’s maybe a little problem – you can find her not before next month.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because her office will open the next month. The office one story under mine.”<br/>“How do you know that? She came around and introduced herself to you? And why do you know she’s good?”<br/>“She’s my cousin.”<br/>“Oh.”<br/>“I’m sorry, we’re a doctor family and my cousin is a psychiatrist.”<br/>“You never mentioned her.”<br/>“Because she lives in Vancouver. Or lived. She’s about to move back to Los Angeles after her divorce. You have to wait two weeks for her to open her office, but if I give you any other names, they’ll let you wait even longer.”<br/>“It will take some time before I’ve to face him. I think I can handle this with you talking me through it here and Sofia helping me at home and  - as far as it’s possible for her – in the department. What do you think, doc?”<br/>“I’m sure you can do it. I’m not familiar with what will happen with you at the police station, what is procedure, but I can ask a colleague, who works with LAPD and Sofia can help us out there too.”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara closed her eyes and leant on Sofia. She was scared of her own bravery. Was it a good idea to do this? <br/>“You feel overwhelmed.”<br/>“I’m afraid I’ll get cold feet. When Sofia tells her colleagues, there’s no way back. I’ve to get through this. It scares me. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for all these things, that will come up. It’s not like I can hide somewhere, get out of my hole for one hour police investigation and hide again, I need to work, I need to function.”<br/>“You can do it, Sara. We will help you. Make him pay.” Sofia took Sara in her arms. “You are strong.”<br/>“You think?”<br/>“I know. You told us about this without that you trembled. You’ll do it.”<br/>“I thought about this for a while. It was the reason why I left you, I needed time to think, to make sure, I really want it. I knew, I couldn’t get a solution at home. I had said yes to this because of you, because you want it. I had to make sure, I want it too. And I do. I want him pay.”<br/>“We’ll make him pay.”<br/>“What if we have to go to San Francisco? He might still live there.”<br/>“We’ll figure out where he is and what to do. Whatever it is, you can do it. You’ve got the state and us with you. He is the one, who is alone, you’ve got a lot of people by your side.”<br/>“I might need a lawyer.”<br/>“If you need one, we’ll get you one.”<br/>“Okay. Oh god, if I’ve to tell everybody what he did to me…” Sara stopped. “I can’t do that.”<br/>“You’ll have to tell it at least once, you know that.”<br/>“We’ll talk it through, Sara. We’ll get you through it, slowly, step by step. You know it gets better after you talked about it a few times. And you’ll have some medicine if you need it. Something to calm you down a bit.”<br/>“Will I be addicted to it?”<br/>“You won’t be addicted to every medicine, it depends on the kind of medicine you take and it’s not like you take it once and be addicted. I’m sure you and your doctor will find something that suits you.”<br/>“What’s her name?”<br/>“Luria, Amanda Luria.” <br/>“And she’s nice because she’s your cousin.”<br/>“We are all nice in our family.” Doctor Weinberg smiled. “And if she’s not nice to you, you come up here and I’ll tell her off.”<br/>“Sounds good. There’s something else I wanted to ask for your opinion, doc.”<br/>“What’s that, Sara?”<br/>“I thought of going to San Francisco for a few days, I still have stuff up there, that I can get to L.A. now that I’ll stay here longer.” She looked at Sofia, smiled. “Hopefully forever. And I thought, I might…because of this thing I want to start…I can visit my mother. Ask her, if she remembers anything, can help me.”<br/>“The police side will be delighted about every detail, your mother is likely to remember the name too. You are not sure because you don’t want her involved. You’re scared, it will be too much for her.”<br/>“Yes. I’m not sure if this is a good idea.”<br/>“I don’t know how stable she is.”<br/>“Neither do I. The last time I saw her it was okay…can you call there and ask?”<br/>“They won’t give me any information without no reasons.”<br/>“True. So I need to get there and talk to her, to her doctors.”<br/>“Do you want some company?” Sofia offered.<br/>“Do you want to waste your days off for that?”<br/>“Do I have to answer this stupid question?” Sofia furrowed her brows. “Jules, get your cousin to give her something that makes her use her brain again. Such a smart woman, it’s a pity when she doesn’t use the smart brain she has. Sara, if your mother was a nun in India, I’d come with you only to say hello and tell her, she has a great daughter.”<br/>Sara bent over and kissed Sofia shortly. “Sorry doc, I had to do that.”<br/>“I can handle women kissing each other.”<br/>“And I’ll try to handle the thought you’ll see Greg soon. Just off the record because we don’t talk about your private life. Alright, I’ll go to San Francisco with Sofia and talk to my mother. A three days trip. Sofia, do you think, we can do this before my new doc comes here?”<br/>“I’ll see what my boss says – and the colleagues. You’ll spend some time in the department the next days.”<br/>“Nothing new. Do I get more than one coffee this time?”<br/>“I’ll make sure they’ll give you what you need.”<br/>“I need you.” <br/>Sofia had to hold herself back not to pull Sara in her arms and kiss her long and passionately. The way she said it, so simple, so pure, made her heart jump. Made it jump like only Sara could make it jump. <br/>“Don’t make me become fluffy, we’re at your therapist’s office.”<br/>“She can handle kissing women.”<br/>“Yes, but it’s not part of her job.”<br/>“She’s so shy sometimes.” Sara smiled at doctor Weinberg. “I love that. I’ll come to the department tomorrow. Doc, do you think I can handle it? I don’t want to…I don’t want to tell them the whole story…”<br/>“Sara, they’ll ask you for the whole story.”<br/>“Shit, you’re right. Okay, I need a little more time. Sofia, you said I’ve to press charge before I’m thirty-eight.”<br/>“Yes. But are you sure you want to wait that long?”<br/>“No, but two weeks more won’t hurt. Or three. I need some time to be prepared, to talk it through with doctor Weinberg and you. And maybe see my new doctor. I never wanted to come close to a psychiatrist…”<br/>“She won’t bite you, Sara.”<br/>“I’m sure she’s alright. Like you. For a therapist you’re alright.”<br/>“Well, thanks.”<br/>Sara smiled a bit. “But I won’t forgive you that you were that mean and bitchy the last time we had a session.”<br/>“You needed it. If I had been nice and very understanding, you hadn’t gone back to Sofia. It was the best for you to go back to her – and it was the best for her.”<br/>“Yeah, she has no door left. Somebody kicked it.”<br/>“Tattletale.” Doctor Weinberg looked at Sofia. <br/>“I told her the truth, nothing but the truth.”<br/>“Why did I say yes to have you in here?”<br/>“Because your patient, whom you really care for, what makes you such a great doctor, needs both of us. And we both want her to kick the ass of this bastard.”<br/>“You can’t write that in your report.”<br/>“That was off the books.”<br/>“Alright, off the books I want her to kick something else – when she wears some very sharp shoes.”<br/>“I love this woman.” Sofia sighed. “Sorry Honey, but she’s great.”<br/>“You’re allowed to like my therapist.”<br/>“I do. Together with her we will send this man where he belongs and make sure, you’re alright.”<br/>“I hope so. I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll lose it. I’m scared he’ll know that it’s me, that he’ll come and get me, that nobody believes me and he can walk around free, ready for some revenge.”<br/>“He won’t walk around free, he’ll walk behind high walls and thick bars.”<br/>“I hope so. I’m a little bit scared. I put all these things behind – or I thought I did – and now they’ll come back – in person. Doc, can you prepare me for all of that? Can you make me strong enough not to lose it? I don’t want to have a bout when I face him, when I talk to the prosecutor and the police. I need to be strong.”<br/>“We’ll make you strong, Sara. You’re already doing better. Since you’re here, you told us a lot, a lot about things that scares you, but you only trembled a little bit. You didn’t need your breathing exercise.”<br/>“I’m safe here. The two of you are there, he isn’t here. He doesn’t know where I am. But when I face him in court…”<br/>“He’ll be cuffed and we’ll be there too. I think.” Sofia looked at doctor Weinberg.<br/>“We can arrange that.”<br/>“We’ll call Greg, he’ll be here too, so will Don and you’ll have your own little army. Nobody will come close to you.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara bent over and kissed Sofia again. “Sorry doc. Again.”<br/>“I think, I make a new appointment with you and send the two of you home. What time do you have to work on Monday, Sara?”<br/>“Late.”<br/>“Alright. Eight o’clock?”<br/>“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have breakfast with Sofia, take the dogs out for a walk and come here.”<br/>“Are you alright passing by the petrol station?”<br/>“I might make a little detour, I’ll try not to, but I can’t promise.” The thought of being back at the place, where she saw the man, wasn’t something she like. <br/>“We’ll work on that too.”<br/>“So much work to do – beside my other work. I wish this was all over.” Sara sighed and got up. Did she do the right thing? Was it right to press charges after all these years? Would this help her to feel better or would her disorder become more severe when she did this? There were so many questions, no answers and a lot of possibilities, that scared her.</p><p>Sofia kissed Sara’s tip of the nose to get her back into reality. She could see by the look of the brunette’s eyes, she was some-where else, not with Sofia in her bed. <br/>“Sorry, I was…somewhere else.”<br/>“Somewhere else didn’t look like a nice place. You didn’t smile while you thought of it.”<br/>“I thought of what I’ve plane, if it’s right. If I’m about to do the right thing.”<br/>Sofia placed her head on Sara’s shoulder, got her leg over Saras and her arm around her lover’s upper body. She wished she could do something to help her. That there were words, she could say, that made Sara feel better, more confident. <br/>“It’s right. He hurt you, he harmed you, he deserves to pay for it. There are so many men like him, who get away with what they did and do, he got away for so many years, you’ve got the change to make him pay, make him see, that it wasn’t right, what he did. Show him and all men, who are like him, that they can’t get away with what they do. That they’ll have to pay and deserve every little bit of a punishment they can get.”<br/>“I don’t want to be an angel of revenge.”<br/>“You’re not. You do what’s right.”<br/>“How do you feel with all this? How can you handle it?”<br/>“Me? I’m proud and glad that you’ll press charges. That you will fight. Yes, I’m scared too. I’m scared that it will be too hard for you. That you will suffer, have more nightmares. I don’t worry about myself – I know you do.”<br/>“Yes I do.”<br/>“I made an appointment with the department psychologist and can talk to him next week. You see, I take care of my mind too.”<br/>“That’s good.” Sara kissed Sofia. “I don’t want you to suffer, I don’t want you to have nightmares and sleepless nights because of me. And I feel sorry that you have to go to a psychologist because of me…”<br/>“Not because of you, because of him! He’s the reason why you feel bad, why I feel bad. He, not you. You’re the victim. It’s never the victim’s fault what the perpetrator does to him or her. You know that, you told that a million times victims and families of victims.”<br/>“It’s harder to believe when you’re part of the case.”<br/>“I know.”<br/>“Is there anything I can do for you, Sofia?”<br/>“Don’t run away again.”<br/>“I won’t.” Sara pulled Sofia closer in her arms. “I’m so sorry I did that. I was so stupid. I hurt you. Scared you.”<br/>“Yes you did. I really thought it’s over, that you’re gone and left me.”<br/>“I love you.”<br/>“It was hard to believe when you leave and don’t talk to me.”<br/>“Sorry.”<br/>“It’s over, you’re back, don’t talk about it anymore. How you can help me? What you can do for me? Be there for me, talk with me. Don’t withdraw. I know, it will be hard, you’re a person, who keeps her private life private, but involve me, please. Be with me.”<br/>“I will try. If I withdraw, tell me, tell me I hurt you, that I promised to talk to you, share my feelings with you.”<br/>“I’ll do that.” Sofia closed her eyes. It was good to have Sara, to talk to her. The next weeks and months would be hard on both of them, on their relationship. For Sara to go through all those things that happened to her in her childhood, for Sofia to listen to these stories. Each time she thought of what had happened to Sara, she saw Sara as a young child, who got raped. She had never seen a photo of her lover as a child, but she had this picture in her mind, a picture of a little Sara. She had to get this picture out of her mind, she needed to concentrate on the present to help Sara and herself for the future. <br/>“I love you Sofia and of course I’ll come with you to Vegas to meet your parents.”<br/>“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”<br/>“They won’t shoot me for not being a son-in-law, will they?”<br/>“My father isn’t with the police and he dislikes guns in the house. My mom is allowed to keep one gun there, locked away. Her service weapon, she has to lock it as soon as she’s back and can only take out when she leaves to go to work. Nobody will shoot you – not even an evil look.”<br/>“Good. Did you take a woman there before?”<br/>“No. It was over with Gabrielle before we could make it to my parents, the others weren’t special enough – or I wasn’t long enough with them, however you want to see it.”<br/>“Ellen?”<br/>“Oh yes, they met Ellen when they came to L.A. once.”<br/>“Did they like her?” Sara knew Ellen could be very charming, she was sure, the model and actress knew how to play a nice girlfriend. <br/>“She was really nice to them. The first chance my mom was with me, she pulled me aside and told me to get rid off that woman ASAP. You don’t want a snake in the grass if you can have a beautiful swan. She hated Ellen and she didn’t try to hide that. When I told her it’s over, her comment was, that she was glad I use my head again.”<br/>“We won’t tell her that she was back in your life for a day.”<br/>“No, we better won’t. Like I don’t want to think about that anymore. I’ve a wonderful girlfriend and I’m sure my parents will like you. Mom might try to get you back to the law enforcement, but hey, you are in the law enforcement team. A law enforcement ranger. Will you wear your uniform?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“We all wear our uniforms on birthdays.”<br/>“You’re not supposed to lie to your girlfriend, Sofia.”<br/>“I…widened the truth a little bit.”<br/>“That’s a nice way to say you lied. Liar, liar, pants on fire…oh wait, you don’t wear any pants.” Sara rolled on Sofia, starting to bite softly in the blonde’s throat. “I might make you pay with some love bites. I’m sure your male colleagues will like that. Seeing their lieutenant with a vampire victim throat. And when they know your girlfriend gave them to you before you had lovely sex, they’ll excuse themselves because they need to see the toilet for a…relief.”<br/>“Lovely sex? I didn’t know I had lovely sex today. When I woke up in the morning my girlfriend was gone and I was alone.”<br/>“The day isn’t over, is it?”<br/>“Is that a promise?” Sofia let her hands run over Sara’s skin. How did she manage to survive three nights without her lover? Three nights without feeling her skin? <br/>“Depends.” Sara bit softly in Sofia’s earlap. <br/>“On what?”<br/>“If you see it as a promise or a threat.”<br/>“Honey, if sex with you is a therapy, I want to be threaten all day long.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Monday, November 2nd</p><p>“Can you come down with me?” Sara put on her saddest puppy eyes. She stood in the office of doctor Weinberg and wasn’t supposed to be here. <br/>“Sara, are you serious?” Doctor Weinberg got up. It was her lunch break now. <br/>“Yes. Sorry.”<br/>“She won’t bite you.”<br/>“I know but…I trust you and I don’t trust her, yet. Please. Pretty please. I know I’m a pain in the ass, but…you, your present, gives me confidence.”<br/>“You’re one of a kind, Sara.” Doctor Weinberg smiled. “Did you ask for special protection when you talked to suspects?”<br/>“I can handle murderer, but I can’t handle shrinks.”<br/>“And you think, a psychiatrist is more dangerous than a murderer?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Okay, let’s face the devil.” Doctor Weinberg locked the door behind them and went downstairs with Sara, where her cousin, doctor Luria, had her new office. There was no need to knock on the door, it was wide open and some boxes stood on the floor. The area, where a receptionist was supposed to sit, was filled with furniture and more boxes. Doctor Luria wanted officially open her office in two days, Sara had no idea, how she could turn this chaos in an office place. <br/>“Amanda?”<br/>“In here!” Doctor Luria’s voice came out of the second room. <br/>“You’re living in a mess.”<br/>“It’s a glorious mess.” Doctor Luria came out of the other room. “Hello, I’m doctor Luria, you must be Miss Sidle.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And you brought your therapist with you.”<br/>“She doesn’t trust you, thinks, you’re worse than a murderer.” The amusement in doctor Weinberg’s voice was obvious. <br/>“Really?”<br/>Sara flushed. Why did her therapist say that? Why did she use the example Sara had given her?<br/>“I’m just…nervous.” <br/>“No need to.” Doctor Luria took a look at her watch. “You go and have your lunch break, Jules, Miss Sidle and me will be fine.”<br/>“Be nice to her, she’s a special woman.”<br/>“That’s why she’s here today and not in two days. Please follow me.”<br/>Sara threw one last suspicious look at her therapist before she followed the other woman into the second room. Surprisingly this room was tidy and already ready for session. Examination? Whatever you had with a shrink. A blue couch was on side, a white table with light green chairs on the other side and next to the window was a huge desk with a lot of files. <br/>“Where would you like to sit?”<br/>“At the table?”<br/>“Alright. Have a seat.”<br/>Sara chose the chair next to the door. Probably the doctor saw in this a sign of running away, not feeling comfortable. Both was right and Sara didn’t care, if it was obvious. <br/>“Doctor Weinberg told me, you want to go to the police soon to press charges against a man and you’re afraid you’ll lose your conscious.”<br/>“Yes.” She was sure she was supposed to say more, probably tell the other woman her whole life story, but Sara didn’t feel like that. <br/>“You lost your conscious a few times recently?”<br/>“Twice. Or three times if you count the very bad bout too.”<br/>“That’s why you came to doctor Weinberg.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And she told you to come to me.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Why didn’t you go to a psychiatrist before?”<br/>“I didn’t want to.”<br/>“I understood you were in hospital the first time you lost conscious. Did you talk to one while you were in hospital?”<br/>“They sent one to me, I refused to talk to him.”<br/>“Why did you go to doctor Weinberg?”<br/>“Because doctor Bendler told me, she won’t let me out of hospital if I don’t see doctor Weinberg once.”<br/>“Doctor Bendler?”<br/>“Yes, her mother sent me to her – at that time I didn’t know they’re related. I found that out when I lost my conscious the second time and doctor Weinberg called her to have me checked by a physician.” <br/>“And now you’ve to deal with her cousin. Do you think I can help you?”<br/>“Doctor Weinberg said so.”<br/>“I didn’t ask what she said, I asked what you think.”<br/>“You can prescribe medicine, I might need to get through the case, doctor Weinberg can’t do that.”<br/>“Do you think I can help you in any other way than medicine?”<br/>“I don’t know.”<br/>“In which areas do you need or want any more help?”<br/>“I want to get through the case as good as possible and as fast as possible. After that everything will be alright.”<br/>“Will you continue to see doctor Weinberg after the case?”<br/>“I think, she wants me to continue.”<br/>“You don’t?”<br/>“I like her, it’s alright to see her a few more times.”<br/>“How do you sleep?”<br/>“Better.”<br/>“That means?”<br/>“I do have nightmares, when I talk about case related things, they’re worse, but I don’t wake up and scream anymore.” Not last week. Sara knew, she wasn’t over the nightmares, they’d come back at one point. Something, she could doctor Luria tell, when they were back. Maybe tell. <br/>“Do you take something to sleep?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Do you take any kind of medicine?”<br/>“No. Well, Saint John’s Wort.”<br/>“Does it help?”<br/>“I feel a little bit more relaxed, I don’t know if it’s really the stuff or just my imagination. Whatever it is, I’m glad it is this way.”<br/>“For what do you want medicine?”<br/>“Something to calm me down when I’m in court, have to tell the police what happened. I don’t want to lose it and end up in hospital again. And I don’t want to give him the satisfaction, that he still has some power over me.”<br/>“You want something, that works fast without knocking you out.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Do you want to talk with me about the case? About what happened to you?”<br/>“No. Not today. I know I have to at one point, but not today if that’s okay.”<br/>“That’s fine. We’ll get to know each other today and see the next time what we’ll do, for what you’re ready. Is there anything you want to ask me?”<br/>“How often do I have to come here?”<br/>“Depends. I would like to see you at least one or two more times before I prescribe anything for to make sure, I don’t prescribe something you don’t need. It would be helpful if you can sign a form so I get your medical history from your physician to see, if there are any kinds of substances you are allergic to. And if you allow doctor Weinberg to talk to me about you and your problem it helps too.”<br/>“Didn’t you do that already?”<br/>“No. She gave me the basics, your diagnosis, that you have a trial coming up, that will be hard for you and you need support there. Nothing more. She isn’t allowed to tell me about you and your session without you signing for that.”<br/>Sara didn’t feel good by the thought of that so many people knew about her past, knew what  happened to her. On the other hand, when she went to the police, a hell lot of more people would know, would be involved and ask question. Most of these people weren’t there to help her, doctor Luria was. At least Sara hoped she was. </p><p>It took almost an hour until Sara was allowed to leave the office again. <br/>“The next time our meeting will be shorter. This was so long because I need a lot of information, do you have any questions left?”<br/>“No.” All Sara wanted was to leave. <br/>“Alright, if questions come up your mind, write then down, we’ll talk about them the next time. When will you talk to doctor Weinberg again?”<br/>“Friday morning at eight.”<br/>“Do you want to come after that to me?”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“You don’t want to but you will.” Doctor Luria smiled.<br/>“Yes. Sorry.”<br/>“It’s alright I prefer when you’re honest. You’re suspicious, that’s alright, I’m sure it will change in a while, after you found out, I don’t want to do anything you don’t like. I’m sure you didn’t tell doctor Weinberg all your secrets when you met  her first.”<br/>“No.”<br/>“I thought so.” Doctor Luria opened the door for Sara. “Oh, look, somebody’s waiting for you.”<br/>Sara expected doctor Weinberg. When she walked out of the office and found Greg with a wide smile in the waiting area, she jumped straight into his arms and kissed him.<br/>“Greggo! What are you doing here?”<br/>“Two women called me and both told me, I should be here today and make sure, you’re alright. They said, I can be your little treat after your first session with a shrink. Because treats get eaten very fast, I thought it’s a good idea and wait now that you’ll eat me.”<br/>“Crazy guy.” She kissed him again and held on to him. <br/>“Hi, I’m Greg and I’m not that crazy.” Greg smiled at doctor Luria. <br/>“Doctor Luria and don’t worry, I won’t try to invite you for a session.”<br/>“Good. I’m here to take you patient home if that’s alright.”<br/>“She’s free to go.”<br/>“Good. Do you want to go home, Sara?”<br/>“Are you really here to see me? Or do you want to see… somebody else?”<br/>“Jules and me had lunch, I’m all yours.”<br/>“Sounds good. Are you here by car?”<br/>“No, with my two feet and two dogs. Scooby and Rantanplan told me, they want to walk with us around the reservoir and have a little stop at the dog’s park. I agreed because after the long drive I can use some exercise.”<br/>“You came here right after shift ends?”<br/>“I left work two hours earlier, it was a quiet night. Whatever it takes to come to my woman. I missed you, Sara and I knew, if I wait until you’ve time to come to Vegas, it will take a while. And when Jules and Sofia told me you could need me today, I took my two days off and came here.”<br/>“Let’s go. I’ll see you on Friday, doctor Luria.”<br/>“See you on Friday, Miss Sidle. Mister Greg, have a nice time in Los Angeles.”<br/>“Thanks. And thanks for taking care of Sara. She’s very special to me and I appreciate that you want to help her.”<br/>“She seems to be special to a few people.”<br/>“Because she is special.” Greg, who had still Sara on his arms, left the office. <br/>“You can let me down.”<br/>“Why would I do that? I like to have you close.”<br/>“What will your doctor say to this if she looks out of the window?”<br/>“She isn’t my doctor, she’s your doctor.”<br/>“Alright, what will your girlfriend say when she sees us like this?”<br/>“My friend will be fine when I carry another friend. Don’t try to make me say things that are not true.”<br/>“Might be true one day.”<br/>“Might be. We’ll see about that when it’s the time. Careful, I let you down now, the last time I had you on my arms and the dogs were around, they didn’t like that I was that close to you. They want to see you with Sofia.”<br/>“They know I belong to Sofia.”<br/>“Her property.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“You don’t slap me for calling you her property? What happened to the independent Sara?”<br/>“She’s so much in love, she wants to be the property of Sofia. Anything that brings me closer to her is great. Call it crazy love.”<br/>“You don’t need a therapist for that kind of craziness.”<br/>“No. I need a lieutenant for that.”<br/>“You have one, a sexy one, who loves you. And knowing you’ll come to Vegas and meet her parents because it’s important to her shows, how important she is for you.”<br/>“She means everything to me. Greg, I’ve never been so much in love like I’m now. Sofia is simply perfect.”</p><p>“What a surprise!” Sofia tried to look surprised when she came home and saw Greg and Sara in the garden, next to the smoking barbeque. <br/>“Hey sexy lieutenant.” He got up, hugged her and…got pushed down by Rantanplan and Scooby. Both dogs growled at him, making it clear, they didn’t want him close to her. <br/>“Wow boys, down.” Greg tried to calm the dogs. <br/>“Ran, Scoob, it’s alright, he’s a friend. He doesn’t try to take Sara’s place.” She hugged her dogs before she went to Sara, kissed her and sat next to her, taking the brunette’s beer and took a sip. <br/>“They react a little bit weird since…I was so stupid and was gone for three days.”<br/>“And I think, they also noticed that I was quite stupid and behaved not the way I was supposed to act.”<br/>“Two stupid women together make one very smart couple.” Greg sat on his chair and watched the dogs. “I don’t trust you guys anymore. Why don’t you understand, I don’t want to get in between Sara and Sofia? I want them together.”<br/>“Yeah, he has his own brunette.” Sofia teased.<br/>“They had lunch together.”<br/>“Really? So she knew you’ll be here or did you surprise her too?”<br/>“She told me about Sara’s appointment today and asked me, if I can come here to support her. The two of you wanted me here for Sara.”<br/>“She really cares for her patient. How was your first session with the other doc?”<br/>“Alright. I prefer my therapist.”<br/>“Is doctor Luria not nice?”<br/>“She’s alright, but…I don’t need a second person, who tries to poke around my head. All I want is that she prescribes me some medicine and the rest is the job of doctor Weinberg. She asks a lot of questions, wants me to sign a form that she can talk to my physician and doctor Weinberg.”<br/>“Will you sign it?”<br/>“Yes. It helps to find the best medicine for me. I’ll see her after my next appointment with doctor Weinberg and hope, I can go to the police in two weeks. I want to end this ASAP.”<br/>“I wish I could come with you to your appointment at the department.” Sofia took Sara’s hand. <br/>“We could tell them I just told you about what happened to me that day.”<br/>“Sara, you’re not supposed to lie to the police. If you start your statement with a lie, it’s not a solid statement.”<br/>“Right.”<br/>“Ask Jules, she’ll come with you.” Greg said. <br/>“She has better things to do than babysit me.”<br/>“Sara, she’s your therapist, you have something very hard to do. Talk with her when you want to go, she’ll take time for you. She likes you.” <br/>“I’m her special patient.” Sara smiled a bit. She would never admit it, but she liked the fact, that her therapist was protective and did a lot of things for her, to make it easier. Even if it was something simple like coming down to the office of her new doctor. <br/>“Of curse you are. Tell her, you want her with you when you go to the police, she’ll understand and join you. And if she’s not nice to you, you tell doctor Luria.”<br/>“Why should doctor Luria support me and not doctor Weinberg?”<br/>“She’s your doctor.”<br/>“Doctor Weinberg is my doctor too. And my therapist.”<br/>“How does doctor Luria looks like?” Sofia asked.<br/>“Like Jules will look in ten years. You can see that they’re related.” Greg smiled. <br/>“Did you ask her if she’s single is?”<br/>“No I didn’t. I embarrassed Sara once.” <br/>“Thank you that you won’t do that again. I’d really appreciate if you won’t meet both of my doctors for dinner.”<br/>“I could do that, but one is enough.”<br/>“You picked the younger one.”<br/>“Jules looks better too.”<br/>“Stop it right here! No more talk about my doctors! Change the topic. Tell us about Vegas. How are the guys?”<br/>“They’re good, miss both of you and want to see you soon.”<br/>“We’ll be back in Vegas soon. Mom and dad can’t wait to meet Sara.”<br/>“Yeah, a huge family party, just what I love most.”<br/>“No, what you love most is Sofia.” Greg corrected. <br/>“Of course, like I told you this noon, she’s perfect to me and I’m sure I’m the luckiest woman in the entire world to call her my girlfriend.”<br/>“You said that to him?” Sofia asked. She felt heat rising up in her entire body. It was one thing when Sara told her things like these, but when she said them to somebody else, it meant even more to Sofia. <br/>“Sure. It’s the truth.”<br/>“You’re so cute.” She pulled Sara in and kissed her. “And I’m the lucky one to be your girlfriend.”<br/>“Lets face it, girls, even if you don’t want to be together anymore, these dogs will make sure nobody else will come close to one of you. They want you together.”<br/>“I’ve got smart dogs.” Sofia’s eyes focused on something else. “Hello detective, you’re late.” <br/>“My lieutenant went home early, somebody has to work. Hi Greg.” Don came in the garden, a bottle of coke in his hands. <br/>“Hi Don. No beer?”<br/>“Nope, I’ve to drive. Lynn and me will go to the movies, Kyle is out and doesn’t want to watch the new Richard Gere movie. Not his kind of movie, too fluffy.”<br/>“Since when do you like fluffy chick flicks?” Sofia wondered. Usually Don watched action movies. <br/>“The best place to meet a lot of women.”<br/>“Greg is a smart man, he knows why it’s good to watch a chick flick every once in a while.” Don smirked. “Do you want to join us, Greg?”<br/>“No, I’ve two great women here, I want to spend time with them. Even if I get in trouble with the dogs when I get too close to them.”<br/>“They need some time before they allow you to get close to Sara or Sofia. I wasn’t allowed to hug Sofia for a few weeks. It didn’t matter that I lived here.”<br/>“What did they do when you girlfriends over?”<br/>“They were fine with Gabrielle, they ignored the rest. It was like they knew, most of them weren’t nothing serious. They liked Sara right from the beginning, a really good sign.”<br/>“I fed them.”<br/>“You know how to get into a dog’s heart.”<br/>“The way to a dog’s heart is through it’s stomach.” </p><p>“You were very brave today.” Sofia embraced Sara and kissed her gently. They were in bed, ready to call it a day. <br/>“Why?”<br/>“You talked to the doctor.”<br/>“It’s not like she was a threat – even when I asked doctor Weinberg to come with me to her. My therapist was quite amused about that.”<br/>“I guess so. But she came with you.”<br/>“Yes. Somehow I feel safe when she’s around, I can relax better and…talking about what happened to me seems to be not that bad anymore when she’s around. It’s like I’ve learnt that nothing will happen to me, not even a bout, because she’s there and she makes sure I’m alright.”<br/>“I should be jealous to hear you talking about another woman like this.”<br/>“You are not stupid.”<br/>“No, but I’m territorial. My woman is mine, I don’t share her.”<br/>“I am yours. All yours. Your woman and her special patient.”<br/>“She’s allowed to spend time with you as long as you’re her patient.”<br/>“I guess if the case is over, Trevor is in jail and I know, he’ll never come out, I’ll stop the therapy. There’s no reason to go on spilling my guts.”<br/>“You think you’re over it after the case is closed?”<br/>“I’ll never be over it.”<br/>“Why not go on with your therapy?”<br/>“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”<br/>“I hope so.”<br/>“If not I’ll go on. Maybe with another therapist.”<br/>“Didn’t you say…”<br/>“Yes, I said I like her and I trust her, but I think it’s better to end my therapy after the trial is over. A very good friend of mine has got a huge crush on my therapist, would love to date her, but won’t do it as long as she’s my therapist.”<br/>“Did Greg…”<br/>“Greg didn’t say a word, neither did doctor Weinberg. I’m not blind, I know Greg. He really likes her and I want him to be happy, to be with her. He won’t be with her as long as I’m her patient, so I’ve to put my name off her list. Should I need more therapy, there are other therapists available. My new doctor is a therapist too. Maybe I’ll be ready to talk to her about everything and leave doctor Weinberg. You should be happy about that, when I’m not her patient anymore, she can come here for a barbeque – when I’m not around.”<br/>“My highest priority is you. Your well-being. Not a barbeque with a woman, who is nice, but not as half as important to me as you are.”<br/>Sara smiled and kissed Sofia’s hair. “I’ve no idea how long a therapy usually takes, but I’d prefer to be out of therapy. Saves a lot of money too.”<br/>“Again, your health is more important.”<br/>“How long do you plan to talk to your department therapist?” Sara turned tables with a smile. <br/>“Until he helped me or I’ve killed him for being useless.” Sofia laughed. “No, seriously. I’ll see him every two weeks until the end of the trial. If he thinks I should go on see him and he has good reasons, I’ll continue, if not, I’ll leave and spend the time with my girlfriend and the dogs.”<br/>“Sounds good, I want that too.”<br/>“That means, doctor Weinberg makes the decision if you need more therapy and not you.”<br/>“If she has good reasons I will stay. If not, I’ve to ignore her advice.”<br/>“Sara.” Sofia chucked. <br/>“Yeah, yeah I know, she’s a doctor, she plays with my mind, she knows which words she has to use to give me a reason. But that’s not fair. She has to be fair.”<br/>“You’ve got two doctors, two opinions.”<br/>“They’re related, they’ll work together against me.”<br/>“I think you’re not only suffering from PTSD, you’re also paranoid,”<br/>“Do you want to sleep alone tonight?”<br/>“Latent aggressive.”<br/>“I dare you.”<br/>“I love you.”<br/>“You won.” Sara snuggled into Sofia’s arms. “We’ll see what will happen next. As long as you’re with me, everything will be alright.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, November 13th</p><p>The worst thing about decisions is not making them, it is the fear of what you’ll lose and might get. Your life could be hell, a living nightmare, when you made your decision to change it, it could get better – or even worse. There was always a possibility that things turned out even worse than they were before. So why risk anything and change something, you’ve learnt to live with? Wasn’t it better to live with fear than in fear? <br/>“Sara.”<br/>“Sorry.” Sara shook her head and got out of her thoughts. <br/>“Can you tell me where you were?”<br/>“Lost in a thought.” Sara took a sip of her tea. She had asked for something to drink a few minutes ago, it was warm today and she felt like she didn’t drink enough the whole day, which probably was right. She had worked ten hours, walked around the forest most of the time. A man, who was suspected to kill two women, had been hiding in Angeles National Forest and Sara was in one of the teams, that were chasing him for eight hours. At the end a special team of the LAPD got the man. <br/>“It was a hard day for you.”<br/>“Yes. Physical hard.”<br/>“You seem to be psychological exhausted too.”<br/>“Ten days to go.” Sara had talked to doctor Weinberg about the trial and asked her therapist to come with her. Doctor Weinberg agreed and together they had found an appointment for their visit at the police station. <br/>“You’ll be fine.”<br/>“I’m scared and at the same time I wish, I could go right now. I want it to be over, I want him in jail and my old life back.”<br/>“You’ll never get your old life back, you’ll get a better life. You won’t have to worry to see him anywhere after he’s in jail. It will be over, you’ll know, you’re safe and free. You’ll have a better life.”<br/>“I hope you’re right.”<br/>“It’s all in your hands.”<br/>“And in the hands of the police. If they don’t arrest him, if the judge and the jury don’t send him to jail, my life will be worse than before. He’ll come after me, make me pay and I won’t be able to sleep anymore.”<br/>“You’ll be fine, Sara.”<br/>“You’ll make sure I’ll be fine.”<br/>“As good as I can.”<br/>“Doc, I’d like to ask you something.”<br/>“Go ahead.”<br/>“It has nothing to do with our session. Or it has. Kind of. And it sounds very ungrateful, especially after you agreed on going with me to the police and stay with me…”<br/>“What is it, Sara?”<br/>“I want to stop seeing you after the trial.”<br/>“You think you’ll be alright?”<br/>“I don’t know.”<br/>“Do you want to tell me why you want to quit?”<br/>“It’s only fair.”<br/>“Fair to whom?”<br/>“You. Greg.”<br/>“Sara…”<br/>“No, please. He likes you, he really likes you. He won’t do a thing as long as you’re my therapist. I don’t want him to wait until…maybe forever. I want him happy, I want you happy. Even the two of you won’t be happy together, it would make things easier if I’m not your patient anymore.”<br/>“You want to change therapists?”<br/>“I don’t know. Actually I don’t want any therapy or doctors anymore.”<br/>“Quitting everything isn’t good Sara. He’ll be in jail, he won’t hurt you anymore, but that doesn’t mean your head is done with him. PTSD doesn’t leave with a conviction. If you don’t want to see me anymore, you should see somebody else. But please don’t make your decision because of Greg or me. We’re adults, we can handle our situation, we’re fine. You trust me, that means a lot to me and I don’t want to end our session because of private things.”<br/>“Because I trust you, because I like you, I want to quit.”<br/>“Then quit therapy with me but not at all.” Doctor Weinberg took Sara’s hands. “The trial will be hard, you’ll need somebody to talk to when it’s over. Sofia can’t do it, it wouldn’t be fair to ask her to do it. You need somebody else, somebody who knows what to do, how to deal with your disorder and your story.”<br/>“I didn’t think of Sofia as a replacement for you.”<br/>“What did you think of?”<br/>“You do think your cousin will take over for you?”<br/>“Did you ask her?”<br/>“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”<br/>“Sara, I don’t want to stop working with you, I want to help you, but it’s your decision. You say what will happen.”<br/>Sara closed her eyes. This was complicated. One moment she was sure to stop her therapy with doctor Weinberg was the best for all of them, the next moment she couldn’t imagine to handle her life without her therapist. Which scared her. It made her so depended. She had been depended for so long when she was a child, she was an adult, she wanted to be free. <br/>“Can we make this decision after everything is over?”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“I wanted to let you know I think about it to be fair. You might want a replacement for me – or simply enjoy your weekend at five on a Friday.”<br/>“Sara, nobody can replace you.” Doctor Weinberg smiled a bit. “And yes, I’ll take the early weekend.”<br/>“Until your mother will send you another patient.”<br/>“She never did that before. When she asked me to talk to you, I knew you were special. I was right.”<br/>“If you start to suck up I’ll spill the tea in your face.”<br/>“And you’re grumpy.”<br/>“Honest.”<br/>“Why don’t we go downstairs, have a look what doctor Luria is doing. Maybe she has some time and we can talk about if she wants to take over after the trial when you want that.”<br/>“And if she’s busy, we’ll get some muffins.”<br/>“Didn’t I tell you this is therapy and not a coffee break?”<br/>“We worked already three quarter of an hour. We deserve some sugar.”<br/>“You get your sugar, I get my early weekend.”<br/>“See, if I’m not your patient anymore you don’t have to deny my muffin invitations anymore.”<br/>“Yes I will. You’ll still be a former patient…”<br/>“Don’t start like this, doc.” Sara grumbled. <br/>“It’s the rule, Sara. Even after therapy, there shouldn’t be any private contact. That means, there won’t be any muffin breaks. I know it doesn’t make sense when you hear it, at the end, it will come clear why it’s like that.”<br/>“Because life and rules suck.”<br/>“Sometimes they deny wishes, yes. Come on, we have a look for the real doc.”<br/>“You are a real doc, better than any other doctor can be. Screw the medical in front of the doctor, it’s not more worth than your PSY.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg smiled. “A very special patient.”</p><p>“How did she take it?” Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and kissed her. She knew her lover wanted to talk to her therapist about quitting therapy and knew, it was a difficult topic for her. <br/>“She doesn’t like my idea.” Sara poured some coffee for Sofia and herself, enjoyed the lips of the blonde on her neck for a second and leant back to feel Sofia’s warmth. This was how life was supposed to be. You come home, you’re in the arms of your lover, you feel loved, trusted and know, no matter how bad your day was, somebody was there to give you a good evening and help you to cope with whatever happened to you. <br/>“She likes to work with you.”<br/>“Yes, but she doesn’t like to eat muffins with me.”<br/>“You’re her patient.”<br/>“I know. But after we talked about this thing, I thought we deserve a muffin.”<br/>“She thought different.”<br/>“Yes. We went down to doctor Luria, who agreed on taking over for doctor Weinberg if that’s what I want. Means, my therapist will get me through the trial, have one or two sessions after it to see how I am and then I’ll get a new therapist. It’s the beginning of October, I want to be through all of this by the end of the year.”<br/>“A fast trial.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“I doubt it will be this fast, but let’s hope for the best. I’ll be with you, no matter how long it will take.”<br/>“And I’ll work on something to make it all up to you.”<br/>“You don’t have to make up to me, Sara.”<br/>“But I want.” Sara turned, put her arms around Sofia’s neck and kissed her. “I want to give you something for being there for me.”<br/>“You give me your love that’s all I need.”<br/>“You’ll get my love plus something else. Maybe a little holiday trip, just the two of us, somewhere where you always wanted to go to. Any suggestions?”<br/>“Sara, I don’t need a paid trip, I need a happy girlfriend.”<br/>“So answer your girlfriend her question. Where did you always wanted to go to?”<br/>“Ireland. But…” Sofia’s words got washed away with a kiss. Sara didn’t want to hear any objections, she wanted to know where Sofia wanted to have holidays, that was all. Now she knew where they would go to if the trial was over and Sara had saved some money and pay the trip for both of them. <br/>“You don’t go to the next travel agent and book a trip to Ireland, do you?”<br/>“No, I don’t know how long the trial will take, I’ll wait after it and treat us both with a trip. Don’t waste your whole holidays, lieutenant, you’ll need two weeks for your honeymoon to Europe.”<br/>“Honeymoon?” Sofa grinned. Since when did Sara asked her to marry her? And when did she agree to this?<br/>“Scared of obligations and commitments, lieutenant?” Sara turned tables amused. Wasn’t it her job to keep people at a distance? <br/>“No, I just didn’t hear you pop the question.”<br/>“I didn’t ask you to marry you, it’s illegal anyway.”<br/>“What a pity, I was looking forward to wear your ring.” Sofia blinked at her lover and kissed her. <br/>“Do you?”<br/>“Yes.” <br/>“Alright.” Sara took Sofia’s hand with her left hand, got her right hand in her pocket, pulled out a little ring and put it on Sofia’s left ring finger. “Looks good.” She smiled at her little surprise and the astonished face of her lover. The blonde stared at her hand, at the golden ring and seemed to be lost in her own world. It looked like Sara’s little surprise, she had planed for the night, worked. She had bought the ring a few days ago as a little present for Sofia, all the help and time she had given Sara and as a symbol of their love. It wasn’t a wedding or an engagement ring, it was a simple golden ring, nothing more, nothing less. <br/>“I…I’m…wow.” Sofia swallowed, unable to find the right words. Sara had caught her off guard and she had no idea how to react. <br/>“I love you.” Sara kissed Sofia and pulled her in her arms. “I love you so much and the ring is a little sign to show you that my love for you won’t end, just like the ring has no end. If we are ever allowed to get married, I’ll consider it. Right now I’m happy to be your girlfriend, to be by your side and be with you. You make me happier than I’ve ever been and without you I couldn’t do what I’m about to do. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Sofia.”<br/>“Sara, I…shit.” Sofia couldn’t swallow her tears any longer down. She couldn’t talk, her tears took over and she buried her face in Sara’s hair. She couldn’t say anything, she couldn’t find any words for a proper respond. <br/>“I take the shit as a short version for how much you love me, ‘so huge in total’ love.” Sara kissed Sofia’s tears away. <br/>“You’re amazing.”<br/>“Of course I am, I’ve learnt a lot from my wonderful lover.” She kissed Sofia’s earlobe. “Why don’t we take this upstairs? I feel like I want to hold you in my arms without those annoying clothes between us.” Not waiting for an answer, she pulled Sofia out of the kitchen and upstairs. They had to celebrate the ring and their love. </p><p> </p><p>Saturday, November 14th</p><p>“Halt! Turn! Show your hand! Explain!” Don stopped Sofia on her way to the break room. They hadn’t met for breakfast because Sofia started early today. She had a lot of paper work on her desk and wanted to finish it. <br/>“Huh?” Sofia turned her hands. “Oh.” She saw her new ring and smiled. “Nice, isn’t it?” Immediately she felt a hot rush running through her body. Every time she looked at the ring she had to think of Sara and it put a smile on her face. <br/>“It wasn’t there yesterday.”<br/>“It was.”<br/>“Let me rephrase it: It wasn’t there yesterday afternoon, I haven’t seen you last night, I assume you were in your room with the one, who gave you the ring, when I came back home.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“So?”<br/>“We had wonderful sex and therefore no time for you.”<br/>“I thought so and even I’m sure it will be very hot, I don’t want any details about that. I want to know about the ring.”<br/>“Gold.”<br/>“I see that. Why do you wear it?”<br/>“Because Sara gave it to me.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“She loves me.”<br/>“Are you planning a wedding?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“It’s not an engagement ring?”<br/>“No, it’s a love ring. She gave me the ring because it and her love to me have no end. And I think it’s the most romantic thing that ever happened to me.” Sofia sighed and got a dreamy look on her face. “She’s wonderful.”<br/>“Did you give her a ring too?”<br/>“No, not yet. I need to get one. I want her to wear a ring too. Or do you think I should get her something else?”<br/>“What do you think?”<br/>“I want something for her – maybe a necklace. Or a bracelet.” She had thought about that a big part of the night. She needed something special for Sara, something her lover could wear, that reminded her of Sofia. <br/>Don pulled her in his arms. “It’s good to see you this happy. There was a time when I worried that your relationship will be difficult because of the trial, but it looks like your love grows stronger and stronger.”<br/>“She needs me, she needs my support and I’m more than happy to give it to her.”<br/>“Yes, she needs you. And you need her, which she knows and found out, that the best way to get with a cool head into the trial is to focus on something else. Looks like she made the decision she wants to focus on you, your relationship and making you happy. In my eyes a really good decision, this way you support each other.”<br/>“Yes. She promised she’ll try not to keep me out, not to withdraw and so far she keeps her promise. We discuss everything, she wants my opinion and my support, which makes it easier for me. No more lonely nights, no time apart.”<br/>“These days weren’t good for neither one of you.”<br/>“No. We learnt that.”<br/>“Good to know. I don’t want to call doctor Weinberg again.”<br/>“No, I don’t want to repair my door again. So much for a sensitive psychologists.”<br/>“She’s great, if she wasn’t Greg’s, I could think about to ask her out.”<br/>“Is she Greg’s girlfriend? Did she say that? Did he say that?”<br/>“No, but it’s obvious they like each other.”<br/>“I think so too. That’s why Sara will stop seeing her after the trial.”<br/>“Understandable but sad. I think, doctor Weinberg is good for Sara.”<br/>“She is, Sara trusts her and that’s worth a lot. But she can go to doctor Luria for therapy.”<br/>“How is the new doctor?”<br/>“I haven’t met her, according to Sara doctor Luria is alright and according to Greg, she looks like Jules will look in ten years.”<br/>“Did he ask her out?”<br/>“No, he stays with the younger doctor.”<br/>“Good decision. Do you think it’s possible that I’ll see doctor Luria too?”<br/>“As a doctor or a therapist?”<br/>“A therapist. I think I should do something to get over Jess. It’s obvious, it won’t be over when I don’t do anything. New York made that very clear to me.”<br/>“It will be better when you talk to somebody, yes, and unfortunately a friend isn’t the solution. What about the department psychologist?”<br/>“No, I don’t want to go there with a private issue. He’s supposed to be good, but I want somebody, who isn’t involved in police work.”<br/>“Doctor Luria worked with a special force team in Vancouver.”<br/>“Worked. That means she isn’t police anymore.”<br/>“No. Will you let me know when I can do anything for you?”<br/>“You do already something for me, Honey.” He kissed her forehead. Did it only feel like this to him or were they closer than before? He had the feeling, they looked for each other more the last months, had some private time during their breaks and got physical, something they never did before. But it felt good. And right. <br/>“Are we interrupting anything?” Two officers and Sofia’s captain entered just at that moment the break room.<br/>“No.” Sofia stepped less than a foot away from Don. “We’re having a break, Smith. Don’t get too excited.”<br/>“Yeah sure, you let all your detectives kiss you?”<br/>“Only the one I live with, it’s called friendship and I know you don’t have enough light in your head to see and understand that.”<br/>“Friends, sure. Nice  ring he gave you.”<br/>Sofia gazed at her ring. At least the officers had a good eye. Nevertheless she made the decision to ignore him. “Captain, what can I do for you?”<br/>“Can I congratulate you to something?” Her captain asked. <br/>“Yes, to a great detective, who is also a wonderful friend.”<br/>“That’s it?”<br/>“That’s it, Sir.”<br/>“I need you in my office, we need to discuss a case.”<br/>“Yes Sir.” That meant, there was something big coming up. Sofia shot a little smile at Don and followed her captain. Break was over, time to work again. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thursday, November 19th</p><p>This was the first difficult step Sara had to do within the next three days. She had no idea if it was a good idea, if it would help her or if she worked against herself. It had been a while that she had been here, it had been a while that she wanted to be back here and now she was here. With Sofia. Of course, there had been no way that Sofia let her go alone. That Sofia wasn’t by her side. <br/>They had taken Sara’s car and drove up to San Francisco. With a short stop in San Jose to get the rest of Sara’s belongings, they arrived late in the afternoon in their little B&amp;B. Nothing big, nothing fancy, only an old house not too far away from the ocean. It reminded Sara a little bit of the B&amp;B her parents ran when she was a child. The walls needed some new paint, the window were narrow and old, she bet in winter time these rooms were cold. The heater didn’t look like it could cope with the cold air, that came in on winter days. The owner, an elderly couple, had welcomed them with a cup of tea and some sandwiches. They were from England, Sara had picked their accent the second they greeted her. Not Americans, not hippies, an old fashioned couple, the opposite of her parents. Maybe that was a reason why she picked it. Because of the memories, because of what she was about to do. <br/>She had an appointment with her mother’s doctor and her mother the next morning. Talking to her mother was difficult, talking with her about what had happened to Sara when she was young, was something she still couldn’t play out in her head. She had no idea how her mother would react. Would she ignore the truth? Deny it? Support her? How would she react? Was there anything she could do? Could the defense attorney use this visit against her? What, if she met Trevor here? She had no idea where he lived, if he still lived in the San Francisco area or moved to Los Angeles. After all, West Hollywood was the place she saw him not too long ago. <br/>“Stop thinking or the smoke detector will go off.” Sofia kissed Sara’s hair. <br/>“Huh?”<br/>“You’re thinking too hard and too much.”<br/>“It’s just…I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I hate not to be prepared.”<br/>Sofia wanted to comment that with something like, Sara was her little boy’s scout, always prepared, but she knew, her girlfriend was uneasy with the situation. She needed Sofia to support her and not to make jokes. <br/>“Do you want to play it through with me?”<br/>“How?”<br/>“You are you, I’m your mother. What do you think she might do?”<br/>“I don’t know. Deny? Ignore it?”<br/>“Or support you. We’ll see, come on, you’ll meet your mother with a cup of coffee, we’ve tea, let’s pretend it’s the tomorrow morning. You come in, I sit here. Hi Honey, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”<br/>Sara wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. How could Sofia pretend to be Sara’s mother? Sofia wasn’t ill. She had no idea what happened to Sara, she hadn’t been there. But she knew, her lover wanted to help and she appreciated the help. And if they played a few possibilities trough, it could only help Sara. <br/>“Sorry mom, I’ve been away for a while. South America. I told you I quit my job in Vegas.”<br/>“Yes you did. How was South America?”<br/>“Good. The nature is amazing and…I can’t do this. I can’t just ask her to tell me what she remembers. She’s ill.”<br/>“She has a brain disease, yes.” Sofia took a sip of her tea. “She doesn’t have Alzheimer, she has a memory. Go on.” When Sara told her, her mother had schizophrenia, Sofia tried to read up on the disease. Like Sara’s PTSD, she wanted to know, what she was dealing with. Maybe she was a boy scout too, had to be prepared. <br/>“How have you been?”<br/>“I’m alright, I supposed. The doctors may tell you something different, but doctors always do this, don’t they? Are you back in San Francisco?”<br/>“No, I live in Los Angeles. Mom, I think I saw Trevor.”<br/>“Who is Trevor? A friend of yours?”<br/>“No, he is…was…fuck it.” Sara got up and walked to the window. The sun set down, she saw some boats coming in. Time to call it a day and leave again for a new one in a few hours with the sunrise. <br/>“Can you come with me? I mean, to see my mother?”<br/>“Sure. If you want that.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara stayed where she was. With Sofia by her side, she was sure, it would be easier. “Mom, I forgot to introduce you to Sofia.”<br/>“You took a friend with you?”<br/>“She’s…” She wasn’t sure if she wanted her mother to know about Sofia. On the other hand, why not tell her? It wasn’t like Sara did something bad. She wasn’t doing anything wrong, she was with the one she loved, who loved her. It happened to be a woman, where was the problem? <br/>“She’s my girlfriend, we’re a couple.”<br/>“You never told me you’re a lesbian.”<br/>“I’m not. I think.” Something else she never had thought of. Not much at least. When it was clear to her, that it wasn’t important that Sofia was a woman, but that she loved Sara, Sara stopped trying to find words for their relationship. It was the best, that ever happened to her, that was the only thing that counted. <br/>“Would it matter if I am?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Good. Mom, I think I met Trevor.”<br/>“Who is Trevor?”<br/>“Dad’s old friend.”<br/>“Oh, he is still in San Francisco?”<br/>“I saw him in Los Angeles.”<br/>“He always talked about going there.”<br/>“Mom…you know what he did, don’t you?”<br/>“He was a builder.”<br/>“I don’t talk about his job, I’m talking about…what he did…to me.”<br/>“He was a friend of the family.”<br/>“Mom, he…when you were with aunt…you can’t tell me you didn’t know.”<br/>“Don’t know what, Honey?”<br/>“That he…fuck.” Sara stopped, closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She needed to take her medicine and maybe her extra medicine doctor Luria gave her for very stressful situations. She needed to stay calm, if she got a bout, she wasn’t able to go to the police in three days. This was her final test, if she made it with her mother, she could get through it with the police too. <br/>Sofia wanted to take in her arms, wanted to calm her, but she knew, Sara had to go through this alone. She could help her by talking it through – like Sara did in therapy - by giving her possibilities of how it could be, but she couldn’t take her in her arms and kiss her. <br/>“He raped me, mom. When you were gone. Dad was there, he was inside, watched sport, he didn’t stop him. Don’t tell me you didn’t know that.”<br/>“You must mix something up, Sara. That never happened. Trevor was a friend.”<br/>“He used your friendship.”<br/>“Don’t say things like that.”<br/>“Mom, he raped me.”<br/>“Stop lying, Sara. Don’t you know what happen to people, who lie?”<br/>“Mom…do you want to tell me, you didn’t know about it? You didn’t kill dad because he let this happen to me?”<br/>“I killed your father because the voices told me so, I had a disease.”<br/>“You still…mom, I’m not lying. Trevor did this to me.”<br/>“Your father would have never let that happen.”<br/>“He did.”<br/>“Sara, I don’t want to talk to you when you say things like this.”<br/>“Then I think we’re done here.” She turned and closed her eyes. Waste of time. If it would be like this, it was a waste of time to come here. <br/>“You want to let her off the hook that easily?” Sofia embraced her lover, kissed her cheek softly. <br/>“I don’t have another choice. I can’t force her and I don’t know if she really knew or not. Maybe she knew it once, denied it and has no idea of it anymore. She has been taking a lot medicine, I’ve no idea how that interferes with her memory.” Sara got Sofia in her arms, kissed her. She knew she needed her lover, she knew, without Sofia she couldn’t make what she wanted to do. She leant into her lover and felt the little diamond Sofia had given her as a gift. It was the tiny center of the golden heart, the necklace that was the blonde’s answer to the ring. She had put it on for Sara and since that day, Sara hadn’t taken it off. It was her lucky charm and her piece of Sofia, she could take wherever she went. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday, November 20th</p><p>“I’ve lost all my fingernails.” Sara looked at her hands. No more fingernails, shaking hands, pale skin, she didn’t look good, not like she was on a mission she was supposed to win. More like she came home from a lost battle. <br/>“I still love you.” Sofia pulled her in her arms and kissed her. They were in front of the hospital, where Sara’s mother lived since she killed her husband. Closed section, strictly only visitors, that had called in advanced, high security. The last time Sara had been here, the two hours with her mother made her very, very sad. She didn’t like that her mother was locked away, she didn’t like that she was locked in while she was with her. She felt like an animal in a cage, <br/>“As long as I don’t lose you I can cope.” Sara smiled and took Sofia’s hand. “I love you.”<br/>“Ditto. You know, if you don’t want to do this, we can turn and drive back home.”<br/>“No. No, I’ve to do it. It might be helpful. Even if she doesn’t remember, doesn’t know or doesn’t want to talk to me about it, it gives me the chance to get prepared. I’m sure the defense attorney will talk to her, knowing what she’ll say, helps me and the D.A..”<br/>“Anything I can do for you?”<br/>“Stay with me.”<br/>“I won’t leave your side.”<br/>“If your mother-in-law isn’t nice to you, tell her to shut up.”<br/>“Would you do that to my mother?”<br/>“No!” <br/>“See, I won’t do that to your mother.”<br/>“Which reminds me, we’ll be with your family soon.”<br/>“Yes. I’ll force dad into buying some vegetarian food. He’s a big meat lover.”<br/>“I know somebody else who is.”<br/>Sofia grinned. She good the work genes of her mother and the eating genes of her father. A very good combination for a cop.<br/>“A meat lover, who fell in love with a vegetarian.”<br/>“So far it works.”<br/>“Yes. I don’t care if you eat meat when we have a barbeque or salad, as long as we’re together everything is alright.”<br/>“And I don’t need more than you to be happy.” Sara kissed Sofia softly. She was happy to have Sofia around. <br/>“Let’s get in, you don’t want to be late, do you?”<br/>“No.” Or did she? Sara wasn’t sure about it. <br/>They parked the car and went to the front door. After the security scan and a hard look at their I.D.s they could go on to the second floor, where the room for visitors was. <br/>Sofia stayed the whole time next to Sara without touching her. She wasn’t sure how much closeness her lover needed, could handle. So she made the decision to be available if Sara needed her and until this time, she would observe the situation. And most of all Sara. If there were signs that the brunette couldn’t cope any longer, couldn’t handle the situation or was about to lose her conscious, she would step in and get Sara out of here. She had medicine in her pocket, a little pill Sara had gotten of doctor Luria in case, she needed to calm down immediately. The brunette had taken some medicine before they came here, Sofia hoped, it was enough. <br/>For herself this trip wasn’t easy either. She felt pressure, she felt fear and she felt the sorrow that they might came here for nothing. She wanted an answer, she wanted the upcoming trial and everything, that came with it, end fast. <br/>“No physical contact, please.” A guard said and opened the door. A woman in her early sixties came into the room. It was the first time that Sofia saw Sara’s mother. She hadn’t seen a photo of the woman, hasn’t asked, how she looked. Now she knew. Laura Sidle looked like her daughter, Sofia had known that this woman was related to her lover if she had met her on the streets. Her brown hair was mixed with gray hair, the brown eyes looked around, found her daughter and sent a warm smile. It could be an ordinary meeting between mother and daughter if…yes if they weren’t in a mental hospital with high security, if Sara’s mother wasn’t wearing a hospital dress and if the guard, who brought her in, didn’t wear a gun. <br/>“Sara, dear.”<br/>“Hi mom.” Sara said, for Sofia obviously tensed. <br/>“It’s good to see you. Who is your company?” Laura Sidle looked at Sofia. <br/>“That’s Sofia, my girlfriend.”<br/>“Hello Mrs. Sidle.” Sofia smiled. <br/>“The last time I saw you, you were engaged to a man named Grissom.”<br/>“I ended the relationship.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because I was in South America, he in Las Vegas and it was obvious that it won’t work out with us. His life is his work, my life was somewhere else. I needed some time to settle down, to find out what I want.”<br/>“And you want her.”<br/>“Yes. She’s a wonderful person, supports me and I love her. I hope you can accept that.”<br/>“I don’t care with whom you are as long as you’re happy.”<br/>“She makes me happy.”<br/>“Then everything is fine.”<br/>“Mom, I need to ask you a question.” Sara didn’t want to go on with small talk, that wasn’t her cup of tea. <br/>“What’s that, Honey?”<br/>“I…” <br/>Automatically Sofia got Sara’s hand under the table. No physical contact to the inmate, there’s no rule that says you’re not supposed to touch your lover, who sits next to you. <br/>“I…met Trevor…no, I saw him.”<br/>“Who is Trevor?”<br/>“Trevor, dad’s friend.”<br/>„Oh, that Trevor. Where did you see him?”<br/>“In Los Angeles.”<br/>"He moved?“<br/>"I don’t know. Mom, you know what he did, don’t you?”<br/>“He worked for Mister Sullivan.” Just the way Sofia and her had played it through yesterday. Sara swallowed. That wasn’t good, she knew, this couldn’t end good. <br/>“No, I’ not talking about his job. I mean what he did to…what he did when he was over and you were with aunt Julia.”<br/>“He and your dad watched sport and tried to change the world.”<br/>“I’m not talking about that, mom.” She could see in the face of her mother, she knew exactly what Sara was talking about. She knew and she didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. Not with Sara. <br/>“Sara…sometimes it’s better to let the past be the past.”<br/>“Mom, I can’t. It still haunts me. I’m in therapy because of what he did to me.”<br/>“He never wanted to do anything bad.”<br/>“He…he abused me.” Sara had to swallow and remember her breathe exercise. She was happy that Sofia held her hand and was close to pull her girlfriend in her arms. Her mother tried to tell her to forget everything. How could she? Did her mother mean what she said? Did she forget everything? Didn’t it bother her?<br/>“He didn’t mean to harm you.”<br/>“Mom…” Sara had no idea how to say this in any other way than straight forward. It was hard, she didn’t wan to say these words out loud. Until today, she had only told Sofia and her therapist what had happened, she had never talked with her mother about it. <br/>“Mom, he raped me.” She had hoped she’d feel relieved after she said it, but she didn’t. It made her remember everything again, gave her pain again. It wasn’t good, it didn’t help. <br/>“Don’t say bad things like that about Trevor.”<br/>“Are you telling me, you didn’t know?” Sara knew she did. She could see it. <br/>“Sara, he liked you.”<br/>“A little bit too much.”<br/>“But…he wouldn’t have done that.”<br/>“He did.”<br/>“Your father…”<br/>“Dad was in the house. The first time it happened, you were with aunt Julia, I was in the garden, read a book. Dad watched football, Trevor came out and…he covered me mouth with his hand so I couldn’t scream and he raped me.” <br/>Sofia felt a pain in her hand. Sara squeezed it hard. She knew it was hard for her to say these words out loud, she saw how Sara had to control her breathe, how she had to fight with her own demons. For Sofia it was like somebody punched her with a fist in the stomach. She had problems to breathe, had to pull herself together to stay calm. <br/>“Don’t say things like this, Sara.”<br/>“Mom, I’ll say them again. I have to. And I’ll go to the police, tell them about it.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“I want him to pay for what he did to me.”<br/>“Sara…don’t do that.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Leave the past in the past.” <br/>Leave it alone. Just what she had told Grissom when he asked her, why she was so angry. She didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t let go, he made her talk. <br/>“No. God knows how many other girls he had…he had laid hands on.” She had not only a responsibility for herself, but also for other children, women. People, who probably were as scared as she was and didn’t have the support she had. <br/>“Sara, I don’t want to talk about this with you.”<br/>“Mom, the prosecutor and the defense attorney will come here to talk to you about this. I want to warn you, prepare you. They’ll get your statement.”<br/>“Why are you doing that to me, Sara?”<br/>“Mom, I’ve got nightmares because of what he did to me, it still haunts me. I want it to be over and for that, I need to face him, need to tell the police what he did. I’m in therapy, I wake up screaming, I disturb Sofia because I can’t sleep, because pictures of what he did to me come up to my mind. I can’t leave that in the past. If I do, I’ll never get over it. I’ve to face him, have to tell the police.”<br/>“Are you sure?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Well, do what you have to do.”<br/>Sara knew, she didn’t get any help from her mother. It was obvious. Her mother wanted to keep the past in the past, didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe it was painful for her, maybe she was telling herself since almost thirty years, she didn’t take care of her daughter. Maybe what happened to Sara was a reason why mother was ill, couldn’t get better. Sara had no idea. They had never talked about it and it looked like her mother didn’t want to talk about it any time soon or at all. Sara wasn’t mad, she was disappointed, but she could understand, that her mother closed up. If anybody had come to her a year ago and asked her to talk about what had happened to her, she had sent this person away. Hell, a year ago, she didn’t think about her childhood, not self-conscious. She had everything buried in her subconscious until the SWAT team got it out. And without Sofia and doctor Weinberg, she had tried to ignore everything just like her mother did. <br/>There was one more thing she had to ask her mother, to find her own sake. “Mom…did you…did you kill dad because of what he did? Or didn’t do?”<br/>Sofia knew this question wasn’t easy for Sara. She knew, if Sara’s mother said, she killed her husband because of what happened when she was away, Sara would feel guilty for the rest of her life. She would feel like it was her fault that her mother killed her father, no matter how stupid it sounded and that she should knew better. Some things, no matter how obvious they were when you thought about them, you couldn’t control with your thoughts. <br/>“I…Sara, I don’t want to talk about that. It’s the past.”<br/>“Mom…”<br/>“Guard, we’re done here.” Sara’s mother got up. “I’m sorry Sara, but I need the past to be the past.” She followed the guard without any look back or a goodbye to Sofia. <br/>Sara sat on her chair, watched her mother disappear, unable to move. This wasn’t the way she had hoped it would end. Her mother didn’t help her, she had told her to stop, not to do, what she was about to do. No support, only disapproval. Could she still handle it? Could she still do, what she wanted to do?<br/>“Sara?” Softly Sofia stroke the hand of her lover. <br/>“Sorry.” Sara couldn’t take her eyes off the door, where her mother had vanished. “She left. She left us here and went away.”<br/>“She doesn’t want to remember.”<br/>“No. She doesn’t want to support me. We wasted our time.”<br/>“No, we didn’t. We can’t waste our time when we’re together.” Sofia pulled Sara in her arms. “I love you.”<br/>“I love you too. And I can’t find any words to tell you how happy I am that you’re with me.”<br/>“Not as happy as I am that you took me with you. Come on, you’ve got an appointment with your mom’s doc.”<br/>“Yes.” Sara sighed. She didn’t believe this appointment would help her, but she had made it and she had to keep it. </p><p>“Do you have a second, doc?”<br/>“I’ve got a few minutes if you need them, Sara.”<br/>“Thanks.” Sara leant back and closed her eyes. She had asked doctor Weinberg if it was alright if she called her after she saw her mother and the therapist agreed to talk to her during her lunch break if Sara needed to talk. <br/>“How was it going?”<br/>“Not that good. She wants me to keep the past in the past.”<br/>“I’m sorry to hear that.”<br/>“Now you know where I’ve got that from. It runs in the family. We don’t talk about what happened to us.”<br/>“You do. You told me about your past.” <br/>“And I feel like shit, lose my conscious and have to see a shrink.”<br/>“What will help you to get over what happened to you and live a better life.”<br/>“Doc, I’m scared.”<br/>“You’ll be fine, Sara.”<br/>“But…if she doesn’t believe me, how can a stranger believe me?”<br/>“Did she say she doesn’t believe you?”<br/>“Yes she…no…no, she told me to keep the past in the past.”<br/>“That doesn’t mean, she doesn’t believe you.”<br/>“But why…she’s ill.”<br/>“Yes she is.”<br/>“I talked to her doctor. He said, she has positive symptoms. That means, she still hears the voices.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And she tries not to take her medicine.”<br/>“That happens very often.”<br/>“It might be a family thing that we don’t like medicine. I didn’t take the magical pill, your cousin gave me.”<br/>“It was for emergencies only.”<br/>“Sofia didn’t see one. She held my hand, that was enough.”<br/>“I’m glad to hear that.”<br/>“If I talk to the police…”<br/>“I’ll have your emergency pill and if you want, I’ll hold your hand.”<br/>“You’re cute.” Sara couldn’t help but smile. Again, she realized, talking to her therapist took a lot of weight off her shoulders. She had no idea how and why, but she was glad it was like it was. <br/>“Now you sound like Greg.”<br/>“Yuck, thanks, I didn’t need to be reminded of that. I don’t want to know that you date my friend.”<br/>“I don’t.”<br/>“You will. Soon.”<br/>“Don’t worry about my life, concentrate on what you want to do next.”<br/>“I want it over.”<br/>“You’re working on it.”<br/>“Doc, am I doing the right thing?”<br/>“How does it feel, Sara?”<br/>“Like shit.”<br/>“That’s all?”<br/>“Like I’ll take a step, I should have taken years ago. Like I’ll set myself free.”<br/>“That sounds better.”<br/>“You’ll be there.”<br/>“I will. I’ll go through it with you. And so will Sofia, Greg and Don. You’re not alone Sara, you’ve got people around you, who will help you, support you.”<br/>“Thanks. I know that but it’s good to hear it again. Gives me some confidence and takes away some of the fears. I’ll leave you to your well earned break”<br/>“Try to enjoy some of your time away, Sara.”<br/>“I will. See you Monday.”<br/>“Have a safe drive home and say hello to Sofia.”<br/>“Will do. Bye and thanks.” Sara ended the call. It was really amazing how a short call with her therapist helped her, how it made things clear and relaxed her. <br/>“What does our favorite doctor say?” Sofia came in their room, had muffins and coffee in her hand. They had skipped lunch and went straight to coffee and sweets. None of them felt like going out for some real food. <br/>“She says hello to you. And she’ll hold my hand when I’ve to talk to the police. I think she’s cute.”<br/>“Hitting on your therapist is quite common, that doesn’t mean I like it when my girlfriend does is. She’s your doctor, I’m your cutie. Understand that?”<br/>“She’s the cute doctor and you are…I guess I forgot already who you are. Who are you?” Sara smirked. <br/>“Did you forget me?”<br/>“Yes? Can you lay it out for me again? She’s the sexy doctor and you’re…what is your part again?”<br/>“My part?” Sofia put the coffee and the muffins aside, pushed Sara towards their bed. “My part? You want to know what my part is?” She kneed over Sara, who was on the bed, tried to crawl backwards and ended up on top of the pillows. “I’ll show what my part is. This is my part.” Sofia’s lips crashed on Sara’s while her right arm got under the other woman, pulled her down. <br/>“And this is my part.” Sofia’s left hand got under Sara’s shirt, started to rub circles around her belly button. “And this.” She felt Sara’s rips under her hands, held her down with her right arm and her left leg over the brunette’s lower body. Her mouth was over Sara’s throat, she bit softly in the skin. “And this is especially only for me.” <br/>Sara moaned when Sofia’s index finger and thumb started to rub her nipple. She felt how the tension of the day left her, left her body, her mind and her whole body got prepared for the sensation of Sofia’s hands, lips. Hands and lips that made her forget everything. <br/>“Do you want me to show you what else are my parts?” <br/>“You’re not done with making your statement?” Sara gasped, buckling up when she felt how Sofia’s lips got around her other nipple and sucked it. She could lose it just like this, she was all Sofia’s, there was no way that Sara could stop her now. There was no way she wanted her lover to stop. <br/>“No, I’m far away from done. I’m done when you lay naked under me, covered in sweat, have screamed out my name because of lust and satisfaction and there’s nothing else on your mind than me and what I’ve done to you.” <br/>“I don’t think you can do that.”<br/>“You’re looking for trouble, aren’t you?”<br/>“Just telling you, you can’t do it, you’re not a skilled doctor, you don’t know which buttons to press to make…oh god.” Sara groaned when Sofia’s left hand slipped into her pants while the right hand was on her right nipple and the left one was covered with the blonde’s lips. She had asked for it, she had asked Sofia to show her how skilled she was and what she could do to her and she was more than willing to let the blonde show her. </p><p>“Wake up, Honey.” Sara kissed Sofia softly. <br/>The blonde blinked carefully. There was no better way to wale up than by Sara’s kiss. The lips of her lover on her skin. It was the best reason to open your eyes. The room was filled with the evening sunlight and the smell of food. Food, that hadn’t been there before. <br/>“Did you leave the bed?”<br/>“Yes, I left it half an hour ago to get us some dinner. I figured, muffins are a great dessert, cold coffee isn’t what I’m after, so I got us some fish and chips.”<br/>“Chips? Like…”<br/>“French fries. Our hosts sent me to a little take away, called Fish &amp; Chips. Very British, that’s why their French fries are chips. I bought them anyway, also a fish burger for you and a salad for me. Oh and I think, if we want to come to San Francisco again, we won’t get a room here anymore.”<br/>“Why’s that?” Sofia pushed herself up, looked for her shirt, that she had lost…two hours ago. She must have fallen asleep.<br/>“I think you made your point, what’s your part is a little bit too loud. The way they looked at me, they didn’t like the afternoon entertainment.”<br/>“Did you tell them I had to make my point and could only make it by making you come?”<br/>“No.” Sara handed her lover the food and a bottle of cold coke. A take away dinner in bed was a cozy way of dinner. Sara had enjoyed this in college with her boyfriends too. <br/>“Well, doesn’t matter. I think, they’re only jealous. Probably they realized, they didn’t have such a great sex in a long, long time and hearing us, made that obvious to them. We’ll find another place the next time. They didn’t kick us out for the night, we’ll be gone early tomorrow morning.”<br/>“Yes.” Sara sat next to Sofia. With a smile she got under the blanket, put her right leg over Sofia’s left one and took her salad from the blonde. <br/>“Thanks for getting us some late lunch, early dinner.”<br/>“You’re welcome.” Sara kissed her. “I didn’t want to wake you up and knew, when you are awake, you’ll be hungry and won’t like the idea of dressing up for some food. See it as a little payback for making a really nice point.”<br/>“Having sex with me is worth a fish burger, a coke and French …chips?”<br/>“It’s priceless. I thought I take it as a little sign of my love.”<br/>“A very delicious sign of your love. These chips are really good.” Sofia kissed Sara’s cheek. “Ooops, sorry.” She caught the ketchup, she left with her lips on Sara’s cheek with her finger and ate it. “You taste even better than the chips. I wonder why they speak such a strange English. Like vitamin instead of viatamin and tomato instead of tomaito.”<br/>“I think they’ll say the same about us. I mean, it’s their language, if you want, they invented it.”<br/>“And we perfected it.”<br/>“I love your self-esteem.”<br/>“I love you.” Sofia grinned. <br/>“Which part of me?”<br/>“Shall I show them all to you?”<br/>“We shouldn’t risk to get kicked out. Even if I’d love to take that risk, it’s not mature.”<br/>“Being mature takes away most of the fun in your life, you ever realized that?”<br/>“No. I guess, I’ve never lived a life, that wasn’t mature. My childhood was over too soon and it kind of made me skip teenager time and get right into adolescent.” She had thought a few times, that she never had the kind of youth most teenager had. She had studied a lot, had spent a lot of time in libraries, with teachers and learning for tests. It had been her way to bury the past, her way to have control over her life and made the decision, what she wanted to do. <br/>“We can try to give you a little bit of a teenager time. What about driving home tomorrow with no shirts on? Going skinny dipping next summer under the Santa Monica Pier? Or we get totally wasted during a high school football game.”<br/>“You want to get picked up by your colleagues?”<br/>“They’d be too busy drooling at us.”<br/>“Why don’t we do something that won’t give us trouble with the law? We can have ice cream for breakfast, cold pizza and stay in bed all day.”<br/>“Not exactly as much fun as the things, that gives you some trouble with the law if anybody catches you, but not too bad because I like to have you in bed. And anywhere else. What about some sex on the beach? Under the pier.”<br/>“Does your therapist know you’re a sex addict?”<br/>“He doesn’t know you, if he would, he understood why I can’t think of anything else.”<br/>“Lucky you I know you do think about other things.”<br/>“Not with they joy I think of having sex with you.”<br/>“What about talking to me?”<br/>“Also not too bad. To bring it to a point: everything with you is great. They can offer me whatever they want, if the other choice is you, I take you.”<br/>Sara held up a muffin. “Muffin or kiss? Double choc muffin. ” She asked with a smile. She could test Sofia’s statement right away. <br/>Sofia pulled her in her arms and kissed her. What a stupid question. No muffin was worth missing out a kiss of her lover. Not even a double chocolate muffin. Especially not after she had just told Sara, she was above everything. <br/>“I passed the muffin – kiss – test.”<br/>“You past another test too.”<br/>“Which one?”<br/>“The love test.” Sara pulled Sofia back in her arms and kissed her again. This trip didn’t work out the way she had hoped, her mother didn’t support her, but she had Sofia and her lover was there for her, supported her. That was worth more than anything else. Together, with her support, Sara could get through the trial, all the questions. As long as she had Sofia, she had all she really needed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Monday, November 23rd</p><p>“Miss Sidle, answer my question.”<br/>“She needs a break.”<br/>“Later. Miss Sidle.”<br/>“Now!” <br/>Sara felt like she was a nightmare, she heard the words, she saw people, but they all looked a kind of blurry. She had lost contact with reality, she was…she had no idea but felt how she got pulled on her feet. What was happening? Did she have to leave? Was she done? What was she doing here? Where was she? Was she done in the dark room? <br/>Flowers. Suddenly here were some flowers and everything was bright…she was outside. Was she on a meadow? Was this a little holiday trip? To a national park? She had always wanted to go there, have a picnic in a meadow, watch the nature around her, listen to the birds, drink some chocolate milk and have a cookie. Like people in the old movies did. The rich and wealthy people two hundred years ago. <br/>“Sara, do you hear me? Come back.”<br/>Back? She wasn’t gone. She was…not in a national park, she at the Hollywood police station and she had to give her statement. They wanted to know what had happened to her, they wanted details, she was supposed to tell them what exactly Trevor did when he…<br/>“No!” <br/>“It’s alright, you’re safe.” <br/>She felt arms around her. Her first intention was to fight them, then she felt safe. Something made her feel safe, made her realize, nothing would happen to her. She had no idea what and why, but she knew, nothing could happen as long as she was in these arms. Was she with Sofia? <br/>“That’s better, calm down. Remember your breathing exercise? Do it. I hold on to you. Just breathe.”<br/>No, not Sofia. She was in the arms of her therapist. Doctor Weinberg held her while Sara tried to concentrate on her breath. Slowly she felt how she got the control over her body back, how the world got clearer. She didn’t feel like she was floating. And she was definitely in her body and didn’t watch it from above. <br/>“What happened?”<br/>“You were on the verge to a bout. You had dissociated and I had almost lost you. I’m sorry, Sara.”<br/>“Why?” As far as Sara remembered her therapist got her back into reality and didn’t do anything to make her lose contact with the world. <br/>“Because I didn’t stop them earlier.”<br/>“They wanted to know…I can’t…doc, I can’t.”<br/>“You need a break.”<br/>“Yes. I…I can’t…do we have to…”<br/>“Miss Sidle, Miss Weinberg?”<br/>“It’s doctor Weinberg.“ Doctor Weinberg turned and looked angrily at the officer, who had followed them and stood at the door. <br/>“Doctor Weinberg, Miss Sidle has to…”<br/>“If you dare to say she has to come inside, you’ll be in trouble. This woman has a trauma, she was on the verge of a bout inside your interview room, she needs a break. At least. Maybe she has to stop for today.”<br/>“We haven’t…”<br/>“Didn’t you hear me? It’s not like she isn’t willing to cooperate, she is physical and psychological not able to go on now. If you want to go on ASAP, leave her alone, give her some time to calm down. I won’t allow you to talk to her anymore if her status won’t get better. And if you don’t trust my opinion call your department doctor.”<br/>“I…”<br/>“I won’t discuss this with you.” Doctor Weinberg shifted her attention back to Sara, who was still in her arms. “It’s alright, Sara. You’re safe.”<br/>“I know.” Sara put her head on the shoulder of the other woman. She felt how her breath got evener. She felt, she wasn’t on the edge anymore, she had her control back. “How comes you make me feel safe? I mean, I was so close to lose it, you got me back.” It was not only a question for her therapist, Sara asked this herself. <br/>“You got yourself back.”<br/>“No, you calmed me, got me in a status that I was able to do my breathing exercise. Thanks for that. And thanks for getting me out there. I guess, I needed a break.”<br/>“You need a break, not needed.”<br/>“He said…”<br/>“I don’t give a fuck what he said. You’re my patient, as long as I don’t think you can go on, you won’t. He can call the department shrink, his boss or the Holy Ghost, I don’t care. You’ll stay here, you’ll have a glass of water, a cookie, whatever, but you won’t go in. Not until you’re better. Sit.” She pushed Sara on little wall and started to take her pulse. <br/>“You’re not a physician.” She smiled and held still, watching the other woman checking her pulse. <br/>“So what?”<br/>“Nothing. You always take my pulse.”<br/>“It’s a good way to see how relaxed you are. Not that much at the moment, you’ve to sit down for a few more moments.”<br/>“Do you have a syringe with you?”<br/>“No. They wouldn’t let me take one inside. It’s a potential weapon and I swear, if I had one, I had used it on the officer. Stupid blind man.”<br/>Sara cocked a brow. “Do you have a violence issue, doctor?”<br/>“I do get angry when somebody threatens the health and well-being of my patient, yes. Maybe I am a little bit protective.”<br/>“You are. Sofia says so too.” The thought of her girlfriend made Sara smile. She wished Sofia could be here, but it wasn’t possible. At least not physical, in her thoughts, Sofia was with her. All the time.<br/>“I’m sure she understands that I want to take care of you.”<br/>“She loves you for that.”<br/>“She loves you.”<br/>“She has a big heart, there’s space for two women.”<br/>“Good to know.”<br/>“I wish she could be here.”<br/>“She’ll wish for the same, but she can’t. Even if she wasn’t homicide, she can’t work a case, that’s connected to her lover. It could endanger the case, you know that.”<br/>“Yes. But in my dreams, she is allowed to work my case and is by my side – but in my dreams I also don’t have to go through this. That’s why it’s a dream and not reality. You ever noticed that reality sucks most times?”<br/>“It’s not always as good as a fantasy.” <br/>“I prefer fantasy.”<br/>“Do you feel better?”<br/>“You mean, if I feel like I can go on? I don’t want, but I have to. Do you think I can have a quarter of the magical pill your cousin gave me?” Sara had given her medicine to her therapist because she was sure, the doctor knew better than herself when she needed something to calm down. <br/>“Do you want it?”<br/>“I ask my doctor, I trust my doctor to tell me, if it is a good decision. If my doctors says I can do it without the pill, I’ll try and if she tells me, I need more than a quarter, I’ll take more than a quarter. She’s the expert, I trust her. End of the story.”<br/>Doctor Weinberg smiled.<br/>“What?” Sara furrowed her brows.<br/>“Nothing. I just thought, we came a long way since you came the first time in my office. Let’s get you a glass of water and we’ll see how we can get you a quarter of your magic pill. Did you try it?”<br/>“Yes. I had a quarter once and a half one. The half one made me very sleepy, the quarter was alright. I don’t want more otherwise I might fall asleep inside there.”<br/>“Okay, if you need more, we’ve another three quarter and if you want a break, say it. I promise I’ll pay more attention to your body reaction and get you out sooner if you need to get out.”<br/>“Sounds good to me. You’ll do whatever is right, doc.”<br/>“And you go as far as you can. If he pushes too much, tell him. You’re not a suspect, you’re a victim. He has to be patient, he can’t push you too hard.”<br/>“It won’t be different in court.”<br/>“We’re not in court, you’re not the defendant. Don’t let him make you feel anything different. Understood?”<br/>“Yes, ma’am. Sir. Doctor.”<br/>“Get inside.” Doctor Weinberg smiled and slapped Sara softly on the back of her head. When her patient got cheeky, she was better. And she would make sure, Sara stayed this way. And if she had to stop the whole interview, she would do it. </p><p>“How was it?” Sofia had waited nervously in front of her door. The clock had just turned to five when she left her office, noticed the car of the therapist still on the car park of the department and knew, they weren’t done yet. Because she couldn’t do anything for Sara here, she drove home and waited there. When her lover and the therapist arrived half an hour later, she had paced around for a while. <br/>“Hard.” Sara got into Sofia’s arms and kissed her. “I almost lost it once.”<br/>“She did good.” Doctor Weinberg put off her sunshades. <br/>“I’m sure you took care of her.”<br/>“She told one of the officers off. He had pushed me too hard, I had started to dissociating and he didn’t want to give me a break. She got me out, he wanted to call us back in, didn’t call her doctor, only Miss Weinberg and got some extra trouble for that.”<br/>“Is that true, doctor Weinberg?” Sofia accentuate the title. <br/>“Yes, lieutenant. Unfortunately I’ve to say, some officers treat the victim like she was the suspect.”<br/>“Names?”<br/>“You want me to roll on them?”<br/>“Maybe I need to have a conversation with their LT.”<br/>“No. Don’t. We agreed on that you won’t do anything.” Sara stopped her lover before she could develop more ideas. “Doctor Weinberg stopped him, made it obvious that when she says, I need a break, he has to accept that.”<br/>“Okay. Thanks for taking care of her.”<br/>“She’s my patient, I take care of them.”<br/>“You work overtime for them.”<br/>“If that’s necessary, yes.”<br/>“I’d invite you for dinner, but you’ll say no, so I won’t do it.” Sara smiled at her therapist. “I’ve learnt that.”<br/>“You’re a smart woman.”<br/>“And hungry.”<br/>“I’ll see you tomorrow.”<br/>“Yes. I’ll be on time. Thanks again, doc.”<br/>“You’re welcome.”<br/>Sara kissed Sofia and left her girlfriend alone with the therapist. She knew Sofia wanted to talk to her and it was alright with Sara. <br/>“Is she really okay?” Sofia asked when they were alone.<br/>“At this one point I was afraid I lost her, but when she got out of that, it was better. It’s hard on her, Sofia, she has to go back there tomorrow. There’s a difference if you have to tell what happened to you to your therapist or to a stranger, who asks a lot of questions, a lot of details. Things, you tried to ignore and forget for years.”<br/>“But she’ll get through it?”<br/>“Yes. We need to take it slowly, she had a quarter of her emergency pill today. I don’t want her to get through this only on medicine, I might fight with your colleagues a little bit more to give her more breaks and more time.”<br/>“I’m glad you’re with her. It isn’t part of your job.”<br/>“Depends on how you see your job. I see it as my job to be there for my patient, to support them, when they need help. Sara needs my help, she needs me when she has to go through that. Of course I could stay in my office and let her tell me how it was, but if I did that today, I could have visited her in hospital. We both know we feel better when she’s tonight with you and not with a nurse.”<br/>“Absolutely.”<br/>“And so will every nurse.”<br/>“True.” Sofia grinned. “I let you go home. Thanks Jules, thanks for everything.”<br/>“You’re welcome. Say hi to Greg.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“I bet your girlfriend is on the phone and she talks to Greg. You’ll talk to him too, as he is your friend too.”<br/>“You could come inside and talk to him too.” Sofia smirked. <br/>“I can call him myself if I want to talk to him.”<br/>“Do you?”<br/>“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lieutenant.” Doctor Weinberg smiled and turned to her car. <br/>“In my world that means yes, doctor.” <br/>“Take care of my patient.”<br/>“I will. Bye.” Sofia took another look at the tall woman and went inside. She heard Sara’s voice and knew, doctor Weinberg had been right. Sara was on the phone and of course she talked to Greg. If Sara knew that her therapist knew her that well? </p><p>“Gotcha!” Don grabbed Sara, pulled her in his arms and lifted her up. <br/>“Hey, let go!” She had been in the kitchen, wanted to grab a sandwich for Sofia and herself and go back upstairs. It had been a long and hard day for her, she wanted to go to bed early. Not necessarily for sleep, but to relax and think about the day while she was safe in Sofia’s arms. <br/>“No.”<br/>“Don’t make me hurt you.” <br/>“I try to make you kiss me. A kiss for your freedom.”<br/>“Here’s another deal: You let me go and I don’t hurt you, you can feel like a man the next days and don’t have to sign up for the women’s team.”<br/>“I tell your therapist you’re aggressive. She’ll make you talk a lot about this. Do you want that?”<br/>“I’ll tell your therapist, who is my shrink, that you harassed me. Do you think she’ll like that? What do you think she’ll make out of that?”<br/>“You’re dissociating again.”<br/>“Hey!” She kicked his knee, not hard but hard enough to make him groan. <br/>“Ouch.”<br/>“That was only a taste.”<br/>“You’re a cruel woman.” He let her down, but kept her in his arms. “Are you alright?” He knew she was at the department today and like Sofia, he had wished, he could be with her, do something for her. <br/>“A little bit shaky. It was hard today, it will be hard tomorrow. I’ve to get through it. Doctor Weinberg is a great help, I couldn’t do it without her.”<br/>“And you still want to leave her after the trial?”<br/>“Yes. And when the trial takes too long, I’ll leave earlier.”<br/>“Can you work the same way with doctor Luria?”<br/>“I hope so. It’s not like I’ll never see doctor Weinberg again. She offered me already to be with me in case I need her. I want to end our work at Christmas, latest. If the police needs more time, doctor Luria has to work it out with me and doctor Weinberg will be there during the trial.”<br/>“She’ll be around, won’t be out of your life.”<br/>“No. Not as long as I’ve Greg in my life.”<br/>“He might ask her over for a barbeque.”<br/>“He can do that, she won’t accept. She still bitches around because of the doctor – patient – relationship thing, I’ll kick her doctor ass right in the garden.”<br/>“She can send you to hospital for that.”<br/>“Depends. Will I have a detective by my side, who’ll support me?”<br/>“Of course.” He grinned.<br/>“We’ll win.”<br/>“Of course. Get back to your girlfriend, she’ll be missing you. Good luck with tomorrow if we don’t see each other before you’ve to go back to the department. And if the guys give you a hard time, let me know. I’ll kick their asses.”<br/>“I’ve got a doctor, who does that. She gets really pissed off when somebody forgets her title and questions her diagnosis.”<br/>“I’d never do that. Get lost.”<br/>“Sleep tight, Don.” She kissed him shortly on the lips. “I love you.”<br/>“I’m not sure if you mistook me for the sexy blonde upstairs, but I won’t question it and will simply savor the taste of your lips on mine and grin foolish because I got a declaration of love from a beautiful woman.”<br/>“You’re nuts.” She blinked at him and went upstairs. <br/>Sofia was in Sara’s room, had turned on the stereo and listened to quiet music. <br/>“Sandwich express.”<br/>“Express? Did you bake the bread yourself?” Sofia teased. It had taken Sara a while to come back. <br/>“No, there was a detective in your kitchen, who tried to force me into kissing him and wanted me to spend time with him. I showed him – his knee to be specific – that I belong to the lieutenant and not him. I prefer high ranks.”<br/>“I’ve to make captain then.” The blonde got up and wrapped her arms around Sara. <br/>“You’ll be captain one day. Until that day I’m happy to dance with my lieutenant. My sweet Lieutenant Lascivious.”<br/>“Lieutenant Lascivious? What are you Ranger Romantic?”<br/>“Ranger Rough, I kick knees.”<br/>“I like it a little bit rough.” Sofia put her head on Sara’s shoulder and started to dance with her to the music. This was good, this was exactly what she needed. She needed her lover, she needed to be with her and do something special. They didn’t dance every day, they should, there was no reason why not. Except for the obvious reason, that there was never time for a dance. Which was always a stupid excuse. <br/>“Will you be alright talking to the officers tomorrow again?”<br/>“Yes. I’ve to. They’ve a lot of questions left. They try to find Trevor, probably by looking for credit cards, that got used that afternoon at the petrol station, they will contact my mother, other friends from back then. I’ll have to talk to a lot of people, I’ll have to repeat everything, I’ll have to talk about details, I don’t want to talk about, I don’t want to remember and last but not least, I’ve to say all these things again in court.”<br/>“It won’t be over by Christmas.”<br/>“No.” Sara had never really believed it could be over this fast. She knew it would take time. It was just easier to cope when you tell yourself, everything will be over soon.<br/>“Jules will be with you as long as you need her.”<br/>“I know. She’s the best thing that happened to me in Los Angeles.”<br/>“That should me my part.”<br/>“No, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Sara kissed Sofia gently. “I love you.”<br/>“I love you too. And I’ll overlook the fact, that another woman is the best thing that happened to you here.”<br/>“She can’t compare to anything of you. But she’s important, I need her to get through this and we both know, I can be difficult.”<br/>“Oh yes. She’s good at handling you when you’re difficult.”<br/>“She is. She can switch from understanding and caring therapist to a hard bitch, who won’t accept any excuse if you don’t do what you’re supposed to do. She made that obvious to the officer today. It was good to see she can tell other people off too.”<br/>“When she told you off, she was right. And she got you back here.”<br/>“I didn’t complain, did I?”<br/>“You better don’t. How is Greg doing?”<br/>“He’s fine. He apologized for not being here, I forgave him. He’ll be here for Christmas, put in for a whole week off.”<br/>“We’ll have a Christmas guest? That’s nice. I’ve to work most days, what about you?”<br/>“Same.”<br/>“He needs to spend his time with somebody else.”<br/>“As far as I know this somebody will work too. Not on the holidays, but between the weekend and the holidays. I’ve to work the holidays and the weekend, as being an unmarried woman, I don’t need those family days.”<br/>“Same here. We can entertain him when Jules is working. You won’t interfere with your therapist this way.”<br/>“He’ll be here for New Years Eve, my shift ends at eight in the evening. I’d like to spend the evening with him. And I know, he’d like to have her around. I guess, the week before Christmas will be my last week as her patient. Doctor Luria agreed on taking over from the new year.”<br/>“She’ll be with you during the trial?”<br/>“Yes. And guess what, she used to work with the police in Vancouver and will do the same here. She signed a contract with LAPD, as an expert for a special force team. She’ll divide her work between a quarter police work, a quarter psychiatrist and two quarters therapist.”<br/>“Busy woman.”<br/>“Yes. She’ll take over doctor Weinberg’s patients when she’s on holiday and the other way around.”<br/>“So you might end up with you then former therapist.”<br/>“Maybe. We’ll work on that when it’s time. So far, we worked out what will happen from the next year on and doctor Weinberg will be there if I need her during the actual trial. So far, doctor Luria doesn’t have the same influence on me like she has. It’s amazing, I feel safe when she’s around and can relax easier. Almost as good as you are there.”<br/>“Almost was a very important word.”<br/>“She’s my therapist, I need to feel safe and comfortable around her.”<br/>“I do agree there.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“You know I’m not jealous, do you?”<br/>“Yes.” Sara smiled and kissed Sofia. “I know. You’re teasing me.”<br/>“Only a little bit.”<br/>“That’s alright. You know, I found out I like brunettes. They’ve this mystic thing going on, really sexy.”<br/>“Who tries to tease whom?”<br/>“Just saying. You could be a brunette too.” Sara played with Sofia’s hair. “I can see a little bit of brunette, a little bit of mystic.”<br/>“Are you suggesting me I should dye me hair brunette?”<br/>“You mean, if I suggest that you don’t dye your hair and let it get brunette again?” Sara chuckled. “I suggest you wear your hair the way you want it. I love you anyway and you’re, no matter what color your hair has, the most beautiful woman in the world to me.”<br/>“That sounds better.” Sofia kissed Sara’s throat. “Much better.”<br/>“If you go on with kissing me there, you won’t have time to eat your sandwiches.”<br/>“Maybe I’m on a diet.”<br/>“There’s no reason for that, it’s more the other way around. You could use some more weight.”<br/>“Am I too skinny?”<br/>“I told you, you’re perfect. But there’s heaps of space for some muffins.”<br/>“There was no time for food the last weeks and if I ate something, it was healthy. Healthy food doesn’t have many calories.”<br/>“It has vitamins, you needed and need. Which doesn’t mean, it’s good not to eat sweets because they make you happy, you love them, so we’ll buy some. Size zero is something for these crazy Hollywood women, who don’t live their life for themselves, only for the paparazzi and the rest of the world. Apparently it’s not chic to eat anything else than an apple a day. Not the life I like. Food makes to much fun.”<br/>“Dinner dates? The next weeks.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Deal.”<br/>“I’ll buy some big steaks for you. We can invite Kyle and Lynn over and have a barbeque, I’m afraid the time for them is over soon when it’s too cold. We might have to switch to fondue then.”<br/>“And muffins?”<br/>“And muffins. Some donuts, cops love donuts.”<br/>“Cops love all kind of sweets. Your lieutenant prefers muffins over donuts.”<br/>“So it will be muffins. Maybe I’ll decorate myself with muffins and before you’re allowed to eat me, you’ve to eat all the muffins.”<br/>“You top the muffins, I can’t wait until I come home and see you under a dozen muffins. Until then, I could start with you.”<br/>“Why don’t you let me start with you?” Sara got her hands under Sofia’s shirt. “I eat you and you’ll eat the sandwiches later.”<br/>“Fifty – fifty?”<br/>“We’ll see.” Sara pulled Sofia on her bed and cupped the lips of the blonde with her own. Time to get her head of the next appointment with the police and focus on her own lieutenant. Maybe she could interrogate Sofia a little bit. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tuesday, December 1st</p><p>Sara tapped her feet again and again. She wouldn’t say she was nervous, she was close to a nervous breakdown. How could Sofia be so relaxed? The blonde drove the car, they were in, hummed the melody of the song, that came out of the radio, had one hand on the steering wheel and with the other one she held Sara’s hand. If Sara didn’t know it better, she’d say, they were on their way to the beach or a Sunday afternoon joyride. But they weren’t. It wasn’t Sunday, it wasn’t afternoon, they weren’t heading to the beach, the beach was west, they drove east. There was no water around, only sand. And the skyline of a city with a lot of lights. Lights, they could see because it was almost nine in the evening and the sun was gone since almost half an hour. <br/>The lights came closer. Las Vegas had never looked that dangerous to Sara. She didn’t want to go there, she wanted the car to break down, she wanted Sofia to turn and drive back to Los Angeles, she wanted to jump out of the car and walk back. Whatever it took to stay out of Vegas, whatever it took to end this evening different than it was supposed to end. <br/>“If you go on like this, you need to do your breathing exercise.” Sofia’s voice was calm, no signs of excitement. A little bit of tease, a lot of amusement. <br/>“Can’t we turn? I can drive back home if you don’t want to drive and...”<br/>“No.”<br/>“But...”<br/>“No but.” <br/>“I think, I forgot something.”<br/>“Like what? Did you forget to turn off the light in the fridge?”<br/>“Yes.” <br/>“Good, the cheese is really anxious in the dark.”<br/>“You make fun of me.”<br/>“You behave like we’re on our way to your funeral.” <br/>“Maybe. Who knows.”<br/>“I do. And so do you if you use your brain for a second.”<br/>“My guts tell me to run away.”<br/>“Your guts always want you to run.”<br/>“I survived so far.”<br/>“You’ll survive the next few days too.”<br/>“I hope so.”<br/>“I promise if somebody points a gun at you, I’ll point mine on them.”<br/>“You’ve got your gun with you?”<br/>“I’ve always my gun with me.”<br/>“Scary. And at the same time I feel better. Safer. Can I have your back-up gun?”<br/>Sofia set the light and parked her car at the side of the road. <br/>“What are you doing?”<br/>“I am getting out of my car.” She unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the car. <br/>“What? Why?” Sara followed her. <br/>“Because.” Sofia stretched her arms and legs. “You’ll drive.” She threw the car keys to Sara. <br/>“Me?”<br/>“Yes.” She walked around the car, pulled Sara in her arms, kissed her and sat on the passenger seat.<br/>“But...” Irritated the brunette walked around the car, got behind the steering wheel. “Why?”<br/>“Because this way you can make the decision where we want to go now. You can drive the car back to Los Angeles or you drive it into Las Vegas. It’s in your hands Sara. I won’t argue, I won’t be mad, no matter what your decision is. You choose.”<br/>“We can’t go back to L.A., they expect us.”<br/>“I’ll call them and tell them, we changed our mind.”<br/>“They...we can’t do that, Sofia.”<br/>“It’s all up to you, Sara.”<br/>Sara took a look at Las Vegas, her former hometown. She had the keys, it was in her hands to drive the car into Las Vegas or back to Los Angeles. <br/>“Damn it.” She turned on the car. “If your parents don’t like me, hate me, kill me, you’ve to pay the extra hours of therapy I’ll need.”<br/>“I think highly of Jules, but I doubt she can make you alive when you’re death. I know my mom, I know how she shoots, when she shoots you, you’re dead for good.”<br/>“You don’t make it easier for me to drive to Vegas” Sara got the car back on the road, heading to Las Vegas. <br/>“I could start to kiss you, but I doubt that will make it easier for you. Only nicer and you’ll be happily distracted when we end up somewhere on the side or get stopped by the cops. What do you think?”<br/>“I think you owe me big time.”<br/>“Give me two hours and I pay you.”<br/>“You won’t touch me in your parent’s house. Don’t even come close to me. You’ll stay on your side of the room and I’ll stay on my side.”<br/>“We’ll share a bed, Sara.”<br/>“You’ll stay on your side, I on mine. There’ll be enough space for...a suitcase between us. Or anything else that makes sure, we won’t come close to each other.”<br/>“I don’t think so.”<br/>“No sex as long as your parents are around.”<br/>“I can send them away.”<br/>“Not in their house.”<br/>“If we take the backseat I’ll feel like a teenager again. Wait, we wanted to do something crazy, something you do as a teenager. Sex on the backseat is a nice opportunity to make this promise to ourselves come true.”<br/>“You’ve to wait until we’re back in Los Angeles. If I kiss you in the morning and the evening, you can call yourself happy. It’s all you might get.”<br/>“Seriously?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Turn the car and drive back to L.A. right now!” <br/>“Sorry, we’ve got an appointment with your parents. The next two days and three nights.” And Sara didn’t want to think about what could happen during this time. To her. To them. She wished, it was over and they were on their way back. Why did she agree to come with Sofia? They weren’t long enough together to visit her parents together. She was sure, there was somewhere a rule that says, you have to be together for a certain time, maybe a decade, before you meet your girlfriend’s parents. Especially when you’re the first woman, she takes home.<br/>“I won’t sleep three nights without you in my arms, Sara. I might agree on not having sex with you, no, let me rephrase that, not having loud sex with you, but I will be in your arms, will have you in my arms and I will kiss you. More than twice a day.”<br/>“Do you have a death wish? You want your mother to shoot us?”<br/>“She won’t shoot us.”<br/>“That’s what you say now, you never took a woman home. You’ve no idea how she’ll react. When she suddenly realizes, there won’t be any grandchildren. She might snap and shoots both of us. We destroy her dream of a bunch of grandchildren, she’ll be pissed off.”<br/>“She has grandchildren, my brother has two children.”<br/>“I’m sure she wants some grandchildren from her daughter too.”<br/>“You don’t always get what you want.”<br/>“The captain is used to get what she wants as far as I’ve heard.”<br/>“She has to learn she can’t get everything. We all have to learn this. It’s called life.”<br/>“And if I stay with Greg and come along tomorrow to visit you…”<br/>“No. They want you there too. More important, I want you with me. If you stay with Greg, I’ll stay there too. Again, I won’t spend the next nights without in my arms.”<br/>“This will be fatal.” <br/>“This will be the practice for my dad’s birthday.”<br/>“Don’t remind me.” Sara had ignored the fact that she had to go back to Vegas next month when Sofia’s father turned sixty. She didn’t understand why they had to visit them twice, why it wasn’t enough to go there once. Or was it a test? If Sofia’s parents don’t like her, she didn’t have to come back? Don’t have to meet the whole family. That was little bit a piece of a bright side if the meeting gone bad. <br/>“You’ll be fine then.”<br/>“If I live, your whole family will be there. They’ll stare at us and talk about us behind our backs.”<br/>“Do we care if they do?”<br/>“I don’t know. It’s your family.”<br/>“If they’ve got a problem with us, they can tell us or leave us alone. Anybody comes up and talks stupid, I’ll shoot. Nobody offends my girlfriend or says nasty things to her.”<br/>“Let’s survive this first and worry about the rest later. Maybe there won’t be anything to worry about.”<br/>Sara turned the car. The GPS told her, she had less than two hundred yards left before she arrived at her destination. Less than two hundred yards to change her mind, to turn the car and go back to L.A. and don’t face Sofia’s family. Less than two hundred yards to safe her own life or not to put it at risk when she faces as the first girl friend, that got taken home by Sofia, her parents. What, if they didn’t like Sara? What if they didn’t want her to be there? What if they had already a gun pointed to her head? We shoot the woman and our daughter can look for a man again, we’ll get a few grandchildren and everything will be alright. <br/>You arrived at your destination.<br/>Sara swallowed. They were there. Almost half past nine in the evening and they were in front of Sofia’s parent’s house. Her last chance to push the pedal to the metal and get out of this. Her last chance to live? <br/>“Sara? You can turn off the car.” Sofia put her hand on Sara’s. <br/>“Okay.” Slowly Sara did as she was told and closed her eyes. Turn the keys again, start the engine and get out of here. It’s not too late, you can still live. Simply turn the goddamn keys and drive far, far away before…She saw how the front door got opened and knew, it was too late. Her life wasn’t in her hands anymore. A second later Sofia’s parents left the house and walked towards the car. <br/>“You’ll be fine.” Sofia smiled and got out of the car. “Hi mom, hi dad.”<br/>“Sofia, honey, it’s good to see you.” Sofia’s mother hugged her daughter before they both found themselves in the arms of Sofia’s father. <br/>“You look a little bit tired, baby girl.”<br/>“Dad, I’m not a baby girl anymore and I worked today before I came here. It was a long day.”<br/>“What’s your status, lieutenant?”<br/>“Healthy, cheeky, tired and smart, captain.”<br/>“Good. I see, your company left the car too.” Sofia’s mother looked at Sara, who wanted to climb under the car and hide between the tires. If she played dead, she might have a chance. Possums did so and survived a lot of situations this way. <br/>“Hello Mrs. Curtis…ma’am…captain…sir…”<br/>“Oh great, you scared her before she’s in the house.” Sofia’s father laughed. <br/>“She shows respect, Marc.”<br/>“No, that’s fear, Marie. Pure fear.”<br/>“There’s no reason to fear me, is there, Miss Sidle? I think, I saw you once or twice at a crime scene, is that correct?”<br/>“Yes…captain…sir.”<br/>“Will you stop call her captain and sir?” Sofia got out of the arms of her parents and walked to Sara, to take her hand. She had to support her lover. “You’re not a police officer, who has to call her by her rank and you’re not a suspect, she’s interrogating. You’re here because you’re my girlfriend and if my mom goes on scaring you, I’ve to shoot her.”<br/>“Watch your mouth, Sofia.”<br/>“Stop scaring my girlfriend. She was close to drive back to L.A. when we saw Vegas because she knew, something like this would happen. If you’re not nice to her, you’ll be in trouble with me.” <br/>“Don’t be irritated by this, Sara.” Sofia’s dad said. “That’s how they talk to each other. None of them wants to lose the control, so they fight for it the whole time. I’m glad my son and me don’t have these kind of issue.”<br/>“Issue?” Marie turned and looked at her husband. “You think I’ve got an issue?”<br/>“Yes darling. Don’t worry about it, I love you anyway. And if you love your daughter, what we all know you do, you’ll be nice to Sara. For once we can try to act like an ordinary family, what do you think?”<br/>“I think I want a beer.”<br/>“That’s a good idea. We deserve one too, don’t we Sara?”<br/>“I…uhm…”<br/>“That means yes. Come on, let’s get our bags and go inside.” Sofia opened the trunk and got their bags out. With her bag in one hand and holding Sara’s hand with her other hand, she followed her parents in the house. <br/>“Your brother and his family will be here tomorrow for lunch.” Sofia’s father informed them.<br/>“That’s good, I haven’t seen them in a while.”<br/>“We thought so. Sofia, your old room is set for you, your brother’s room is set for Sara. Is that a problem for you, Sara?” Sofia’s mother asked the brunette. <br/>“No...ma’am.” Sara swallowed. She had to stay alone the whole night? In this house? With a woman and a gun around, who apparently wasn’t happy to see her? There was no way she would close an eye. The first chance she got, she’d take, get out of the room, if there was no other choice through the window, call Greg and stay with him. Coming here was a very bad idea and she regretted it already.<br/>“Mother, one more sentence like this and Sara and me will leave. Do you hear me? You asked me to take her here, you wanted to meet her, now behave like you would expect her mother to treat me when she meets me. Do you want her mother to scare me? To make me feel uncomfortable?”<br/>“Sofia it’s…”<br/>“No, Sara it’s not alright, she tests how far she can go. Let me tell you mom, you can play your games later, not today. We’re both tired, we both had a hard week, in fact, a few hard weeks and if my mother wants to live up to her reputation, she can do that without us. Am I clear, mother?”<br/>“I’ll get us some beer.”<br/>“Good. Come on Sara, I show you where we’ll sleep.”<br/>“And I get us something to eat. A lucky coincidence wanted Luigi to drop in earlier and he left some Lasagne and salad. Nice, isn’t it?” Sofia’s father smiled.<br/>“Very nice indeed. We’ll back down in two minutes.” Sofia took Sara’s hand and pulled her up the stairs, straight in her old room. <br/>“Are you sure this is okay?” Sara asked. <br/>“What? That we share a room? Yes. She tries to play you, Sara. She tries to find out, how far she can go. That’s what my mother does, that’s how she reacts. She doesn’t do this because you’re a woman, she’d do the same when you were a man.” Sofia put their bags down, pulled Sara in her arms and made them both fall on her bed. “I take care of you like I promised.” She kissed Sara. <br/>“I love you.”<br/>“That’s why you’re here and I really appreciate it. I’m sorry if my mother made you feel uncomfortable.”<br/>“You got into her face.”<br/>“Yes. It’s my job to stop her.”<br/>“You think I can’t take care of myself?”<br/>“I know you can take care of yourself, but I think you can use your energy for other things than dealing with a woman, who loves to scare people. If she gives you any nightmares, it’s the last time we came here.”<br/>“They’re your family and there’s a family birthday coming up soon.”<br/>“Yes they are. If they behave like a family, they’re welcome in L.A. or can have us back here, if they behave like soldiers, they can stay away.”<br/>“Your dad is nice.” Sara smiled a bit.<br/>“He’s the opposite of my mother and he likes you. I knew when he first talked to you. He’ll tell his wife off for being that hard on you and he’ll make sure, you feel comfortable here. I told him you’re a vegetarian, so he ordered salad for you.”<br/>“Thanks.”<br/>“You deserve some salad – and beer. So why don’t we go down, have a  beer and some late dinner?”<br/>“Sounds good to me.”<br/>“Good.” Sofia kissed Sara again and pulled her up. She was sure, from now on her girlfriend would feel better and her mother treated her better. If not, Sofia had no problems to take the next step, get her things in the car and look for a hotel room with Sara. These days were supposed to be their little holidays, she didn’t want any stress ruin it.</p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, December 2nd<br/>When Sara woke up, the place next to her was empty. Shocked for a moment, her hand tried to find Sofia, even if her eyes told her, the blonde wasn’t in bed anymore. She tried to listen to some sound from the shower, but didn’t hear anything. Slowly she rose and went to the window. The sun was shining and she saw some children walking to their school bus. It couldn’t be that late. There wasn’t a clock in the room and her own watch was in L.A., where she left it in the bathroom. She slipped into her jeans, a long sleeve and went downstairs on socks. Maybe Sofia was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. <br/>When she opened the kitchen door, she found Sofia’s mother in there. No sign of Sofia and because the other woman had seen her, she had no chance to walk back in the room and pretend, she was asleep. <br/>“Good morning, Sara.”<br/>“Good morning…captain.”<br/>“It’s Marie. I thought, that’s clear since last night.” The voice of Sofia’s mother was friendly, no hints of the bitchy and scaring sound, it had when they arrived. <br/>“Sorry.”<br/>“Sofia is out for a run, she’ll be back soon. Do you want coffee, tea or juice for breakfast?”<br/>“Coffee, please.”<br/>“No problem. Why don’t you have a seat?”<br/>“I…I think, I should get myself ready for breakfast, I didn’t have a shower and…”<br/>“I’m sure Sofia takes you with her when she’s back.”<br/>Sara swallowed. She didn’t feel comfortable knowing the other woman knew, she and Sofia had slept in the same bed, to know, Sofia’s mother knew, they were in the shower together, was even worse. <br/>“Tell me, how did you sleep?”<br/>“Alright.” Apart from a nightmare and the fact, that she had to wake Sofia up at one time because she was about to lose control. Her past and the fact, that she was here in Vegas, stayed with Sofia’s parents, was a little bit too much.<br/>“You had a nightmare.”<br/>Sara looked up. Did Sofia tell her mother? Why? It wasn’t her business.<br/>“Don’t look like that. You screamed, I’m a captain, I’m trained to react to things, that are unusual. To hear a loud scream in the night is unusual. At least in this house.”<br/>“I’m sorry that I woke you up.”<br/>“I’m sure you didn’t plan to have a nightmare.”<br/>“It’s nothing.”<br/>“If it was nothing, you hadn’t screamed, Sara.” Sofia’s mother put a cup of coffee in front of Sara and sat down with one herself. “It’s none of my business what you dream, how you sleep, but I hope, you didn’t have a nightmare because of me.”<br/>“No…I don’t think so.”<br/>“I think I pushed you a little bit too hard yesterday. I can see now, there are some bad things in your life, that give you trouble. You don’t have to tell me about them, they are also not my business, but if there is anything I can do for you, please tle me know.”<br/>“No, these things have nothing to do with you. Or Sofia. Or Las Vegas.”<br/>“Is there anybody, who helps you?”<br/>“Yes. I’ve got some help and more important, I’ve got Sofia. She’s the biggest help. Marie, I.. I think you’re not that happy, that your daughter didn’t bring a man home, but I…”<br/>“Sara, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but for Marc and me, it doesn’t matter if Sofia brings home a man or a woman, what matters is, that the one she brings home, loves her and she loves him or her. My daughter made it very clear yesterday that she loves you, that there was no way she’d accept that somebody – in that case me – does anything, that makes you feel uncomfortable. She cares a lot for you and there’s no doubt, she’ll do a lot of things for you. If not everything. You came here, scared, unsure, not knowing what is waiting for you, how the parents of your lover will react, you were uncomfortable, you were scared, you came here anyway. Because you knew, it made her happy, because you love her. That’s what is important to me and my husband. Not the rest. Okay?”<br/>“Okay. Thanks.”<br/>“And I hope I’ll meet your family one day and I promise, I’ll be nicer. As nice as a captain with my reputation can be.”<br/>“I don’t think that will happen.”<br/>“That I’ll be nice?”<br/>“No, that our families will meet.” Sara stopped. She didn’t want to tell the other woman about her family, she never wanted to tell anybody, the problem was, Marie would ask and she’d expect an answer why their families couldn’t meet. Sara could understand that, if she and Sofia were together for a longer time, Sofia’s parents wanted to know, who Sara’s parents are. <br/>“Do you want to tell me why or is that not my business?”<br/>“My…my dad isn’t alive anymore and my mother is very ill and can’t leave the facilities, she stays in.” That was a nice to describe the fact that her mother was in…it was more a jail than a hospital. <br/>“Alright.”<br/>“You’re a police captain, it’s no problem for you to find out where my mother is, what she has got.” If she hadn’t done this already and only asked to be polite, to cover up her knowledge. She knew about their relationship for a few weeks, she knew, Sara worked in Vegas before, she could have accessed Sara’s old work card and got all the information she needed. <br/>“I respect your private life, Sara. If you tell me your mother is ill and don’t tell me what she has, I assume it’s not my business. You’re not a suspect, I don’t have to know every detail of your life.”<br/>“Now that’s what I want to hear.” Sofia entered the kitchen, covered in sweat. “I’m glad you’re nice to Sara, mom.”<br/>“Of course I am.”<br/>“Don’t say of course, I know you. Hey Honey.” She bent down and kissed Sara. “How are you?”<br/>“A little bit tired, but better. Your mother heard my scream last night.”<br/>“Thought so. She’s got the ears of a lynx.”<br/>“I heard every time when Sofia sneaked out off the house as a teenager. You can imagine, I didn’t have a lot of weekends I wasn’t disturbed. Somehow my daughter never understood me when I told her to stay at home. I was close to send her to a doctor specialist in bad hearing. Then again I thought, it’s not her ears, it’s her head, this stubborn head, that makes her do exactly the opposite of what she’s supposed to do.”<br/>“You see, it was like prison, only that there was no specific time for visitors. If she didn’t like the nose of my guests, she kicked them out. So when she had night shifts, it was the best time for me and my friends.”<br/>“That was why I didn’t have a lot of them, somebody had to make sure, you’re not staying out the whole night, won’t invite the biggest trouble maker in our house. Your father is always on your side, he wasn’t a help.”<br/>“Dad supports me, he never tried to make our house a drill camp nor did he judged people because of rumors he heard.”<br/>“Yeah, yeah, daddy’s little girl. Go and get a shower, you stink.”<br/>“I love your too, mom.”<br/>“And take Sara with you, she waited for you to come back with her shower. She reaches your back better than you do.”<br/>“That’s very kind of you, Sara.” Sofia grinned. “Another reason why I love her. She’s so thorough, cares for me.” Sofia kissed Sara again and pulled her out of the kitchen. <br/>“It looks like you and my mother go along.”<br/>“She was nice to me this morning and apologized for last night.”<br/>“Did she ask why you screamed?”<br/>“No, she said, it’s not her business.”<br/>“Wow. She has learnt.” Sofia started to undress Sara, who was a little bit rigid. “Relax, she sent you with me.”<br/>“The thought she knows we’re here…it’s a little bit strange. I need a minute or so to get used to it. Don’t you mind her downstairs knowing we’ll take a shower together?”<br/>“No, I never minded her when I was up here with somebody, she didn’t approve of. She’s y mother and – as you have heard – I like to do things, she doesn’t want me to do. This time she wants me to do something, that I want to do. It’s a nice change and I want to enjoy that. <br/>Maybe we need to come here more often so you’ll feel more comfortable around my parents. One day you won’t be scared of my mom anymore and can sit with her in the kitchen, having a coffee and share some gossip about your girlfriend.”<br/>“We weren’t gossiping, but we talked.”<br/>“A start and I’m proud of you. She likes you, Sara. And so does dad. You have to accept that my family wants to see you more often and that you have to join me for his sixtieth birthday party. And if anybody of the family isn’t nice to you, my mom will shoot this person.”<br/>“I think, I’ll get used to your family and enjoy the time with them one day.”<br/>“I hope you will.”<br/>“At least we don’t have to stay in a B&amp;B and see your parents behind bars.”<br/>“No, we can stay in my old room and see my parents everywhere in the house. And share a shower. Come on in.” Sofia pulled Sara into the shower and turned the water of lukewarm. <br/>“Cold!” Sara protested. <br/>“It will be warm soon.” Sofia started to kiss Sara, took the shower lotion and began to wash Sara’s back, arms and belly. It felt good to feel Sara’s skin, she always felt closer to her, when there weren’t any clothes between them. <br/>“If you…” The upcoming protest got buried under a kiss and a groan when Sofia’s thumbs started to rub Sara’s nipples. She didn’t plan to have a shower with Sara without enjoying her lover and have some sex with her. Sex under the shower was one of the best ways to start a day. And healthy. And handy. <br/>“Your mother has the ears of a lynx.”<br/>“Lynx can’t hear through water.” Sofia started to bite Sara’s shoulder carefully. “I love your taste.”<br/>“If you leave any marks on my throat…”<br/>“My parents will know that you’re delicious. They know I’ve got a very sweet taste.”<br/>“You’re playing me.”<br/>“Yes.” Sofia stopped kissing Sara and smirked at her. Yes she played and she loved to play with Sara. She loved to tease her, be teased by her and laugh with her afterwards. There were a lot of dark sides in their lives, they had to enjoy the bright sides and the fun even more.<br/>“You think I let you play me?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“You think, this is your game and I play by your rules?”<br/>“Oh yes.”<br/>“And that you make the decisions what will happen next?”<br/>“Absolutely.”<br/>“You’re wrong.” Sara pushed Sofia to the wall. Her lips crushed for a few seconds on Sofia’s before she lowered her head and sucked the left nipple. Overwhelmed by the sensation of Sara’s lips, Sofia couldn’t go on what she had on her mind and waited helpless what Sara did to her and with her. This was a shower she liked. And sometimes it wasn’t that bad when you played a game by the rules of somebody else. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wednesday, December 23rd</p><p>Another little box vanished in Sara’s wardrobe where around a dozen boxes were hidden under a blanket. Not the best place to hide Christmas presents, but the best she had. And it wasn’t like there were children around, who believed in Santa Claus, she lived with two cops, there was no place in the house, that was safe if one of them wanted to find her presents. She had to trust that they were mature enough not to sniff around. She hoped they were.<br/>Two more days and Christmas was there. Sara had to work from noon to eight in the evening while Sofia was scheduled for a twelve hours shift from seven in the morning until seven in the evening. So was Don. Christmas was a family time and they wanted to give as much family time as possible to their colleagues with children. For them it didn’t matter what times they spend together, as long as they worked together and had time off together. <br/>Her cell phone rang. <br/>“Santa’s little elf is talking.”<br/>“Are you wearing an elf costume too?”<br/>“I’m wearing nothing.”<br/>“I flush and don’t know what to say…can I have a photo of that?” <br/>“No Greg.” Sara dropped on her bed. This was the best excuse for a little break. She wanted to give him her full attention, she couldn’t do anything else. “How are you?”<br/>“Two more nights before I can come back to L.A. for a whole week.”<br/>“Your room is ready for you.”<br/>“I get a room this time? Wow, I didn’t know I booked the deluxe version. Will there be room service too?”<br/>“Maybe. The living room is...well, you’ll see it for yourself. I leave my room to you.”<br/>“With you inside? As my special Christmas gift? Wearing nothing like you do now?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Do you spend time in your room at all? I mean, in general, when I’m not there and you have an average day.”<br/>“I’m in it right now. And yes, I do sleep in here too. We switch between the rooms, you know, some variety makes a relationship more interesting.”<br/>“What kind of variety?”<br/>“Can’t tell you, you’d flush again.”<br/>“Woah, interesting. Maybe Las Vegas isn’t Sin City anymore, maybe Silver Lake is the place with the biggest sins.” He laughed. “Are you doing alright?”<br/>“Yes. Finished therapy for this year.”<br/>“No more doctor Weinberg.”<br/>“No, from now on it’s doctor Luria.”<br/>“The shrink.”<br/>“She’s alright too.”<br/>“You trust her?”<br/>“As much as you can trust a shrink.” Sara didn’t trust her new therapist as much as she trusted her old one, but it took some time before she trusted doctor Weinberg the way she did now. She was positive, that everything would be fine soon. <br/>“No more questions. Shall I bring something over? Do you need a postcard of Vegas or anything else you can only get here? Do you miss something?”<br/>“Someone. You.”<br/>“You’re cute. I miss you too. So do the guys. Do you have a Christmas tree?”<br/>“Two yards tall. A lot of Christmas decoration. Our Yankee is a real Christmas freak and made the whole house look like a Christmas shopping mall. Or he thinks, this is the Rockefeller Center.”<br/>“Maybe he needs more therapy.”<br/>“If this is his only issue, he’s a happy guy. We can live with Christmas all around us. Maybe I get Sofia wrapped in nothing more than a ribbon.”<br/>“Under the tree? Where everybody can see her?”<br/>“No, in her bed, where only I can see her. If you hit on my girlfriend, Greggo, I’ll kick you out of the house. Or even better, I tell the dogs you’re their Christmas dinner. Do I have to remind you how much they hate it when somebody gets between Sofia and me?”<br/>“No, I remember.”<br/>“Good. What time will you leave Vegas?”<br/>“Right after my shift is over. I can catch some sleep when I’m in L.A., you’ll be working, no reason for me to be awake.”<br/>“Why don’t you sleep first?”<br/>“Because if I wait the traffic will be high and I’ll end up in traffic jams. Don’t worry, if I’m too tired, I’ll have a little nap first.”<br/>“Good. I want you here safe and in one piece.”<br/>“You’ll get me, Sara. I’ll be yours.”<br/>“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”<br/>“Never. I’ve to go, see you soon.”<br/>“Have a safe trip and say hello to the guys.”<br/>“Will do. Bye.”<br/>“Bye Greg.” She sighed. Two weeks ago she had been in Las Vegas with Sofia. It was the birthday party of Sofia’s father and they had made some time for breakfast with their old colleagues. Sara had realized then, that she missed them. She missed the team, not the work. Somehow, her Vegas team mates were very special and she doubted, she’d ever find people like them to work with. </p><p>“Sssh!” Sofia lurked around the corner. <br/>“What?” Sara turned. She was placing her wrapped presents around the Christmas tree. <br/>“Is Don around?”<br/>“No, he left to get the last groceries for Christmas. Why?”<br/>“I’ve got his present here.” <br/>“So? Put it under the tree.”<br/>“I need your hand.”<br/>“Okay.” Sara put her last present under the tree. <br/>“Come on!” Sofia took Sara’s hand, pulled her out of the house into the garage. Her car wasn’t in there, but a drum set instead. Five pieces. <br/>“Are you serious?” Did Sofia really buy this for Don or for her nephew, who annoyed his parents, he wanted to have a drum set and become a famous drummer.<br/>“He always wanted to have a drum set, here it is. We’ll have our on little drummer boy. Can you help me to wrap them and put them under the tree?”<br/>“You remember what your brother told his son?”<br/>“I do, he’s a spoilsport, much too boring. When he was a teenager, he was the same. Plain boring. He never got in trouble with mom.”<br/>“He’s smart.”<br/>“No, boring. Will you help me with the drums or do you want to tell me off?”<br/>Sara sighed. When Don started to play his drums, her quiet time was over. Maybe she had to spend more time in Angeles National Park. Nobody had a drum set there. <br/>“You want to wrap them all?”<br/>“Of course.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because you’re supposed to wrap presents. It’s fun, it’s colorful land tearing the paper apart is a good exercise.”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“Yes. Did you wrap your gifts?”<br/>“They aren’t this big.”<br/>“Spoilsport. Will you help me or not?”<br/>“Stupid question.” Sara took the gift paper and started to wrap the first drum. “We’ll have our personal concert in a few weeks.”<br/>“Aren’t we lucky that we don’t work nights anymore? When Don’s awake, so are we and when he sleeps, we sleep too.”<br/>“And when he’ll practice we’ll take the dogs out for a long walk. With muffin stop.”<br/>“I put on a pound already.”<br/>“Where?”<br/>“Wanna search me?”<br/>“In your garage?”<br/>“Why not?” Sofia cocked a brow.<br/>“Too dirty. I’m not a teenager anymore, I don’t need dirty places to have sex, I can enjoy my lover in a bed.”<br/>“You had sex in a garage when you were a teenager? Interesting. Why don’t you tell me more about your sex experiences?”<br/>“What do you want to know?”<br/>Sofia stopped for a second. Did Sara really say that? Did she offer to tell Sofia about her sex experience as a teenager? Was there a trap somewhere? This was highly unusual and she was close to asked the brunette, if she was sure, she wanted her to ask. <br/>“What was the most unusual spot you had sex and with whom?” Sometimes you had to take a chance and see what happened. <br/>“In a plane with a boyfriend from college. That makes me a member of the upper ten thousand. You?”<br/>“Between the ‘Y’ and the ‘W’ of the Hollywood Sign.”<br/>“You’re not allowed to be that close to the sign.”<br/>“That made it even better.”<br/>“You could have been arrested for that – what added to the thrill, I get it. With whom?”<br/>“That’s less glorious, Ellen.”<br/>“She has a soft spot for public sex. The Hollywood Sign, a highway…I don’t want to know about the rest.”<br/>“Yes she has, but I’ve to say, illegal or not, it was good. The excitement, the view, it was night and the city with all its lights were beneath us. We should do the same.”<br/>“What? No!”<br/>“With you it will be better.”<br/>“No way I’ll do that.”<br/>“What a pity. What if we use Don’s influence and have sex in Lady Liberty?”<br/>“No! We had this discussion in San Francisco. Choose a place that won’t get us in custody.”<br/>“The garage. Now.”<br/>“You need to wrap your Christmas presents.”<br/>“They can wait.”<br/>“No they can’t.” Sara shook her  head. Sofia had sex between the letters of the Hollywood Sign. Slowly she began to understand the blonde’s mother. What the captain would say if she ever found out? <br/>“Yes they can.” Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and kissed her. “At least a second or so that I can kiss you.”<br/>“You know, I start to understand your mother and that scares me.”<br/>“Really?” Sofia grinned. “I think it’s a good sign. Shows you like her and the two of you have some points, you agree on. I know you won’t tell her about the Hollywood Sign. The chance, she might asked you, if you want to do the same with me or something similar will stop you. Plus, you don’t want me in trouble.”<br/>“I’ll use this knowledge for later. It can be very handy one day.” Sara smirked. She could blackmail her lover with this. For example the next time when they argued who had to get up and get the breakfast to their bed. <br/>“What was your most boring sex?”<br/>“With my first boyfriend. He was done before he was undressed.”<br/>“Ouch. That’s…a little bit disappointing.”<br/>“It was. Happened twice. First Friday night, then Saturday night. A weekend, that will be forever on my mind.”<br/>“You dumped him for that?”<br/>“No. I dumped him because he started to develop a crush on our math teacher. She was almost fifty.”<br/>“Hello Mrs. Robinson. But you’re not the only one with a boyfriend, who was done before you got started. Mine managed to undress himself and me and then it was over. Before he touched me or I touched him. I excited him too much.”<br/>“Understandable.”<br/>“You think?” Sofia grinned.<br/>“Yes. And before you go on asking me about my sex life, can you think of something else? Something more Christmas like maybe?”<br/>“Sex under the Christmas tree?”<br/>“Something without sex.”<br/>“Do you wan to go to church?”<br/>“No. You?”<br/>“No. I want a Christmas dinner with the people I like, unwrap my presents and unwrap my girlfriend later.”<br/>“If she agrees.”<br/>“I hope so. When will we wake Greg up?”<br/>“Give him another half an hour. He said, he wants to have dinner with us.”<br/>“Christmas Eve dinner. I can’t remember that I ever celebrated Christmas Eve.”<br/>“Me neither.”<br/>“Will you call your mom?”<br/>“Yes.” Sara sighed. Her relationship with her mother was more complicated again. Since Sara had went to the police, they had asked her mother about what had happened to Sara in her childhood. Mrs. Sidle refused to talk to the police, she didn’t say Sara lied, she didn’t say, Sara was telling the truth, she simply didn’t talk about it. Something that made it more difficult to build up a solid case against Trevor. He wasn’t in custody, there was no hard evidence, that gave the police a chance to do so. He was in San Francisco and Sara hoped, he would stay there. She had nightmares that he’d show up in L.A., stood in front of her door, in her room, made her pay for talking to the police. She didn’t go out alone, she didn’t work in the Angeles National Forest without a colleague by her side. She understood they couldn’t arrest him because she accused him of rape almost thirty years after it happened, but she didn’t understand why her mother didn’t help her, why she didn’t tell the police the truth. <br/>“You’ll get through this, no matter if she tells them what happened or not.” Sofia put her hand on Sara’s. <br/>“With her help it would be easier. And he would be in prison.”<br/>“He won’t come here. If he does, it will make it obvious, he’s guilty.”<br/>“Doesn’t help me if he gets me.”<br/>“He won’t.”<br/>“I don’t hope so.”<br/>“Sara…you’ll be fine.”<br/>“I guess there’s a good reason why I still have therapy. Only God knows how long it will take before they start the trial, before they convict him – if they do.”<br/>“He raped you, he’ll be convicted.”<br/>“You know.” Sara sat down, ignored the last drum, she wanted to wrap. “Maybe he did the same to other children. I mean, the chances that I’m not his only victim are high. Men like him don’t stop after one child, they go on.”<br/>“Yes, they do.”<br/>“If somebody else speaks up, they have another piece they need, they might arrest him.”<br/>“It’s hard to find witnesses.” Sofia didn’t want to discourage her lover, but she also didn’t want to give her any hope for things, that might never happen. When this man did the same to other children, it was likely he did that years ago and if they hadn’t spoken up until now, they might be quiet forever. Sofia knew, if Sara didn’t have this support, she hadn’t gone to the police. <br/>“I know. I’m afraid he’ll be a free man for the rest of his life. In dubio pro reo.” Sara sighed. If her mother didn’t help her, if she didn’t tell the police what she knew, what had happened, Sara had no idea where to find another witness. There had never been somebody around.<br/>“What about other friends of your father?”<br/>“I can’t remember their names…their faces…anything.”<br/>“Alright, don’t go back there.” Sofia got Sara in her arms. She was very sensitive when it came to the first signs of stress for her lover and she recognized them before Sara did. This topic was stress. <br/>“There’s a lot of work left for doctor Luria.”<br/>“She’ll handle it. Rumor is, you started to work with your doctor and not against her.”<br/>“Who said that?”<br/>“Can’t tell you the name of my source.”<br/>“Do you talk to my doctors?”<br/>“If I do you can’t complain, you signed a form that they’re allowed to talk to me about your therapy.”<br/>“Did I?”<br/>“Yes you did.” Sofia kissed her girlfriend. “Don’t play dumb, you’re way too smart for that.”<br/>“And you’re way too beautiful to be a cop.” <br/>“I heard that before.” <br/>“He’s right.” Sara kissed Sofia. “I love you and I look forward to spend Christmas with you. And our friends.”<br/>“Next year we’ve to invite my family or go to Vegas to celebrate with them.”<br/>“We can do that.” Sara smiled. She liked that it was no question for Sofia that they were still a happy couple the next year and would spend Christmas together. The blonde never doubted their relationship could end one day, it felt for Sara like Sofia was sure, they would be together for the rest of their lives. A thought, Sara really liked. They had been together less than half a year, but Sara woke up every day with a smile because she was with Sofia. She woke up and knew, when a day started with her lover by her side, it had to be a good day. There was nothing in the world, that could make a day with Sofia be bad. She was the most important person in her life, nothing was more important to Sara, so nothing could influence her life more than Sofia and Sofia’s love. And that was the best Christmas present she had ever gotten. </p><p> </p><p>Friday, December 25th</p><p>A kiss got placed on Sara’s cheek. The fifth this evening. Somehow Greg had to kiss her every time he entered a room and saw her. <br/>“I set the table.” <br/>“Will you stop kissing me?”<br/>“One day.”<br/>“I call the dogs.”<br/>“They don’t care anymore, they’re too busy with their huge Christmas bones.”<br/>“You blackmailed them.”<br/>“Maybe.” He hugged her. “I love you.”<br/>“Then stop kissing me.”<br/>“No. Sorry.”<br/>“Sofia!” Sara called out, what made Greg leave with a loud laughter. <br/>“Yes Honey?” The voice of her girlfriend came from out of the living room. Sara followed the voice. <br/>“Greg doesn’t stop kissing me.”<br/>“I can understand him, I do the same.” She bent over and kissed Sara. <br/>“But I’m your girlfriend and not his.”<br/>“As long as he kisses you on the cheek it’s fine with me.”<br/>“You’re not a help.”<br/>“I know. Sorry.” Sofia chuckled and tried to switch on the lights of the Christmas tree again. It was Christmas Day and their lights died in the morning. With around five dozen bulbs, Sofia had to try every single one to find the one that was broken. <br/>“Damn it.”<br/>Still no light. She had been home for almost an hour and worked since that time on the lights. There couldn’t be much bulbs left. As she knew Murphy’s law, the last one she’d try, was the broken one. Or it was something else at the end. <br/>The doorbell rang. <br/>“I’ll open the door and get the wine.” Don called from upstairs. He had worked longer and just came home a quarter of an hour ago. <br/>“I need some red wine for the sauce.” Sara stirred the sauce. Most of the dinner was cooked by Don, the sauce was hers. She made a mushroom, onion, garlic sauce and wanted some red wine to give it a better taste. <br/>“You’ll get one ASAP.”<br/>“Hurry. It’s almost done.” She turned the oven down. The food was ready to be served, she supposed it were Kyle and Lynn, who rang the door bell, what made their group complete. All that was missing was her wine. <br/>“Wine?”<br/>“Kiss?”<br/>“Greg, go away.” Sara covered her cheeks.<br/>“I’ve the wine.” He held up the bottle.<br/>“Thanks.” When Sara took the bottle, he pulled her in his arms and kissed her – right on the lips. <br/>“Now you can call out for your lover again.” He smirked. <br/>“Why do you kiss me all the time?”<br/>“I love you and I’m happy we spend Christmas together. It’s our first Christmas together, I mean, our first Christmas with-out work together and it’s something special.”<br/>“Oh Greg.” She put her head on his shoulder and hugged him. He was so cute. “I love you too.”<br/>“Good. Will you make a really delicious sauce for me?”<br/>“For you and everybody else, who is with us tonight.”<br/>“Perfect.” He kissed her again. “I leave you to your sauce and see, if I can help Sofia.”<br/>“Yeah, she doesn’t have much light.”<br/>“I won’t tell her you said that.” He chuckled. Just when entered the living room the Christmas tree started to shine. Sofia had found the right bulb.<br/>“And God said: Let there be light.”<br/>“You’re a goddess, no doubt about that.” He lifted her down the ladder. “What means, I can make a confession: I kiss your girlfriend.”<br/>“Again?”<br/>“Yes. This time, I kissed her right on the lips. How many ‘Ave Maria’ do I have to say for this?”<br/>“As far as I remember there’s something in the ten commitments mentioned about not going after the woman of somebody else. This is a bigger sin, my son. Especially because you kissed a woman, who also kisses woman, she’s a part of the devil. You’re in serious trouble and have to stay away from all women for the rest of your life.”<br/>“I’ve to become gay?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Isn’t that a sin too?”<br/>“Only when you love the wrong man.”<br/>“Okay…sorry, I think I’ll be a sinner for the rest of my life. I don’t want to kiss men, I want to kiss Sara.”<br/>“You shouldn’t tell me, I might shoot you.”<br/>“No, you won’t. You understand me.”<br/>“I’m jealous. Unless you tell me, your heart belongs to somebody else and you only kiss my girlfriend all the time because she’s very important to you and you want to show her this way, how much you care for her.”<br/>“I’ll meet somebody later. Somebody special.”<br/>“Special like Sara is special to me?”<br/>“Maybe one day she’ll be that special to me, yes.”<br/>“Tell her hello. And I hope, we can see her here one day too.”<br/>“I doubt that will happen any time soon. She’s very strict with some rules.”<br/>“Poor Greggo, she’ll put you on a leash.”<br/>“Sounds like an interesting fantasy.” He smirked dirty. He knew, if he wanted to see Jules, he had to do that without Sara. The therapist had made it very clear, that she wasn’t willing to see her former patient. No lunch, no tea break, no walk in the park. She didn’t say, it will be forever, that she’ll try to avoid Sara. If they met on a party, in the mall or anywhere, she’d say hello, talk to her for a minute or two, but for the next months, she didn’t want to see her. That meant for Greg, he had to make a decision with whom he wanted to celebrate his birthday in May. </p><p>“Somebody looks happy.” Sofia smiled at Greg.<br/>“Yes. You.”<br/>“Me? I am over the moon, I’m with my girlfriend.” Sofia put her arm around Sara’s shoulder. They shared an armchair, to be as close together as possible. They finished dinner and switched to the couch and armchairs to sit more comfortable. <br/>“Who looks happy too.” Lynn said. <br/>“I am.” Sara put her head on Sofia’s shoulder. <br/>“You know, I never talked you in or out of relationships, but I’m really happy you got over Ellen and have Sara now. I know Ellen had her good sides, but there were more bad ones and she never really cared what you wanted. You deserve a partner, who cares for you. You’ve got one now.”<br/>“Most times Sofia takes care of me.”<br/>“I didn’t say, she needs a partner, who takes care of her, Sara, I said, she needs a partner, who cares. That’s you.”<br/>“Thanks Lynn.”<br/>“And when you find a man, you can join our basketball competition. Don’t you have a nice colleague? Around thirty, not married, it doesn’t matter how he looks as long he has a brain and uses it.”<br/>“Do you want me to find somebody to play ball or a date for you?”<br/>“Well, if you can get a combination of both, why not both?” Lynn grinned. “It’s Christmas time, I make a wish.”<br/>“Why don’t you take one of these still available police men?” Sara pointed to Don and Kyle.<br/>“That one is a Yankee, I’d fight with him every weekend when we watch sport and the other one, I’m done with.”<br/>“Ouch.”<br/>“Yeah, she dumped me years ago.” Kyle laughed. “Which didn’t end our friendship. Sometimes you’re better off as friends than as lovers.”<br/>“True. Or you start as friends and end up as lovers.”<br/>“In our case it was more like we started out with distrust, made it to a kind of trust before after a long break we became friends and finally lovers. It was a long way to your heart, Miss Sidle.” Sofia teased softly. <br/>“Not that you were interested in my heart when we were in Vegas.”<br/>“No, not in your  heart. A little bit more kindness would have been enough.”<br/>“I had my reasons.”<br/>“Yeah, you’re a bitch.”<br/>“Greg, can you help me? She insults me.”<br/>“You can sit on my lap if you want.”<br/>Sara grinned got up and sat on Greg’s lap. She put her arms around his neck. “You’re a true friend.” She kissed his tip of the nose. “I love you.” <br/>“I love you too, Sara sunshine.”<br/>“And I hope you have a date later.” She whispered in his ear. <br/>“I do.”<br/>“Good.”<br/>“Don’t whisper, say it out loud.” Sofia complained. <br/>“Sorry, that was very private.” Sara kissed Greg again, got up and went back to Sofia. “Treat me better or I’ll stay with him for the rest of the time he’s here.”<br/>“He doesn’t want you anymore.”<br/>“Do you want to risk it?”<br/>“No.” Sofia kissed Sara. “Even if I could, you love me and no one else. No need to deny that, Sara. Especially not after the Christmas present you made me.”<br/>“What did you get? All I saw was a little envelope, what was inside?” Don asked. <br/>“A lot of love.”<br/>“You can put love in an envelope?”<br/>“Yes. Love and two tickets to Ireland. My wonderful girlfriend and me will fly to Dublin in June. Two weeks, only the two of us, a car and a great journey through the country, she always wanted to see. Plus no worries.”<br/>“Hakuna Matata.” Greg chuckled. <br/>“Wow, that’s a nice present. Why didn’t I get something like that?” Don asked. <br/>“Because I don’t love you, Don. I only use you. She’s the one I love.” <br/>“Ouch, hard words on Christmas Day. You deserve your two weeks away. Will you stay in Ireland or will you have a little jump over to another country?”<br/>“It will be Ireland the whole time. There’re a lot of things to do and to see, it will keep us busy driving around.”<br/>“Or just stay in bed.” Sofia smiled. “I wake up in the morning with sunshine and Sara in my arms, will fall asleep with her and the sunset, why should I need something else in between? I’ll have everything I need.”<br/>“First a trip, a muffin break and after that we’ll have quiet evenings in our room with a lot of time for nobody else than us?”<br/>“Deal.”<br/>“If you find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, can I have a coin, please?”<br/>“What do you want with gold, Don? You live with Sofia and me in a house, isn’t that better?”<br/>“Of course it is. But I can use some luck and a coin from a pot of gold could be my lucky charm. You know, to find a lovely lady. You’ve one, Greg has one, I want one too.”<br/>“Take Lynn, she’s available.” Kyle offered.<br/>“She said, she doesn’t want me.”<br/>“Take Kyle, he’s available.” Greg suggested. <br/>“You should go and see your therapist, Greg, there’s something wrong with your head.”<br/>“I’m sure she’ll rearrange me until I’m sane.”<br/>“She doesn’t want to see me, I should be mad.” Sara grumbled. <br/>“It’s a therapist rule, she didn’t make the rule.”<br/>“This stupid rule takes you away from me. You can’t see me when you see her.”<br/>“One day I’ll see the two of you together. Give it some time, Sara. Be patient.”<br/>“I hate being patient.” Being patient, to wait, was a waste of time. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Saturday, December 26th</p><p>Sweet kisses woke Sofia softly up. When she responded the kisses and her body started to wake up too, she smelled coffee.<br/>“Mhm, coffee, my girlfriend and both in my bed, a day can’t start better.” Sofia didn’t dare to open her eyes, she wanted to enjoy everything with closed eyes. <br/>“Two bagels, some fruits and the dogs were out already. You can stay in bed.”<br/>“I love you, did I mention that lately?”<br/>“Not the last ten hours.”<br/>“Shame on me. I love you. And I don’t want to get up.”<br/>“It’s half past six, you need to get up soon if you want to be on time.”<br/>“I don’t want.”<br/>“But you should.”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“Your detective is already gone, the officers were about to leave. Only the lieutenant is late.”<br/>“That’s the good thing when you’re the boss, you can come in late and don’t get any trouble for that.”<br/>“Where’s your captain?”<br/>“On holidays for the rest of the year.”<br/>“Lucky man.”<br/>“Yes, I’ve got a lovely girlfriend, I am a lucky woman. I get breakfast served in bed. Shall we wake up Greg and offer him some breakfast too?”<br/>“No, I don’t want to walk that far.”<br/>“Your room isn’t far away.”<br/>“No, my room is very close. My room also has a bed, that is untouched, an open door and some dog hair in front of the bed. I guess the occupant of the room last night had four legs. And they were two.”<br/>“Are you telling me that Greg isn’t home?”<br/>“If he hasn’t slept on a floor somewhere or outside in the hammock, he isn’t home. Or he slept in Don’s bed, I didn’t check that.”<br/>Sofia grinned. “You know what that means?”<br/>“Yes, if he didn’t sleep with Don, he slept with Jules.”<br/>“He has got his brunette. His doctor. Good boy. He deserved that after he was so cheeky and asked her if she was available. I guess I know her answer now.”<br/>“And I didn’t give up my therapist for nothing.”<br/>“No, you didn’t. And it’s not like she’s out of your life, you’ll see her again.”<br/>“Yeah in a few years, decades.”<br/>“Sara.” Sofia smiled. “You’re mad because she tells you to stay away.”<br/>“I hate that she sticks to stupid rules.”<br/>“These rules are not stupid, they’re ethical. Unfortunately there are therapists, who don’t act like they should if they cared about the well-being of their patients, former patients. You know she won’t ignore you when you meet her. She won’t turn around, she’ll talk to you. And you will meet her, you have your new therapist in the same building.”<br/>“Yeah, so she can make sure I’m nice to my new therapist.”<br/>“She could ask her cousin for that.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Or just read your mind. She does that quite good.”<br/>“My mind isn’t her business.”<br/>“Anymore.”<br/>“Never has.”<br/>“Mhm.” Sofia pulled Sara in her arms. “Is your mind my business?”<br/>“Everything of me is your business. You made that very clear when you showed me what parts of me belong to you.”<br/>“Every part. I can make that clear again if you want.”<br/>“Wait until we’ve a free house and more time than now, I don’t want to rush and I don’t think Don wants to hear, what the couple in San Francisco heard.”<br/>“I doubt he’d be offended.”<br/>“Maybe he wants to join.”<br/>“You and Don? What do we need him for?”<br/>“Maybe he can bring us some champagne, tuck us in and wishes us a good night.”<br/>“You think that will make him happy?”<br/>“No.”<br/>“Neither do I. We stick with your plan and wait until he’s gone …isn’t everybody gone now?”<br/>“Yes and you have to get up and get dressed.”<br/>“Five minutes?”<br/>“I don’t want you for five minutes, I want to savor you and that’s not possible in five minutes.”<br/>“Damn it, that’s a good argument.” Sofia kissed Sara and sat up. She took her coffee and bit in her bagel. She hated to admit it, but Sara was right. She had to get started. <br/>“Do you think you still have a lunch date with Greg?”<br/>Sara’s shift didn’t start until two, she and Greg had planed to have lunch together today. “Yes. He’ll be alone and on time.”<br/>“True. He won’t let you wait.”<br/>“And I try not to make you wait too long tonight.” Sara kissed Sofia. “I’ll try everything to be here by half past ten.”<br/>“I’ll be waiting.”<br/>“I’ll make up for that.”<br/>“Can’t wait for that.” <br/>Sara took Sofia’s coffee away and kissed her. “I love you.”<br/>“I love you too.” She cursed inside and pulled Sara in her arms for another kiss. If she was a minute late, kissing Sara was worth it. It was more important to savor her love life than to be on time. Work wasn’t more important than Sara. Nothing was more important.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>